


Ways to Say Goodbye

by meshkol (ashernorton)



Category: Naruto
Genre: ANBU - Freeform, Additional Tags to Be Added, Character Study, Denial, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fix-It, Friends to Lovers, Haruno Sakura-centric, Het Relationship, Pansexual Character, Past Mission-Related Topics, Past Relationship(s), Romance, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-08-24 07:59:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 115,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8364223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashernorton/pseuds/meshkol
Summary: "Sakura knew that she was already done for.  She wanted it.  She wanted to be able to reach for his hand so she could tangle his fingers with hers.  She wanted to bury her face in his hair and breathe in the scent of his shampoo and his dogs.  She wanted to wake up in the morning and see his face, relaxed in sleep, only a short reach away.  She wanted to tell him that she loved him as they both sleepily nursed a cup of tea before they fell asleep in each other's arms."[KakaSaku, eventual mature content, end-of-series fix-it.  Because how Kishimoto-sensei ended the manga/anime makes no sense, and I like things that make sense.]





	1. Something Borrowed

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings!
> 
> Here's my first contribution to the lovely Naruto fandom, specifically the KakaSaku fandom.  If you like wham-bam-thank-you-man! types of fics, then this is not for you!  I like exploring characters internally, digging into their heads and really fleshing out the goodies that make a person tick.  This is romance, and there isn't really going to be much 'plot' per-se (because this is a character driven story), so it's going to be a long run.  Anyway, this is unbeta'd so if you see any weird mistakes, let me know!  Also, the story is mostly finished, so updates will be pretty regular as well.
> 
> Hope you all like it, and that it's a worthy contribution to this beautiful fandom (and fabulous ship)!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was nice to converse outside of work or missions or life-and-death situations, simply enjoying each other's company and relishing in the fact that they were all in one place for Christmas Eve. Well, at least the ones that were left.

 

Chapter One  
_Something Borrowed_

Wiping her hands on her apron, she turned towards her little creation and grinned.

Perhaps it was a bit terrifying, due to the fact that she was alone and smiling almost demoniacally to herself, but she didn't mind. Her creation was absolutely brilliant in her opinion, all swirled with colour and little baubles that were made of sugar, large tiers of icing, and décor, and there would be death to _anyone_ who said that she couldn't cook like the best of them.

A frown popped up on her lips but almost immediately disappeared, tipping back to the wild grin. Well, technically it had been baking but it was the same concept! She had a cake that looked like it had been created by the goddess of pastry decorating, if there even was such a thing, and she had photographs to prove that she had baked the cake herself in her own damn kitchen. If anyone called her out on it, convinced it had been made at the pastry shop, she was going to whip her Polaroids out like singles in a strip club and start shoving the pictures into people's faces like a woman scorned.

Her team had just expected her to have a cake _made_ , didn't they? The little bastards had teased her mercilessly about her inability to cook even the most basic of foods, but she could damn well _bake_ now couldn't she? The cake was a masterpiece, the greatest cake that had ever been created, and she was going to force her boys – and Ino, for that matter – to grovel at her feet before they would even be allowed to taste its gloriousness. And it _was_ glorious, because she had eaten off the shavings she'd cut off while shaping the damn thing into its tiers and it was delicious. She wasn't even saying that because she was biased – it really was just _that_ delightful.

She slipped out of the kitchen, thankful that she didn't have any pets or children to mess up her piece of art, and stripped as she went, headed to the back of her two-bedroom flat in the outskirts of the Konohagakure no Sato. By the time she was peeling off her knickers with the nimble grace only a kunoichi or a dancer could pull off, she had made it through her bedroom and into the bathroom, merrily humming a tune as she turned on the water.

She took extra care in the shower, still vaguely humming as she concentrated on washing and conditioning her hair, letting the latter stew on her head as she began the process of bathing the rest of her body. She didn't bother with grooming – being in complete control over her body with chakra was a divine thing, because she could pretty much just counteract everything that she wanted to in her own lithe form. Shaving? Please, she just got rid of the hair follicles when they popped back up under her skin. Gaining weight? She'd speed up her metabolism and all would be well in the world. Acne? A never-ending process of reducing oil build-up and make her pores smaller than a grain of sand. Period? She just increased specific hormones while cancelling others and the result was better than any implant.

She loved being a medic-nin.

The saving-people thing had a lot to do with it of course, and was her primary motivation, but being able to manipulate her body was a beautiful bonus.

She frowned again. Not that it made any difference what she looked like, really. She'd only been in one actual relationship and it was a bloody miracle it had lasted the few months it had, with her boys being over-protective and all. It was one thing being unattractive, and another thing entirely when the only reason she wasn't in a relationship was because her boys were terrifying. Then again, she hadn't even been too bummed about it because it was just a little summer fling anyway and she wasn't looking for anything serious. If she had been too sore about it, she would've fought harder for the guy when her boys threatened him and she simply hadn't. They had been growing apart regardless, so it had only been a matter of time. They hadn't had a lot in common, and he had been admittedly boring anyway.

She'd live to be an old maid, if she managed to make it past thirty. Kunoichi were notorious for dying young if they didn't settle down with some nice guy and push out a few kids, and she wasn't planning on doing that _ever._

She rinsed her hair, relaxing in the shower until the water started getting colder, and only then did she grudgingly turn off the water and reach for a towel. Drying off methodically, she began humming again, but it was almost absently done, as if she wasn't aware of doing it. She went through the motions of getting ready – brushing her teeth, drying her hair, brushing her hair, and applying the barest amount of make-up, just the same standard routine in the same standard order – as her mind began whirling with thoughts.

It was the first Christmas in nearly a decade that she'd physically been in Konoha and to say she was looking forward to it was an understatement. It wasn't going to be a large, exuberant party or anything, because _that_ was being saved for the New Year. Just a few close friends in front of a warm fire, watching the snow fall as they ate a hearty dinner and sipped hot cocoa, trading presents that were under a specific budget just to make things simple, maybe playing a light-hearted game of shogi or cards while carols were sung over a muted stereo. Of course, it probably wouldn't be that romantic in reality, because it _was_ her best friend's new flat they were congregating at and their entire group of friends, but maybe it wouldn't be too crazy. It wasn't often that the lot of them got to just be human together, and she didn't imagine that anything in the world would break that bubble of warmth and camaraderie.

She paused, then knocked on the (faux) wood of her sink. Just in case.

There wasn't really a lot she could do with her hair, being as short as it was, so she just left it down, pinning up her bangs with some green barrettes that would go nicely with her sweater. She glossed on some clear balm, not bothering with much else except light mascara since she had no one to impress and hadn't been a girly-girl in years, and then meandered her way lightly into her bedroom, throwing on her emerald turtle-neck and a pair of comfortable jeans. She wouldn't be going far but Konoha was under a cold spell, and so she threw on a thick coat and tied on her winter boots. She was a bit worried about the cake despite the merciful absence of strong wind and the cake box she had conned Mikaru at the bakery to sell her for cheap, so she skipped gloves and instead wrapped a scarf around her head, knowing she would need her full grasp on the heavy cake in order to keep it pristine.

She made her way back downstairs, moderately toasty, and eyed her magnificent creation warily. What if she dropped it, or tripped and fell on top of it? Hell, what if the box didn't protect it from the inevitable movement it would suffer through before making it to her destination? It wasn't a very large cake, to be honest, just three-tiered and rather small, but the decoration was perfect and she didn't want to mar it. She probably should have just accepted the offer of her best friend's kitchen, but considering the amount of cooking that was going on in that flat, she would've felt guilty taking up even more space. Especially since Sakura had destroyed her own (admittedly small but effective regardless) kitchen in her endeavour of baking her masterpiece.

Totally worth it.

She grumbled to herself about needing to master the shunshin either without seals or with a single hand, though she knew it would be close to impossible for her to learn it. She had never been able to get the hang of one-handed seals, let alone seals without signs, and that particular form of ninjutsu had never been her strong point in the first place. She wasn't too far away from Naruto's place but it made her briefly aware of her shortcomings. She was never going to be like Naruto, Sasuke, Sai, or Kakashi-sensei, and that was all there was to it. She had her strengths and weaknesses just like any other shinobi, though hers were rather obvious. Someone like Kakashi-sensei, for instance, had very subtle weaknesses, and Naruto was a one-man powerhouse of pure, raw talent courtesy of his own stubbornness and Kurama in his stomach.

Sakura picked up her masterpiece gingerly took a deep breath, and then managed to make her way to the door. She lifted a toned, jean-clad leg up high, an action that would've made Naruto throw out an intentional but good-natured comment out about her flexibility or something, and pushed down on the door handle with the end of her boot, grinning triumphantly as it opened. She hurried out into the night and slammed the door behind her with a smoothly executed back kick, not bothering to lock it since anyone who dared steal from her was asking for the most painful death imaginable. Besides, she didn't have much of anything to steal anyway, so what would be the point?

Between Kakashi-sensei's dogs' noses (and Kakashi-sensei's for that matter, as it was almost as keen as his pups) Naruto's indignant personality in regards to his friends, and Tsunade being Sakura's shishou, woe be the day when any shinobi decided to rob her flat on Christmas Eve.

She gingerly made her way down the road to Naruto's new place, cake in hand, unwilling to slip even a tiny bit. Luckily Konoha didn't get much snow or ice due to the hot climate that was characteristic of the southern regions, so she didn't have to worry too much about losing her footing, and thankfully the wind still hadn't picked up like she had feared, but nevertheless she still reinforced all of her body weight and movements with chakra-enhanced gracefulness. Naruto's place might've not been far, but she was damn convinced that the only thing that would ever destroy this magnificent creation would be her cold, dead body falling to the ground.

Instead of a five minute walk to Naruto's new flat, or the one minute trip she could've accomplished by rooftop with chakra, it took her nearly fifteen minutes to finally find herself at the doorway to his building. He had finally moved away from the apartment that the Third Hokage had arranged for him after Konoha had been destroyed by the invasion early in the war, though he hadn't actually gotten around to doing it for a while after the war had ended. He had always been out in the field, just like all of them had been, until the Eternal Mangekyō had been lifted due to Otstsuki Kaguya, the Mother of the Sage, being defeated (and Sasuke too, but that was kept hush-hush).

By the time the Konoha shinobi had returned home from the battlefront, most of them either drunk or sexually sated as they celebrated the victory, most of said shinobi had returned only to remember that the village had been destroyed and all their lives would have to be rebuilt.

By that time, though, Naruto had _finally_ gotten his head out of his arse in order to tentatively talk to the Hyūga patriarch, which led to promises and drug deals (metaphorically speaking) and gods only knew what other kind of nefarious actions that that given Naruto permission to court Hinata. Not that Naruto knew what courting meant, but nodding and agreeing had always been Naruto's default response when he had no idea what in the hell was going on. It was something he was going to have to work on before he took over as Shichidaime Hokage in the next few years, because he couldn't simply agree to everything he didn't understand and cause another great war.

Naruto was smart, sure, but he was an idiot too, and Sakura could believe that with utmost love for the man. She was just thankful that he was going to be covering his arse with advisers, just like all the other Hokages had and did.

Hinata and Naruto moving in together had caused a bit of a riot – well, the Hyūga's version of a riot anyway, which consisted of the elders nearly taking Kakashi-sensei's head off and refusing to allow any of their shinobi or kunoichi to service the village for nearly a year – but it had all died down when Hiashi had fused the branches together in Neji's honour. Sure, it wasn't perfect because there were still biased elders to take into account, but Hiashi was doing a good job by keeping the clan from going off the deep end. The last thing Konoha needed was the Hyūga clan pulling a bloodstained page from the Uchiha's playbook and getting themselves offed for it.

Then again, there was no way in hell that Naruto, Kakashi-sensei, Hinata, or the rest of the shinobi villages across the globe for that matter would let that happen, and to be honest, the Hyūga clan didn't have the ovaries to try and stage a coup.

Sakura snorted to herself as she climbed up the steps gingerly. Ovaries indeed, because testicles were the weakest point on a man's body and ovaries could (and _did_ ) take a beating.

Again keeping her balance, she managed to use her ankle and Achilles tendon to open the door handle to Naruto's building, using her back to cautiously hold the door open and manoeuvre the boxed cake into the warmth of the main foyer. Eventually, Sakura was fully inside, and made her way to the stairs and therefore the top floor, where Naruto's shared flat with Hinata was located. Already, as she made her way down the nice but not overly fancy hallways, she could hear loud, boisterous laughter and a few loud crashes that could only mean that someone was throwing cutlery at another's head. Sakura's money was on Ino, because she had become a damn nightmare after getting pregnant, and most people tried to avoid her at all cost until her hormones mellowed out. Well, until she returned to her _normal_ hormonal self, which people were already used to.

Regardless, it was Christmas Eve, and that was a time for makeshift families, whereas the actual families converged on Christmas Day if their families were still around. Sakura knew that she would be spending the majority of Christmas Day at the hospital, something that she loved doing on the holiday more than anything when she was in the village, passing out gifts and sweets for the patients that couldn't go home.

She kicked at Naruto's door just loud enough for it to be heard over the ruckus in Naruto's flat but not enough to send the door flying into the other side of the apartment. She allowed herself four good, solid kicks before she waited impatiently, ready for the utter ingrates she called her family to see that she could _really_ bake, and the Polaroids in her pocket seemed to burn into her denim-clad leg. She was almost wary that something terrible would happen in the time it would take for her to unveil her masterpiece, just because karma had always been a bitch to Sakura, but the door didn't swing into the cake and no one barrelled out of the room like mad to tackle her, and she was welcomed into the loud madness of...

"It's _Christmas Eve_!" Sakura shrieked furiously, just barely keeping her mind intact from the rage in order to safely place her cake onto the bar counter. "Why in the _hell_ would you be playing _beer pong_?!"

"What were we supposed to do, Sakura-chan, play board games and sit in front of our non-existent fireplace sipping cocoa?" asked Naruto, cheeks pink with the flush of alcohol in his bloodstream. Despite Kurama in his stomach that lent him his relatively god-like tolerance to alcohol that could put Tsunade to shame, Naruto was absolutely terrible at drinking games and therefore generally got sloshed. A lot of people in their peer group were under the impression that he lost on purpose just so he could drink more, but Sakura disagreed. Naruto could hit a target with accuracy and weave signs and destroy entire villages with his power if he wanted to (and thank the gods he didn't), but that was his job and his dream. Naruto tended to get a bit stupid when it came to having fun though, and generally tended to do poorly on everything he attempted simply because he didn't have a real competitive streak. Well, unless Sasuke was involved, and then all bets were on and pricey between friends as they waited for the dust to settle.

" _Yes_!" Sakura screeched, feeling her face heat up with the cosy atmosphere and the urge to throttle her best friend until he choked to death. "You're playing _beer pong_ on _Christmas_ , Naruto! Who even _does_ that?"

"Well, to be fair, Sakura, they're using spiked cocoa and port as their beer, but I get what you mean," remarked Tenten, sipping a glass of her own spiked cocoa in a clear mug.

Sakura didn't bother to glare at her, even though technically she had agreed with Sakura and therefore shouldn't have been glared at whatsoever, opting instead to smile sweetly at Hinata. She could see Naruto pausing his game with a rapidly paling face, recognising the signs that Sakura was about ready to go on the offensive, and it made Sakura light up in glee. "Hey Hinata, will you protect my cake with your life? I can't wait to show it to you because it's amazing, but I need to kill Naruto right now and that takes precedence."

Once upon a time, Hinata might've squeaked or stuttered something about being careful, but being in a relationship with Naruto, while not making her a social butterfly, had encouraged her to relax a bit. She nodded once with a small smile, cheeks a bit pink from her own light alcohol consumption (because Hinata didn't drink very often, and most certainly not a lot), and made a simple show of standing in front of Sakura's masterpiece, protecting from all harm.

"Thank you, Hinata-chan," Sakura said sweetly, and then launched herself with all the ferocity and precision of a jōnin-level kunoichi as could be expected. Luckily she got fortunate when she ploughed into him, because while Sakura was a jōnin and the head director for an entire hospital, and quite literally the most powerful kunoichi in Konoha – to her intense embarrassment, but she had always known that she would end up in the Bingo books one day courtesy of Tsunade's bragging and her own feats – Naruto was _still_ the next Hokage and quite literally the most powerful shinobi in Konoha _and_ the entire known world.

Which pissed Sasuke off, but Sakura thought it was amusing.

They didn't break anything in the assault, Sakura carefully throwing her body towards the sofa in the living room in an effort to not tear a hole in the wall of Naruto's new flat. The two bodies on said sofa, both of them brooding grumpily at the fact that they had been dragged along in the first place, immediately flickered out of sight to save themselves. After all, a ball of pink and yellow barrelling towards anyone would be enough for a change of scenery, so she didn't exactly blame them.

The couch made a groaning sound and banged against the wall loudly but the wall thankfully stayed intact, and Sakura proceeded to hit him upside the head once for his utter damnation of the Christmas holiday. Perhaps Sakura was being a bit touchy about traditions, because she _was_ in Naruto and Hinata's place and should've been playing by their rules, but still. It was Christmas, and playing beer pong with any type of alcohol was something to be saved for New Years. Besides, there was a pregnant woman in the room who was probably extremely pissed due to the fact that she couldn't drink with everyone else, and they really didn't need Ino any more irritable than she already was due to their game being thrown in her face.

After Naruto had apologised a dozen times in quick succession, Sakura finally let her poor ex-team-mate go, standing up and glaring at her best friend with sharp, beryl green eyes. "Now, all of you non-believers are going to join me in the kitchen so I can unveil my masterful creation of lore. If you don't, I will drag you in there, _and_ I will list all of you as my next patients for routine exams at the hospital. As head director and medic, it will be mandatory and will include many painful tests to make sure that you are in tip-top shape for duty."

No one argued with her after that, not even the two grouchy individuals that had been previously moping on the couch. Sasuke made his way over to Hanabi, avoiding Ino and Sakura like the plague and looking almost too-calm with where he was standing. Sakura didn't exactly know what to think about that – or the fact that Hanabi was even at this party in the first place, being fifteen and the clan heiress – and decided to ignore it, because those two were weird. Sasuke was standoffish and a pain in the arse, and Hanabi was nosy and hard-headed, so they were strangely in tune with each other. Sasuke had practically taken the young girl under his wing for some indescribable reason, which had raised a few eyebrows at first until they realised that it wasn't for some perverted reason, and they trained together pretty regularly. Her father wasn't too pleased about it, but there was no denying Sasuke's part in saving the world and his impressive skills in the battlefield. Hanabi could really have no better teacher when it came to dojutsu, even out of her clan, due to Sasuke's mad rinnegan and sharingan mix and his proficiency at using both of them.

It was kind of amusing to see Sasuke adapt so well at having a protégée to be honest, and strangely enough Sasuke did make a good faux-sensei. One day, if he decided to be a jōnin sensei, he would probably be a hardarse but he'd be damn good at it, which was what a lot of fresh Genin needed in a sensei. Not to mention, it would really benefit Sasuke, especially since he was so set on having a one-woman baby factory in the future to restore his clan. The idiot really needed to learn how to react and converse with children or he'd be utterly out of his depth when he did manage to have a few kids of his own with some woman.

Sai did his little smile, thankfully a bit more genuine than usual, and took a seat at the bar, clearly ready to see. After all of the teasing that he had participated in, accusing Sakura of not only being a terrible cook but having as much creativity as a boulder, she wanted to rub it in his face that she had clearly made the most phenomenal cake that had ever existed. Even now she smirked at him evilly, excited beyond belief about unveiling her creation before the eyes of her peers. He simply raised an eyebrow at her devilish expression, seemingly not concerned in the slightest, and Sakura decided to ignore him because she would show his arse soon enough.

Naruto cheered her on like a good best friend, wrapping his strong arms around his girlfriend's waist and grinning at Sakura from behind her shoulder. Hinata blushed delicately, a far cry from her fierce blushes and fainting spells from her youth, and smiled bashfully at Sakura, lifting her hands to grasp Naruto's wrists lightly. Sakura smiled back, sincerely happy for the billionth time that the two of them had finally figured things out, and nodded excitedly.

She dramatically made her way to the bar, which now had their large group of friends surrounding it, and chirped, "Drum roll please!" Lee and Chōji both happily obliged, both of them banging furiously at the bar, leading a chain reaction that had Naruto (still with his hands around Hinata's waist) and Kiba joining just as rambunctiously. She grinned in delight at the enthusiasm, not even bothering to glare Sasuke, Sai, or Shikamaru, all three of them not looking very happy to be there, or at Ino, who was eyeing her boxed cake more hungrily than excitedly.

Well who was she to deny her pregnant friend the glorious cake she had made?

She felt a brief moment of apprehension, again almost convinced that she would unwrap it and it would be utterly destroyed from her short trek to Naruto's flat, but when she managed to cut down the back of the box and gently pull it off, it was still just as damn fantastic as it had been back in Sakura's destroyed kitchen.

There was a unanimous _ooooh_ from all of her friends, though she knew that some of them were just being polite, but it still made her glow with happiness. She had actually made this thing from scratch, something that everyone had deemed impossible – including Sakura herself to be completely honest – and she was unbelievably proud of it. Of course, people would begin tearing it to pieces as they ate it, but it was worth it in this moment.

Sakura knew that she wasn't the most feminine of girls. She was twenty-years-old and could barely figure out how to keep herself from burning water, let alone cook even the simplest of dinners, and survived on take-out and hospital food. She was clean, yes, and she took care of herself and her own apartment, but it wasn't the most spotless home that had ever existed because she was so damn busy all the time. She was rubbish at making flower arrangements and flirting and make-up and she wasn't particularly bothered by it anyway. She saved lives for a living, and sometimes she went on missions to kill people for a living, all in the service of her village that she protected with her life every day she breathed, usually breaking large objects along the way. That was her calling, not baking or keeping a home or raising children or any of those stereotypical things that girls were supposed to do. She was a kunoichi of the Village Hidden in the Leaves, and she was proud of that.

But still...there was something about wowing everyone occasionally with the perceived 'womanly' things. Like when she had baked this cake, or when she went to the far-and-few-between parties and got to dress up for once, or when she helped Ino's mother at the flower shop on her days off just to immerse herself in flowers and scents. It was a nice feeling, even if she didn't plan on feeling it every day, and she soaked it up like a child soaked up love from their mother.

"Thanks guys!" she exclaimed, beaming and likely red in the cheeks from exhilaration. "I actually _made_ this thing! I told you I could do it!"

"It's pretty impressive Sakura-chan," Naruto proclaimed loudly, his grin widening and his eyes crinkling closed. "I'm sure it tastes just as good as it looks!"

As Lee went on a lengthy proclamation about youthful creativity and other associated Gai-esque topics that no one but Tenten had the stomach to listen to, Hinata broke away from Naruto's arms with a small kiss on the future Hokage's cheek and made her way into the kitchen. She began pulling out iced teas and other beverages from their refrigerator to put on the bar, finally gesturing to all of the food either cooked or bought from the store. "Everyone, please feel free to get whatever you would like," she told them all politely, and it was a madhouse from there.

Sakura joined the crowd of their friends, all of the old Rookie Nine plus a few miscellaneous others (and excluding Neji, which caused a brief stab of pain to throb in her heart), to grab some of the assorted foods that everyone had pitched in for Christmas dinner. Naturally, she laughed giddily when everyone hastily parted to let Ino get first dibs, the hormonal blonde grumbling about being seven months pregnant and eating for two, and Sai smiling genially at the antics of his fiancée. Naruto bellowed something inappropriate at her, which led to a tirade of insults directed at Naruto's less-than-desirable intellect, which certainly didn't insult Naruto that much. He simply snickered and took it all in stride, fully aware that no one in the world thought him to be a genius nor the village idiot and comfortable in that knowledge.

Sakura managed to get a plate of turkey, candied sweet potatoes, a few makizushi, and a large amount of assorted vegetables on her plate before she found a seat at the dining table between Kiba and Shikamaru. She staked her claim by placing her full plate down and finally taking off her coat to hang on the seat, doubling back to grab some of the port wine before it was all gone. There might've been a lot of it, but there were still a dozen people in the flat and she didn't want to take any chances missing out on her Christmas drink.

She made her way back with her port and a glass of water for good measure, and began eating as she joined in the conversation. There were only six chairs at the table, so the others had taken up seating at the bar or in the living room, grouping together mostly outside of their professional teams. They all knew their teams the best, sure, but it was nice to get out of their comfort zones and converse with other people for a change. After all, Sakura trained with Naruto and Sai on a daily basis, and while she didn't see Sasuke much due to his training of Hanabi and council schmoozing (as well as her general avoidance of him in entirety and his frequent forays outside the village), there was always the weekly lunches that they were all forced to attend courtesy of Naruto.

She had a rather pleasant conversation with them all, to be honest, chuckling at Shikamaru's banter with Tenten in regards to pranks their Genin students had pulled lately while listening to Kiba and Konohamaru's attempts at embarrassing Shino to no avail. She gave her own experiences to the two jōnin senseis with being on the prankster Naruto's team, and sided with Shino when Kiba and Konohamaru got a bit too graphic at the dinner table while brandishing her chopsticks at the two morons mock-threateningly.

It was nice to converse outside of work or missions or life-and-death situations, simply enjoying each other's company and relishing in the fact that they were _all_ in one place for Christmas Eve. Well, at least the ones that were left. Neji had died in the war, leaving a little hole in everyone's hearts (though Tenten hurt the worst, even over Hinata in a way), and there were still too many people that were gone and missed. Their peer group had been uncommonly lucky in a way, losing only one instead of the dozens Kakashi-sensei's peer group had lost, but in every moment the memory of Neji weighed heavy on their hearts.

Eventually people made their way back in the kitchen, washing their dish so they could pile second helpings or dessert onto their newly clean plates. Inevitably, Ino was the first to cut into Sakura's masterpiece, taking a big mouthful before even sitting down, and she swallowed before glancing at Sakura with a raised eyebrow. "Can't believe I'm saying this because I've never met anyone as useless in the kitchen as you Pig, but _damn_ girl. This is divine."

Sakura grinned so brightly, chest tight with self-pride, that she was vaguely afraid that her entire body was going to spontaneously explode.

She tasted her final product with the cake herself as well, sighing happily as it was even better with icing than the shavings or batter. Everyone managed a slice, or two in regards to Naruto and Ino, and she was pleased when even Sasuke cut off a sliver despite his dislike of sweets. He nodded at her once, stoically, before carefully eating his tiny bit, and he nodded again after he had dissected the taste of it. She didn't exactly get along with Sasuke well, after all of their shaky history and the dark moments where he had tried to kill her over the years, but it was still nice to see that he was trying in his unapproachable way to make up for his past wrongdoings. It would never be enough for Sakura to really call him a friend ever again, but at least it warmed her heart enough to call him an occasional acquaintance, and Sasuke had never really tried to pressure her into being anything more than that.

To be honest, the only reason Sasuke and Sakura were making the small attempts to be civil towards one another was because of Naruto, because they would've avoided each other for the rest of their lives had Naruto not been around to pester the two of them. Naruto was the glue that kept a lot of people together, and while Sakura still wished that she had killed the Uchiha when she had had the chance, she was glad that Naruto had followed through on his promise in the end. Sasuke being home was the last piece of the puzzle that had been missing, though it was hard to get over Sasuke's numerous years as a missing-nin, and now that he was back it seemed like everything was right in the world.

Even if her childish love for Uchiha Sasuke had devolved into dislike-borderline-hate over the years.

Eventually they all were full and slightly buzzed with good conversation and wine, all reminiscing about the years. Naruto got the brunt of it, due to his prankster years and how much he had grown since, especially since he would be finally achieving the role of Hokage in a few years. Despite Naruto's elevation as the strongest, most loyal shinobi in all of the nations, their small group of peers would always remember him as the gutsy idiot that had failed the Academy multiple times and used the reverse sexy jutsu on the most formidable villain ever faced (to some success, even).

After the clock edged closer to midnight, their friends began saying their goodbyes and Happy Christmases in small groups. Ino and Sai left first, Ino practically asleep but Sai easily lifting her heavily pregnant body gently despite his lithe frame, and then others followed suit. Predictably, Sasuke was right after, not that anyone was expecting much socialising from him. It was a miracle that he had managed to stay as long as he had in the first place, so everyone simply said their holiday adieus to Sasuke and eventually followed his lead.

Konohamaru, Lee, Chōji, and Kiba had teamed up to clean the kitchen, though Hinata did attempt to help a few times before being thrown out of her own kitchen, and between the four of them the whole area was remarkably spotless considering who had been responsible for the tidying up. As Sakura cut off two chunks of cake to wrap up on separate plates, leaving the rest for Naruto and Hinata as a gift (and to keep herself from eating it all), she could swear that she could see her reflection on the granite counter-tops in Hinata's kitchen.

She took her leave with a large yawn just after one in the morning, belly full of spiked cocoa and chocolate truffles, giving Naruto and Hinata hugs despite the two plates of plastic-covered cake she had in her hands. She giggled as Naruto swung her around with a snicker, and then said happily, "Thanks for the Christmas dinner. It really was something special, wasn't it?"

"You bet it was," answered Naruto with his trademark grin, Hinata tucked under his arm lovingly as Hanabi moved around in the background, already in her pyjamas. Apparently she was staying over, though Sakura knew that they were heading to the Hyūga estate in the morning to do Christmas with the family, Naruto included.

From beside her, Shikamaru added, "Yeah, it was nice that everyone got together tonight."

"Agreed," said Hinata lightly.

They said their goodbyes and Shikamaru walked with Sakura downstairs. The Nara compound was a bit away from Sakura and Naruto's place but as they were both headed in the same direction, they both fell in step with each other in a companionable silence. A light flurry had started falling, leaving little droplets of water on the plastic wrap covering the cake as the snow melted instantaneously, but Sakura didn't mind. It was rare that they ever got snow in Konoha, and even though it likely wouldn't stick or even fall thickly, it was still lovely to see in the Christmas moonlight.

"It's practically poetic," she mentioned to her companion, sticking out her tongue to catch some of the flurries on her tongue.

Shikamaru, who had lit a cigarette and was smoking it methodically, shrugged and said, "I suppose so. It's too cold to really enjoy it though."

"Oh I like the cold," Sakura said, glancing over at him with a teasing smile. Shikamaru was a dear friend of hers, even if they did tend to run in different circles. He was a jōnin instructor and was constantly out on missions with his brats, whereas Sakura ran a hospital. They had gotten close when they had both started training together for the jōnin exams, both of them well-matched against each other since they were both tactically minded. As she was a short-range fighter and he excelled in long-range, it had been a game of cat-and-mouse that had been incredibly rewarding in the end since they were able to really challenge each other on their respective weaknesses. Combined with the tutelage of Kakashi-sensei, who had offered to train them both as a unit – well, after Sakura had blackmailed him into it with mandatory hospital check-ups, which tended to work on _all_ of her friends – they had both kicked arse at the exams.

She eventually added mischievously when he didn't answer, "It's easier to be cold than hot. In cold weather, you just bundle up or turn your heat up. In hot weather, there are only so many clothes we can take off before we get arrested, especially for the girls."

Shikamaru snorted, rolling his eyes at her with exasperation, but there was a familiar quirk to his thin lips that convinced Sakura that she had been successful in humouring him. The poor man had been through so much since his sensei had died and the war that had followed, becoming a lot more serious and willingly taking the jōnin exams in order to become a sensei himself. He wanted to ' _pass on the Will of Fire to the kings_ ', he always said, referring to the children of Konoha, and she really respected that drive in him. While she healed and saved, he protected and taught, and Sakura was impossibly glad that she had had the opportunity to actually get close to him.

Sakura didn't have a lot of close friends, contrary to popular belief, though she had a lot of friends. She didn't consider Naruto a close friend, because that blond haired nut was her brother through and through, no matter what, but the others she most certainly did. Sai, Shikamaru, Lee, and Shizune were people that she trusted with not only her life (which was something she trusted to the majority of Leaf shinobi) but with her mind and heart, which was odd considering the former two. Amusingly enough though, Shikamaru would help her out logically with any problem she ever had, whereas Sai would be almost brutally truthful no matter the conversation. Sakura knew that not one of them, _including_ Naruto, would dare embellish the truth, or hide anything from her, because they simply weren't the kind of people to do such things, and she really appreciated it.

Ino was a friend that kept Sakura lively and young, Hinata was a shoulder to cry on and giggle with, and the others were great people and dear to her heart, but Shikamaru, Lee, Sai, Shizune, and most of all Naruto were the strange, unlikely five that were her family. Sakura herself never would've believed it a decade ago, because Shizune was so much older than her, Sai was an automaton that drove her crazy half the time, Lee had had a crush on her for years before _finally_ getting over it, Shikamaru was lazy and had always seemed more like Ino's friend than Sakura's, and Naruto was, well, _Naruto_. But she couldn't deny, at the ripe age of twenty, that these five were her family regardless.

She was torn from her musings by the sound of a body landing almost silently in front of her, a large box in his hands, mere steps away from the front door of her flat.

She stopped very suddenly, shocked at the sudden arrival of a flustered and obviously drunk Shiranui Genma in her path, and tilted her head questioningly when he pushed the box in her arms. She took it awkwardly while taking care to not squash the cake, opening her mouth to speak, but Genma beat her to it, saying hastily, "Don't tell anyone I gave this to you and I'll give you a share of the bet winnings. And as it's running close to triple the price of an A-ranked mission, it's a good chunk of cash. Just keep it safe and hidden 'til I come back for it, deal?"

"Twenty-twenty-sixty, and you _have_ that deal," Sakura said, knowing that Shikamaru wouldn't care one way or another. He wouldn't have told anyone regardless, because that required time and effort and the willingness to gossip, and Genma probably knew that just as well as Sakura did. Shikamaru's quirks were known all around the village, especially amongst the jōnin that he occasionally worked with. Sakura herself knew how to keep a secret, unlike the majority of her friends, and people tended to talk to Sakura just because they knew she would keep it quiet.

"Deal. Just keep it safe for me and I'll fill you in later," replied Genma, winking once before launching himself into the air and speeding off towards the centre of Konoha via the rooftops.

Shikamaru sighed and muttered something under his breath, but Sakura didn't have Kiba's or Kakashi-sensei's stupidly good hearing so she missed it. She manoeuvred around a bit until it was a bit more secure in her arms, still holding the two plates of cake in her hands, and began waddling towards her front door. Shikamaru followed her, and Sakura motioned to her door with her head before Shikamaru resigned himself to opening the door for her.

"I don't want to know what the bet is for," mentioned Shikamaru when she had placed the massive box onto her coffee table, nearly knocking over a half-finished glass of cold tea from breakfast in the process. "Just leave me out of it because I didn't see anything. I'll still take five percent of the winnings though, if he manages to win the bet."

Sakura laughed and agreed quickly, just so Shikamaru wouldn't have to think about it any more. He would probably forget about it until the day she turned up with his cut, which she _would_ turn up with since she would be damned if she let thirty-five percent of three A-rank missions slip through her fingers.

With a payout like that, there was no telling what kind of goodies were in the box.

She heard Shikamaru call out a goodbye as she disappeared into her kitchen, putting the two pieces of cake into her fridge to keep them fresh. She returned the sentiment along with a Happy Christmas, hearing the door shut quietly behind her friend, and started on a pot of tea to calm down her body before she would go to bed. With the light buzz of alcohol still in her system, she would be awake for hours if she didn't have a warm cuppa before laying down, and a nice chamomile sounded pretty lovely anyway. She put the kettle on the stove and readied a teapot, putting a few teaspoons worth of loose leaves in the bottom as she waited for the kettle to boil.

She sat on the top of her messy counter after getting out a mug and an infuser, completely content in the silence of her home. It wasn't a very large place, despite the fact that she could afford a much larger one on the outskirts due to her salary as the hospital director and her savings, but she enjoyed the cosy feel of it. It wasn't as if she needed a lot of room, since it was just her in this place and she was barely ever here anyway. She spent more time at the hospital, often sleeping in the staff quarters due to the constant stream of medical help she had to provide on a day-to-day basis. They might've been at a time of peace, the war nothing but a bad memory, but shinobi and kunoichi still tended to get just as gravely injured despite the concord.

If she _had_ had a significant other or even a room-mate, there would've been more than enough room in her two-bedroom, two-bathroom flat to house them both. Of course, if kids were ever a serious option in her future – though she couldn't see that happening for at least a decade, if _ever_ – she would have to find a bigger place, but for now it was more than enough room for her.

She glanced around her kitchen, groaning inwardly at the thought of the cleaning she would have to do in the morning before her trip to the hospital, but was thankfully distracted from her ponderings when the kettle began to whistle, keying her to the fact that she had been lost in her thoughts for at least five minutes. She hopped down lazily and turned off the burner, pouring the boiling water into the teapot in order to steep her chamomile.

In order to occupy herself as she waited, she made an effort to at least clean a bit of the disaster area she called a kitchen, rinsing her dishes before putting them into the dishwasher. Naruto always called her crazy for doing it, but it was better to rinse them off beforehand rather than finding a few of the dishes hadn't gotten completely clean. A dishwasher was for sterilising dishes of bacteria, not an automatic scrubber in the end, and she hated rewashing things just because she was being lazy. Better to get it right the first time than being forced to redo the work all over again.

Naturally, she ended up getting distracted by it, and by the time that she remembered that she had brewed tea, she had finished all of the dishes that she could fit inside of the dishwasher and had hand-washed all of the pieces left. She groaned outwardly to herself, drying her hands and making her way to the teapot, praying that it wasn't too bitter or cold. Chamomile was a pretty sweet tea in the first place, and needed to steep for fifteen minutes or so, but as far as she could tell she had spent the last half-hour cleaning her dishes, and that just made her grumpy.

She poured the tea through the strainer that was on top of her mug to filter out the leaves, pleased when there was still a bit of steam coming off the top of the liquid. It still looked good to her, and she didn't feel like brewing another pot. She didn't have any of those quick bags that went in the microwave, since she was a bit of a snob when it came to tea, so it was this or nothing.

She took a quick sip, smiling gently when it tasted just fine and was the right temperature, and then left the pot on the counter to make her way into the living room. She sat down on the couch languidly, taking another small sip before placing the mug on a coaster, and then hefted the box to the cushion right beside her.

If Genma had believed for one second that she wouldn't snoop then he was the worst shinobi that had ever lived, and she knew from his stats and medical records that this most certainly wasn't the case. After all, he had been serving as an elite bodyguard for the past three Hokages, which was something only few shinobi had the honour of doing, _and_ he was ANBU as well. The man was an impressive shinobi despite all of his teasing and good-natured fun he liked to have at the expense of others, and was most certainly not a slouch.

He hadn't told her _not_ to snoop anyway, which gave Sakura free reign to do whatever she pleased. If anything _truly_ incriminating was in the box, it would've been well protected and would've had chakra seals on it, which it didn't. In fact, she opened the box pretty easily after picking the lock, grinning wickedly to herself as she finally set eyes on all of the... _oh dear gods, what had she gotten herself into_?!

There was no doubt when she picked up one of the books, reading the handwritten note from the late Jiraiya on the inside cover, that these were _Kakashi-sensei's_ Icha-Icha novels.

Sakura groaned.

Kakashi-sensei was going to murder her if he found out that Sakura had them.

She replaced the book, finding a few other trinkets inside of the box along with the seven books that Jiraiya had released before his death, and she wondered if they belonged to Kakashi-sensei too. A few videotapes, three pictures inside of frames, a medical pouch that looked worse for wear and quite old, a pair of orange goggles, a delicately painted ANBU mask that looked old but well taken care of, and a strange kunai with kanji along the blade. It was all mismatched and due to that she was pretty sure that these items were personal, because the books themselves were personal and the other assorted items were so out of place that they had to be close artefacts as well.

She picked up the first frame, smiling nostalgically at the sight of her own face with Team Seven so long ago, eyes crinkled in a grin as Naruto glared at the grumpy Sasuke. It brought back memories of better days, when Sakura had been head-over-heels in love with the Uchiha and Naruto had been a louder, more irritating version of himself. Kakashi-sensei looked just like he always did, even after the near decade that had passed between then and the present, with his lazy smile and his horrible posture that spoke of newly budding affection for his young wards.

Like it or not, the three of them had grown on Kakashi-sensei eventually, though Kakashi-sensei's closeness with Sasuke had gotten just as cold and bitter as Sakura's was. It was one of the many things that Sakura and Kakashi-sensei had in common, that dark dislike over Sasuke's actions in the years he had been a missing-nin, and Sakura knew that she wasn't alone in her feelings toward the Uchiha. It was quite a difference in contrast to their past selves, since Kakashi-sensei had always clearly favoured Sasuke and Sakura herself had been a lovesick idiot back then, and now both of them barely tolerated Sasuke.

She picked up another frame, noting the immediate similarities between Team Seven and _this_ team. By this picture, Sakura was utterly certain that all of these knick-knacks in the box were personal, because Kakashi-sensei was the only reoccurring image here. She recognised him quickly, though he looked incredibly young and grumpy just like Sasuke and didn't have the sharingan yet. His two team-mates were mysteries to Sakura, though the boy with the familiar goggles looked a lot like Sasuke with the same smirking features, and her eyes flickered down to the goggles in the box. These were definitely the same ones, no doubt about it, and she wondered what had happened to him. The two team-mates were probably dead, to be honest, since she hadn't seen him or the brunette with the strange purple marks on her cheeks around the village in her life as far as she could recall. She knew that his sensei was dead too, because there was no mistaking those features so eerily similar to Naruto's, and she knew that the Fourth had died sealing Kurama into her blond best friend.

She felt a twinge of unease. It seemed wrong all of the sudden to be snooping in this stuff. It was Kakashi-sensei's personal relics, and she would've been livid if someone had done the same to her priceless belongings. She put the frame back gently, not willing to break the glass nor smudge it with her fingerprints, and hesitated above the third frame which was still hidden against the side of an Icha-Icha novel.

Finally though, she grasped it and let her eyes widen at the sight of two individuals in the frame. She had a suspicion that she was looking at the legendary White Fang and his wife, since the male in the picture looked so much like Kakashi-sensei that it was almost unbelievable. She could finally understand why Chiyo and various others had mistaken Kakashi-sensei for him, even despite most of Kakashi-sensei's face being covered up for the most part and the White Fang's face being bare in this particular photograph. Perhaps Hatake Sakumo had covered his face up as well, but had been much more lax in showing it for pictures and around his comrades.

He was a good-looking man, Sakura admitted, and very young it seemed, possibly in his early twenties if the clear age of the picture was any indication. He had a very masculine face, which was surely a bit different than Kakashi-sensei's since the Copy Nin's mask was rather skin-tight and had already given Sakura an idea as to what he looked like under the mask. Kakashi-sensei's face was more angular whereas Sakumo's was much more square in a way, with a strong jaw and a less-pronounced chin, but they had the same sharp nose and eyes. Sakumo's eyes seemed to be dark blue in colour in contrast to Kakashi-sensei's charcoal grey orbs (both eyes since Obito's gift had faded, leaving him with only his two natural eyes and the familiar scar), though the eye shape was the same, but that was really the only noticeable differences between the two. They both had similar skin tones, the same lazy eyes, the same spiky silver hair though Sakumo's was longer and tied back, and looked to be rather tall. They had similar body structures, Sakura could tell just by Sakumo in the pictures, though perhaps Sakumo was a bit more stocky than Kakashi-sensei's lean but powerful frame.

The woman was the one with the dark charcoal eyes it seemed, though her eyes were a bit more narrower and mysterious than Sakumo's (or Kakashi-sensei's for that matter). She had fair hair, a white-blonde if the picture was to be trusted, that was long and stick-straight, flowing gracefully over her slender shoulders to mid-back, contrasting greatly with the jōnin vest she wore with the standard kunoichi uniform. Sakura almost felt intangible as she stared at her, because dear gods the woman was absolutely beautiful, and the two of them together was a sight to behold. She was convinced that this was the most attractive couple she had ever seen in her life, and that was pretty amazing in and of itself because Naruto and Hinata were not to be ignored whatsoever.

They were also clearly in love. Sakumo's face was almost in profile, his nose brushing the white-blonde locks of his...girlfriend? Fiancée? Wife? They weren't wearing rings so it was hard to tell, since most shinobi and kunoichi didn't as it was a security issue while on missions. Regardless, he had a soft smile on his thin, shapely lips, looking softly down at the woman with so much affection in his eyes that it almost made Sakura blush, feeling as if she was intruding on a private moment. The woman herself had her eyes on the ground, but the orbs were soft, and she had a quiet smile on her full lips that completed the picture of pure comfort and familiarity with the man at her side. They were holding each other, Sakumo's arms around the slender woman and the woman with her hands grasping Sakumo's arms lightly, both of them clearly oblivious to the world around them.

Sakura returned the picture to the box, her heart pounding in her ears. That had been way too tender, and it made Sakura uncomfortable. Those two people had loved each other, so much that Sakura could distinctly _feel_ it even through a mere photograph, and she wondered what had happened to them. She knew that Sakumo had committed suicide when Kakashi-sensei had been young, though she didn't know how old the White Fang had been, but what of the woman that was clearly his mother? Sakura realised that she didn't even know if the woman was dead or alive, although if she wasn't dead then she didn't live in the village because Sakura would've recognised the woman's gorgeous features and burned them to memory. Had she died before Kakashi-sensei had been able to get to know her, had she died or left after Sakumo's suicide, or was she simply out of the picture? It irked her that she didn't know, because despite the fact that her and Kakashi-sensei were relatively close due to their many years together on the same team, he was still just as closed-off as he had been during their first meeting.

She glanced at the videotapes but opted out of watching them, not at all comfortable with it. If they were Icha-Icha movies then she had no urge whatsoever to watch them, if it was of his mother and father then she had no right to watch them, and if it was of Kakashi-sensei and his team then she would feel dirty to watch them. Any combination of them would've been even worse. If he had wanted to show her these things, he would've shown her himself, and she wasn't quite _that_ nosy. Though it was very likely that she would never have an opportunity like this one to watch them in her life, since Kakashi-sensei was so reluctant to be close to people in a personal matter, she decided against invading his privacy to that extent because that was just wrong. She had no right seeing any of this stuff in the first place, and it was enough of an ill thought to finally get her to close the box, locking it once again with her pick.

She replaced it on her coffee table, her quick mind wondering where she was going to hide the damn thing even though it was close to nil that Kakashi-sensei would ever think to search _her_ flat for his belongings. She simply didn't want any of her other frequent house guests to find it and snoop themselves. After all, most people weren't as respectful of personal items as she was, especially since Kakashi-sensei was an enigma and they were all shinobi at heart.

She decided to place it in the spare linen closet, since no one in their right mind would anticipate her hiding anything in there instead of her bedroom. She hid most things in her closet and drawers after all, because even though Ino regularly trashed both hiding places and drilled her on her discoveries, most people would go there first to find what they wanted. Better for them to find her own personal items than Kakashi-sensei's, which was a weird thought but a true one just the same. She was much more of an open book than her sensei was, and she didn't want to break that trust any more than she felt she already had by looking at the contents of the box. She wanted that payout of course, but she didn't have to forcibly intrude on Kakashi-sensei's personal life in order to get it.

She finished her tea quickly, still feeling a bit wound up from her discoveries and the alcohol she had consumed earlier, and returned to the kitchen so she could refill her mug. It was still warm when she poured the tea, but not hot enough to burn her hands when she securely held the mug in one hand instead of by the handle. With a bit of chakra to balance the weight, she lifted the box easily in her left arm, placing it on her shoulder so she could walk to her bedroom without it moving around wildly. She managed rather well since she wasn't worried about squashing her cake this time, making it to her bedroom in one piece and placing the mug on the nightstand. She turned back to the hallway, placing the box on the ground so she could move things around in her linen closet. The box was a pretty good size, but luckily it wasn't too tall, and she was able to put it in the very back of the bottom shelf with the blankets. She was pretty sure most people wouldn't squat to get blankets and would instead just pull one out without care, so she was confident that no one would see the box should a blanket be removed. Even so, she still strategically placed it in the back corner, placing blankets around it to hide its location from any nosy idiots (namely Naruto) who would ruffle through her things.

It was pretty unlikely anyone would though. She was the only one who really opened the linen closet, in order to get blankets or even towels for any visiting guests taking showers in her place, because she was polite like that.

She finally made her way to her bedroom once again, stripping out of her clothes in order to get into her comfy pyjamas. She eventually settled into bed after washing her face free of make-up and brushing her teeth, grabbing a book from her nightstand and reading to the light of a lamp by her bedside, periodically taking sips of the unsweetened tea from the mug beside her. When she finally felt tired enough to sleep, she flicked off the light and settled into bed, twitching and turning occasionally to find that sweet spot, and gradually slipping into dreams she wouldn't remember in the morning.


	2. Confessions of an Artist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She did miss being an active duty kunoichi. She missed being part of Team Seven, and later Team Kakashi, because despite everything that had happened to them over the years and the hurdles they had faced, they were all still her boys. She missed being a kunoichi instead of a politically-set administrator, because while it was satisfying to save lives and have a top-notch hospital under her command, it still wasn't the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings!
> 
> So here's chapter two...unbeta'd as before. Updates will be consistent, all on Sundays unless the zombie apocolypse happens or something and we all die. Then I very much hope that you can forgive me for not updating on Sundays.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy, and if you don't, please give concrit if you're comfortable with that! Or flame, either-or. I've already gotten anti-KakaSaku flames, and let's be honest here: it doesn't depress me or kick my inspiration out of the door. It simply makes me giggle hysterically and think of a thousand different sarcastic responses. Besides, this story is already 98% done, so I gotta publish it, right? Anyway, like I said before, enjoy (either silently or vocally, I don't mind...I don't write this for a review count) and see you next Sunday!

Chapter Two  
_Confessions of an Artist_

Just like any morning, she was quick to be on her way.

She didn't like to drag her feet, because that was so much time wasted in her opinion when the day was still young. She occasionally liked to sleep in of course, but that really depended on missions and since she hadn't been assigned one in ages since becoming hospital director, she tended to be an early riser. Despite this, she was _not_ a morning person, and required at least two cups of coffee before she felt remotely human.

Once she had tiredly inhaled two cups though, still in her pyjamas and eyes occasionally drifting shut in sleepiness, she was a whirlwind of action no matter the time or date. Showering, dressing, and eating a quick breakfast of fruit and yoghurt was done in a good twenty minutes, though sometimes she would blow-dry her hair just to keep herself from getting sick on a cold day, and then she was out the door, ready to start getting things done.

This day was no different as she took to the rooftops the second she breathed in the crisp, still air of Christmas morning, the sun just beginning to rise as it was a little after six in the morning. She hadn't gotten a lot of sleep, managing about five hours, but she could never manage to sleep past six or so in the morning and had simply grown accustomed to her internal alarm clock. It could get incredibly annoying if she had to work at night, be it at the hospital because of a batch of injured shinobi returning or a mission she was assigned, but she dealt with it. She usually didn't have a problem, since she hadn't had a mission in the better part of a year and peace tended to lead to more stable work hours. Shinobi still came in at night from missions injured, but nothing that her fellow doctors couldn't handle usually, and most of the injuries tended to happen during the day with training. Again, her precise expertise wasn't exactly high in demand unless something terrible happened.

Therefore, the majority of her job was simple healing, training, and administrative work. As the director of the hospital, she spent a lot of her time doing paperwork and training her peers and subordinates in the art that Tsunade had graced her with, not doing field procedures or life-saving near-miracles. Those days had ended after the war had drawn to a close, bringing the peace to fruition. She taught her kōhai, healed bruises and broken bones, and trained with her chosen sparring partners when she was off work, all in a cycle that seemed to melt into years.

She loved her job, especially when it came to saving a patient or watching said patient get better through physical therapy or repeated healing, and she didn't even mind the paperwork. She loved being organised, having lists, and knowing exactly how smoothly her hospital ran in comparison to other hospitals in hidden villages. It was incredibly satisfying, and she couldn't imagine having a more fulfilling job than her current one as the director.

However...she did miss being an active duty kunoichi. She missed the thrill of the chase, the excitement of flying through the trees with her team, the surge of adrenaline when things got sticky. She missed being part of Team Seven, and later Team Kakashi, because despite everything that had happened to them over the years and the hurdles they had faced, they were all still her boys. Even Sasuke in a way, and she wouldn't even think that lightly. She missed being a kunoichi instead of a politically-set administrator, because while it was satisfying to save lives and have a top-notch hospital under her command, it still wasn't the same. She still had the burning drive to protect her village, not just heal the protectors that returned from missions, and she knew that she would feel it for the rest of her life.

Sakura knew that she had options should she ever wish to go back to active status. All she had to do was bring it up to Shizune and Kakashi-sensei both and she would be back in the field in no time. Though it would always be embarrassing, she _was_ the strongest kunoichi in the village if she was being honest with herself, and was part of one of the greatest teams Konoha had ever produced: Team Kakashi. Team Kakashi – composed of Kakashi-sensei, Naruto, Sai, and herself – were regarded as on par with the Sannin, and while the new Team Tenzō – composed of Tenzō-senpai (who hadn't been 'Yamato' for years), Sasuke, Sai, and Naruto – were really raising eyebrows at their proficiency, it simply wasn't on par with what Team Kakashi had accomplished during their glory years. Team Kakashi's teamwork had been unparalleled, still was to be honest, and all of them had complimented each other beautifully, so it was only natural that she missed it.

She still met up with her boys often, even outside of their weekly lunches at Ichiraku. Naruto would always be around no matter how old and crusty they both got, because they were siblings in all but blood and she was mercifully stuck with him for the rest of her life. Sai was one of her closest friends, not quite a brother but much more than a friend, and they frequently were together when he was painting madly, her nose in a book as they existed in comfortable silence. As for Kakashi-sensei, well, she got to visit him every day if only to deliver reports, and often she would have to yell at him because he was sleeping or reading instead of doing paperwork. Additionally, she was consistently bringing him dinner in his office so he wouldn't forget to eat.

She wondered all the time whether she simply missed the Team Kakashi dynamic in the field rather than being active duty. It was a fair assumption to make after all, because they had worked as a seamless unit when they had been doing their fair share of high-level missions. And since Team Kakashi would never exist again, being on an active duty roster would never be the same since she couldn't be paired up with _all_ of her boys. She would likely work with Team Tenzō to be honest, after Naruto became the Shichidaime, and while she had worked occasionally with other teams on missions before, it simply wouldn't be the same.

If she really did miss Team Kakashi, then there was nothing that she could do about that. While she could still work with Sai in the field, Kakashi-sensei and Naruto would be incapable of joining them at the same time. Naruto still went out on missions, but more often than not he was being prepared for the title of the Seventh and therefore had a lot of important actions to accomplish before taking over. Since it was a time of peace, Naruto had the capability of meeting with the other Kages (who already knew him due to his _saving the world_ thing and, in the case of Gaara, had already developed a close bond to), having formal meetings and dinners with clan heads to garner support, and all of that schmoozing to get people behind him.

Though it wasn't really necessary, since everyone unanimously approved of Naruto's appointment, regardless of the hidden village. He _had_ saved the world after all, though he had had help from Sasuke, and in a lesser sense Sakura, Obito, and Kakashi-sensei as well.

To be honest, Sakura figured Kakashi-sensei was just using him as an excuse to get out of social gatherings.

Pulling herself out of her thoughts, she dropped down from the rooftops when she reached the hospital, making her way inside quickly to get out of the cold. She wasn't freezing, since she had been exerting herself on her way with chakra, but she still felt the sting on her face when she entered the warm building. Despite the lack of wind, flying over Konoha's rooftops at her speed had guaranteed that she would feel the cold on her exposed skin. At least she had blow-dried her hair before leaving her flat, because she would be sporting icicles instead of hair if she hadn't.

She received a few greetings from the occasional body she passed on her way to her office, which she responded with a cheerful ' _Happy Christmas_ ' and a wave, and eventually arrived at her destination. Opening the door to her office, she stripped off her white cloak and draped it over a comfortable armchair that was in the corner of the room, fully aware that no visitors would be coming in to chat. She wasn't here to do paperwork or write up her daily reports but instead to deliver the goodies that she had been keeping in her office, and therefore would be out in the patients' rooms for the few hours she would be visiting. It was her day off after all.

She grasped a few large baskets, awkwardly shuffling them around on her arms to find a way to carry them without dumping the contents on the floor, and eventually made her way out again, heading to the recovery ward. The majority of the patients there were shinobi that had been injured on a mission, though there was the few and occasional civilian recovering from surgery as well, and she knew that the majority of them would be awake with their families or friends since shinobi didn't rest well in hospitals.

For the next hour, she visited all of the patients in the recovery ward, most of them genin, and gave them chocolate candies and a quick healing session if they needed it. If it was a child, shinobi or otherwise, she added a stuffed animal of their choosing, which brought around many smiles and laughter from family. Especially if they were a boy and grumbled that they were too old for toys, because then it was a lot of fun to tease them with fluffy bunnies.

Her next stop was the paediatrics ward, since she figured that they would all be awake by that point. She gave all of the newborn babies little tiny bears to put inside of their cribs while giving flowers and chocolates for the new mothers and fathers, smiling and cooing at the tiny noses and fingers as she played with them. Sakura didn't really like kids, especially kids that could _talk_ , but she was relatively good at pretending otherwise for the sake of bedside manner and her patients (though her own parents had always told her that she would change her mind one day when she managed to get into a serious relationship, to Sakura's irritation). Even though occasionally she found herself under a baby fever, usually when she was the most hormonal or around other children, she often was happy that she didn't have to deal with it. She could barely keep a _plant_ alive, and though she was rather adept at keeping patients and her team in good shape, she was terrified of having a huge responsibility like a child herself. She worked too damn much anyway, and she was only twenty. There was plenty of time in the future to think about that, so she didn't want to waste time on it while she was young.

For the kids that were sick or injured but recovering, most of them civilians since shinobi children were usually localised in the recovery wards due to injury, she couldn't give them chocolates due to health concerns. She instead gave out the animals and more flowers to parents and children, if they were lucid enough to accept, and did quick checks and healing sessions for the patient. There was no better present for those families than another healing session if they were up to it, because while there was a low probability of death for illnesses in any hidden village due to medical ninjutsu, it was still comforting to know that the doctors cared.

She spent a little time in the terminal ward after that, since there weren't a lot of patients there due to high success rates of treatment. Most of them were older and simply dying from their age, since there was nothing anyone could do for them as their body was shutting down naturally, but at the same time she spent more time with these families than the others. She decorated the rooms with the rest of the flowers, gave stuffed animals to the children that had visited their loved ones, gave candies to all that wanted them, and simply _talked_ to them, doing customary check-ups in order to give the families or patients a more accurate timeline if they wanted it. It was painful to be here but she wanted to be there for them more-so than any other patient in the hospital, since these were the ones that were going to die. Everyone else in the entire hospital would survive and go back to missions or their families, but these patients were preparing to take the next great adventure. Their strength was inspiring, and yet so very heartbreaking at the same time, so she felt like she owed them her time.

She finished about four hours after her arrival, and figured that since it was creeping up towards eleven, she could go grab some Christmas lunch for her and Kakashi-sensei. He was probably still sleeping, since he wasn't required to work today and had allegedly been out until late last night, so she didn't exactly blame him. She had grilled him about his plans on Christmas Eve after he had denied the invite to Naruto's place, thinking that he was going to mope around by himself at the memorial or read smut all night, but she had been pleasantly surprised when she had finally weaselled a bit of information out of him. Supposedly, when he was in the village, he had always gone to the jōnin Christmas Eve party that was thrown every year, which was notorious for being a complete mess in and of itself. For the most part, it consisted of _way_ too much spirits, gift-giving that tended to be highly inappropriate for anyone under the age of sixteen no matter their high rank, and drunken tales of extremely exaggerated feats in their careers. She had always meant to go to one when she had achieved the rank of jōnin, but she hadn't been in the village for Christmas in ages and spending that first Christmas Eve with Naruto and her friends had seemed more important. Christmas was ultimately a time for family, and those idiots were all her family.

She snickered to herself as she walked to Kakashi-sensei's favourite restaurant. She couldn't imagine Kakashi-sensei, drunk off his arse and talking about his heroic feats in a loud, boisterous voice. Maybe she _could_ envision him giving away Icha-Icha novels as his dirty present, but everything else was hard to believe.

She walked in and greeted the waitress, simply placing an order for ume-shiso maki and one of Kakashi-sensei's favourite dishes, the dreaded salt-broiled saury with rice. As she waited, she had a cup of tea, peacefully solving a crossword puzzle with efficiently. It was one of the crosswords that her peers would periodically make at the hospital, full of medical terms and the sort, and it was always good fun and practise to do them when the newest crossword began circulating through the hospital.

She was about halfway done, her tea gone and cleaned away, when the order was ready, and she grasped it with a quick thanks and happily wished the staff a Happy Christmas on her way out. She took to the rooftops yet again, trading speed for comfort as she didn't want the food to get cold, and made it to the Hokage Tower in a matter of ten minutes.

As she walked in the tower, she lost herself in her thoughts. Just over four years ago, she would've been stomping through these hallways to the personal quarters in order to drag her shishou out of bed. Normally, Tsunade would've been grumpy and hungover courtesy of the same jōnin Christmas party that Kakashi-sensei alleged to attend, and it would take Shizune and Sakura nearly an hour to drag the woman out of her chambers. Now that she had relinquished the title of Godaime Hokage though, pretty much the second the war had ended, it was near impossible to find the woman. She had taken a year off with Shizune to gamble and fuck around, and would sporadically take off even after she had permanently (again) returned to the village, but when she came back she frequently hid herself around Christmas. From the stories that Shizune would grumble, since Sakura hadn't been in the village for Christmas in quite some time, Tsunade would quickly disappear from the party and wouldn't be found for days sometimes, and even then it was of her own volition. If Tsunade didn't want to be found, then it was damned hard to find her, that was for sure. Only Naruto seemed to have the uncanny knack of finding her, though Sakura was convinced that Sage Mode was cheating.

Now though, she made her way to the personal quarters languidly, completely comfortable in these hallways. After years of being Tsunade's apprentice and glorified babysitter, she was intimately familiar with the layout. Of course, after the attack of Konoha that levelled the city, she had had to relearn the layout since it had been rebuilt, but Tenzō-senpai had been relatively meticulous in replicating the former structure and it was pretty much the same. A few changes that Tsunade had wished for against the original blueprints, but familiar regardless.

She traced the steps to the Hokage's chambers absently, her hands gradually getting numb due to the heat of the dishes that rested in their brown paper bag, and eventually stopped at the doorway to said rooms. She might've been comfortable barging in with Shizune during Tsunade's reign of terror, but in a way Kakashi-sensei was a bit more terrifying to contemplate walking in on. Kakashi-sensei was newly thirty-four as of September, so he was still in the prime years of his life, and she had heard the gossip and giggling from her fellow kunoichi (and some of the shinobi, to be perfectly honest). Even though she was fairly certain that Kakashi-sensei was asexual and would likely reproduce via mitosis if he ever reproduced at all, she still didn't want to be proven wrong. She would be scarred for life if she walked into Kakashi-sensei's personal quarters with lunch or dinner and found him doing unmentionable things with any person whatsoever, regardless of gender.

While it would've been interesting to see his bare face after practically a decade of waiting, she would much rather see it under _much_ different circumstances. Like him actually showing her of his own volition.

She knocked loudly on the door even though she didn't necessarily have to. Even the most gentle of taps would wake up any halfway decent shinobi or kunoichi, and Kakashi-sensei was much more than a halfway decent shinobi. They were all trained to be highly receptive of their surroundings, because not doing so could be the difference between life and death on a mission, and she had no doubt that he had probably sensed her approach even in sleep the second she had gotten a hundred meters from his doorway.

Regardless though, she beat on that door like the tower was on fire, just as she would've if Tsunade had still been residing here. If he was hungover, then she could get her laugh in before relieving his pain, and if he wasn't she could still get her laugh in just for disturbing him. Kakashi-sensei might've called her his favourite on a regular basis but she certainly wasn't an angel. If she had been, then she wouldn't have caused as much destruction during her rise up the kunoichi ranks.

She knew her hearing wasn't as sensitive as Kiba's or Kakashi-sensei's himself, particularly since she was banging on his door mercilessly, but she could still hear his unsteady footsteps in between poundings. It made a wicked grin pop up on her lips, because she knew _that_ gait, and went as far as to increase the beating of the door.

Behind said door, she heard Kakashi-sensei call out tiredly, "Sakura, you're going to break my door if you don't stop that."

"Is that an order, Sensei?" she asked mischievously, though he was right. She could hear the wood groaning and creaking under her repeated abuse. She didn't stop however, merely took it back a notch so she didn't break the door off the hinges, if only so it didn't fly into her poor hungover sensei. That wouldn't have been a very kind Christmas present at all.

Kakashi-sensei didn't answer her, instead unlocking the door and opening it, wearily eyeing her as she grinned at him innocently in his sleepwear. She wiggled the take-out though she knew she wouldn't have to bribe him for an invite inside – he always let her inside no matter what time of day. She had tested it a few times, waking him up every night at different hours just to see where he would draw the line. Mind, Naruto had been with her during this endeavour, but it had been interesting to conclude that no matter how tired or grumpy, he would always invite his students inside.

"Oh quiet, you," he finally groaned, seemingly out of nowhere, but it just made her snicker to herself as she followed him inside. The quarters were just as familiar as always, even from Tsunade's stint as Hokage, but the décor did differ from her shishou's day. Whereas Tsunade had decorated the quarters as any woman would, with personal touches and books and flowers and pictures (and an alcohol cabinet that Sakura and Shizune had to constantly empty out), Kakashi-sensei's quarters were stark at best. The open floor plan had only the necessary equipment needed, like appliances and the furniture that had come with the quarters themselves. Other than that though, it was pretty barren and dull, though _very_ clean.

She knew that he had an apartment in town still despite his unwilling appointment as Rokudaime, though she had never been inside it to see if he actually did decorate his own place. She wasn't sure if she expected the same lack of personality in his flat as his Hokage quarters or a nightmare of porn, but either option was equally depressing and honestly she believed it was the former. While it was a village joke that he was the residential pervert of Konoha now that Jiraiya was gone, it was also known that it was just harmless teasing. Sakura was more of a pervert than Kakashi-sensei was to be honest, since she had had a boyfriend (and one-night stands more often) and read romance novels and was a queen of innuendos with her team and friends. Maybe she didn't read her novels outside of her bedroom, and spent a lot of time ridiculing them to her friends, but she was still more outwardly perverted than her sensei.

But it was all in good fun. Every shinobi had a joke about them that was completely harmless and only in place to lighten feelings. Kakashi-sensei was the village pervert, Naruto was the village idiot, Sai was the village arsehole, and Sakura was the village prude. In the end, Kakashi-sensei wasn't a pervert, Naruto wasn't an idiot, Sai wasn't an arsehole, and Sakura was _definitely_ not a prude, but the entire village knew that and didn't care. It lightened the mood from their day-to-day atrocities they tended to commit as they did their jobs.

It wasn't unusually cruel either – the shinobi were a bit more careful than that now. The last time something cruel had been used in description to a shinobi, it had been Uchiha Itachi and everyone had seen how _that_ turned out. Sure, calling Itachi a _kindergarten killer_ until he had left the village at thirteen, simply because he had been forced into war before even getting a Genin team with a jōnin sensei, hadn't been the cause of his defection, but it hadn't exactly helped either. Sakura had read those classified files once the war had ended (mostly because Sasuke had wanted to read said files and she had been asked to retrieve them by Kakashi-sensei so why not look them over in the process?) and knew that Itachi had been commissioned out the very second he had received the rank of Genin at seven-years-old. He _had_ been a kindergarten killer honestly, but it was inhumane to call him that behind his back or to his face, which had happened quite frequently if the reports were to be trusted. There had been notations in his file about it, as well as indications of hospitalisations because the kid had absolutely _refused_ to defend himself when the viscous teasing had gotten violent _and_ the resulting uproar from the Uchiha clan every time it happened.

No wonder he had gone off the deep end, really. Orders to commit mass genocide with a strong desire to protect Konoha and Sasuke or not, he had still been understandably insane _long_ before he had massacred his clan. That was irrefutable. Sakura had been arranging flowers and sleeping with her stuffed animals when she had been seven, not killing or torturing shinobi and kunoichi of all different ranks like Itachi had been forced to do at the same age. Nothing in the world could turn a human being off war better than war itself.

Well, usually.

She placed the take-out bag on the tiny kitchen table before turning to Kakashi-sensei, who had gotten comfortable on the counter in his loose black sleeping trousers and the sleeveless black tank with attached mask, bare feet dangling in the air. He looked miserable, and Sakura's heart went out to him in response. She knew what it was like being overcome with a hangover, and she didn't wish that pain on anyone she was close to. Even if it was their own fault, she always helped them out if she could, because there was nothing wrong with the occasional night that consisted of way too much alcohol. It helped them out, as long as it didn't become a crutch in the future, and if it did become that crutch, then missions were suspended. If a shinobi needed a crutch in the first place, then it probably had something to do with a mission or missions plural and being suspended was probably a good thing anyway.

She concentrated a steady flow of chakra in her hands and poked him in the temples, feeding it into her sensei's head. As she worked, she said off-handedly, "You know, either you aren't hydrating enough because you're sitting on your arse all day or you went crazy with the booze. Either way, you totally did this to yourself Sensei."

Even behind his mess of bed-head, she could tell that he rolled his charcoal grey eyes at her comment but judging by the slight distortion of his mask, she could also tell that there was a small smile on his face. "Now now, Sakura-chan," he replied, a bit more life in his tone as the soothing chakra began easing his aching head, "you know that I'm not a big drinker."

She tsked at him. "So you're neglecting your health then by not drinking enough water? Don't tell me I'm going to have to schedule you for a mandatory physical at the hospital," she goaded teasingly, knowing full well that he wouldn't dare do such a thing. All throughout her years growing up around him, she had harboured the sneaking suspicion that he was part-fish due to the obscene amount of water he managed to fit into his body each day, all while never showing his face. Furthermore she had never met another shinobi so dedicated to staying in optimal shape other than Lee and Gai-sensei, and she knew he wasn't slacking due to his current desk job. The villagers, Sakura included, knew that he spent a good two hours a day at least training, be it by himself or with his old team and comrades, and so Kakashi-sensei neglecting his health was all but impossible to entertain.

Hell, even despite his steadily increasing age and substantial injuries he had gotten over his decades of duty, he still was in peak physical condition every time she _did_ force him into the hospital for his yearly physical, Hokage or not. It was pretty remarkable since he had a medical history that filled three file cabinet drawers, when most shinobi only managed to fill up one.

"Didn't I tell you to be quiet?" he asked, the playful lilt to his voice betraying his amusement at their faux-argument. She felt a deep surge of affection at the sound of it, not for the first time simply pleased that he entertained her so effortlessly. She knew that he could've been cantankerous and distant with her, because he really did keep people at arms length for the most part and now had the authority as Hokage to actually _order_ people from getting comfortable around him, and yet he allowed her to pester him. Well, he allowed Team Kakashi and a spare few of his friends to pester him as far as she knew, but Sakura was included in that small list of people so she still felt special.

"Yes, Sensei, but you don't scare me any more. I could kick your arse to the village walls and back if I needed to," she boasted, knowing that Kakashi-sensei was fully aware that she was just bluffing. Sakura might've been a kunoichi on a pedestal that few women had ever achieved, but Hatake Kakashi was still Hokage for a reason. She would likely never be on his level until he got too old to really do anything, and judging by his consistently perfect physical reports, that wouldn't happen for a long, _long_ time. At the rate he was going he was never going to die. He still didn't look a day older than the first time she had met him, though maybe that had to do with three-fourths of his face being covered by a mask every day.

She vaguely wondered, not for the first time, if he had a tan line.

"Why don't you brats respect me?" Kakashi-sensei complained, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "I'm Hokage now, so that should account for something."

Sakura snorted, finishing up and moving away from him, crossing her arms in the process. "You tried to run in the other direction when they offered the position to you, Kakashi-sensei," she retorted as she finished up and stepped away, "and I figure that if Naruto hadn't threatened to burn your books, you might've become a missing-nin instead."

He hopped off the counter with his characteristic muted laugh, scratching the fabric of his mask as he made his way to the food. "Meh, well, I don't know if I would've gone _that_ far, Sakura-chan. Besides, I was almost appointed once and I took that in stride."

Sakura helped him with the food, taking a quick peek and finding her rolls with a bright grin. "Yeah but you were the only option back then and it was a time of war, wasn't it? This time you were just cross because Naruto actually opted out of serving this time, leaving you to pick up the slack against your will."

"Fact," Kakashi-sensei admitted, his eye creasing happily as he finally got a look at what Sakura had brought him for Christmas lunch. "If he would've just accepted, I could be out in the field right now without having to worry about the mountain of paperwork on my desk."

Sakura bustled about as she prepared a green tea, completely at ease in this kitchen, and said, "Well I think that Naruto was very mature in turning it down. He might be a shinobi that will go into the history books as the greatest of our age, but he still has a lot to learn in the politics department. Running a country is different than kicking arse and taking names."

"He would've done fine," grumbled Kakashi-sensei, but Sakura could tell there was no ire in it since even he had admitted that Naruto would've been in over his head back then. Kakashi-sensei was used to village politics and playing nice, since he had covered every position except primary adviser available in Konoha. Sure, he was perpetually late to everything, known for reading porn in public, and relatively standoffish, but he was still a damn good leader and Konoha was thriving under his leadership.

Then Kakashi-sensei added, completely contradicting Sakura's internal thoughts, "This village is turning to shit with me in charge anyway."

She huffed and threw a teacup at his head, which he caught without looking up from his saury and threw back absently. "Oh now _you_ be quiet, Kaka-sensei," she demanded, catching the cup effortlessly. "You're doing a fantastic job and everyone knows it from Hot Water all the way to Snow country."

He practically glared at her, which made her raise a slender pink eyebrow at him. ' _Is he seriously under that impression and looking for assurance that he's right in believing it?_ ' Sakura thought to herself bewilderedly. She couldn't imagine why he would ever think that! The village was incredibly wealthy and shinobi weren't being picked off like flies due to conflict. He had taken the peaceful times in stride, putting through new resolutions that was making the village a better and more technologically advanced place. The Hyūga were now one universal clan, he was responsible for the assimilation of Uchiha Sasuke into Konoha despite his past crimes which would bring the sharingan back into fruition, he had helped correlate the distribution of the bijū across the hidden villages without causing another war to break out, violence and crime in Fire was at an all-time low especially amongst shinobi, and the death or injury tolls in their village was practically negligible. Even the Fourth hadn't managed that during his time as Hokage, and that was _without_ bringing the Kyūbi into the picture, because even during the Fourth's reign there had been strife and a whole village full of problems.

Leaving the tea to steep, she brought her food to the kitchen table as well, refusing to take her eyes off her sensei even when he began to focus on his food instead. She sat down, a bit mystified that her normally infallible and unshakable sensei had shown a moment of insecurity, and in front of _her_ to boot. While she considered Kakashi-sensei to be one of her friends and a close team-mate, they had never exactly been best friends or anything. She supposed that a lot of it had to do with the fact that she had never really caught up to him in order for a _really_ close bond to shape (not to be confused with a close bond, because she would happily throw herself off a cliff to her death without a second's thought for _any_ of her boys, Kakashi-sensei included).

He had been all four of the ranks – genin, chūnin, jōnin, and ANBU – by the time she had graduated the Academy at twelve, and just when she had made jōnin at seventeen he had been appointed as Hokage, so there hadn't been a small period of time where she could've called him her equal. He was just so damn _unattainable_ that a close friendship had never been given the opportunity to bloom. It was unfortunate because they both had a lot in common to be honest, from their need to prove themselves and their characteristic stubbornness with a lot of quirks in between, and she figured that if given the chance they would've been absolutely phenomenal together.

She fought the urge to grimace at that thought, since that almost sounded like a relationship or something weird like that, and was ultimately successful. Besides, Kakashi-sensei wasn't looking at her anyway, so she likely could've done it and not been caught in the act. Though if he had noticed, he likely would've taken it badly and clammed up as usual.

"Kakashi-sensei, you are out of your mind," she eventually said, shaking her head at him and finally glancing at her food. She pulled apart the wooden chopsticks, said a quick " _Itadakimasu_ " under her breath, and continued, "I know that you don't believe it, and to be honest if I was in your position I wouldn't believe either, because no one likes to think good things about themselves do they? But like it or not, you're one of the greatest Hokages this village has ever had." She ignored his sharp look, obviously disagreeing with her statement, and went on, "You've cemented a peace that no one expected after the dispersement of the bijū, and because of your leadership and cooperation with the other four Kages, you have given Konoha freedom. We are living in a time without war, without pain and suffering, without need for money or assistance, and we have you to thank for that."

Kakashi-sensei opened his mouth to argue if the movement of his jaw beneath the mask was any indication, but Sakura refused to let him speak until she got her point across. "You had a lot of help, yeah, just like every other Hokage has had help in the past. You've had advisers and elders and voices of reason and people to keep you level-headed when you needed it most, but the fact still remains that _you_ are the Hokage. You could've told all of those people to bugger off and let you deal with it, and a lot of people actually _did_ expect you to go that route, but you didn't. You accepted help like any good leader should and because of that, this village is _proud_ of you. How can you not see that in the faces of Konoha's people when you leave this god-forsaken building?" She finally looked up to him, trying to convey how earnest she was. "You are _loved_ , Kakashi-sensei, and you should be prideful of that. I know the rest of Team Kakashi loves you, even if sometimes you're too hard-headed to acknowledge it, and we always will. No matter how much of an idiot you can be, that's always going to be a cold-hearted fact of life."

She looked softly into her completely insane sensei's eyes and said with a laugh, "You're probably never going to believe me though, so I _am_ offering to beat it into you. Of course, it's probably bad form to punch the Rokudaime out of his own window but it is an option that I'd be more than happy to oblige you."

He gave his muted laugh, sounding a bit sheepish, and gave his own pre-meal murmur before snapping apart his chopsticks. She didn't even bother averting her eyes, since Kakashi-sensei could even drink soup out of his bowl without his face being spotted due to the sheer speed of the man, and dug into her meal with gusto. She was _starving_ , and she barely kept her etiquette in check as she practically inhaled her food. It was her favourite roll after all, and Kakashi-sensei was familiar company, so she wasn't too worried about offending him. He wasn't an easily offended man in the end, which probably helped with his ploy at politics. Tsunade had been a nightmare when she felt she had been slighted, though she did have the capability of tapering her temper down when the situation called for it.

Predictably, he was practically finished before she had even gotten halfway through her meal, and he hopped up to get the tea. Surprisingly, he poured her a cup instead of letting her get her own like usual, which was a bit strange, but maybe something she said had gotten through to him. He probably had been thinking that he was utter rubbish for ages, which was unfortunate, and hadn't wanted to talk to Gai-sensei about it just because it would've spiralled out of control. Maito Gai was a damn good adviser to Kakashi-sensei and was the Copy Nin's closest friend from what Sakura could tell, but he tended to be a bit...much sometimes. Sakura shared the sentiment, considering she had Lee minus the eternal rival bit.

She gave him a quiet thanks as she popped another roll in her mouth, watching him sit down and nurse his own tea, occasionally picking at the remnants of fish with his chopsticks. He seemed really out of it in Sakura's opinion, and Sakura hated it. For the past four years, unless she had been on a mission or completely swamped at the hospital, Sakura had visited him every day. They usually had dinner together after she got off, bringing take-out to his office so she could eat and give her daily report on the hospital and its patients. They had always been comfortable with each other, Sakura just as playful as she was with all of her friends and Kakashi-sensei his normal standoffish but teasing self, and there hadn't been much deviation from that. Four years was more than enough time to have an easy time conversing and enjoying each other's company.

But then again, she had never really seen him like this before outside of his reunion with the Fourth and Obito in the war. He had been a different person then, faced with the two individuals that had shaped him to be the man he was, and he was a different person now as his mind focussed on the village. It was like Sakura was actually being allowed in for once, something that was reserved for people very close to the infamously reclusive Copy Nin, and she felt equal parts confused and honoured.

Maybe four years of eating dinner together, a habit now so ingrained that even Sakura's loved ones wouldn't invite her over for dinner unless it was a special occasion, was enough to bring them closer for once, even if they wouldn't ever be crazy-close. There was still rank to consider in regards to that.

Still, Sakura was honoured, and because she knew that it would liven her sensei up, she asked with a grin, "Wanna walk to the training ground while we digest and then beat the living shit out of each other?"

He grinned back, an _actual_ grin instead of one of those half-hearted or reluctant (or fake) ones that caused his eyes to curve up. Kakashi-sensei's grey eyes crinkled up in the corners, yet again reinforcing her opinion that Kakashi-sensei probably was an attractive man just by how his eyes looked when he truly smiled.

* * *

Later, after a long shower to clean and relax her exhausted body, she went to Sai's studio.

It was late again, the sun edging down past the horizon as it set for the evening, and the temperature was rapidly falling. The flurries hadn't started again, which was kind of a bummer because she loved the snow after living her life in a hot climate, but judging by the looming clouds above she reckoned that it would later on. She moved quickly to the other end of the village even though she fancied the idea of being caught in it, mostly because she was an hour late due to the impromptu training session with Kakashi-sensei. It had been fun though, though he _had_ kicked her arse despite her earlier teasing, and he had even walked her back to her flat afterwards.

It had been...nice, really. Even the beating each other senseless part, since they had opted for taijutsu only with Sakura's chakra-enhanced limbs for once. It almost felt like she was bonding with him on a completely different level, something that felt both odd and strangely relieving, especially since they were on a similar skill level in taijutsu now since his sharingan was gone (though she would never be able to win due to the sheer speed and cunning of the man). They had always been comfortable but professional at the same time, but this...her afternoon with him had been the opposite. Comfortable and _familiar_.

She didn't understand why, because it wasn't like their relationship had changed at all. He didn't act any different than normal except his brief moment of insecurity, and she hadn't acted any different than normal except for her brief moment of insight. It wasn't like those few minutes had changed _that_ much between them, right? She could fathom why it would in the first place.

Nevertheless, it was different between them. She couldn't quite put a finger on it, but she felt like they were actually on their way to being close friends despite the massive rank difference between them. Maybe, when Naruto took over as the Shichidaime and Kakashi-sensei inevitably dove head-first into jōnin missions (which would probably freak a lot of people out, since _every_ Hokage had retired once leaving their post or had died, and the shinobi of Konoha wouldn't know how to react when a Hokage returned to their ranks), they could actually _be_ close friends.

As she flew across the rooftops, she tried to imagine it in her head. She figured that a lot of their habits would continue on, like the dinners with her daily report and the training sessions they occasionally made time for, though without the reports. However, she could see the two of them just sitting around, reading or talking about whatever suited their fancy, and she could see that the more in depth conversations about philosophy or personal history they would have since they wouldn't be so wary of crossing a line (though she doubted that Kakashi-sensei would be completely open no matter how close they got). She could picture working on jutsu together, whether it was him experimenting with another lethal creation of his or her dabbles in genjutsu, and bouncing ideas off each other as they tried to outwit each other. Oddly enough, she could see lazy days with coffee and dogs surrounding the two of them, long shogi games that would challenge them both (instead of being utterly annihilated by Shikamaru, which was the standard), him looking over her shoulder and teasing her about her medical studies even though she would never be finished learning, her nicking his Icha-Icha books and practically getting away with it because he actually trusted her to not burn them.

It was a strangely domestic thought and a bit frightening really because wow, that was an alluring image rolling around in her head.

She promptly stopped thinking about it lest she freak herself out even more over something that she couldn't even describe or name.

She arrived at Sai's studio – a private place away from his home with Ino so he could focus on creativity instead of domesticity – and didn't even bother going up the stairs to knock on his door, instead flaring out her chakra so she wouldn't alarm him and slipping through a window. He didn't seem to register her appearance at all, peacefully painting a lovely abstract in blacks and blues, until she chucked a box at his head and he was forced to catch it in mid-air. His dark eyes glanced at it, narrowing slightly at the obvious present that she had tried to knock him out with, and then placed it on the table beside him as he turned towards her.

"Sorry I'm late. I'd make up a clever excuse like Kakashi-sensei but the truth is that I just finished kicking his arse and lost track of time," she apologised, hopefully hiding her lie behind her genuine regret at her tardiness. She doubted she'd get that lucky though, because he was former Root and was pretty good at sniffing out falsehoods. She was a terrible liar anyway, especially when it came to something outlandish like kicking the Hokage's arse.

Sai's expression went blank except one dark eyebrow, which lifted up nearly into his hairline. "Right," he said, slowly blinking once. "I can't tell if you actually did train with him or if you did something opposite of what you say, but either way it doesn't matter. I didn't even notice that you were late."

She groaned and debated on smacking him upside the head. "I guess I don't matter then," she lamented loudly, knowing that Sai was simply being blunt and truthful instead of intentionally being a prick, so she wasn't hurt in any way by his statement unlike some people would've. She knew how Sai could get when he was engrossed in his art, and truthfully it made _her_ feel bad that she had interrupted him when she had thrown the present at his head.

"That's not true," Sai replied, looking confused. "I was simply distracted."

She winked at him to signify that she was playing with him, since there was a chance he would actually believe that she was upset, and sat down on one of his lumpy couches, stretching out languidly. She noticed the present he had gotten for her on his cluttered coffee table but elected to ignore it, since she was in no hurry to open her gift and he clearly wasn't either. In fact, he had returned to painting, which didn't bother Sakura at all. She knew how inspiration could play out, and was often consumed by the drive herself when it came to her medical studies and genjutsu inventions. Besides, her relationship with Sai was built on absolute comfort, and they could literally go days without speaking and yet still have entire conversations with each other.

She wished sometimes that she had found Sai attractive as a romantic partner, back before Ino had snagged him, but she had never been able to. It was almost unfortunate, since the two of them meshed so well together despite their different personalities that it would be practically effortless to sustain their affections, but it just wasn't meant to be. He was family but not _that_ kind of family, and that was all there was to it.

Her green eyes fell onto his ANBU mask, which stared at her blankly. It had been newly painted if she could judge that on the still-wet shine it had, and the light of the sunset reflected off the red paint that he had applied. She hadn't really thought about Sai's ANBU missions in a while, about Sai taking those in addition to ones assigned to Team Tenzō, and wondered if Kakashi-sensei was working him too much and keeping him away from his family.

She didn't know much about ANBU really except that they were the elite of the village, assigned directly to the Hokage's whims, and that it was notoriously difficult to achieve the rank. Kakashi-sensei and Tenzō-senpai had been a part of that elite long ago, and she knew that Sai was still actively a member, though it was whispered that once someone was inducted they never left the ranks. She didn't know for sure, since everything surrounding the ANBU was very hush-hush, but she figured she could still ask. Sakura probably wouldn't get any answers from Sai, but it was worth a shot.

"Kakashi-sensei isn't working you too hard is he?" asked Sakura, reaching a hand out to touch the cool porcelain, carefully avoiding the new red paint. Her eyes took in the design, a bit surprised that it was so plain. She figured that Sai would've painted it rather intricately judging by his significant skill in painting, but it was relatively simple. It was painted almost like wheat or...she wasn't good at agriculture to be honest. Two long stalks on each side with three blades curving into the eyeholes at different points. It kind of seemed like she was looking at a primate, but even that felt wrong.

Maybe they hadn't been able to decorate their own masks, and Sai had simply touched up the paint after it had been damaged in battle or training. She wasn't naïve enough to think that ANBU weren't working just as diligently and frequently in peacetime as they would've in war, because she had seen them occasionally as they slipped out of the village. She also knew that they were in charge of patrols around Konoha, keeping the inhabitants secure against invaders or others, so she consistently spotted their masks around the village.

"No," Sai said simply, not looking away from his painting. "I am quite busy, but I still have time to paint and read, so I'm not working too hard. Don't worry so much, Sakura-san."

Sakura smiled softly, pulling her hand away from the mask and shifting a bit to get in a more comfortable position. She loved his couch and had threatened to steal it for years now, though she had never followed through on it. She wasn't sure why but Sai's couch was the greatest in all of Konoha in her opinion, all old and threadbare and lumpy but utterly sinful to sit or nap on. Quite often, when she crashed at Sai's studio, she would completely avoid the spare room in order to sleep on the couch. It was a god-send in Sakura's opinion, and one day she actually _would_ follow through on the threat of nicking it. Of course, she would return it after some playful teasing, but still, it would be a hardship to let him have it back.

Still, she kept eye contact with the ANBU mask, if it could even be called 'eye contact'. ANBU was the only rank that Sakura hadn't obtained – she had been the three basic ranks, and was currently a tokubetsu jōnin, but ANBU was something she hadn't even considered in her career. To be honest she didn't think that she could pass the entrance exams even at her current level.

Naruto and Sasuke had both put in applications a few years back, with Tenzō-senpai as Naruto's sponsor and strangely enough Yūgao as Sasuke's, but both of them had been denied to even participate in the entrance exams. When Naruto had stormed to Kakashi-sensei's office with Sasuke on his heels, both of them angry at the denial notices, the Rokudaime had explained his decision rather frankly. Naruto was going to be the Shichidaime one day, so he needed to _not die_ before that happened because gods _forbid_ if Kakashi-sensei had to wait until Konohamaru was ready to take over the role of Hokage, and furthermore he was completely irresponsible when it came to missions. He had a tendency to disobey direct orders from superiors when he believed that they were in the wrong, and was loud and emotional about things he felt strong about. As ANBU was a secretive, anonymous branch of the shinobi ranks, Naruto would stand out too much and wouldn't be a good choice for the overall mission. Naruto was the most powerful shinobi since the Sage of the Six Paths, but he wasn't ANBU material.

Sasuke, on the other hand, would've been a perfect little ANBU operative if it hadn't been for his situation. Mentally, Sasuke needed to be cut off from violent and destructive missions, and the reminder that he was serving the same institution that had ordered Itachi to commit mass genocide wouldn't be conductive to his emotional stability. Furthermore, Sasuke tended to disobey direct orders as well, and being an ANBU operative meant following orders to the letter without insubordination. In addition, a lot of people still didn't like Sasuke due to his missing-nin past, and for good reason, so he wouldn't have gotten any respect and likely wouldn't have promoted easily. Sure, the other operatives would've worked with him efficiently during missions, but outside of missions there would be clear and expected hatred mixed with distrust.

Not only that, but he wouldn't be able to get a wife willing to be his one-woman baby factory if he was always gone on dangerous missions.

Sakura was of the opinion that she wouldn't make the initial qualification either. While she was better at obeying orders from superiors, she also had a history of going against the grain in order to do what was right or to run with her own personal feelings. Asking to defect from Konoha when Sasuke had originally left was a good example, and disobeying the order to kill Sasuke with a unit in order to deal with it herself was the cherry on the top of the cake. Especially since she had failed. She was often emotional as well, and wore her heart on her sleeve, and her personal fighting style was incredibly notable and impossible to disguise. Only two people living in the world practised that particular fighting style, and no one in their right mind would think that Tsunade-shishou would be in ANBU at her age.

Therefore she hadn't really thought about it other than the passing fancy. Despite knowing that ANBU did some pretty atrocious stuff for the village on occasion, it was still something that young shinobi and kunoichi thought about, Sakura included. There was no rank like the ANBU label, and it meant that said shinobi or kunoichi was the best of the best, which was something all people in their career field aspired to. It was only natural that she imagined being part of that selective, elite hierarchy.

It was funny and highly ironic that the three strongest and well-known shinobi in Konohagakure other than Kakashi-sensei – and no one argued with the fact that Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura were the strongest in the village, to the former two's delight and Sakura's utter embarrassment, while Kakashi-sensei was the experienced and deadly leader – were completely incapable of being part of the elite ANBU.

Partly because she was actively thinking about it, but mostly because she was sure that Sai would be nothing but brutally honest, she heard herself ask, "D'you think that I would even get accepted into the entrance exams for ANBU if I ever actually applied?"

The gentle glide of Sai's brush stopped and it got so quiet that Sakura would've been able to hear Naruto slurp his noodles on the other side of town. Metaphorically, of course. Sakura herself was holding her breath, not entirely sure why she was doing so in the first place, as she waited for her closest friend's answer.

Eventually, Sai put down his brush and wiped his hands on a towel beside his easel, standing up and making his way over to the couch. He sat down beside her, his expression carefully blank, while his deep eyes flickered over her features. Sakura knew that her own beryl green eyes were wide, the apprehension clear on her face as she panicked in her mind. Had she crossed a line in asking? He was acting really weird suddenly and she wasn't used to _this_ kind of appraisal and scrutiny from Sai.

"Are you thinking about applying?" Sai eventually asked, features still hiding the thoughts rolling in his head.

Sakura blinked, swallowed, and replied a bit breathlessly, "No, not really. I just was curious I guess. Doesn't everyone think about it?"

Sai glanced over at the mask on the table, frowned, and then looked at Sakura with just the slightest hint of narrowed eyes. "Yes, I suppose they do. It is highly prestigious, I'm assured."

They were quiet for a long minute. Sakura was considering either repeating her question for an answer or dismissing it altogether because she didn't like the weird vibe that she was getting. For some reason, she had the feeling that Sai was displeased by her inquiry, and she hated the idea of him being displeased for any reason whatsoever.

Though she didn't understand why Sai would be displeased in the first place. It was an honest question, and one that he should've expected one day for sure. She could talk to him about almost anything, and she trusted him inexplicably, so it was only natural that she would ask about ANBU in the course of their friendship. He was the only person she could really ask after all, since the only other people she knew with ANBU experience were Kakashi-sensei, Tenzō, Genma, and Yūgao, and Sai was blunt and didn't dance around with replies like the others would.

Deciding, she opened her mouth to ask the question again (because she really _did_ want to know) but Sai beat her to words: "Do you want my honest opinion?"

Sakura's stomach erupted into butterflies, because wait just one _damned_ second... "Of course," she answered, a bit hesitantly, holding eye contact with Sai determinedly.

Sai frowned again and then said simply, "Yes, I'm confident that you would be accepted and you would pass the exams exceptionally well." Sakura gaped at him, completely at a loss of words, as Sai continued, "You have the mentality of a good ANBU operative, and would be an extraordinary medic-nin within the corps. They would be lucky to have you, I'm sure of that."

Sakura closed her jaw with a snap and breathed in and out a few times to get her thoughts in order. Quickly, faster than she had expected, she felt pretty in control and asked, "Are you fucking with me? Because it's not exactly a secret that I'm on the same level as Naruto when it comes to the mental aspect of being in this job and _he_ got denied. Why wouldn't I be denied too?"

One of Sai's slender eyebrows disappeared into his bangs yet again. "Certainly you need work, but that's what the entrance exams are for. It's six months of total isolation for training and perfecting the form and mind for the mission, and you'd be an all but flawless kunoichi after your graduation. Other than the few little problems you have as a kunoichi, which the exams would efficiently fix, I have no idea what you're on about. I have no doubt that I would call you my equal in ANBU should you ever apply."

"Yeah, but the same thing could be said about Naruto," retorted Sakura, still gobsmacked but getting more and more confused the longer she thought about it. "I mean, I get how Sasuke would never be accepted in the ranks, but Naruto would've been welcomed with open arms. Why couldn't he go through the grooming or whatever to 'fix his problems' as you called it?"

"His faults can not be changed by a mere six months of examinations. Furthermore, the shinobi structure as a whole does not believe that any of Naruto's skills or traits are faults at all, but are considered as such in regards to the mentality and mission of ANBU."

Sakura's jaw dropped in indignation. "And you think my faults, which are practically identical to Naruto's, are something that needs to be eliminated?" she practically shrieked, outraged.

"No, that's not it at all, Sakura," Sai said patiently. "Naruto is incapable of change when it comes to his _nindo_ and view on life. He is capable of seeing other points of view, which has somewhat changed his mentality in the past, but overall he is unable to change. It is what makes him a strong, kind, and determined natural leader, but those same traits make him an unlikely recruit into ANBU's ranks. You, on the other hand, are easily moulded within justified boundaries and are highly loyal to both your precious people and your village. You are capable of understanding the underbelly of this village without your view of it being tarnished, which is a desirable trait in ANBU. We are well known for completing missions that would stain Konoha's reputation after all. You would be able to see those barbarities and adapt to them to see the circumstance of the mission, whereas Naruto is going to have a hard enough time coming to terms with the fact that one day he'll have to not only understand why those missions are assigned but actually task his shinobi to complete them."

"I've contemplated desertion of this village," Sakura rebutted, not entirely sure why she was still arguing with Sai's opinion.

"You said something foolish when you were a love-struck twelve-year-old, and you didn't even defect to follow him after he left," Sai reminded her, making sense like always. "Even if he hadn't knocked you out before he abandoned the village, you would've begged him to stay and he probably would've either been convinced or would've killed you. It's likely the reason he knocked you out in the first place, so he wouldn't have been tempted to do either."

Sakura wasn't sure how to respond to that, because if _that_ was true, then Sasuke had cared about her in his own way all along, and she wasn't quite willing to feel guilty for the ocean of dislike that separated them. That ocean was absolutely justified regardless of how Sasuke felt in his heart, and nothing was going to change that. That night when Sasuke had knocked her out was in the distant past – the multiple instances of attempted murder and the goal of destroying Konoha was much more fresh in everyone's minds. Sakura would remember that and dislike Sasuke for his later actions until the day she died, even _if_ she managed to forgive him in the future. Those scars ran too deep for anything to change by then.

"I've disobeyed orders from a superior," Sakura managed to get out, but her last argument sounded weak even in her own ears. She could count on one hand how many times she had disobeyed orders in her entire career, and she knew the statement was flimsy at best. She had refused to comply with commands before, but it had always been in the defence of her village and precious people, and even those were few and far between.

Sai seemed to agree with her internal thoughts too, because all he did was stare at her with an expression that made Sakura feel like an idiot. Instead of refuting her statement, he simply said, "To conclude this pointless discussion, if you were to apply, you would be accepted and pass with incredible scores. I am confident enough to bet on it." He frowned again, looking into Sakura's eyes in concern, and suddenly added, "Though if the thought of applying appeals to you, please consider all of the circumstances. While ANBU's job in this peaceful age is mostly defence of the village walls day and night, a perfectly sound task, we still do stick to the underbelly of the shinobi way of life. You have to be fully prepared to accept all missions required of you, even the ones that turn your stomach. You weren't trained to be emotionless and some of the operations we conduct are best completed by shinobi and kunoichi who can distance themselves from feeling. You have to be prepared to do the job with efficiency, no matter your personal feelings on the situation." He paused, and then continued, "And if you do come to terms with the fact that you will change forever after being appointed, an inevitable by-product of becoming ANBU, then promise me that you'll request me as a sponsor. I would willingly accept the request and would train you to your full potential, that I can promise you."

Sakura laughed a bit shakily. "You're acting like I've already made up my mind to apply. I have a hospital to run and I have to keep an eye on Naruto to make sure he doesn't do something completely stupid. I don't think I'll ever apply, Sai, so you don't have to worry about me requesting you and forcing you to beat me into shape."

Sai looked confused. "Even without my help you would have an easy time achieving the rank, and I think that you would surpass Tsunade-sama for good if you joined ANBU, Sakura. I am of the opinion that you would be an unbelievable asset to the ranks and we would be honoured to have you."

"You _want_ me to apply?" asked Sakura incredulously.

"No, I want you to do what you believe is right for you," Sai remarked, his tone sincere. "However, I would be pleased if you did, and I'm positive Ibiki-sama would be enthusiastic. I don't believe that the Hokage would react very well, but even he wouldn't deny you the opportunity."

Sakura was bemused by that, and said as such: "What d'you mean by _that_?"

Sai shrugged, the action carefully controlled as if he had calculated that it was the appropriate bodily response for the conversation. Knowing Sai, it probably _had_ been deliberate. "ANBU is not a rank to be taken lightly. The missions that you would be subjected to would break a normal person, there is no doubt about that, and it would change you as a person. Even I have changed because of it, and I was trained to not have emotions or opinions. I think that the Hokage, who has known you and trained you since you were a mere girl, would have a hard time accepting the fact that you are wanting to be exposed to the ANBU lifestyle. It would be incredibly hard on him to approve your application, though he would have no choice but to accept the request since you would be a great asset. If he denied it, there would be murmurs of dissent within the ranks."

"That doesn't make sense though," Sakura said. "I understand that ANBU does missions like assassinations and thievery and torture, but I've already done that in my career. What's the difference between ANBU and jōnin other than fact that it is more specialised and intense in ANBU?"

Sai narrowed his eyes slightly once again as if trying to figure out his response. After a few moments of silence, Sai responded, "The shinobi ranks are blatant; the ANBU ranks are clandestine. It's hard to explain without getting into classified information, but it's extremely specific and furtive to a degree most people would not be able to understand or comprehend."

Sakura scanned Sai's face for a long time, a bit irritated when his expression didn't change whatsoever, but eventually asked quietly, "You really believe that I could do it?"

Sai did that calculated shrug again and stood up, walking back towards his easel. He grasped his present and returned, sitting on the cluttered coffee table instead, before he looked Sakura dead in the eye. "I believe that you would be an excellent addition, yes, and I am not alone in that belief. If you applied, there would be no hesitation to accept your request." Before Sakura could ask who else believed she could do it, Sai continued, "Now, let's open our presents before we eat. I'm very much looking forward to your reaction to my gift to you."

Sakura obliged, and then forgot about the discussion entirely when she shrieked in fury, not at all amused at the self-help book on how to get and keep a boyfriend.


	3. Strange Musings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She couldn't hold in her snickers then, both amused by the charade of Kakashi-sensei's age – which he really wasn't old, because men didn't start getting old until they were in their sixties and the Hokage was barely thirty-four – and because he had really called her his friend. Without as many words, but he had insinuated it just the same, which was probably more telling then a heartfelt confession or something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings!
> 
> So again, this is unbeta'd, so if you see any crazy mistakes, let me know so I can fix them right away.  Hope you guys enjoy the chapter, and I'll see you next Sunday.
> 
> (Also, if you're American...vote.  Seriously.)

 

Chapter Three  
_Strange Musings_

Sakura had completely forgotten about ANBU _and_ Genma's bet until the day before her birthday.

Ino was going a bit insane about the party invites and decorating, considering she hadn't really been active in all social gatherings since finding out that she was pregnant. Sai had practically forced her to take it easy instead of stressing about everything, which had probably brought on a trunk-load of shrieking and grief (that Sai probably had limited idea on how to deal with), but it had likely helped Ino in the long run when it came to carrying Inojin.

Sakura didn't mind Ino taking over, because the young medic had quite forgotten about her twenty-first until Ino had brought it up at one of their 'lady dates', which mostly consisted of Ino gushing about her newborn son and lamenting about her intense training regimen to get back into shape despite her retirement from active duty. After a few minutes trying to steer Ino off the subject, Sakura had resigned herself to the fact that Ino was going to throw the greatest birthday bash that had ever taken place in Konohagakure. Or something along those lines.

Normally Sakura didn't mind when her friends threw parties, even in her own honour, but she had just worked a forty-six hour shift at the hospital and was likely going to put in a disgusting amount of time in the future. There was a super-bug sweeping across Fire and everyone was getting infected with it, leaving almost all of the active duty force out for sick leave. It was a brutal bug and Sakura had half the inkling to blame a pathogen specialist for the outbreaks, because even with medical ninjutsu she was pushing all medical personnel to the brink of chakra exhaustion. After all, they had to make sure Konoha's forces were capable of carrying out missions or village protection as well as heal civilians simultaneously, and with _everyone_ out with the bug, the hospital was overworked.

She had put more hours in than most of her staff, since she was intimately familiar with working herself to the brink and had chakra control that most envied with the included bonus of an increased stamina of a high-level jōnin. It had reached the point where Tsunade had come out of her self-imposed seclusion, bellowing and throwing things like per usual as she furiously berated Sakura about overworking herself. Sakura, properly chagrined, had nodded meekly at her shishou's ire, promising to take at least her birthday off, and had scheduled herself off with Tsunade's amber eyes glaring at her.

If it had been anyone else who had told her off in the middle of the atrium of _her own_ _damn_ _hospital_ , Sakura probably would've backhanded the offending individual through the nearest wall, but Tsunade would've eaten Sakura for breakfast. Everyone was so used to Tsunade's infamous temper that they just accepted it as normal, and Sakura didn't even particularly mind how her shishou had gone about things though she figured most people would've been livid at the perceived embarrassment. In Sakura's mind, being chewed out in front of other people from the previous Godaime for working _too_ hard was better than being chewed out for working too little.

Sakura pulled herself from her musings, tossing a shrimp tempura into her mouth with her chopsticks and chewing methodically. Being forced to enjoy her twenty-first was a good idea to be honest, and she appreciated Tsunade's approach. There was no one in the village that would've been able to pull Sakura away from the hospital other than Tsunade, not even Kakashi-sensei and his Hokage-dom as Naruto called it, and to be honest Sakura did need the break to recharge her batteries. Besides, it was nice to dress up and be a girl every once in a while, which was something she did maybe twice a year. She had already filled her quota this year with New Years and Valentine's Day, the latter being a fun night with a chūnin named Ken'ichi, especially since Sasuke and Naruto hadn't spooked him when they had crashed their date. Having another opportunity to dress up would be fun, since Ino would be pulling out all her tricks when dressing Sakura up like a doll. An attractive doll, since Ino had a way with make-up that could make even Ibiki look like the prettiest girl in the village, but a doll just the same.

Personally, Sakura would've preferred to have a few friends over at her flat, all of them just being together and perhaps having a slice of cake (that Sakura didn't have to bake), but Ino's plan was okay too. Sakura didn't mind letting her friend go completely crazy for the first time in ages if it made Ino all happy-go-lucky. It was the least Sakura could do, and it wasn't a huge bother for Sakura either way. Well, except for stomaching the make-over, but that was beside the point. Sakura had an amazing tolerance built up in regards to Ino's escapades after all the years they had been friends.

Though with the way Ino was planning the thing, namely inviting everyone in Konoha with a heartbeat, it would be near impossible to get a sitter for Inojin. It would be interesting to see how that played out, with the last-minute planning that would inevitably occur. Then again, Sai probably had it figured out. Ino wasn't forgetful of her two-month-old son at all, and doted on the chubby-faced boy constantly, but she had probably forgotten that bar hopping all over Konoha was probably not the best environment for a kid. If Ino had her way, she would've even brought the tyke with her to the scheduled training regimens just so she could always have her protective eyes on her only (as of now) child.

As Sakura sat at her favourite stall, she felt a familiar presence step up behind her. She recognised it as Kakashi-sensei even without a flare of chakra just by the scent of him as he entered the stall. It was the only way that she could identify him, since he was as quiet as death and completely in control of his chakra suppression, and while he didn't have any distinctive smell like new shinobi or kunoichi would have – mainly clove oil for kunai and shuriken, deodorant and body wash that was scented, fabric softener on their uniforms, or shampoo and conditioner that was obnoxiously flowery or fruity, all things that stood out in the nature surrounding – she still recognised it. She wasn't even sure what it was that was so distinctive about the scent, but she readily acknowledged it just as easily as any of her boys. It was simply Kakashi-sensei.

"Hey, Kaka-sensei," she said without looking behind her. She felt his presence sit and could make out his features from the corner of her eye, feeling a bit wary at the acute way that he was staring at her. When Kakashi-sensei got all intense and shit and it was directed at Sakura, it usually meant that she was in trouble or something equally ominous. After an entire morning listening to Ino ramble on about everything that she was doing for Sakura's birthday, she didn't want to be the direct focus of anyone, least of all her sensei-turned-Hokage. That just sounded like a bad idea all around.

"Hokage-sama!" greeted the vendor with a bow, a simple civilian named Maki that Sakura had known since practically birth. As long as the medic could remember, Maki had always been at the corner of the marketplace selling tempura, though she had aged considerably in the past twenty or so years, and it was Sakura's favourite. She would probably continue to eat at Maki's until the day either one of them died, either Maki from old age or Sakura from some devastating injury or poisoning in the line of duty. Of course, Sakura had to actually _get out of the hospital_ for that to happen, but eventually it would happen. Shinobi and kunoichi of any high calibre didn't die of old age, unless that kunoichi was Tsunade and completely stubborn when it came to her demise. That woman would outlive the _Amaterasu_ so she could have the last word, both the black fire _and_ the god.

"Hello Maki-san," replied the Copy Nin politely, eyes still glaring a hole into Sakura's cranium.

Sakura fought the urge to roll her eyes and plopped another piece of shrimp in her mouth.

"Could I get you something to eat, Hokage-sama? It's on the house, of course!" Maki asked, grinning at the sight of the most powerful shinobi (besides Naruto, and maybe Sasuke) in Konoha at her shop. Of course, the grin was matched with a slight confusion in her eyes, mostly because Sakura was gradually becoming more irritated at the death stare directed in her direction and Kakashi-sensei simply wouldn't bugger off, and the poor civilian was probably a bit ill at ease about the situation. Sakura didn't blame her, honestly; she would've been a little freaked out too if she had been in Maki's position. In fact, Sakura was a bit freaked out anyway, because she had no idea what had prompted the glare in the first place.

Had she broken something during their last spar? Nah, she would've caught it before she had left. Perhaps Naruto had said something stupid to him, or he had finally gotten wind of her date on Valentine's Day. She hadn't exactly told him about it, though it hadn't been a secret, and it was no secret that Naruto, Sasuke, and Kakashi-sensei had been meddling in her love life for years. It had always been with the best intentions, sure, but those three always found a way to make her love life blow up in her face out of some familial honour. Naruto always intervened because he was her brother that had to threaten all of her flings and her one boyfriend (and that always freaked her suitors out, since it was _Naruto_ and he was crazy-powerful). Kakashi-sensei always joined in because "no one is good enough for my favourite student" and he clearly would see her as a twelve-year-old girl that needed protecting despite her feats for the rest of her damned life.

...she wasn't exactly sure why Sasuke did it, but he did. Maybe he just went along with Naruto out of misplaced duty, or perhaps he was just being himself. Sasuke had a bad habit of glaring at everyone he came into contact with, even if he didn't have ill will against them, so Sakura supposed she couldn't blame him for that. Sasuke was a standoffish prick to everyone he interacted with, and as he tended to run around with Naruto (who, incidentally, sabotaged all of Sakura's dates out of brotherly love), it was only natural that her male interests at the time would also be subjected to Sasuke's irritable personality.

Sakura sighed. At least Sai let her live her life without interfering. He was such a _good_ friend.

"No thank you, Maki-san. I will have a glass of green tea though, if you have it readily available," he answered, and finally Sakura turned towards him to glare right back, taking a page out of Sasuke's book and increasing it to the patented Uchiha glare. It probably wasn't as successful, considering she was a young-looking kunoichi with big green eyes and pink hair, but Sakura could glare just as good as Kakashi-sensei could, damn it.

As Maki served him a glass of tea, the same brew that Sakura herself was drinking, the medic-nin demanded angrily, "What the fuck is wrong with you, Kakashi-sensei? Did I kick your puppy or something?"

Maki accidentally sloshed some of the tea onto the counter as she poured, probably due to the shock of hearing Sakura talk to the Hokage like she had, and the poor woman hurried away into the back kitchen as if trying to run away from the incoming carnage. If only she knew that Kakashi-sensei wasn't the type to lash out at anything that wasn't a targeted enemy, especially in regards to his students outside of training, but Sakura couldn't really begrudge the abandonment. Whatever was on Kakashi-sensei's mind, it had to be bad.

"You have my Icha-Icha novels," accused Kakashi-sensei, not beating around the bush at all and sounding ready to commit murder.

Sakura was completely confused, face scrunching up as she tried to figure out what drugs her sensei had taken in order to jump to _that_ ridiculous conclusion. "What?" she asked, genuinely puzzled, the glare slipping off her face in exchange for bewilderment. "Why in the hell would _I_ have your Icha-Icha novels? You keep those things locked up with so many anti-theft measures, namely lethal and _completely_ illegal ninjutsu, that I would probably die if I had taken them from your bookshelf. What're you on about?"

"You _have_ my Icha-Icha novels," accused Kakashi-sensei yet again, but his voice was losing a bit of his deadly enunciation as if he was starting to doubt his charge in the first place. There was a tiny flicker of uncertainty that Sakura could see in his two charcoal grey eyes, because Sakura's confusion was authentic, and that triggered a flash of a memory of similar dark eyes in a photograph, though those eyes had been soft with affection and surrounded by full, feminine eyelashes.

Oh. She _did_ have Kakashi-sensei's Icha-Icha novels, not to mention a box full of other mementos that she clearly wasn't supposed to have. She had completely forgotten about it with the craziness of New Year's and the super-bug that was floating around, not to mention delivering Ino's baby boy and helping with the newborn (if only to reinforce her own conviction to _never_ have children, like, _ever_ ).

She pondered for a moment whether or not telling him would cause her to lose the bet, and then shrugged that thought off. She wanted that cut of the winnings, sure, but she most certainly wouldn't keep Kakashi-sensei away from his precious belongings. That was personal, and if someone had done the same thing to Sakura, she would've already decapitated the one responsible.

Besides, if she came clean, maybe they could come up with an agreement for Sakura to get a cut of the winnings regardless. Well, if he didn't kill her first.

So instead of acting her socks off like she had been trained to do since the beginning of her career, she smacked her hand to her forehead and amended quickly, "Shit, yeah, I do have those actually."

There was a triumphant fire that burned in Kakashi-sensei's eyes, which made Sakura shudder in discomfort. She was probably going to be annihilated now, that was for certain. She just hoped that Kakashi-sensei had been telling the truth when he had called her his favourite student. Perhaps he would show mercy since she had willingly admitted to it.

"I'm not supposed to say anything, but an individual who will be unnamed for their own personal safety asked me to keep a box safe for them on Christmas. It's been hidden since then and I've been so busy that I completely forgot I still had that thing," she told him, fighting down the urge to run for her life by distracting herself with more shrimp tempura. It was still delicious, and she had a brief moment of joy as she munched on it before she abruptly remembered that she was looking death in the eye. Then she quickly had to concentrate on her chewing so she didn't choke to death and cheat Kakashi-sensei out of claiming her demise for himself.

However Kakashi-sensei didn't look nearly as pissed as before, and that triumphant inferno in his eyes was mercifully replaced by an exasperated eye roll. "I know it was Genma, Sakura. You don't have to evade. We've had this bet going on for the better part of sixteen years, so I know he's responsible."

Sakura raised one slender pink eyebrow because sixteen years was a long time to be running a bet. Then again, it explained the absurd amount of money riding on it. "Um, okay," she managed to say, though her trepidation at Kakashi-sensei knowing the truth made it sound like a question. Well, at least he knew that Genma was behind it, so perhaps Sakura would be safe from the inevitable explosion that would take place with Genma taking the brunt of the Rokudaime's fury. It felt dirty to think so, but she really was relieved...she certainly didn't want to be on the end of that shit-stick. "I'm sorry?" she added hesitantly for good measure, though it didn't look like he wanted to go on a murderous rampage any more.

"Oh, while I'm not exactly pleased that you didn't tell me on Christmas Day when you should have, at least you didn't hide it from me when I asked," Kakashi-sensei said, eyes curving in the familiar eye crease. Yep, he was still grumpy with her, that was a fact. He only smiled like that when he was _lying_.

"I would've said something, but it's thirty-five percent of three A-ranked mission paycheques, Kakashi-sensei. You can't blame a girl for wanting a piece of that," admitted Sakura honestly, shrugging and forcing herself to relax enough to take a drink of her lukewarm tea without either choking on it or spewing it out of her mouth.

Kakashi-sensei sent her an unamused look, the expression so sudden that Sakura felt like she was going to have to be legitimately treated for whiplash. "Sakura," he said point-blank, "you make more money than _I_ do and you're just about as stingy as I am. What could you possibly need thirty-five percent of three A-ranked payouts for?"

"Hey!" Sakura exclaimed, amused. "That's one hell of a chunk of change for hiding a box of yours, Kaka-sensei. It's practically thievery."

"Meh, I suppose I can see that," Kakashi-sensei conceded, sighing. "I suppose you peeked then?"

Sakura shrugged again. "I'm a kunoichi trained by the Godaime and not to mention you. Of _course_ I peeked. I didn't get all up in your business, because it's pretty obvious by the visible contents that it was kinda personal and I felt weird looking at it. I did look at your pictures though. Well, all three of them anyway, but they were kind of in my face so I couldn't help it."

Kakashi-sensei began methodically popping every finger on his hands, over and over again with sharp little cracks, making Sakura frown. Didn't he know that doing such an act would mess his hands up later in life? "I don't blame you for that either." He glanced at her, eyes narrowing at Sakura's frown, and then stopped cracking his fingers as if remembering that she had given him a verbal lashing for far less.

Sakura grinned brightly. "Yeah, but that doesn't mean you won't have me murdered for it later, ne Kakashi-sensei?"

That managed to tear a chuckle from him, the remaining tenseness seeping from both of them. Sakura took a quick inhale of relief, which she figured Kakashi-sensei had probably caught with his superb hearing, but didn't much care. She was just pleased that she wasn't going to be found at the base of a tree, barbeque'd via a stolen Uchiha jutsu. She didn't figure that she would look good all charred.

"I'm not going to have you assassinated," clarified Kakashi-sensei, which didn't _exactly_ count out the possibility but was a good indicator that Sakura was likely safe. Genma, on the other hand, was royally screwed. Sakura made a mental note to talk with a few of his friends to start planning the funeral service as soon as possible.

"Oh well that's a relief. I don't fancy the idea of dying before my twenty-first," Sakura teased, knocking him lightly with her elbow and beginning to chow down on her rapidly cooling food with a renewed appetite. Kakashi-sensei, with his usual finesse and blinding speed, managed to down his entire cup of green tea before Sakura had even finished swallowing her first piece (since the dissolving of the tension) of tempura. Gods, if she ever managed to achieve even a tenth of the man's speed, she would be an unstoppable force of nature. Even Naruto and Sasuke couldn't measure up to Kakashi-sensei's speed, and they were complete powerhouses.

Sakura was still under the impression that her old, familiar Kakashi-sensei wasn't human. He was much too cool to be human, even in his thirties, and she would die believing that.

She snickered to herself at the thought. No matter how old she got, the feeling of awe she felt around him when he went all intense-like would never fade, no matter how many worlds Naruto and Sasuke managed to save (or destroy, though their usual death-matches in the training grounds had tapered off in the recent year or so due to two Hyūga sisters interfering with their daily amounts of dumb).

"Oh yes, that's tomorrow isn't it?" asked Kakashi-sensei. To anyone listening in, it might've sounded inquiring, as if Kakashi-sensei had really forgotten about Sakura's birthday. However, to Sakura it was just another innocent ploy that he needed to be smacked for. He had always gotten her a present, even whenever she had been a girl and an admittedly terrible kunoichi, because half the time she would have forgotten it herself if Ino hadn't been around to remind her.

Kakashi-sensei had never forgotten. He hadn't forgotten any of their birthdays. No matter what, he always managed to get them something, despite the fact that he was infamous for being stingy with his money. With Sasuke, the one year he had been in the village, it had been a new jutsu. For Naruto, without fail, it was a gift certificate for Ichiraku's, though sometimes he would throw in a new jutsu as well for kicks. The boys were easy to please.

Kakashi-sensei had been pretty varied with his presents to Sakura though, with the first couple being completely useless but still thoughtful. The first present had been a gigantic box of assorted candies, generic but still surprisingly pricy. She had loved it and eaten every single piece within a four hour period, mostly because she had been in the middle of a diet and was starving for some sweets. The second present had been right before Sasuke had left, and he had gotten her a different box of sweets that mostly consisted of fudge. It had been just as delicious, but at least she had shared it with Ino instead of wolfing it down all by herself.

The third present had been different, as if he had finally been a bit knowledgeable about what Sakura would actually like. It had been a massive medical ninjutsu tome, something she hadn't even been able to pick up properly until she had mastered a bit of her now-characteristic strength enhancements. It had been a damn good asset to have during Tsunade's torture, or what the Godaime had called training, full of tips and tricks that sure as hell weren't up to Tsunade's standards but were a good place to start a solid foundation. She had read that thing until she practically had it memorised, though she still did keep it in a storage scroll just for reference. Sometimes, going back to the basics was necessary to complete the mission, and people tended to forget that when they started getting crazy-powerful.

On her fifteenth birthday, he hadn't even been in the village but she had still gotten a present. It had been the medical apron that she had worn to battle Sasori, that she had used during the war to save countless lives, the same one that was tied around her waist even now. It was patched up after years of being used on the battlefield but it was still functional. Occasionally she would see one of those true smiles pop up on his face behind his mask, the ones that made his eyes crinkle in the corners while the charcoal grey sparkled with mirth, all because she would be wearing the damn thing. He always returned to his aloof self quickly, but she couldn't exactly forget that she had seen it. She always loved to see that smile and loved the idea that _she_ had made him feel real happiness if even for a moment, and she supposed that was why she still wore the thing instead of being sensible and buying a new one.

On her sixteenth birthday, they had been fighting a war. He had still managed to get her something, though she hadn't expected anything. It hadn't technically been super special, or useful in a wartime scenario, but it was still her favourite present from him and likely always would be. It had been a rather practical stationary set, pens and paper and envelopes and stamps, all so she could write even the smallest of letters to send back to her terrified parents. She hadn't even thought about her parents when she had been out in the battlefield, but when he had grabbed her and given her the unwrapped bundle, she had all but cried her internal organs out. She hadn't even moved to her tent, instead sitting right there in the damn late winter snow and writing a fucking letter as her lower extremities went completely numb.

On her seventeenth birthday, they had been in an alternative dimension courtesy of Kaguya, and he had saved her life from the boiling lava. She had considered that to be an excellent gift, but he had sealed the deal when he had somehow managed to round up a spare pillow from who knew where. It had been right after Naruto and Sasuke's fight, and she had been so drained of chakra from supporting Obito's Mangekyō and healing the boys that it had been a miracle she hadn't died from chakra depletion. When she had been laying there on the hard ground, trying to keep her body alive through pure willpower alone until Tsunade could get to their location, he had come limping toward her with a lumpy but glorious pillow in his arms and had gently helped get her heavy head on it. She hadn't had the energy to thank him or even to cry, simply trying to stay alive.

After that, they didn't have to worry about war, and Kakashi-sensei started getting creative. Sakura had always believed that Hatake Kakashi's version of creative was developing some stupidly lethal jutsu or finding a new way to read his porn, but she had been tickled to see another side of him. Her eighteenth birthday had been hilarious, because by that point Kakashi-sensei had been Hokage for _literally_ all of ten seconds when he had given her the present. Normally she would've smacked him regardless of the funny hat he was being forced to wear on the day of his appointment, because he was her beloved sensei first and her Hokage second, but her eyes had gotten all big and sparkly when he had produced the most beautiful ninjatō she had ever seen in her life (probably because it was hers and hers alone). All sixty centimetres of perfectly crafted blade, as sharp as a samurai's sword, straight as death, the steel crafted so she could channel her chakra into the blade itself, making it lethal to an even more extreme degree. It had been engraved with her name right into the smooth metal right below the hilt, and the hilt itself was simple, black leather with white ribbon and pink sakura petals etched into both the fabric and leather. It matched her so well, and she had gushed in happiness until he had gotten embarrassed and literally ordered her to shut up, claiming that he could do that with no retribution while pointing at his ridiculous hat.

On her nineteenth she had gotten a well-read tome on genjutsu theory, leading to a mental mindfuck in and of itself. She hadn't known that Kakashi-sensei was aware of her interest in becoming even more well-rounded in genjutsu and was starting to dabble in creating one herself. She had always had ideas about potential genjutsu and was intimately familiar with the theory behind it just due to her natural affinity for it, but the tome had been to a level where even Sakura with her quick mind had been forced to request Shikamaru's assistance. After she had gotten the complex theory down to a level that would've horrified her shishou if she had ever found out (and still didn't know even in the present, thankfully), she had developed a few genjutsu with Shikamaru's assistance as well as one for her own particular use. Luckily, Tsunade hadn't been in the village during that time, because Sakura had tormented many of her friends and co-workers for a good two months straight to test her new creations, and had started trying to trap Kurenai-sensei and Sasuke inside of her complex creations. She occasionally managed to fool Kurenai-sensei, even though her prowess in genjutsu was known throughout the village, and had even managed to trick Sasuke a few times to her pleasure, though never for very long.

On her twentieth birthday, Kakashi-sensei had gotten her a battleaxe. A fucking _battleaxe_. She wasn't sure what in the _hell_ she was going to use the thing for in a practical setting, because no shinobi in their right mind used an _ono_ for anything except a pure melee attack or to chop down trees (something she could do easily with her bare hands), but _dear gods_ she loved to destroy things with it. It was glorious too, and she had taken it to work with her so she could stare at it longingly, thinking about all of the enemies she could decimate with it.

Clearly Kakashi-sensei was making her even more dangerous. Of course, Sakura was perfectly capable of levelling small villages with a single chakra-enhanced fist into the ground and having sharp pointy objects certainly wasn't where her battle prowess originated from, but still, weapons made it so much more fun. It gave her something to bond with Tenten about too, since Sakura had a healthy amount of respect for the tools shinobi and kunoichi used in their arsenal and that was right up Tenten's alley.

She still wasn't sure why he would spend as much money as he did on his students anyway. Sakura would've been unbelievably happy with a good medical book or a series of trivia games, but Kakashi-sensei spoilt her regardless. Well, he spoilt Naruto and Sakura, but that was beside the point. Kakashi-sensei barely tolerated Sasuke on a day-to-day basis, so Sasuke didn't get anything for his birthday as far as Sakura could tell, and Sai didn't even know if 25 November really _was_ his birthday in the first place. And what would someone get Sai anyway? Sakura usually just helped him escape Naruto's crazy birthday party plans that usually revolved around strip clubs in southern cities, to the ink artist's relief and Ino's amusement, and ordered a firm tofu dish for them all to eat since it was his favourite. Otherwise, Sai just didn't care. He made his own ink and brushes, didn't really need any clothes, didn't have any extravagant extracurricular activities unless Ino was dragging him somewhere...he was impossible to get presents for. If Kakashi-sensei did get Sai something for his birthday, or what Sai thought was his birthday anyway, then they both hid it well.

Kakashi-sensei, despite his cheap nature as a whole, liked to give people gifts on their birthdays. Sakura had even noticed a pattern in his challenges with Gai-sensei, because Kakashi-sensei always challenged Gai-sensei to some ridiculous, elaborate task on Gai-sensei's birthday. As Kakashi-sensei usually avoided Gai-sensei like the plague outside of the office, to see the Hokage actively seek out his best friend for something like a voluntary challenge for his 'eternal rival' pledge was something that stood out amongst all of the avoidance techniques that Kakashi-sensei was infamous for. Kakashi-sensei just liked celebrating birthdays apparently, since he never gave gifts on the other holidays like Christmas, and certainly never passed out sweets for the festivals.

Sakura was forced from her pondering and recollections when a piece of food, tempura from the feel of it, hit her square in the forehead with perfect accuracy. She jumped in her chair, gasping rather shrilly, and nearly knocked over her half-empty glass of tea, though Kakashi-sensei quickly averted that mess with his speed. When she had finally frozen in a defensive position, fingers poised above her shuriken holder tied around her right thigh, she glared at her sensei with utter fury. "What in the hell was _that_ for?!" she demanded, vein throbbing in her forehead.

"I've been calling your name for about a minute now, and I got impatient. If I was an enemy shinobi, you'd be dead right now," Kakashi-sensei replied calmly.

Sakura growled in the back of her throat, mostly because she knew that Kakashi-sensei was right. She didn't have to admit it though.

She had half the fancy to tell him off about whatever she could creatively come up with on the fly, likely starting with how he was an utter dick for wasting food by throwing it at her, but decided to let it go. She didn't need to remind him that she had been hiding his personal artefacts for the past three months, because she had just cheated death once. No need to tempt the sleeping beast.

Instead, she finally sighed and said, "Yeah, I got lost in my thoughts. I think I got that from you, Kakashi-sensei, always ignoring us and going off into la-la land with your porn."

"You did _not_ get it from me," denied Kakashi-sensei confidently, "and it's adult literature."

"It's _definitely_ porn," Sakura shot back, narrowing her eyes at him in a challenge. Sakura knew what those books were, since she had read the first two just to find out what in the hell Kakashi-sensei found so intriguing about them, and had been quite bored with them. Not because of the racy sex, which there was a lot of of course, but because the plots were no different than the cliché romance novels that Ino liked to read. Of course, Jiraiya's writing was incredible, and he was a master of description and immersion into the world of his characters, but Sakura hadn't been too fond of them. She just wasn't a fan of cliché romance novels no matter how good the writing (sex scenes included) was.

Kakashi-sensei didn't argue with her, because it wasn't exactly a secret that she had attempted to read the series and he probably knew that arguing with her would be futile. They would have to agree to disagree on the merits of Icha-Icha, because neither one of them would budge on what the Rokudaime proclaimed to be literary genius.

However, he did shoot a glance at her from the corner of his eyes and then said in a curiously blank tone, "As for the box, keep it for now. We'll figure out a way to keep Genma from winning that bet later. However, that's not all I wanted to talk to you about." He glanced up at the doorway leading out back, where Maki had finally poked her head around as if testing the atmosphere surrounding her customers. He gave Maki one of his characteristic, closed-eyed smiles (faker than usual which was really saying something) and then began digging in his pockets, oddly enough throwing enough yen on the counter to pay for her meal and their tea.

Sakura reached out to refill her tea, still watching Kakashi-sensei while waiting patiently for him to continue even though she was still bewildered that he had paid the bill for her, and was stopped in the process. Her sensei's hand was warm, the fabric of his fingerless gloves soft and well-worn, his fingers rough and calloused from the job, and she tensed at his grasp. He wasn't really the touchy-feely type, and she could count on two hands how many times he had willingly touched any of his students put together.

Well, hair ruffles didn't count, but he didn't even do _that_ often to be honest, especially now that she was older. She would've torn his arm off and fed it to him on a skewer, and he knew that.

"I'd rather talk about this in private, since you'll probably overreact," said Kakashi-sensei.

Immediately her metaphorical feathers were ruffled, and she pulled her hand out of his grasp with a frown. "What, _exactly_ , do you mean by 'overreact' Sensei?"

Another crinkled-eyed smile that was as fake as usual was her only answer and she was quickly on her guard. What in the world could be so important to talk about that he wouldn't mention it in public and he was afraid that she would react badly? It had to be something big or he wouldn't bring it up in the first place, and he certainly wouldn't be so mysterious about telling her either.

Sakura sighed, long and slow, before begrudgingly standing up. Well, she couldn't necessarily run away – not only would Kakashi-sensei catch her within ten seconds of her fleeing, but she was quite curious about what he wanted to talk to her about.

He grinned happily at her and led the way back to the Hokage tower, greeting everyone with lazy hand waves like usual while Sakura trailed behind him. Her mind whirled with thoughts and suspicions, but other than the box in her apartment and Ken'ichi from Valentine's Day, she couldn't really grasp about what he wanted to talk to her about. Maybe he was going to suspend her from hospital duties because of her long hours or because he had gotten complaints from patients and staff. She was sure that she had more friends than enemies at the hospital but stranger things had happened and perhaps people there had been secretly holding a grudge for a long time. It was really the only thing she could think of, because her entire life revolved around the hospital and training. She had a really boring life to be honest, and she sure as hell hadn't done anything stupid to earn a verbal lashing.

Resigning herself to finding out sooner rather than later, she hopped up the stairs in quick, chakra-enhanced leaps after Kakashi-sensei, scratching the corner of her nose when she finally reached the landing. They passed a few shinobi who stood at stand-by respectfully as they walked past, all of them greeting her warmly, and finally found herself entering the wide double doors that led to Kakashi-sensei's office.

She had always liked the spacious look of this office, even back when Tsunade had been in control of this room, but she really liked what Kakashi-sensei had done to it. While Tsunade had kept it pretty bare and empty – other than the piles of paperwork, books, and scrolls she had always managed to avoid doing, of course – Kakashi-sensei had taken it upon himself to liven up the place a bit. Perhaps Naruto and Sakura had something to do with that, but it was certainly livelier than all of the Hokages before. The shelves that had been set up were covered in trinkets, with Mr Ukki the Second in a position of prominence on a windowsill. There was a small couch that had been moved in by the windows, likely so Kakashi-sensei could nap or lounge when he took a break, with small end tables that had a little lamp on one side and another plant on the other. There weren't any pictures on the walls other than the village map by the large doors, and Kakashi-sensei hadn't put personal touches into the room due to the nature of business, but it was still less barren in here than years previous and Sakura quite liked it. It put people at ease, seeing artefacts and gifts from nations and Konoha inhabitants, so it was a little less formal.

She followed him inside, already prepared to stand in front of his desk while he spoke to her about something serious, but Kakashi-sensei surprised her by beelining to the couch. He sat down, looking a bit tense as he watched her, and she was a bit wary when he patted the cushion at the other end of the couch. Hesitantly, she made her way over, sitting down and crossing her legs properly.

"Alright, out with it," she started immediately, wanting some of the weirdness in the air to dissipate as soon as possible.

He slumped a bit, sighing heavily through his nose and mask, before he finally said, "Okay, promise me you won't get all...grumpy and start interrupting and then I'll start talking."

Curiosity winning out, she lied, "I promise, Kakashi-sensei." Well, it wasn't really a lie. She would hear him out before she potentially went on a rampage, but she couldn't say that she wouldn't get irritable. She could at least not interrupt, since he seemed just as wary as Sakura herself, so surely it wasn't too bad.

"Okay, since you promised..." Kakashi-sensei said, and then sighed before he finally continued, eyes firmly on a window across the room as if he didn't want to look at her. "Now, I want you to know that Sai did not break your confidence by coming to me about a particular conversation the two of you had a while back, but felt obliged to speak to me."

Almost as if a spark went off, Sakura felt a stab of anger. What in the hell had Sai talked to him about? And Sai was supposed to be a confidant, not a blabbermouth! How could he betray her confidence like that? Besides, what had Sakura said that had been so terrible or alarming that Sai had betrayed her because of it?

"I can already tell that you're overreacting, so I'm going to be quick about this," Kakashi-sensei said, interrupting Sakura's internal shrieking. "My operatives have strict orders to notify me when a shinobi or kunoichi on the list makes statements or has questions about ANBU. Sai was just doing his job, and I know I had to do the same thing back in my day to the Third and briefly with the Fourth."

Wait, this was about ANBU? She was on a _list_? What list?

"What...what did he even tell you?" Sakura asked in a quiet voice, feeling way too many emotions at once but not entirely sure how to differentiate them. She wasn't sure if she was still angry at Sai, confused about what list she was a part of, or freaking out because she was having this conversation with the Hokage. She hadn't _at all_ been serious about putting in an application in the first place, because she had way too many responsibilities to take on such a task. Furthermore, she still wasn't even convinced that she could make the cut despite Sai's earnest confidence in her ability to.

"He told me that you wanted his honest opinion on whether or not you could accomplish the induction, and he mentioned that he gave it to you," Kakashi-sensei replied quietly, still curiously tense and refusing to look at her. She would've said something to alleviate his discomfort, even though she didn't know what he was so strained about, but she felt like she was frozen in shock. She needed to get _herself_ in order before she started worrying about him.

Not knowing what he wanted, she tentatively asked, "Why did you want to talk to be about this? What list are you talking about?"

Kakashi-sensei sighed again, this time in a manner that suggested that he was exhaling from the tips of his toes. "ANBU does not forcibly recruit, and the ranks are dependent on an approval process. Applications must be submitted with a sponsor, which are then taken up the ranks and approved before making their way to the desk of the Hokage. If the Hokage sanctions it, then the formal process begins, mostly paperwork, and then the recruit is taken to the six month training stage before either failing out or entering active duty. You should know all of this."

Sakura nodded, not quite looking Kakashi-sensei in the eye as he explained all of this to her but instead at his mask-covered nose, though it didn't really matter since he wasn't looking at her anyway. She felt almost light-headed, and knew that she was probably as pale as she felt, because this was getting a bit more serious than she had anticipated. She had never even really thought about joining ANBU outside of a passing fancy of being on a whole other level of elite, and now it almost felt like Kakashi-sensei was giving his blessing on it. Why else would he be talking to her about this? Maybe he was planning on letting her down gently, and _that_ was why he thought she would overreact. Sure, hearing that Sai had betrayed their friendly confidence in order to speak to the Hokage about her was irritating, but she understood why he did it if Kakashi-sensei's words were to be trusted. If it was his job to let Kakashi-sensei know that Sakura was curious about ANBU, then that wasn't anyone's fault. Even Kakashi-sensei wasn't to blame for that, considering that her sensei had alluded to his own duty to do the same back when he had been in ANBU.

She wasn't sure how she would react if Kakashi-sensei told her that she should never apply because she wasn't cut out for it. It would be like a slap to the face, naturally, but on the other hand...if he told her to go for it, she would probably panic.

After a brief pause, Kakashi-sensei went on, "However, there is a list that ANBU higher-ups keep with names of shinobi and kunoichi they would like to see in the ranks. All operatives know of it and if one of the individuals listed starts to make comments regarding being recruited, it is an obligation to report it to their supervisor so steps can be taken to...nudge the individual in the right direction."

That was surprising, but it also cleared up a lot of questions. "My name is on that list?" asked Sakura, her voice practically non-existent due to the utter daze she was in from the knowledge of that.

Kakashi-sensei was quiet for a moment and then he answered quietly, "Yes. I must say that when I took the role of Rokudaime, I wasn't exactly surprised to see your name there either." Sakura opened her mouth to question that but Kakashi-sensei continued, "Sai reported your inquiries to his supervisor, and that supervisor then reported it to the next supervisor and so on, until I finally heard about it a week ago, and I called him in here personally to talk about it. Since then, I've been trying to figure out how to approach the subject with you, and when I heard a whisper that you were in on the bet with Genma, I figured that it was as good of a time as any."

Sakura was quiet for a long time. The atmosphere was calm but filled with some kind of strange intensity, especially since Sakura knew that her sensei was judging her reactions very closely despite not looking at her. She wasn't sure what to say, really, because she had never given the whole thing a serious thought before. If Kakashi-sensei was bringing it up, and in a serious manner to boot, then maybe she _should_ start giving it considerable thought.

But first, she had to know a few things. There were few people on the planet that she trusted as much as she did Hatake Kakashi, as a sensei and a friend as well as her leader, and she had to know if he believed that she could do this. He was just as unwilling to truly lie or sugarcoat his words to her as Sai or Shikamaru, unless he was being painfully obvious, because he wasn't that kind of person, and she knew that he would give his honest opinion in regards to his thoughts. She could trust his judgement more than any others, because in the end it would be _him_ that would be signing her paperwork if she actually submitted anything in the future.

She also knew that Kakashi-sensei would be the only opportunity she would have to get into ANBU in the first place. Naruto was her best friend, and her brother in all but blood, but when it came to Naruto willingly putting her into the ANBU life, she knew that he wouldn't be able to do it. It was nothing against Naruto, because he knew that ANBU was a coveted position to be admired, but he would be too reluctant to sign paperwork allowing her inside the clandestine unit. It was supposedly dangerous, and life-changing, and dark, and he wouldn't want that for her nor would he believe that she was suited for it, list or not. In a way, Sakura couldn't blame him, because even _she_ was loathe to admit that she could excel in the lifestyle.

"Sensei..." She hesitated, and then forced herself to ask, "What do you think about all of this? You keep sprouting these facts but you're so distant from it."

"What do you want me to say, Sakura?" Kakashi-sensei questioned blankly, not giving her much to work with.

"I want you to be honest with me. I'll admit that I haven't given this much thought past that night because ANBU is the elite and I've always been of the opinion that I'm too much like Naruto. If he couldn't get in, then how in the hell am I supposed to get approval? But I want to know what you think about this, not only as my Hokage but as my...my friend."

He finally looked at her when she spoke that last word, and a long minute went by. His eyes, two charcoal orbs that were dark and not at all droopy, stared at her with a quiet power, flickering back and forth between her own two eyes. His body language still spoke of tension, but there was an air of perhaps trepidation or reluctance in his stance despite the utter stillness he sported. The only movement he made was from his eyes and the measured breathing, his chest moving steadily beneath his standard jōnin uniform sans vest.

Finally, without averting his eyes, he admitted calmly, "As your Hokage, I agree with Sai and I genuinely believe that your name being on that list is appropriate. You would be an excellent addition to the unit within the medical division and would thrive under the circumstances, and the ANBU would be lucky to have you. As your former sensei, I am pleased that you have progressed to the level that you would be considered in the first place, though I'm not entirely sure that I myself have had anything to do with that. Tsunade has trained you well, and your advancement in rank and abilities prove that you are a capable kunoichi that can tackle any task brought to you."

He blinked once, slowly, and then said quietly but with earnest certainty, "As your friend, as you've so defined us, I want you to run in the opposite direction and never even think about submitting your name. As your friend, I would much rather you stay at the hospital."

She had no idea what to think at that admission. He had just told her that he genuinely believed that she could do it, that he wholeheartedly believed that she would excel as an ANBU medical operative, but at the same time he had not only acknowledged that they _were_ friends, but that he actually _didn't_ want her to apply for a slot. It was so confusing to get a read on this man!

She had been certain that she would've been angry and stubborn if he had blatantly stated she was not suited for the profession, and on the other hand she would've panicked if he had urged her to apply. But this was splitting the damn difference, telling her that he thought she was more than able to do the job but didn't want her to apply because he was, what, _worried_ about her? Did he think that she would be a completely different person if she applied? Or was he just worried about how she would deal with the job if she actively went for it?

She knew that ANBU did some terrible things, with subversive and clandestine operations that most villages denied being involved in, Konoha included. She knew that every mission other than routine patrols was considered S-class; she knew that every mission of murder, torture, thievery, and espionage was amped up like A-class mission on steroids. But she had done missions with all of those parameters before, sometimes two or more at once, and she had come through with her mind relatively intact. What could possibly be so different between being an elite jōnin and an ANBU operative that would cause him to worry in the first place?

She knew just by her medical profession that ANBU were more likely to die in the field and experience torture, more likely to commit suicide or go insane, but she could fathom the reasoning behind anyone's worry. Besides, she knew that Sai functioned remarkably well with his duties in ANBU, and that Tenzō and Kakashi-sensei himself were good men who hadn't lost themselves in the midst of the ANBU missions. All of the people she knew in ANBU, Genma and Yūgao and so many others, were functioning human beings with happy interactions with Konoha's inhabitants, not showing the signs of cracking. Of course, other operatives she had healed and done psych evaluations on were a bit whacked, but even then they all seemed as if they were functioning properly and weren't on the verge of committing genocide or killing themselves.

Not to mention the fact that Konoha was in a time of peace at the moment. She could definitely entertain the thought that ANBU had been one hell of a clusterfuck during the many wars the village had been part of, and she knew that the missions conducted by ANBU had broken many minds during those times. But Konoha was in a time of peace, and while she was well aware of the fact that ANBU still did some dangerous and borderline illegal missions in the steady peace of the world, it had to be easier in the current day and age to be in the unit than it had been during the wars.

Sakura knew her faults and had embraced them over the many years of her career. Long ago, she had been crippled by said faults and shortcomings, but she had evolved since Sasuke had gone rogue years ago. She was now a formidable kunoichi that was fully capable of keeping up with her comrades, and while she still had to work around her disadvantages, she was adept at keeping herself and others alive during missions. She was a good kunoichi, she knew that, at one with her faults and strengths, and she knew that with even more fine tuning of her abilities, she could potentially be greater at protecting her precious people and her beloved village.

Sakura was stubborn to a fault, and she knew without any doubt that if Kakashi-sensei and Sai both believed that she could do it, she could definitely pass the entrance exams and become a permanent fixture of ANBU. To be honest, she wasn't worried about her mental stability, because she knew the difference between a mission and being a person. She had a huge support system with her family and friends and comrades, and Naruto especially wouldn't let her fall down a rabbit hole of anguish and self-loathing. Despite all of the horrible things she had been tasked with over the years, like letting patients die to save herself or killing people for money, she had always come back from it stronger than ever, unwilling to let the atrocities she witnessed and took part in consume her. She knew that one of her most defining traits was her strength of mind and resolve, and she wouldn't let her profession get the best of her happiness.

Sakura believed in what she did, no matter the mission and no matter how hard it was to do. She had disobeyed orders before, sometimes because of her own ineptitude like with her task to eliminate Sasuke after the Kage Summit or because of other reasons over the years, but she had always done what was best for her village and for her family and friends.

So softly that Kakashi-sensei would've missed her words had he been any less of an exceptional shinobi, she said, "I genuinely haven't thought about doing this, but I have thought about being reinstated into active duty. I love the hospital, and I love what I do there, but it's not what I was trained to do." She paused, and then continued in a stronger tone, "I'm meant to be a kunoichi in the field, I know that, and while I used to suck, I know that the field is where I belong. I'm not cut out for all this political bullshit, Kakashi-sensei, I'm just not. The only reason I haven't asked yet was because I wasn't sure how I would feel about being outside of Team Kakashi. I don't like the idea of not being out there without Naruto or Sai, _or_ without you. We were great together, you know, and...I _miss_ that, and going back out to complete jōnin missions without you guys was something I didn't even want to think about."

For some reason, Sakura felt close to tears all the sudden, but she refused to let her voice shake or her eyes water. Taking a few deep breaths to calm herself, she continued, "I've thought about being a jōnin sensei but I really do hate kids. I know a lot of people think that I have this maternal instinct or a gift with kids just by how I treat my patients but some people think that _you_ have a gift with kids and we both know that's a lie." Kakashi-sensei's eyes crinkled up in the corners instead of curving closed, betraying that the man was smiling genuinely, but his eyes were still insistent on hers, as if urging her to continue her out-loud thoughts.

She obliged him, refusing to look away as she tried to convey the waves of thoughts in her head with her words and expressions. "I guess ANBU's the only thing that's really left. I want to be out in the field, but I don't want to be a sensei and I don't want to look at my comrades and not see you or Naruto or Sai. Maybe that's naïve of me or selfish but that's just how I feel. Being ANBU is living behind the mask, actually making a real difference out there. I know that they're doing missions right now that jōnin aren't, because we're in a time of peace and there's not a lot of strife out there for the normal forces to get involved in. I wouldn't have to be Haruno Sakura out there without her team; I could be some medic-nin out there that doesn't really have a name in the field but is working just as hard to do what's right for this village and the people who live inside it. That doesn't seem so bad. Besides...I would like to see if I could do it, if I could really pass the exams and be a part of that elite. Doesn't everyone at some point in their life?"

"Yes," answered Kakashi-sensei easily. "It's only natural."

Sakura laughed a bit awkwardly, smiling at her sensei's intense features that were hidden behind the mask. "Do I sound stupid? I mean, I'm kind of being a big sap right now."

Kakashi-sensei shook his head, sighing slightly, and then said, "No, it sounds like you've already made up your mind."

Sakura pondered that for a few seconds and then shrugged. "I still have a lot to think about."

Kakashi-sensei's eyes closed for a few seconds before he said, "Okay. You have all of the time in the world to make your decision so don't feel like you have a deadline to make a choice. No one in the unit will bother you to speed it up either, I've made sure of that. You should make it based on your own goals and not because a spook pressures you into it. ANBU is a big evolution of any career, and I don't want you to regret any decision you will make."

Sakura smiled, happy about that at least. Her sensei was right – she definitely didn't want to make a rash decision due to people pressuring her do either join or run away. If someone told her to join immediately, she probably would've balked and refused to join just based off being both uncomfortable with the attention and the stubbornness of not being told what to do with her own life. The same thing went for running in the opposite direction too, because if anyone told her not to do it, her natural stubbornness would kick in and she would jump too quickly into joining just to prove a point. Kakashi-sensei giving her the option to ponder and make an educated decision based off her own life goals would really help her in the long run.

Kakashi-sensei was definitely right in saying that she shouldn't regret her decision. She hadn't regretted her decision to become a kunoichi yet, and she didn't want to start now while her career was still young.

Still though...

"Despite you being Hokage and being an old pain in my arse, d'you actually consider us friends Kakashi-sensei?" she asked, her soft smile turning into a mischievous grin as she fought the urge to cackle.

Kakashi-sensei immediately sighed and deflated, taking the remnants of the tension in the room with his exhale, and complained good-naturedly, "I'm not old, Sakura-chan. I'm only twenty-five."

She couldn't hold in her snickers then, both amused by the charade of Kakashi-sensei's age – which he really _wasn't_ old, because men didn't start getting old until they were in their sixties and the Hokage was barely thirty-four – and because he had really called her his friend. Without as many words, but he had insinuated it just the same, which was probably more telling then a heartfelt confession or something. Maybe he was just being polite, but somehow Sakura doubted it. Kakashi-sensei was a liar by default, but it was usually harmless and completely obvious that he was doing it in the first place, and he never lied when it _mattered_. He wouldn't have teased her if he didn't believe it, and for that she was giddy.

"Yeah, and I'm eleven and in love with Sasuke," she retorted playfully, nudging him with her elbow.

"Oh gods, not that again," Kakashi-sensei groaned.

She laughed freely, appreciating the reprieve of their previous conversation and the fact that she really did consider Kakashi-sensei a friend. Sure, they were never going to be best friends or even super close friends, but at least they _were_ friends, rank and Hokage-dom be damned.


	4. Paperwork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The only thing that had ever kept them from being close friends, as defined in Sakura's mind at least, was rank; otherwise, they fit all the other slots. Sure, he was her Hokage and her teacher, but she also could talk to him without fear of reprisal or judgement and she knew that he would have her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings!
> 
> Unbeta'd, so let me know if you see anything wacky. Also, if you're American, I hope you're safe. Lots of love, friends.

Chapter Four  
_Paperwork_

It only took Sakura a little over a week to decide, though only two days of solid thinking.

Kakashi-sensei had been pretty much right about the decision already being made, and it took Sakura by surprise that the choice had been so easy. Perhaps she had been deluding herself into thinking that it was this hard, insurmountable decision that she would need months to ponder, but by the tenth day, she was completely convinced.

Briefly, she pondered going to the Hokage tower to alert Kakashi-sensei of her decision, but she figured that he could wait a bit longer. She would be seeing him later for their usual dinner-and-briefing, and besides, the bastard had known her decision before she herself had made it. But Kakashi-sensei's mind reading aside, she didn't feel as if it was pressing to alert him to her decision immediately. He would hear it from her later that evening, and if not then, then when the paperwork meandered its way to his desk.

No, the most pressing concern was getting to Sai. She knew he was being sent on a mission tomorrow, and she didn't want to wait for him to get back. If she waited until he got back, it would only lead to stupidity. She knew that she might psych herself out over it, or that her nosey friends and family would inevitably find out and try to convince her to abandon the idea. She wasn't really having second thoughts at all, but she knew that both Ino and Naruto would try to play the dirty cards and make her feel bad, so she was firm in the belief that she had to submit her paperwork before they found out.

Which they would. They would crack it out of her in ten seconds, because Sakura _really_ wanted to talk about it. She couldn't be blamed for that.

She made it to work early and worked a few hours before leaving for a bit to find Sai. She was antsy, completely incapable of concentrating on the administration part of her job, and she never took off early unless forced by Tsunade. She was a bit insulted when she tracked down Shizune in the pathology department, because she had expected her senpai to argue with her for a bit about leaving early after her forced day off on her birthday but instead had been practically shoved out the door, though Sakura had promised that she would be back shortly.

She didn't work _that_ much, surely.

Regardless, she was thankful for the reprieve, and she took to the rooftops to look for her friend at his usual haunts the second she stepped outside. Most people – read: Naruto – liked to think that he spent all of his spare time painting in his studio apartment or being with his family while avoiding the outside world when he wasn't doing village missions, but that wasn't the case at all. Her first instinct was to beeline to every teashop in town to see if he was sitting in a corner nook with a cup of _sencha_ and some historical novel as he passed away the time since it was still morning, but he was leaving on a scheduled mission so his usual morning-afternoon-evening schedule was in the bin.

Instead, she made her way to the top of the Hokage monument, where she figured he would be napping in the early spring sunshine. She felt kind of bad that she would be interrupting his pre-mission meditation ritual, but she really needed to get his approval. He had already practically agreed at Christmas anyway, so she wasn't anticipating it to be a long conversation. Not that she had long conversations with Sai, mind, unless Sakura's mindless rambling to deaf ears counted when she couldn't find it in herself to shut up after a psychologically tough mission.

It took fifteen minutes to get to the top of the stairs, since she didn't use chakra except to ease the inevitable burn of her muscles, and she enjoyed the journey if only to calm her nerves. It was a really big step in her career, after all, because right now ANBU was just an idea in her head that could possibly come to fruition if she so wished but could back out of with every step that she took upwards. However, the second she told Sai that she wanted him to be her sponsor, that she wanted him to submit her paperwork for processing, there would be no backing out and she would have to follow through with it to the bitter end.

Sakura was one hundred percent convinced that she wanted to at least try. If she didn't make it, then she had at least tried to reach that elite and simply hadn't been cut out for it. If she _did_ make it, she was fully committed to the life-long profession that came with the rank. She had come to terms with that before she had made the decision to talk to Sai.

Other than becoming a kunoichi in the first place, it was the biggest choice she would ever make in her entire life. Bigger than becoming a medic-nin, bigger than taking the chūnin or jōnin exams, bigger than the possibility of becoming a wife maybe some day in the future, hell, bigger even than the (very unlikely) possibility of being a mother a _long_ time in the future. ANBU was a life-time commitment, a life-and-death commitment, and one that would change her in ways that people kept alluding to but wouldn't really elaborate on. Perhaps some people would disagree with her opinion of that, but she was sure of it.

After taking that plunge to being a kunoichi, her rank was just fodder in becoming a better kunoichi, a title that didn't mean anything except a status on paper and more yen in her pocketbook. Naruto himself had been a genin when he had saved the world, so being a genin through her career wouldn't have been a game-changer. It wouldn't have been the best career progression, but at least she was a kunoichi and she had always been proud of herself for that. As for being a medic-nin, it hadn't been a necessary progression either. It had made her a better kunoichi, sure, and had brought her into the elite, but she hadn't needed it to excel or to save her comrades if she had worked harder – all shinobi and kunoichi learnt basic medical ninjutsu as a prerequisite. When it came to being a wife and having children, no matter how far-fetched...well, there were always options for getting out of situations like that, from divorce to adoption, even if she wasn't likely to do either. If she ever was crazy enough to get married or have kids, she was in it for the long haul, that was for sure.

As for ANBU, she was confident in her decision.

She reached the summit of the monument, finally catching a glimpse of her close friend as he slumbered (though he was probably awake now, and had been aware of her presence for quite some time), and quietly made her way over to him, resolute and unafraid. Nervous as hell, yeah, and practically shaking from the force of her excitement, but determined.

She sat down on the cool grass next to him, silent except for her breathing and her pounding heart that she was certain could be heard by her comrade, and took some time to collect her thoughts and take in the beautiful morning. From the vantage point on the top of the Hokage monument, she could see the entirety of Konohagakure and its lively population, though all of the people were tiny little figures going about their day. Since the rebuilding, Konoha had a more modern look to it but there was still the characteristic patchwork buildings that made the village charming and picturesque. It was the image of tranquillity in the time of peace, and her home had never looked so beautiful in her eyes.

After countless minutes of soaking up the early April sunshine, content to look upon her village at the side of one of her closest friends, she said, "Kakashi-sensei talked to me last week."

"I figured he would eventually," Sai murmured back, still lounging with his eyes closed and a serene expression on his pale face. He didn't have on his standard shinobi gear, though Sakura knew he was likely armed as no shinobi willingly went without weapons, and looked rather shapeless in his loose black attire. He didn't even have his hitai-ate on him, his entire face tilted up towards the sun as his shaggy, jet black hair blew gently around his face.

"Sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself," Sakura found herself admitting out loud, comfortable with Sai to the point where she could speak to him about such things. "He's the Hokage and my sensei, and we're friends, but we could never have the type of bond that I have with you and Naruto, or Shikamaru and Shizune. And yet despite that, he still knows me better than anyone I've ever known. Am I that transparent or is he just really good at figuring people out?"

A small smile popped up on Sai's lips before he replied, "It's a little of both."

"Gee, thanks," Sakura teased sarcastically, though she did feel a twinge of unease at the idea of being transparent. She had always been open and emotional, ever since she had been a little girl, but she was also a suffer-in-silence type and tended to bottle up the things that mattered most. She could get angry at things (like Naruto) and laugh freely with her friends and family, but when something was really bothering her or itching at her brain, she would clam up and pretend like everything was normal. It had always seemed to fool everyone except the people who knew her the best ( _also_ like Naruto), and she was thankful for those few that could sniff out her worries and insecurities so they could nudge her out of them.

"I was doing what was called a 'calculated joke', Sakura," Sai said from beside her, eyes still closed but the smile gone. Perhaps he had misjudged her sarcasm with real ire, and couldn't tell that she was playing around by the small smile on her own face. Sai was one of Sakura's closest friends, a husband, and a father, but he was still a work in progress when it came to human emotions. He was good at reading people, but he had his moments of being a dunderhead.

She nudged him with an elbow and said with just the right balance of cheerfulness, "Oh, that was sarcasm, Sai. One day you'll figure that out."

"I think I did, but I wanted to make sure just in case you decided to hit me on my day off," Sai remarked, causing Sakura to huff good-naturedly.

"I'm not going to injure you before a mission, Sai. That would just make it more likely that you will be off your game in the field and then have to come to the hospital to get patched up even more," she rebutted, not mentioning the fact that she would never hit him hard enough to hurt him, and even if she did, she would've healed it before he left the village. It was implied, after all, and he most certainly knew better.

"You say that like I get injured in the field a lot."

Sakura snickered, muffling the sound behind her right palm. "Okay, so I'll admit that you aren't like Naruto and Kakashi-sensei, who regularly throw themselves head-first into some dangerous situation and end up in hospital to be berated by yours truly. But you can't deny that I've healed your arse plenty of times over the years, Sai- _chan_."

"Don't call me that," Sai immediately responded.

Sakura's snickers devolved into full-blown laughter, and she felt the last of the tenseness of her body dissolve. She would miss this when she went to the six-month seclusion training for ANBU, should her application be accepted (and she had been assured by the Hokage that it would), and if she somehow passed the exam and was included into the ranks of the elite ANBU, she wondered if all this would change.

 _No, absolutely not_ , she told herself confidently. Maybe she would be a bit more rough around the edges, perhaps a bit standoffish or even cold, but even so, nothing would change. She would still be the same Haruno Sakura that sucked at cooking and beat the future Shichidaime into a pulp when she was angry and cared for her village more than she cared about herself. She would always be herself, no matter what ANBU required of her, and nothing was going to change that no matter what the job description was.

When her laughter faded into the few and occasional chuckle, she turned to Sai and quietly admitted, "I'm worried about how Naruto's going to react."

It was a testament to how well Sai knew her that he didn't ask her what she was talking about, nor did he react in any way. He had most certainly already guessed what she was here for, and she was almost surprised that he hadn't brought it up already. He was usually very forthcoming and blunt about what was on his mind.

"He'll react as he always does, Sakura. He'll be upset that you didn't tell him your plans, furious that you made it and he didn't, and worried about how dangerous it'll be for you, but in the end he'll put on a smile and truly be happy for you because he will understand that this is something that you chose of your own volition. I myself have no worries over Naruto, but instead over Sasuke's reaction to the news."

Sakura honestly hadn't even thought about the lone Uchiha when coming to a decision, and told Sai as much. "I hadn't even thought about how he would react. Kakashi-sensei explained to him in great detail why he wasn't accepted into the programme, and I can't imagine he would be angry with me. Kakashi-sensei, maybe, but not me."

Sai sat up with a suddenness that probably wasn't good for his blood pressure and opened his eyes, the brown-black orbs focussing on the serenity in Konoha below. At the same time, his smooth tone said, "Sasuke will be upset at Senpai without a doubt, but I think some of that ire might direct itself at you. Sasuke doesn't view you as weak, not any more, but in his eyes you're still sub-par to him. He will take that as a personal affront towards his abilities, and not only will Senpai have to deal with him, you will too."

That was rather infuriating. "I don't give two shits about Uchiha Sasuke and he knows it. I've told him time and time again that the only reason I tolerate him is because of Naruto, and we've reached an agreement to simply acknowledge each other. He will know this isn't a slight towards him as a person or a shinobi – it's been a long time since I've based every decision I've made around that moron, and he knows that."

"He loves you, Sakura," Sai said bluntly.

There was a few minutes of dead silence, the only sound the light mumble from the villagers below and the birds chirping in the forest behind them, before Sakura exploded.

"Like _hell_ he does! Sai, you're usually pretty good at reading people from a tactical standpoint but you really suck at figuring out people's feelings. No offence," she hastened to add, because that sounded bad out loud and it wasn't how she had meant it at all. However, she wasn't done ranting yet. "But seriously, you're mistaken! We don't talk to each other, we don't look at each other, and we don't even breathe the same air unless forced by Naruto. What makes you think that he cares about me enough to consider me family when we're not even friends?"

Sai glanced over at her with slightly narrowed eyes, as if confused. "No, Sakura, that's not what I mean. I'm sure in his own strange way he does consider you a part of his family, just like you do him – and before you argue with me, you're always going to have a bond with him no matter how many times he's betrayed you and this village."

"Betrayed me? He tried to _kill_ me," she hissed venomously. "But that I can deal with. The attempts on my life aren't personal. It's him threatening this village and Naruto, _multiple times_ , that cannot be forgiven. _That's_ what's personal. Our bond is _broken_ , Sai. Broken and _irreparable_."

"Well, perhaps I am mistaken about your bond to him, but he does love you, Sakura," Sai said, tone carefully neutral as to not fan the flames of her aggression. Probably a good idea, since she was capable of levelling small villages during her 'pissy moments', as Naruto liked to call them. "And you misunderstand me yet again. He doesn't love you like a sister, Sakura, nor as a friend. If you gave him even the smallest amount of room to move in, he would try to court you."

Another second of silence and Sakura began laughing. Not giggles like her love-struck self would've done in the past, nor chuckles of mirth at the thought of Sasuke actually growing a pair and going for a girl, but a cackle that was full of near madness and complete disbelief. And irony, that too. It was ironic that she had spent almost her entire life utterly consumed by Sasuke, resolutely ignoring the attempts on her life, before she had finally had enough when he had threatened her beloved village and friends too many times to let it slide any more. All feelings of affection and love and bonds had been blown to smithereens and sunk into the deepest trench of the ocean when he had done that, though the process had already begun before that with the way that he had treated Naruto, starting with the incident at the Valley of the End and the near murder of her boisterous blond brother.

It was ironic because the second she had finally been freed of Uchiha Sasuke, he had decided that, what, he _loved_ her?

Sai had to be out of his mind.

Through her mad fit of laughter, she managed to choke out, "Whose arse did you pull that heap of shit out of, because I think you both need to take a trip to mental health; you for believing it, and your informant for saying it in the first place."

Sai's response was immediate, and utterly shocking: "He said it himself. I thought Naruto was going to urinate himself and I don't think I've ever seen Senpai so angry."

The mad laughter died as soon as it had bubbled from Sakura's throat, and suddenly she felt faint. She had anticipated coming up here, telling her friend that she wanted to be submitted into ANBU, and then going back to the hospital to finish her shift, not getting dropped _this_ bombshell. She could've just ignored it and dismissed it as unwarranted chatter, but Sai wasn't one to lie and he had said that Sasuke outright stated it. Sai was blunt, but most of all he was painfully honest. If he said that Sasuke had said it, then she wholeheartedly believed him.

"How in the..." She couldn't even finish, and thankfully, Sai seemed to register what she had meant to ask, because he started to elaborate.

"It was right after Sasuke and Naruto were both denied ANBU positions and I was on duty that night," Sai told her, once again looking over the village as he spoke. "Senpai made the argument that Sasuke needed to settle down and rebuild his clan, a goal that Sasuke himself had admitted to having, and Sasuke said that he would be more than happy to choose that fate over ANBU but only if Senpai granted him permission to court you. Otherwise, he would decline the option of rebuilding his clan for the time being to focus on ANBU. Naruto obviously had no previous knowledge of Sasuke's affections if his reaction was to be trusted, and when it comes to Naruto, it usually is. Senpai himself was furious and had words with Sasuke before ordering Naruto to get Sasuke out of his sight."

Sakura wasn't sure what was more shocking – the fact that Sasuke hadn't told Naruto what was going on in his head, that Sasuke had been stewing on the idea of making _Sakura_ the one-woman baby factory for his clan, or that Sasuke had asked Kakashi-sensei of all people for permission. She decided to go with the latter. "He asked for _permission_? From _Kakashi-sensei_?"

"Yes," Sai said. "We were all shocked. Naruto came to me the next day and complained for hours, though he was just as taken unawares as the rest of us. Senpai has been relatively quiet about his opinion on the matter outside of that night. Sasuke hasn't brought it up again either."

"I don't even know what to say," Sakura said. Nothing had ever given Sakura the slightest inclination or suspicion that Sasuke's feelings for her had evolved so much. No lingering looks, no words spoken, nothing. Sakura would need some time to dissect every interaction she had had with Sasuke since his return in her head for clues, but her initial instincts were telling her that he just wanted to make that leap with her because she was familiar in a village full of distrust. Sure, he still had a would-be harem that followed his every move, but Sakura was an old team-mate that had loved him in the past and he probably figured that it would be easier to make a leap into a relationship with someone he knew from his past rather than someone brand new.

Furthermore, she knew how much disdain he held for the girls that followed him around like puppies, and Sakura definitely didn't fall into _that_ category of insane any longer.

There was just no way that she would ever be able to forgive him for what he had done in the past, no matter how many times he tried to atone for it. She _knew_ that he was trying, another reason besides Naruto that she even tolerated his presence, but it was impossible to ever repair the bonds that had once existed between them, let alone go beyond that. He could assimilate himself back into the village, fight proudly for Konoha and the Hokage with the Leaf hitai-ate around his head, and even apologise every day for the rest of his life, but she could never forgive him, not completely at least. She just didn't have it in her. She was a kind, forgiving person at heart, but the space in said heart reserved for Sasuke had been destroyed far too many times for any repairing to take place. He simply couldn't weasel his way back into her life, and he certainly couldn't go any further that that, like a relationship.

Their goals in life weren't even remotely similar either. Sakura could maybe picture getting married in the long-distant future, _maybe_ , but she never wanted to have kids. Sasuke, on the other hand, wanted an entire _clan_ , and she was not willing to give that to anyone, let alone Sasuke of all people.

If, by some horrible mistake of judgement, Sakura was cracked enough to consider Sasuke's proposal of courtship, they would do nothing but fight. Sasuke wanted a strong wife who would mother his children while he was the breadwinner, the classic patriarchal family. Sakura wanted to excel in her career, join ANBU which was a life-long commitment, and eventually retire from the active ranks to work at the hospital for the rest of her life, surrounded by godchildren and her friends, maybe with a man by her side or maybe not.

They also had nothing in common. The whole thing about opposites attracting was viable in theory, and Sakura had seen some weird couples in her life – Sai and Ino were prime examples of that – but even those couples had commonalities that could fill their days. Sakura and Sasuke would be completely at a loss to find things that interested the both of them, and while Sasuke wouldn't be bothered by the lack of an emotional bond between them, Sakura most certainly would be. Sasuke would be able to intellectually stimulate her, but not in the way she wanted: with long talks about jutsu theory or random topics, or hard training sessions filled with tactics, or long silences where words didn't have to be spoken for conversations to take place. She wanted to have fights with her boyfriends or significant other, sure, but Sasuke would simply sit in silence and then ignore her, going against her wishes anyway.

Sasuke was an attractive man to be sure, but that wasn't enough to hold together a relationship. Maybe enough for a kid or two in Sasuke's eyes, but not for a lifetime of happiness, and that was what Sakura ultimately wanted if she ever decided to get married. With a very large emphasis on the _if_.

They would never work out. It would be doomed from the very beginning.

"There's nothing to say about it," Sai said, breaking Sakura from her thoughts. "All you need to do is think about how you're going to deflect Sasuke should he come at you."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "I dare him," she said confidently. "I have an entire group of people that will jump in front of him should he get into my face, including Naruto and Kakashi-sensei, but they'll have to get in line behind _me_. And it's not like I'm going to be broadcasting this news across the village, Sai, though I am going to talk to Naruto about my ANBU application."

"Which means it will quickly get back to Sasuke. I think he'll go to Senpai first, and I don't think he'd ever hurt you because despite his faults he's better than that, but I don't want this to escalate out of control."

"It won't. Don't worry about it, Sai. I'll figure all of this out," Sakura replied, standing. "Besides, if what you and Kakashi-sensei said is true, I'll be out of here soon and it'll all blow over by the time I get back."

"The average wait is approximately four months," Sai said. "I would like to see you when I get back from my mission in three days, to set up a training regimen."

"Sounds good. I'll talk to Shizune when I get back to work today about being co-director. If you have time to go on missions with Team Tenzō and have a personal life with Ino and Inojin, then I can still run the hospital on my days off with a co-director, right?" It was funny how they were talking like she had already been accepted and had passed her isolation training, even though he hadn't even submitted her paperwork yet.

Sai did his calculating shrug thing. "You'll likely be on a trial period in the beginning, but I'm sure you can talk to the Hokage and Ibiki-sama about it to see what their opinions are. In fact, I can talk to Ibiki-sama today, when I submit your application."

 _Whew, that is quite final_ , she thought, but was internally pleased that he was getting it done so quickly. "Alright, I'll let Shizune know then, and I'll talk to Kakashi-sensei tonight too when I see him for dinner," she said, beginning to walk towards the stairs that led back to the village. "I'll leave you alone for the rest of your day, so you can complete your pre-mission ritual in peace. Thanks for all of this Sai, and remind me to buy you lunch to repay you."

"No need, Sakura," he said. Just as she reached the first step down the monument, she heard him say, "I'm glad you're submitting the application. I believe you will do well in ANBU."

She glanced at him over her shoulder and grinned. "I hope so, Sai. I really do hope so."

* * *

"Hey Shizune, can I talk to you for a sec?"

Shizune, who had been working on a faster-acting antidote for a particular poison common in northern Iwa, glanced up from her notes with a smile. "Hey Sakura, I didn't think you'd be back today!"

"Of course I was going to be back today," Sakura grumbled. "I even _said_ I was going to be back today, and I'm pretty sure I didn't stutter."

"Okay, okay, you did say that, but I was hoping that you had taken Tsunade-sama's advice and had taken off for the day," she replied, placing her notes on the table of her lab and standing. She brushed out her lab coat, smoothing out the wrinkles, as if she was ignoring the vein that was starting to throb on Sakura's forehead.

"I've already taken my birthday off," Sakura forced herself to say calmly though she was certain her face was starting to turn as pink as her hair with rage. "One day in two weeks is a little excessive, don't you think? Especially since there is a super-bug going around?"

"We have a vaccine now Sakura, as you very well know, and it hasn't mutated yet," Shizune said with a calm smile. "Besides, that was your first day off in how long? Two years?"

"Oh shut up, you know that's not true," Sakura griped, irritated still but recognising that Shizune was teasing her. It had been seven months or so, but it wasn't a crime to work every day. She _liked_ working every day. And she was getting distracted. She had come to talk to Shizune for a reason, dammit!

"Seriously, though, I need to talk to you. Do you have time?" Sakura asked with a cursory glance around the room. Seeing an empty room and taking note of Shizune's nod, she closed the door gently behind her and took a seat, refusing to take a look at Shizune's notes lest she get distracted again. Poisons weren't her speciality like Shizune, but she sure did love them, and she would get lost in the formulae of the breakdown.

"Okay, shoot," said her friend, brushing her dark locks behind her ears and sitting back down so she could listen intently.

Sakura took a deep breath and began. "Alright, so I want to keep this on the down-low so don't tell anyone, not even Genma, but don't worry, I will be talking to shishou about this. So anyway, I...uh, well, I put in my application to join ANBU today."

Shizune gasped. "Sakura! I had no idea that you were even considering it!"

"Well I wasn't, until I had a conversation with Sai about it a while ago. And then it got brought up again with Kakashi-sensei and I dunno, I've been seriously thinking about going active duty again for a while now and this seems like a great opportunity, plus I want to see if I can do it. I've been thinking about it and I'm really confident that this is what I want to do. You know me – I don't jump into things without thinking it to death, and Kakashi-sensei made sure I wasn't pressured by anyone into joining before I was sure I was ready."

"Oh boy, Tsunade is going to be overjoyed," lamented Shizune, which made Sakura laugh. "She's going to drink for _days_."

Thinking about Tsunade though... "Did she know that I was on a list? Did _you_ know?"

At that, Shizune's expression turned sheepish. "You've been on it since you were fifteen, after you killed Sasori. You impressed a lot of people with that, including higher-ups in ANBU. Tsunade was pretty sloshed after she heard about that too, she was so proud. She wanted to talk to you about it, but it's against the rules to bring up. People start asking questions and ANBU doesn't like answering said questions."

Sakura frowned, confused. "Kakashi-sensei talked to me about it though. Told me almost right off the bat."

Shizune snorted, a very unladylike action reminiscent of Tonton. "Of _course_ he did, that little weasel. Don't get me wrong Sakura, he's a great Hokage and is loved dearly, but I swear, when it comes to you he would commit mass genocide and take over the world if you asked him to. He is completely incapable of saying no to you, I swear."

As Shizune snickered at her own words, Sakura bit the inside of her cheek as she pondered Shizune's statements. Yeah she supposed that she got away with a lot of stupid things when it came to Kakashi-sensei, but so did Naruto, and she couldn't imagine that Kakashi-sensei would let her get too far out of line. He might say that she was his favourite and all but still, genocide and _global domination_? She certainly hoped that Shizune was joking, because that sounded pretty close to devotion in Sakura's mind.

Yes, Shizune was likely being overdramatic because this was Hatake Kakashi they were talking about, and no one did _village_ loyalty with a simultaneous dose of laziness like Hatake Kakashi.

"Anyway!" Sakura exclaimed to get Shizune to stop snickering. "I would like to know if you would like to take over as co-director, with the Hokage's approval of course, if I do get picked up for ANBU. I'd like to start doing some specialised training with Sai before the application goes through and then there's the six-month isolation training if my application is accepted. After that, Sai says there's a trial period, to see if I can juggle both ANBU and a normal job at the same time, so I'm thinking a year before I can return to co-directing, though I'm sure they'll let me return to being at the hospital before then because of my skills and the training programmes. Someone will need to direct the hospital in my absence, and since shishou is currently being a recluse and only working at hospital on a case-by-case basis, I figured I would ask you. You're the most qualified, and you practically ran it when shishou was in charge."

Shizune's mirth, which had died down as Sakura rambled, died down completely and she said, "Of course, Sakura, I would be more than happy to do it. I've always loved administration work, you know that, and anything to help a friend out."

Sakura smiled. "I'm still surprised that she didn't give the position to you when it was announced," she said honestly.

"I didn't want it, not like you did, and I still _don't_ want it. I like being down in the labs more than anything, and that's where my heart truly belongs, but I know that I'm good at it. Tsunade knew that too, but she knew that you would excel up there in the big chair as well, and to be honest, I think she just wanted to make sure that I would still be on stand by just in case she wanted to leave for Fuzen or something."

Sakura laughed, not doubting that in the slightest.

"So yeah, I'd be happy to run the hospital in your absence, and then co-direct while you're active in ANBU," said Shizune with a smile. "It'll give me an excuse to stay in the village at the very least, instead of catering to Tsunade's every whim at a moment's notice."

"I'm sure Genma will be pleased to hear it," Sakura teased.

A delicate blush painted Shizune's cheeks but the dark haired medic didn't deny it. Instead she continued, "How long do you think you'll be in for?"

"Meh, I dunno. Depends on if I get in to begin with, and if I do, then it'll depend on if I like it or not," Sakura said. "I can't imagine doing it any longer than half a decade or so. That seems to be the average time that shinobi put into it before going back to jōnin status or retiring entirely. After a stint in ANBU I just want to finish my career at the hospital until I'm old and grey, too frail and weak to heal a simple bruise."

"So when you're dead?" asked Shizune playfully.

"Pretty much," admitted Sakura with an answering grin. "Chiyo-sama was in her early seventies when she died, and she was still a formidable kunoichi with considerable prowess in medical ninjutsu even at her advanced age. If I manage to not die a horrible death or have an aneurysm from Naruto's special brand of insanity, I figure I can still be kicking at the same age. By then I'm sure I'll have a viable replacement for the two of us trained too, so we won't be leaving the hospital in the hands of some idiot."

"Tsunade would kill us both if we allowed that to happen," Shizune agreed, nodding. Neither of them said that there was little to no chance that Tsunade would still be alive by the time Sakura was in her seventies, and it was unlikely that Shizune would be either, but still. Tsunade would still find a way to kill them both from beyond the grave. Or in the afterlife itself, since there was a chance even _Sakura_ would be long gone by then, especially since she was applying to ANBU.

"Anyway," Sakura said, standing up and sighing, "I have to finish up some paperwork before I do a round in the terminal ward, and then I'm going to head out for my dinner-briefing with Kakashi-sensei like usual. I'll be in my office for a bit if you need me, and I was thinking about getting lunch around noon today, if you'd like to join me."

"Of course, do you even have to ask?" answered Shizune, also standing and grabbing her notes from the table. She was already getting that faraway look in her eyes, the same one that Sakura allegedly got when she was distracted by something interesting, and Sakura smiled. Shizune loved her poison research, just as much as Sakura loved her own research into genjutsu and medical theory in general.

"I suppose not. I'll leave you to your poisons and Shizune? Thanks for agreeing. I'll let you know what the Hokage says tomorrow."

"Any time, Sakura," Shizune said, waving goodbye before turning back to her vials.

Sakura opened the door and stepped out, heading through the maze of the hospital towards her office to get started on the paperwork, her least favourite part of the job.

At least two parts revolving around ANBU were done. All that was left was fine-tuning the details with Kakashi-sensei, and then lastly telling Naruto, which would be the hardest part of all.

After that it was just a waiting game, and she was good at that. Waiting for Sasuke had given her lots of practise over the years.

* * *

By the time she got to Kakashi-sensei's office, she was wiped.

Between the tedious paperwork, the emotional rollercoaster of the terminal ward, and then both ANBU and that blasted Uchiha invading her thoughts, she was pretty much drained. She had debated on just dropping off some take-out, snapping some quick words at her sensei, and then blowing off her discussion with both him and Naruto until tomorrow when she was better rested and had had time to ponder it all, but to be honest she knew that chatting with Kakashi-sensei would make her feel better and more prepared to face Naruto.

She needed to talk to someone anyway, and Kakashi-sensei was always willing to listen to her ramble. He had been ( _was?_ ) in ANBU, so maybe he kind of knew what she was going through in a way that Sai wouldn't since the artist had originally been Root. And even if he couldn't relate, at least maybe he could give her pointers or alleviate some of her stress about the whole thing. Most ANBU operatives came out the other side with their heads intact, so that should've been a good indicator, but still, she wanted some sort of confirmation that she wasn't signing her death warrant or wasn't in over her head.

She definitely didn't want to go in blind either, and since Sai and Tenzō followed the rules almost blindly, she pretty much was depending on Kakashi-sensei to fold and at least give her something to prepare herself for. She wasn't going to ask for the answers or the such, because she needed to work out her isolation training without cheating, but she still wanted some kind of idea of what she was getting herself into. An abstract view of the whole thing wasn't cheating – it was being smart and utilising all of her resources. No shinobi or kunoichi went into anything blindly, even if it was a training scenario.

In her hands was a bag carrying two bowls of miso soup with aubergine that she had gotten a few blocks down from the hospital, as well as a variety of sushi that they could split between the two of them. She really hoped that he had restocked his tea pantry after yesterday's five-pot-long discussion about the benefits and the concerns of incorporating affinity elements into medical jutsu. Between the two of them, they had cleaned out the dregs of his tea pantry since they both liked their tea relatively strong, and she had threatened him bodily harm (like usual) if she didn't have a pot of tea waiting for her promptly at seven o'clock the next day.

She bumped her knee against his door three times and then used said knee to open the door nimbly, kicking it shut behind her gently enough as to not break the door. Without paying much attention other than to check if the room was unoccupied other than Kakashi-sensei, she handed the take-out bag to Kakashi-sensei's waiting hands, taking note of the teapot that was in its usual spot on Kakashi-sensei's desk.

Taking in the scent of an unfamiliar brew, she began pouring their glasses as Kakashi-sensei silently removed their meals, his mask distorting a bit as he smiled beneath it. So what if she had gotten another one of his favourite meals? She was kind of trying to butter him up after all, and he would probably figure that out within ten-point-two seconds of her questioning him about what to expect in her isolation period.

Besides, she actually liked the soup. It was pretty tasty.

They worked around each other from opposite sides of the desk with practised ease before sitting down, saying their pre-meal thanks, and beginning to eat. They had a method to their madness, always enjoying dinner with a chat that more often than not turned into a long conversation about something or another. Eventually they would wrap it up and she would give her short, but detailed brief about what was going on in the hospital, and then she would go about the rest of her day, leaving him to clean up the mess. It was a well-oiled process that they had grown comfortable with over the past four years, something that she at least looked forward to, and judging by the ease that Kakashi-sensei had fallen into the routine in the beginning, he didn't mind it either.

"So you've made your decision then," said her sensei from his side of the desk after swallowing his bite of sushi, mask back in place as he reached for his tea. Despite his lightning-fast eating, he had always spaced it out enough to where they finished at roughly the same time since she felt awkward being the only person still eating. Nevertheless, after every bite and drink, he would always replace his mask, denying her the opportunity to see his face.

Sakura smiled. "What, did Sai talk to you again?" she asked, somewhat sarcastically.

"No, he hasn't actually," Kakashi-sensei said. "It's just easy to guess since you're a solid ball of nerves and your mind is a million kilometres away, plus the food itself was a bit of an indication. You tend to get miso with aubergine on cold days but not often regardless, but you've also coupled it with my favourite sushi. You never do that unless you're trying to soften me up or it's a special occasion."

Sakura rolled her eyes and grumbled good-naturedly, "Damn, I thought it would take you longer to figure out my master plan." When she heard Kakashi-sensei's chuckle, she peeked up from her food and said, "ANBU's not all I need to talk to you about though, but I'd like to start there if you don't mind. The other issue that I have is a bit more difficult to talk about, and I'm not sure how to even start. It's what's really got me nervous, well, besides talking to Naruto."

"Whatever you need," he replied amiably.

She took a few bites, letting her thoughts get into a semblance of order in her head, before she finally said, "Sai submitted my application today...dropped by after lunch and said that it was done. I think you were right all along, just like you _always_ are, that I had already made up my mind, but still, it was surprising how easy the decision was to make. I still made myself over-think it to death though, because it just seemed like the right thing to do.

"Anyway, there's no guarantee that I'll get picked up despite what all you crazy people say, but I'm still preparing things just in case I do leave for the training period, and I wanted to run it by you before finalising it. Most of it is admin stuff but there are a few other things too. I've already talked to Shizune and she's on board to take over the hospital if I get accepted and go to training, and then co-direct with me once you and Ibiki-sama give me the go-ahead that my trial run is over. Though, of course, that's if I pass the exam in the first place. I told her at least a year, figuring that the buffer time would be enough to placate you at the very least because I'm pretty familiar with multitasking, but if more time is needed then she's on board with that too."

Sakura took another long drink from her soup, smacked her lips delicately, and then continued, "So I figure that the hospital is mostly taken care of. There's no denying that she's the most qualified, and she pretty much ran that hospital when Tsunade-shishou was in charge, so she's the best medic that I could possibly nominate. She also wants to stay in the village for extended periods of time, and I guess we can both draw conclusions from that." Which they could – Shizune was a close friend of Sakura's, and Kakashi-sensei was pretty close with Genma. They both knew what was going on there, and it had even been brought up in that relationship's infancy stages, mostly because Sakura had bitched about Shizune acting like an idiot and Kakashi-sensei had agreed that Genma was also a moron.

Genma also talked. Loudly. And with plenty of vulgarity.

"That isn't a problem," Kakashi-sensei told her, taking a fast bite and then twirling around his chopsticks in his fingers absently, the action graceful and gradually picking up speed as he grew increasingly familiar with the weight and length of both chopsticks. Senbon, shuriken, and kunai were usually of choice when threateningly twirling weapons, but pens and chopsticks made good substitutes when outside of the battlefield. Or when there were no other options. Anything could be made into a weapon when held in the hands of a shinobi. "Shizune is who I would've suggested if you hadn't, and I'm more than okay with your choice. I doubt you'll need to do any changeover, but still keep me updated."

"Will do," Sakura assured him. She took a sip of her tea and then went on, "Sai also wants to start with a specialised training programme, which I've already agreed to. I train pretty regularly, as you can attest to, but I want to make it a more serious thing now that my application has been submitted, so she'll probably start taking more responsibilities in administration as early as late this week. When Sai returns from his mission, we're going to start building up momentum. He told me that the average wait is four months or so, and I figure that I can be back in top shape by then."

"Choosing Sai as your sponsor was a good choice," Kakashi-sensei said quietly. "He'll make sure that you are ready for the exam, and I have the utmost confidence in both of your abilities to succeed. However, I will not take him off the active duty roster, nor will ANBU grant him a reprieve from missions to train you, so it will have to be in his own time. When he is out on a mission, there are many people who would assist you with training while he is away."

Sakura had been prepared for that, so she already had a back-up plan in place. "Yeah, I know all of that. I don't want to focus on one individual's training methods either, because that leads to single points of failure. I was planning on talking to Tenzō-senpai as well as Yūgao-senpai since I'm familiar enough with them to ask for help with training, and..." At this she paused, glancing out the window as she absent-mindedly played with the rim of her teacup with her fingers. She knew that she regularly trained with him, but it was a bit different asking help with this. After all, he had admitted to not being wanting her to do this as her friend, but she didn't want him to deny her the opportunity to learn from him once again.

But she had to try, and besides, she definitely figured that it was better to ask and be disappointed rather than never ask and regret a missed opportunity.

She glanced at Kakashi-sensei's masked face and said, "I know that a part of you is against all this, but I'd like to ask you if you'd be willing to train with me too." Immediately, Kakashi-sensei opened his mouth to speak but she hastily continued, "We train now when we have time, but this is a whole different level and I can't think of a better teacher. Sai and Tenzō-senpai are great, and Yūgao-senpai will give me the woman's view of everything ANBU related, but you're my sensei. You always have been. You've been there for me for my entire career, bandaging my injuries and being a shoulder to cry on when times got bad. You helped me get to chūnin, and you kicked my arse into shape to get me to jōnin, and it seems only right to allow that tradition to continue. I really need your support for this, Kaka-sensei, and I can't imagine not having you there to kick my arse into shape for this too."

Kakashi-sensei let out a sigh that seemed to come from his very core, dropping his chopsticks to the desk and leaning back into his chair in what looked like defeat. Sakura felt a glimmer of hope curl in her heart, because she really wanted this. She would still primarily lean on Sai and Yūgao for support, but she _needed_ Kakashi-sensei to back her on this. She wouldn't be able to stomach the idea of being abandoned during the most important move of her career.

Besides, Hatake Kakashi was the elite of the elite, shown both through his appointment of Rokudaime Hokage as well as the awed whispers that had followed him as he walked through the crowds even before said appointment. His assistance, his _expertise_ , would be valuable to her just like it had always been.

And more than that, she just wouldn't feel right if he wasn't there by her side, supporting her. During her first try at the chūnin exams, he had primarily focussed on the Sasuke after she had lost in the semi-finals, and in a way had still focussed on the boys before the exams even began, but looking back she understood why. She had been so consumed by her love-struck infatuation with Sasuke that she hadn't taken her job seriously, and had admittedly been quite useless back then. She hadn't quite figured out what it meant to be a kunoichi until Sasuke had gone rogue, and had subsequently pulled her head out of her arse. She didn't blame Kakashi-sensei now for his actions, even though she had back then and _he_ probably still blamed _himself_ , and had come to terms with what had happened in the past. He had done the best he could with her air-headedness, and she had squandered it away with her obsession with Sasuke.

Then, when she had submitted herself into the chūnin exams again with the first year and a half of Tsunade's training under her belt, she had been better prepared and determined to succeed, though Sasuke had still been the motivation even then. She had enlisted both Tsunade's help as well as Kakashi-sensei's to prepare her for the exams. She had ultimately joined with Chōji and Ino in order to form a three-man squad since Shikamaru had already been promoted, all three of them working under a bizarre mixture of Asuma's and Kakashi-sensei's guidance for the teamwork portion, and all three of them had blown through the exams that had been held in Iwa.

Strangely enough, between her three teachers, she had felt oddly _over_ -qualified, though still challenged. It sounded terrible and almost too cocky for her to think such things but it was true. They had prepared her well.

And during the jōnin exams, well, she had passed the first time because both Kakashi-sensei and Shikamaru had been this huge pillar of support during the gruelling training process. Sure she had practically conned her sensei into being their trainer, but to be honest he hadn't put up much of a fight in the first place, agreeing with only minimal fuss.

Sakura really liked lists, and one of the lists she had in her apartment was one that was in prominence on her refrigerator that never ceased to make her smile. It was a list of the top ten best days of her life, constantly changing as her life continued, but one constant had stayed the same in the past four or so years: the day the war had ended and she had brought both Naruto _and_ Sasuke home, their right and left arms respectively cauterised and their bodies completely pummelled to pulps, but both of them _alive_.

When Shikamaru and Sakura had passed the jōnin exams, Sakura two days away from turning eighteen, it had made the list as a solid number two, beating out the day she had passed the Academy to become a genin which had been number two for four years (and number one for ages before the war had ended).

It had been unforgettable, and whenever she needed a boost of positive reinforcement she always remembered to recall it. She had passed the written exams with ease and then had gone on to kick some serious arse in the one-on-one fight against a jōnin proctor, and by the end of it she had been a wreck, both mentally and physically. Bruised, beaten, chakra depleted, disgustingly sweaty, dirty, and _starving_ , she had gone into a local jōnin haunt after the exams and held up her newly received jōnin vest proudly, basking in the cheers and wolf-whistles that had been deafening while surrounded by her new comrades in rank.

Despite her exhaustion, she had partied all night with Shikamaru, Shino, and Tenten, all of whom had passed that time around. Kakashi-sensei had been remarkably responsive, for once picking up the tab for anything that Shikamaru and Sakura had ordered (though other jōnin had definitely bought them drinks), and Sakura had been spoilt on good food and good alcohol. It was the first and last time she had ever seen Shikamaru and Shino drunk, which had been stupidly hilarious, and it was the first time she had seen Kakashi-sensei completely gone too, though she had seen that a spare few times since and it was funnier every time.

She had laughed and smiled so much that night that she was still surprised to the present day that her face hadn't cracked from the force of it, and by the time the party had finally come to a close, she had been the happiest woman alive. She hadn't wanted to go home, because she had never wanted the day to end, but even the trip home (well, home- _ish_ ) had been one of the most eventful memories of the night. She had been so completely hammered by that point that Kurenai had practically carried her, even though the genjutsu specialist had been pretty far gone herself, and Shikamaru _was_ being carried bridal-style by Ebisu of all people who was only moderately buzzed. Kakashi-sensei and Genma, the former only one day from his Rokudaime appointment and the latter a deadly tokubetsu jōnin, were a few meters ahead, stumbling around with their arms around each other, singing about flowers and something else in a drunken slur that Sakura hadn't quite been able to make out, but probably had something to do with sex knowing the two of them. By the time they had made it to Shikamaru's flat, which had been the closest, their singing had become so boisterous that villagers were starting to yell out of their windows for them to shut up, not caring in the slightest that Kakashi-sensei was going to be their Rokudaime.

Eventually getting them to separate apartments had been too much of a pain in the arse, because Sakura had woken up that afternoon nestled in between Shikamaru and Genma on Shikamaru's large futon, her legs over Kakashi-sensei's chest as he slumbered in the opposite direction at the foot of the bed, and sporting the biggest hangover that had ever been recorded in mankind. After she had fixed that with her medical ninjutsu, she had freshened up a bit by putting on some of Shikamaru's comfortable clothes and cleaning her face, and then she had systematically woken her comrades up, healing their own hangovers to their relief. They had conned Genma into making them breakfast and then left for their own homes, Sakura included.

The next day, on her eighteenth birthday, Kakashi-sensei had became the Rokudaime Hokage and had once again become unreachable. She had also gotten that gorgeous ninjatō.

Shaking herself from the fond memory, she focussed on the pressing matter at hand. Her best days all consisted of moments where she had advanced in rank, all of them in her top five in fact, and Kakashi-sensei had always been a part of that. Always. She wasn't going to have this be the first time in her life where she would advance in rank and not have Kakashi-sensei by her side, training her like he always had. This was the biggest step she would make in her career, and she couldn't do this without him. Sakura believed in fate, and she knew that she would fail if he didn't at least train her a _little_ bit. He was her lucky charm, the one constant in her entire career that had never left her, and she was loathe to give him up.

"Please, Sensei," she heard herself plead softly, leaning towards him to try and close some distance. He seemed so far away, and she didn't like that whatsoever. He had always been there for her, even when Sasuke had been his primary focus, and she didn't want to lose that. "It doesn't have to be every day, or even every week, but a few times...maybe...would be nice."

Kakashi-sensei sighed again, his dark eyes intense as he practically glared at her, but she didn't break his gaze. She was determined and wouldn't give up, not this time. The Sakura who would've folded and run away in embarrassment was long dead, and that timid little girl _wasn't_ going to rise from the grave.

"Fine," Kakashi-sensei finally grumbled, causing Sakura's face to light up. Regardless of the excitement that was practically making her body vibrate, she listened carefully as he continued in a stern voice, "I will train you for ANBU as you've requested along with Sai and Yūgao, but there will be stipulations. I would like to see a training schedule, since I know you like making charts so much, so I can confirm that you _aren't_ working too hard. I myself will talk to Sai and we will work on a sufficient training regimen, and we'll figure out a _non-negotiable_ training schedule that you _will_ abide by. If you follow the instructions, you will be ready for the exams without a doubt."

She nodded quickly, agreeing wholeheartedly. Though she would be tempted to overwork herself through training, she knew that she had to take Sai and Kakashi-sensei seriously. They knew her capabilities and limitations, Kakashi-sensei even more-so, and would be able to train her proficiently without her causing too much damage to herself.

"Good," Kakashi-sensei said, finally leaning forward towards her as well. His charcoal grey eyes grew even more intense, as if he was waiting for her to push back, when he said, "Furthermore, while you're on this training regimen, Shizune will be the director of the hospital and you will not report to work." It took all of Sakura's will-power to keep herself from reacting visibly to her sensei's words, but she figured he probably witnessed something in her eyes just based off how sharp his eyes got. He went on, "If you are needed, then I will have you sent for, but otherwise you will not go about your duties at the hospital. Consider this a trial run for your exam. Do you have a problem with that?"

Sakura clenched her teeth, hating the fact that everything that she had worked for was being stripped from her quite suddenly. She had expected to have more time to adjust to all of this. Nevertheless, she shook her head and tried not to grimace, and Kakashi-sensei smiled one of his annoying little sarcastic smiles under his mask if the way his eye curved was any indicator. He clearly knew that she was pissed.

"Your purpose until you leave for the exam is both training and relaxing, do you understand?" Kakashi-sensei asked. Without waiting for her to answer, he continued, "You have to be in the right frame of mind for this – physically, mentally, and emotionally prepared for the pressure of six months isolation and brutal preparation, and you have to tie up loose ends. Spend time with friends, family, or simply drink yourself stupid, I don't care. Just get your fun in and relax when you're not training, because the exam is going to make the jōnin and chūnin exams look like walks in the park Sakura. You need to be prepared for this in ways other than just being confident."

When he put it like that, the ANBU exams sounded a thousand times more difficult than Sai had let on, _and_ it also made a bit more sense to take the step away from the hospital. Sai had said on Christmas that he thought she had a chance at her current level, but Kakashi-sensei was making it out like it was going to be hell on earth. It was probably a good mentality to have but for the first time since coming to the decision she felt more nervous about the exam itself than telling Naruto, which was really quite the feat since Naruto was guaranteed to overreact.

Still though, she said in a strong voice, "I understand. I'll let Shizune know and get a preliminary schedule to you by the end of the week."

"That's not all," said Kakashi-sensei, his tone no-nonsense.

She swallowed thickly, not knowing what else he could possibly want from her, and replied, "I'm listening."

Suddenly, his face went from serious and intense to teasing as he gave her an eye-crinkling smile. The change of emotion nearly gave her whiplash, and she blinked in confusion. "I still expect dinner every night at seven until the day you leave, Sakura-chan."

Immediately she smacked her hand to her forehead. "You just want a free meal, you mooch!" she exclaimed, throwing a nearby scroll at his head with her free hand that he dodged with no difficultly. It hit the wall with a thump that largely went unnoticed.

"Meh, that's not the _only_ reason," Kakashi-sensei denied cheekily, then caught the piece of tuna she had thrown at his grinning face before throwing it into his mouth with blinding speed, not once giving her the opportunity to see his face as usual.

"Liar!" she shouted, but her faux disgruntlement was being ruined by the smile that was beginning to creep up on her own lips and the hint of laughter in her voice. She was actually quite thankful that he was giving her an excuse to still have their nightly dinners, because after four years, she wouldn't be able to break the habit very easily. It was usually the highlight of her day after all, and she didn't particularly want to give that up. Besides, he _had_ said that she should spend time with friends and relax, and the nightly dinners checked off both of those. Nevertheless, she still had a role to play: "You are the _worst_ Hokage in the world, Kakashi-sensei, taking advantage of your poor jōnin like this!"

"Taking advantage, perhaps, but poor you are not, in mind nor in pocketbook, so stop complaining. And that reminds me, I have another condition," Kakashi-sensei said thoughtfully, tapping his chin with his index finger as if deep in thought.

" _Another_ one? What do you want now, a fucking _pony_?" she asked with a small amount of exasperation mixed in with her amusement. He had already asked for her to step down rather suddenly as director of her hospital as well as not even _go_ to said hospital for work, he was dictating her training schedule like he had done when she was twelve-years-old and a weak genin, and was practically telling her how to live her life on a day-to-day basis. What _else_ could he possibly want?

Well, she was probably being overdramatic herself, and would likely appreciate everything that he was doing in the long run, but still. It was the fact of the matter!

He let out his muted laugh and said, "No Sakura, I don't want a pony. I wouldn't have anywhere to put the thing and even if I did, I wouldn't have any use for one."

"Then what else could you possibly want, Kaka-sensei?" she asked, this time with genuine curiosity. It clearly didn't have anything to do with her ANBU training or he would've lumped it with everything else he had thrown at her, and they didn't have any other routines that he could perhaps want to continue, so she had no basis. Maybe he was going ask her something silly but ultimately heartening, like ' _Don't lose yourself Sakura, and don't forget how to be yourself_ ' or something equally sappy, though it didn't sound like something he would say out loud. Things like that were implied, and he likely knew that it was one of Sakura's personal goals anyway.

His eyes glanced down at the table as if pondering what he wanted to eat next, but then he looked back at her, exhaling loudly through his nose, and said bluntly, "Stop calling me sensei."

 _Well, that's not what I expected_ , Sakura thought, a bit taken unawares. All the same, she shook off her shock, because perhaps it _was_ time for the 'sensei' honorific to be replaced with something else. Probably senpai, since she was joining ANBU. "Um, well, what would you like me to call you? Hokage-sama?" she joked dryly, hoping that he wouldn't take her up on her offer. If she had to call him that every day outside of professional duty, she would probably strangle him.

And then continue to call him Kakashi-sensei.

This time he glanced up to the ceiling, where Sakura had long-since deduced his floating, metaphorical box of verbal bullshit was stored. His eyes _always_ went to the sky when he was about to spout off some steaming pile of crap, so she actively prepared herself for whatever dumb was about to come out of his mask-covered mouth.

"While I wouldn't be adverse to Hokage-sama, I think that's best left to briefings and when we're in a professional setting, don't you think?" he said, taking the words right out of her head. She nodded, still waiting for the bullshit to be delivered, and soon after was not disappointed. "Now _personally_ I would be okay with Overlord of Konoha—"

"No."

"—or Human Divine—"

"Absolutely not."

"—or Master of the Universe—"

"You're impossible."

"—and I'm _quite_ fond of God—"

"Go fuck yourself."

"—but I think just Kakashi will do."

She opened her mouth to absently decline his next stupid idea but abruptly stopped before any sound could come out. He was looking at her again, still smiling at her with that same twinkle of amusement, but there was the slightest hint of something strange in his charcoal grey eyes that she couldn't quite name.

She wasn't quite sure what to think herself. He had been _Kakashi-sensei_ for so long that it was a very odd moment, knowing that after nine years of calling him by the same name even in her head, he was now asking her to drop _all_ honorifics. She wasn't sure how to even process that because that was practically intimate. He wasn't her family member, he wasn't her social inferior, and he most certainly wasn't her spouse, so all that was left was a very close friend. Was that what he thought of her? Only ten days ago he had admitted that they were friends in the first place! Were they really that close that he thought it was proper for them to call each other by their given names rather than with honorifics attached like customary?

 _Yes_ , her mind instantly supplied, without any hesitation.

She supposed so. The only thing that had ever kept them from being close friends, as defined in Sakura's mind at least, was rank; otherwise, they fit all the other slots. Sure, he was her Hokage and her teacher, but she also could talk to him without fear of reprisal or judgement and she knew that he would have her back.

Yeah, she could safely say that they were very close friends. Rank was a fickle thing, but she could look past that outside of the job like she always had.

Sakura smiled at him – at _Kakashi_ – and said quietly, "Yeah, I think I can do that."


	5. Kakashi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You were my sensei for a long time, and you still are my sensei in some ways, but a lot has changed. I've grown up, became a chūnin and then a jōnin, single-handedly ran the best hospital in the five nations, and now I'm going for ANBU. You've gone from a standoffish arsehat of a sensei in charge of three brats that had no idea what it meant to be a shinobi to the Hokage of the greatest village in the world. We've had happy times and sad times, we've suffered and we've kicked some serious arse, and we've come out the other end of it. We fought a war together, fought and bled and nearly died for this country and we're the only two members of Team Kakashi that never left. I think it's about time, to be honest."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings!
> 
> So a few hours later than I had originally hoped to post this, but I've been playing an obscene amount of Dragon Age: Inquisition, and I am totally in love with Dorian. Fight me. Anyway, if it's any consolation, this chapter is four billion words long (okay, more like 14k) so hopefully the length (and the content) make up for the few hours' delay.
> 
> So. Unbeta'd as per usual (anyone wanna be a beta? Figured I'd ask). I'd also like to mention that there is a bit of a past 'relationship' of sorts here. The 'of sorts' part will make sense later. It will not be a huge part of this story, or even a mild one - it's simply a pairing that I love and it fleshes out the character's backstory. Trust me, it won't be a huge plot point or even brought up except maybe like once or twice more, and always in a very small way. Anyway, enjoy the chapter!

 

Chapter Five  
_Kakashi_

Kakashi – how weird was _that_? – hummed in the back of his throat.

"I expected more of an argument," he admitted, "though I am glad that you aren't arguing."

Sakura shrugged and took the last sip of her cooled tea. As she reached over the table to refill both of their teacups, she explained, "You were my sensei for a long time, and you still are my sensei in some ways, but a lot has changed. I've grown up, became a chūnin and then a jōnin, single-handedly ran the best hospital in the five nations, and now I'm going for ANBU. You've gone from a standoffish arsehat of a sensei in charge of three brats that had no idea what it meant to be a shinobi to the Hokage of the greatest village in the world. We've had happy times and sad times, we've suffered and we've kicked some serious arse, and we've come out the other end of it. You've ruffled my hair and I've punched you in the face. We've passed out in a ditch ten kilometres from the gates due to chakra exhaustion after a mission and we've passed out in Shikamaru's bed after getting wasted. We've seen each other naked. We fought a war together, fought and bled and nearly died for this country – well in your case _actually_ died for this country – and we're the only two members of Team Kakashi that never left."

She settled back down in her seat and grinned at him, feeling a bit emotional. "I think it's about time, to be honest."

He was quiet for a moment, and then said, "You are such a female."

She threw a chopstick at his forehead, which he batted away absent-mindedly, as she continued cheerfully, "Besides, you already call me by _my_ given name. Now I feel special too!"

"Quiet, you," he mumbled. "And you've never seen me naked."

She laughed. "I usually do your medical exams, Kakashi." Weird, but oddly familiar at the same time, almost like she had been calling him Kakashi for years instead of mere minutes. She was sure to slip up a few times but she didn't think that she'd slip up for very long. Vaguely, she wondered how Naruto would react, or any of her peer group to be honest. The only people she knew that called him by given name only were Tsunade, Shizune, Gai, Genma, Iruka, Yūgao, and Kurenai, and even they sometimes called him by his surname or with an honorific.

She figured Anko did too in an informal setting, but usually in public she just called him some expletive or another, not giving two shits if he was Hokage or not.

"Doesn't matter. I wasn't naked," he denied.

"I'm pretty sure the definition of naked is _having no clothes on_ , Kakashi," she said patiently, as if talking to a small child.

"My face was covered up so your argument is invalid."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Flannels don't count as clothes, you berk. You were naked."

"I didn't know you were a compulsive liar," he said teasingly, which nearly broke her mock stern composure. She was dangerously close to snickering again and breaking the whole façade.

" _You_ are the compulsive liar, my friend. I, however, am the most truthful person you'll ever meet other than Sai in your entire life. If that's your argument, then are you saying that when you saw _me_ naked the first time, my hands covering all the important bits made me not naked?" she argued.

This time Kakashi was the one that rolled his eyes. "That's not some sort of fabric, Sakura-chan," he said in a tone that could only be described as _duh_.

How old was he anyway, five?

She didn't even hesitate to shoot back, "Okay, so you're saying that when you're in bed with a gorgeous woman who you've just had mind-blowing sex with and she's covered in a sheet, she's _not_ naked because she's covered in that sheet?"

His eyes widened almost comically at her, but she continued to keep her composure (by some merciful act of the gods) because she could tell just by his eyeballs that she had stumped him. All she had to do was hold out just a little bit longer and she would win their little, informal game.

After a long minute of staring at each other, neither one of them blinking, Kakashi said, "Okay, I was naked."

Sakura nearly fell out of her chair laughing.

When she had finally giggled the mirth out of her system, she wiped the tears from her eyes and straightened herself out in her chair. She was quite thirsty after her uncontrollable laughter but didn't want to chance taking a drink, because she didn't know if she would break out in giggles again if she so much as saw a glimmer of a pout in Kakashi's eyes.

"If you're done laughing at my expense..." Kakashi dead-panned, though there was laughter in his voice too and probably at _her_ expense, "you said that you had something else you needed to talk to me about?"

Yeah, good mood gone.

Sakura grimaced and said, "Ugh, never mind, can we just forget I said anything? I don't want to take all the fun out of the evening." For good measure, she dropped her head to his desk, letting her forehead bang against the cool wood right next to her empty bowl of soup before just resting there. She _really_ didn't want to ruin the good mood with talk about Sasuke, because it was no secret that Kakashi disliked-borderline-hated him just as much as Sakura did. Every time he was brought up in the office it always left a bad taste in her mouth, and she was having such a good time. Great food, on a given-name basis, teasing about nakedness and mind-blowing sex...and she was going to ruin that with _Sasuke_?

Gods, he ruined practically everything.

"It's about Sasuke then, I take it?"

"Yes," she groaned, more with annoyance than with anger for once. "All bad things start and end with Sasuke. We can just talk about it later, like _never_." Except she really needed to know what had happened that day, not to mention that she needed to prepare Kakashi for the shitstorm that was inevitably headed his direction. If she had more information, then she could figure out a method of attack for when Sasuke bulldozed his way to the front door of her apartment for whatever he wanted. If she went in blind, the two of them would get into a fight of epic proportions which would inevitably bring in Kakashi and Naruto both, and half the village would get levelled in the process. Not to mention that he could throw a tantrum and leave the village for good... _again_.

This time, she didn't think that anyone would go after him, maybe not even Naruto.

"Obviously you need to talk about it or you wouldn't have brought him up," Kakashi said with an audible sigh. "What's he done this time?"

She looked up, keeping her chin on the desk but finding Kakashi's charcoal eyes easily. "Ugh, so after this, we have to talk about something stupid or do your paperwork or play a game or do something mundane, alright? I'm not leaving this office if the last thing we talk about is Sasuke, okay?"

"Deal. I still have a lot of paperwork I need to get through before I'm allowed to call it a night," Kakashi said with a smile, a genuine one that told her he honestly didn't mind if she stayed. That was comforting, and it warmed her heart, so she felt brave enough to talk about Sasuke without it devolving into chaos.

She didn't even mind if it _was_ helping him with paperwork. She had gotten quite good at it when Tsunade had been in charge and it was boring enough to take her mind off damn near anything.

"So," Sakura began, pushing herself up and cupping her warm tea in her palms, "I went to visit Sai this morning, to tell him to submit my application before his mission tomorrow. Anyway, we chatted, and I told him that all I needed to do was talk to Shizune, you, and then break the news to Naruto."

"And your parents," Kakashi reminded her.

Sakura grimaced and mentioned off-handedly, "Ah, I should probably do that too. Mum is going to be a nightmare."

Kakashi frowned if his eyes and the distortion of his mask was to be trusted, then motioned for her to continue. He was familiar with Haruno Mebuki after all, and couldn't necessarily refute her statement.

"Hmm, where was I? Yeah, anyway, I told him that I was going to talk to the three of you, and he asked me if I knew what I was going to say to Sasuke. Which I thought was really weird, because anyone with half a brain knows that we don't speak or look at each other, let alone breathe the same oxygen unless Naruto forces us to be in the same room together. But then Sai mentioned something that went down with you and Sasuke a while back, after they had been declined acceptance into ANBU, and now I have a few questions about that."

Kakashi went _very_ still, a tick that he only had when he was either very nervous or very focussed. Usually those two emotions went hand-in-hand when it came to Kakashi, since he had admitted to her that he usually felt very anxious during fights but was still concentrating fully on his opponent, so it was odd that she was seeing it now. She blinked once at the sudden stillness and tried to work out why he would freeze up like that, especially as the seconds went by and neither one of them spoke.

After a full minute had passed, Kakashi finally said, "Oh."

Sakura raised a slender pink eyebrow, really confused now, and said a bit hesitantly, "Yeah, I mean, we don't have to talk about it if you're uncomfortable, but it would just make this whole telling-Sasuke thing a bit easier if I knew what I was going into."

"So it's to develop your strategy on how to tell Sasuke?" he asked, barely moving his lips if the monotone of his voice was to be believed.

"For the most part, yeah," she said, still cautious with her words like she was talking to a frightened baby kitten that would dash away if it was spooked. His body language was exactly the same, though he probably wouldn't have liked the comparison to a feline. "I also just want to know what happened, since it was about me. Sai was really vague."

At her last statement, Kakashi seemed to finally breathe again. His body was still uncharacteristically straight and alert but he seemed less likely to bolt at a moment's notice, which was relieving. "What exactly did he tell you?" he questioned, voice curiously blank.

"Not a lot," Sakura said, fighting to keep control of her temper. "He said that Sasuke gave you an ultimatum." Sakura paused, blood boiling, and then hissed dangerously, "He said that...he said that Sasuke asked you for _permission_."

Kakashi closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths as if to calm himself as well, which just confirmed everything for Sakura. She had believed Sai to begin with of course, but it was different hearing it from two different sources that she trusted inexplicably. Her fists clenched in her lap and all she wanted to do was run to the other end of the village, find Uchiha Sasuke, and tear him into little pieces with her bare hands. If his Sharingan hadn't been so damn important to Konoha, she probably would've done it too, or at least tried.

She was powerful, but she wasn't on his level unfortunately.

 _Yet_ , the little malicious voice inside her head whispered, because maybe ANBU would give her a little bit of an added edge on the clandestine assassination front. Sasuke definitely had tricks, being rogue for as long as he had been, but ANBU would give her specialised training that he hadn't had.

"I know why you didn't want to bring this topic up now," said Kakashi, his mellow timbre even and not betraying any of his internal emotions. However, when he opened his eyes, she could see the glimmer of anger in his eyes that likely matched her own, and absently she wondered when she had gotten so good at reading him.

"Yeah, no shit," Sakura said. "I think I laughed like a hyena for ten minutes before I actually believed him. And this is Sai, the most brutally honest person I've ever met in my life. I didn't even want to believe _him_ , that's how shocked I was. I can't even imagine how you guys felt."

"It was...surprising," he told her quietly. "Definitely unexpected."

"I don't even know where it came from," Sakura said with complete bewilderment. "Surely he's not _that_ thick. I've not exactly kept it a secret that I want nothing to do with him."

Kakashi opened his mouth and then hesitated, which Sakura jumped on instantly.

"What?" she asked, though her flat tone made it sound like a statement, and she glared at his masked face until he sighed for the umpteenth time that night and gave her a pleading look. Without him needing to say a word, she demanded, "No, you _have_ to tell me now. Don't make me throttle you to death to get you to talk."

He was quiet for a second and then said, "Let me caveat what I'm about to say with the simple fact that I'm not excusing his actions by any means. I'm just saying that while I disagree with what he...proposed to me, I can understand his reasoning behind his thought process. Also, don't break anything."

"Okay," she said, drawing the word out as she got even more comfortable in her chair and took a quick sip of her rapidly cooling tea.

Kakashi took a deep breath and then began, "You have to see it from his point of view. In your youth, you were a bit..."

"Air-headed?" she supplied helpfully.

He smiled. "Well, I was going to say 'easily distracted' but you said it first. You walked where he walked, followed him around – you were not focussed on your skills as a kunoichi and more focussed on him. You were young and you thought you were in love with him, and to be honest you acted like a fool. You've said as much yourself." She nodded so he continued, "He was hell-bent on revenge so he found it annoying, though most boys don't like to be coddled and trailed after like they're raw meat regardless, and because of that he ignored you. However despite all that, you were still his team-mate, and you were a familiar fixture in his life."

He paused for a moment, interlocking his gloved fingers together on the desk, and then said, "He left to kill Itachi with this picture of you in his head. You were a love-struck pre-teen with seemingly no talent and no drive, but his team-mate and therefore a part of a makeshift family that he needed to get rid of before he could deal with his demons.

"But things began changing. Maybe he didn't realise it at first, but every time you encountered each other you were different. I wasn't there when you met with him the first time at Orochimaru's compound in Sound, but even then you were a different girl, more confident in yourself and your strengths. Definitely still in love with him, but more independent. Then a few other times like when you went to kill him on your own. I doubt it registered until much later, but it took a lot of self-determination to resolute yourself to do that, and he recognised that. And then during the war, when you healed countless shinobi and still managed to tear craters in the earth, when you healed Obito and then healed the boys when they had beaten the hell out of each other...I think it finally clicked then. He apologised to you in the end, after all."

Kakashi sighed. "When he got back to this village, his goal was to restore his clan and that remains his goal to this day. What he wants is a woman who can stomach his faults and not worry when he's gone on dangerous missions protecting this village. He wants a woman who won't smother him and follow him around like the vapid girls that tail after him everyday. He wants a woman who is good with kids and who will never let any harm come to her family no matter what what threat comes. What he wants is a strong woman who is dedicated to her family, not to _him_ , but is sexually attracted enough to him to have his children.

"In Sasuke's mind, that woman is you. He looks at you and he sees a strong woman who can take care of herself, who won't die if someone targets her or her family, which you've done in the past. He sees a woman who doesn't coddle him or follow him around like you did because now there is enough emotional distance between the two of you. He sees a woman that won't get emotionally attached to him, but knows that you still find him attractive because you always have, and therefore he doesn't think that it would be a problem to have children with you. He sees a woman who is good with kids and is fiercely protective of those she loves, and that's an enviable trait for a mother. He sees a woman who is familiar enough that he doesn't have to try so hard, and he sees the woman who used to be his team-mate long ago. And to be honest, I think he sees a woman that doesn't care if he dies, as long as the children, the _family_ , is safe. That's why he wants to marry you and single you out to have his children, because in his eyes you're the woman he's looking for. You have all of the traits that he's looking for in a future spouse, and that's why he's chosen you, not because he _actually_ loves you."

After Kakashi's long speech, Sakura sat there gaping and dumbfounded, because when he put it like that she could actually understand. She didn't _like_ it, but she understood it. In a way, it was a relief that Sasuke was being logical about everything, because if Kakashi had said that one day, Sasuke had suddenly realised the sun and earth revolved around Haruno Sakura, she would've killed _both_ of them. It made more sense that Sasuke was being analytic instead of emotional, because Sasuke being _in love_ with her was different than coming to a coherent solution.

"Like I said," she heard Kakashi say, making her focus back on him instead of her swirling thoughts, "I don't agree with his demands, especially since he had absolutely no right to give me an ultimatum in the first place because you are more than capable of making your own decisions and I sure as hell don't _own_ you, but I can see where his mind's at. From a logical standpoint, it would make sense. You already don't care for each other on a personal level, so that takes care of the emotional distance, and genetically speaking, you would probably have incredibly talented, good-looking children with superb chakra control."

"I don't want to be a one-woman baby factory!" she exploded. "I don't even _want_ kids!"

"Well _I_ know that, but _he_ doesn't," mentioned Kakashi pointedly.

"I didn't even want kids when I was twelve and in love with the idiot!" she continued to yell. Which was true – she had been in love with him, but she hadn't realised that being in love with him and having a romance with Uchiha Sasuke would result in marriage and a thousand kids. Sometimes she wondered if he would've guilted her into it had they actually been stupid enough to get into a relationship in their younger years. She knew she had been gullible enough back then, and she had been foolish enough to do anything for him too.

"What the hell am I going to do about him? He's stubborn to a fault, worse than Naruto, and he's never been held accountable for a damn thing that he's ever done," she fumed. "He's threatened me, my friends, my village, and he's nearly killed Naruto _multiple times_ , but he never gets punished so he thinks he can have and do whatever he wants. He's going to lose his mind when he finds out that I'm applying to ANBU, not only on me but to you too, and if he thinks that he has some kind of moronic _claim_ to me or something..."

"Sakura, calm down."

Maybe she was panicking, positively losing her mind, but this was fucking ridiculous. Sasuke always ruined everything. "You guys are so convinced that I'll pass this exam, and I have hope that with you and Sai helping me I'll make it, but he might not want me to do it at all. What if he says 'Marry me and have my demon spawn or I'll leave and never come back' or something? What if he _leaves_ , Kakashi? It nearly killed Naruto the first time; I don't think he can survive it again. I can't let the cycle start all over."

"Sakura stop."

To her horror, she felt hot tears begin to fall from her eyes, both out of anger and out of anxiety. Her life wasn't dictated by Sasuke any more, nor any man in fact, and she had never felt more free. But she had to think about the village and Naruto before herself, just like she always had, and if that meant giving up everything that she had worked for just to keep the Sharingan in the village and Naruto happy...no, there _had_ to be another way. There had to be some girl out there that could give Sasuke what he wanted, some girl with the same qualifications that Kakashi had listed, someone _other_ than Sakura herself.

Except when Sasuke put his mind to something, he tended bypass all laws of physics and the village to get what he wanted. Not only that, but Sasuke shied away from people in general with the exception of Naruto. Perhaps Hanabi would've been an option since she could stomach the fucker, but there was no way the Hyūga clan would ever let their future clan head be married to an Uchiha. Even if they _did_ it would be a shitstorm because there was no telling what kind of mutant hybrid they would breed with a Sharingan- and Rinnegan-weilding father and a Byakugan-weilding mother. Tenten was out – she was even more angry with Sasuke than Sakura was due to Neji's death, which was entirely justifiable.

When Sasuke had gone his entire life without ever being held accountable for the terrible things he had done, simply getting a slap on the wrist for his atrocities and crimes and then being allowed to skip away merrily without a care in the world, he had grown accustomed to getting his way. If he had chosen Sakura, then Sasuke would throw a temper tantrum reminiscent of a five-year-old to get her.

"What am I going to _do_?!" Sakura practically wailed.

Suddenly she was being shaken, roughly to get her attention, and it shocked her enough for her eyes to snap open (when had she shut her eyes?) even though her vision was so blurred over with tears that she could barely see half a metre in front of her. On his knees in front of her, Kakashi levelled her with a stare that could've made a rock flinch and said in a hard voice, "I'll tell you exactly what you're going to do. Just stop panicking for two seconds and breathe."

She did exactly that, taking deep breaths and trying to still her racing heart, feeling calmer the longer she did so. However, she simultaneously began feeling the sharp, well-known sting of embarrassment and she could feel her already red cheeks brighten considerably with heat. It had been a long time since she had lost her cool in front of someone other than Naruto, and it was even worse that she had done it in front of Hatake Kakashi, who was not only her sensei and the Hokage but would also be the man who held the fate of her ANBU career in his hands. Hopefully her emotional outburst hadn't given him the idea that she couldn't do the job, because she _could_ , as long as Sasuke could fall off the face of the earth.

She had every right to be panicked about Sasuke, but if anyone knew what to do, it would be Kakashi. The only people who had been able to get through to Sasuke in the past were Naruto, Kakashi, and Itachi, so she had the utmost faith in Kakashi's opinion. Therefore, if he wanted her to calm down then by damn she would calm the fuck down. The embarrassment still lingered brightly due to her near-panic attack as well as Kakashi's close proximity – because he _was_ rather close, like practically in between her legs even though he didn't seem to notice – but she focussed on his intense eyes and masked face and simply worked on calming down.

Her breathing hadn't quite evened out when he said in a no-nonsense tone, "This is what you're going to do. You're going to go home and you're going to get some sleep. You aren't going to talk to Naruto and you definitely aren't going to attempt to assassinate Sasuke; you are simply going to climb into bed and go to sleep. Then, tomorrow or whenever you feel ready, you are going to find Sasuke and you are going to talk to him. _Alone_. Not with Naruto as a buffer, or Hanabi if you wait until she gets back, or any one of your friends, but with Sasuke by himself in a place where the two of you can have a one-on-one conversation. You are not going to attack him, or verbally harass him, or tell him that he's a jackarse, or tell him that you could never love him or have his 'demon spawn' as you've called them. You are going to simply tell him that you want to focus on your professional development, _without mentioning ANBU_ , and that you want to retire as a kunoichi. You are going to tell him that you don't want kids, that you've _never_ wanted kids, and that you don't even particularly like them. You are going to tell him that you don't want to get married and even if you do get hit on the head enough times in your career to make that choice, it's going to be when you're much older and completely senile."

She gave Kakashi a watery smile.

The hands that he had on her shoulders moved to cup her cheeks, just like he had always done when she had been a girl, and he wiped away her tears with the calloused pads of his thumbs. His charcoal eyes soft, he continued in a quiet voice, "He's been lied to and manipulated his entire life, Sakura. When he wasn't being lied to, he was being hurt and mentally degraded. Don't _you_ repeat _that_ cycle either. Be honest to him but be kind, and he will understand. He might leave, be angry, but he will respect it more than he will respect harsh words or falsehoods or heavy hands. In the end, he will learn to understand and it'll give him the closure he needs to open up his world a little more so he can find another woman that will suit his needs."

He gave her a few moments to process that, because hearing Kakashi say that about Sasuke nearly made Sakura want to cry again, and then he went on to say in the same quiet tone, "After you've given him a few days to process, _then_ you can tell Naruto about ANBU, who will naturally tell the entire village. If you give Sasuke the time to process what you've told him, then he won't take it out on you or Naruto but on me, and I don't think it'll be about you joining ANBU. I think it'll be about _him_ joining ANBU since I'm allowing you to go through the process."

Sakura sniffled and cleared her throat before she said, "But I won't get an approved application by then. Sai said it takes four months."

Kakashi smiled, one of his quiet ones that spoke of secrets. "No, Sai probably told you that the average wait between submission and the exams is four months, not that it takes four months to get an approval letter. In fact, your application is already on my desk, and I signed it twenty minutes before you walked in my office. Sorry I didn't tell you right off the bat...I wanted it to be a surprise but now I figure you need a morale boost after how depressing this conversation got."

Sakura's eyes went wide. "Oh," she said in a small voice.

 _Wow, oh god_ _s_ _, I just got accepted into ANBU_ , she thought to herself, completely at a loss. She was going to have a major migraine from the trauma her emotions were going through in a such a short span of time.

"Yeah, ' _oh_ '," Kakashi said with a sigh. "My favourite student is growing up." His hands left her cheeks as he stood up, his fingertips trailing down the skin with a curious softness while the fabric of his trousers just barely brushed the insides of her thighs. She felt a strange curling in her gut, something unexplainable and foreign that made the skin of her entire body tingle, but she quickly brushed it aside as Kakashi suddenly got a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

She didn't have any time to react before he ruffled her hair with his usual blinding speed, and he dodged her instinctive jab to his stomach with a similar dizzying movement, ending up on the other side of his desk before she could even blink.

She growled under her breath as she smoothed out her messy pink locks, something she hadn't had to do in a good two years or so because _he knew better damnit_ , and then she aggressively rubbed her face to get rid of the lingering wetness that Kakashi hadn't quite been able to get rid of. As she sniffed a bit, trying to clear her stuffy nose, she said, "I don't know how I'm going to keep something this big from Naruto for such a long time, but I'll try. I hope you're right about Sasuke, because if you aren't, I'm going to Plan B."

"I'm sure there are plenty of people in this village that will assist you with Plan B," Kakashi assured her, naturally knowing exactly what she meant by Plan B. "However, I don't think it'll be necessary. Plus, Tsunade and I have pulled a lot of strings to keep him in this village. I'd rather not have him get ganged up on outside his apartment and murdered if I can help it."

Sakura laughed a bit wetly and said, "Stupid Sharingan, always getting in the way of good scheming."

He didn't answer her, so she took the time to put herself back in order in the comfortable silence. She had always been a rather messy, ugly crier but Kakashi had seen her cry more times than she could count, so she wasn't too fussed with that. She once again smoothed her hair out, brushing her fingers through the shoulder-length pink strands until the few tangles were mostly gone, and then reached for one of the napkins and blotted at her face. She caught her reflection in the shiny part of one of his desk ornaments, so she used it as a guide, ignoring her bloodshot eyes and blotchy skin to focus on getting rid of any residue moisture in her eyelashes. When she deemed herself mostly okay, she blew her nose with as much decorum as she could muster and then sighed.

Sakura and Kakashi both looked at each other once before Sakura stood up, and then the two of them began clearing away all of the rubbish from their eaten meal. Usually Kakashi dealt with this part on his own – she was in charge of getting the food, and he was in charge of the tea and then clearing all of the dishes and trash after they were done – but he had promised to enable her after their conversation, which seemed to be over. She was thankful for it, because she did not want to leave the office after having such a conversation. She needed a good laugh, or just his good company, in order to get the good sleep he had practically ordered her to get.

As they manoeuvred around each other with a practised ease that was practically domestic (and that was another strange thought that had crossed her mind so many times before but was again ultimately ignored), she belatedly gave him a briefing on the hospital activities. He gave a hum of disapproval when she mentioned that Konohamaru had broken his arm again in a routine chūnin mission, smiled when she announced that Inuzuka Hana was doing well with her second pregnancy as expected, and grew quiet when she told him that the ninety-four-year-old Aki from the seamstress shop in the marketplace had finally passed peacefully from old age. She heard him say a soft prayer for the old woman under his breath, just like he always did when villagers passed away, and she gave him a few moments of silence like he needed, heading out of the office into the little side kitchenette to put the kettle on.

She bustled around in the small space, rinsing out the dregs of the last pot and scooping a different type of tea leaf into the pot. A chai this time, something with a bit of spice that would warm both of them up after their chilly conversation. As she prepared the water for the kettle, she wondered if Kakashi would make good on his threat of paperwork. She frankly would _prefer_ it, because the monotonous work would take her mind off the terrifying conversation she was going to be having with Uchiha Sasuke tomorrow.

_Don't think about that._

Still though, one of the best things about Kakashi was that he was spontaneous. She didn't anticipate that they would train, because she had been emotionally wiped coming into his office and was now doubly so, and she would be off her game. Kakashi would know that, just like he always did, and so she could take that off the table of activities for the evening.

She took a quick glance at the clock, a bit surprised to see that it was almost nine in the evening. Two hours gone in the blink of an eye, but she supposed she was used to that when it came to these dinners. When Tsunade had been the Hokage, she had been drinking or drunk by seven most days and completely hammered by ten, but Kakashi spent his evenings without fail having dinner and conversation with her.

Sakura frowned a bit to herself, curious as to why he hadn't gotten bored of her yet. Surely there were better things he could be doing, like being late to something or reading Icha-Icha in some nook of the village, but instead, he always had dinner with her and then stayed up to chat with her, sometimes for ten minutes and sometimes for hours.

She appreciated it, and it really _was_ the highlight of her day on most days, but it was befuddling just the same. She vividly remembered the days of her youth being spent waiting on his lazy arse to show up from gods-knew-where. He had always been doing other things in the past, whether it had been reading his books or standing at the memorial or avoiding Gai, and it had been a real chore to find the Copy-Nin. Especially if he hadn't wanted to be found, as then it would've been impossible. Nowadays though, he always had a steaming pot of tea ready at precisely seven o'clock without fail.

When _did_ he go to the memorial now, in the mornings when he trained? And if that was the case, did he only read Icha-Icha when he was taking a break from all the paperwork and meetings? The only time she caught eyes on those books these days was when he was ignoring Sasuke and Naruto or when he was at the Academy, to the ire of all aforementioned. She had noticed that he had taken his porn-reading-in-public down a notch once taking over as Hokage, just out of proper decorum, but she barely even saw him with the books any more.

 _Perhaps I'll ask him about it_ , she thought absently as the kettle began to whistle behind her.

She poured the boiling water in the teapot and then carried it back into the main room, where Kakashi was reading a scroll with a bored expression. She set the teapot on the little cloth where it belonged to let it steep properly for the next twelve minutes or so and then sat back in her comfortable armchair, flinging her legs over the arm of one side and relaxing fully.

"Which parts are confidential?" she asked, knowing better than to reach for any of his stacks of papers or scrolls without asking first. Tsunade had nearly taken her head off the first time she had attempted, albeit unknowingly, to read an S-class mission scroll and process it. She now had the clearance to look at all of those mission scrolls unless they had a special access to them, but she would never be able to look at any ANBU reports, and she didn't want to accidentally pick up something she shouldn't be looking at.

"Hmm, I've finished all of the interesting ones," he said simply, which meant nothing juicy and therefore nothing that she didn't have clearance for. Snickering softly to herself, she grasped a handful of the nearest pile and pulled it to her lap, beginning to sort through everything.

Kakashi was surprisingly organised, a far cry from Sakura's shishou, and it was a lot easier to filter things during times of peace rather than war, but the amount of paperwork never seemed to decrease despite this. All mission reports had to be filed correctly, signed by the Hokage, and then sealed before being moved to storage in the Konoha Archives. All invitations to political and social functions had to be answered and sent out promptly as to not seem impolite, even if it was a declining letter. All intelligence had to be read and delivered readily to the intelligence sector, be it ANBU or the jōnin headquarters, before being resent to the Hokage as proof of dissemination and then ultimately delivered to the Archives.

Looking at a fan-letter in her hands, Sakura snorted and then tossed it at Kakashi's forehead, though he dodged without missing a beat from his selected reading. Fan mail, on the other hand, was either read or thrown in the bin. Or, in Kakashi's case, made into paper aeroplanes and used to annoy genin teams when they were in his office trying to be serious.

As she forged his signature on all of his genin mission reports, most of them revolving around laundry duty or weeding, she continuously glanced up at her sensei. Kakashi was a private person but over the years, the last four in particular, he had opened up considerably. Even so, she still didn't know a lot of things about him. She knew his favourite food – the dreaded saury – and his favourite colour – green, like the forest – and his _actual_ favourite past-time – training, though he quite surprisingly enjoyed dancing – but still, he still was an enigma. After years of knowing the man, now being on given-name basis with him, she figured that maybe it was time to ask a few questions that had plagued her for _ages_.

"Hey Kakashi, can I ask a question?" she asked, going for nonchalant and probably failing miserably. She was a pretty good liar due to constant practise in her job, but when it came to her boys she was transparent. Sai had confirmed it. Maybe Kakashi would be able to see past her fishing attempts and would answer her genuine curiosity with honesty.

Or who knew, maybe he would kick her out. It was kind of a personal question.

From the corner of her eye, she could tell that he glanced up briefly before returning to his own pile of papers. "Sure," he told her, no hint of reluctance in his voice, so she figured it was safe enough to ask.

Nonetheless, she still decided to precede her question with a quick statement: "You don't have to answer, but I'd appreciate if you just _told_ me if you don't want to answer instead of giving one of those goofy lies that we both know is total bullshit."

That seemed to get his attention. She continued to forge his signature, this time on a mission report for gardening, as he looked up for good this time, both of his charcoal eyes focussed on her methodical pen-strokes. She was so used to forging his signature that it was practically second-nature to her now, and it was easier to do Naruto's or Sai's. They wrote like men, even Sai, but Kakashi's script was what one would call uncharacteristic considering the man's lazy personality – very elegant, uniform, and precise.

But then again, he was always the perfectionist.

"Alright, I can promise you that," he said, and though his voice was just as even as before, she could tell by his curious stare that he was perhaps a bit apprehensive. Sakura didn't blame him, as she would've been a little freaked out had he started out a question with the same caveat.

"Why _do_ you wear the mask?" she asked quietly, resolutely not looking up from her pen. She was just getting to the _shi_ , and he had a particular quirk to the end of the hook that was rather typical of his standard signature which she would forget if she wasn't paying attention.

"Ah, so you're not buying the ' _I'm too pretty that I'll distract my fellow shinobi_ ' excuse any longer?" he asked, an audible hint of amusement in his voice. He didn't sound too surprised, so that was a relief, nor did he sound defensive. She just hoped that didn't change, and resolved to not push very hard.

"No one's that pretty, except maybe Uchiha Itachi," she said with a smirk, moving the newly-signed genin mission report to the floor with the _other_ newly-signed genin mission reports. "I mean, did you see that man's eyelashes? I would kill small kittens for those eyelashes."

"He did have rather nice eyelashes, I suppose," Kakashi said, his voice sounding a bit off. She glanced at him and found that he was once again concentrating on his paperwork, but his eyes were too unfocussed for him to be taking in any words.

Sakura mentally kicked herself. Attached to those sinful eyelashes had been Itachi's Mangekyō Sharingan, which had put Kakashi in a coma, and while in that coma Sasuke had left. Not only that, but the Mangekyō was a personal issue for him, since he had received it in such a terrible way himself, and the reminder of Itachi's had probably brought up bad memories, not to mention Itachi himself. That was a whole different perceived failure on Kakashi's conscience even though there was nothing that Kakashi could've done to stop the massacre, but Kakashi had still been Itachi's superior during ANBU until the Uchiha had gotten his own team.

As far as Sakura knew from whispers around the village and Kakashi's own vague recollections, Itachi and Kakashi had been relatively close before Itachi had killed the Uchiha clan. Every time Itachi was brought up Kakashi got all weird as well, so everyone usually just avoided talking about him. It was pretty easy, since everyone walked on eggshells around Sasuke anyway and people didn't talk about Uchiha Itachi in the village since the truth had never gone public and therefore his name was still rather taboo.

Hurriedly, she said, "So no, I'm not buying the 'too pretty' crap any more, and I know that stupid stunt you pulled with Teuchi and Ayame was a genjutsu, so you can't use that as proof either."

"Wait, you caught that?" Kakashi suddenly demanded, mostly snapping out of whatever funk her earlier comment had put him in to her utmost relief.

"That it was a genjutsu? Only the second it happened, why?"

He gave her a grin that was surprisingly genuine, though there was still a bit of that strange emotion left in his eyes about Itachi that she still couldn't place. She had never been able to place it, even though he got the same expression on his face every time Itachi was brought up over the years. _Every time_. "I'm surprised you caught onto that at your age. That was actually a rather high-level genjutsu."

She shrugged. "Genjutsu is kinda my thing. Even back then during my dumb years I was somewhat decent at detecting them."

"You always did had a natural affinity for it," Kakashi agreed.

Sakura backtracked then, glaring good-naturedly at the silver haired man behind the desk. "But you can't sidetrack me, Kakashi," she mock whined. "Either tell me to shut up and finish doing your paperwork or answer the question."

"So _that's_ how this night is going to go," Kakashi sighed.

Sakura grinned wickedly.

When Kakashi answered, it was quick and almost like he wanted to get it out as fast as possible. It took Sakura by surprise, because by the way Kakashi had been teasing, she had figured that he would tell her to mind her own business. Nevertheless, she heard him say in a quick, clipped tone, "Fine, half of it is because of my father."

Her gaze, which had wandered back to the paperwork in the lull of conversation, snapped back to his, finding that he was still watching her. His voice was a slower and more controlled when he continued, "He used to wear his on missions, because he always used to say that it was important for a shinobi to always be invisible and focus solely on the mission, so I started to do it when I was young because he was my father and I worshipped him. Then when he killed himself, I started wearing it constantly instead of just during missions because he was right about the mask being a good way to be invisible, except it wasn't just for the job, it was about following the rules one hundred percent and never showing emotion. The mask was a good way to accomplish that."

He was quiet for a long time but Sakura didn't say a word, sensing more than anything that Kakashi wasn't finished talking. She let him work it out in his head, his eyes distant in thought, and was simply touched that he was even _talking_ to her instead of shutting her out like he usually did with overly personal subjects like this.

His eyes cleared and he said, "Eventually, the mask became a habit, and now I can't go longer than an hour or two without something covering my face. Honestly, that's pushing it to the absolute limit and without being around most people."

Deeming it safe to speak, she asked quietly, "Can't?"

He hesitated, then admitted, "I tend to...panic."

She let that little tidbit of information roll around in her head. The way he had said it gave her the feeling that he was really downplaying it, and that in and of itself was surprising. Kakashi had always been this inhuman force of nature that she was in awe of each and every day, a man immune from all mundane issues that people had except his own self-inferiority when it came to keeping his loved ones safe; she had _never_ imagined that he would suffer from something like severe scoptophobia and that it would've been allowed to develop to such a debilitating level without treatment.

Still, it was better than some of the other mental health issues out there, so she fought down the urge to ask him a thousand medical questions (that he was probably warily expecting now that the cat was out of the bag) and asked, "And the other half?"

Even though he still looked a bit shaken up, which wasn't surprising since that was quite the explanation he had told her after years of keeping mum, he shrugged and said, "I trust you."

She didn't even have time to bitch in her own _head_ about how annoying his speed was, because one second she was looking into his eyes, trying to convey that she wasn't going to drill him on anything or refer him to a shrink, and then the next second his mask was pooled around his neck and she was using every trick she had in her arsenal to school her expression into careful nonchalance as to not spook him.

She understood what he was getting at though, by showing her his face instead of just trying to explain it. If he had told her that he wore the mask because it kept innocent people from running into walls with distraction, she would've laughed and told him to stop being a dumbarse, but _looking_ at it really drove the point home.

Gods. _Fuck_. How was he even a _person_?

He wasn't beautiful like Uchiha Itachi, nor ruggedly handsome like Sarutobi Asuma, nor schoolboy attractive like Shiranui Genma. No, Kakashi was decidedly aristocratic, the most delicate blend of his mother and father to make a specimen of man that shouldn't have been possible. The shape of his face was still the same as it had been through the thin mask with his narrow jaw line and smooth chin, but his skin was smooth and unblemished, his lips halfway between full like his mother's and thin like his father's, his nose perfectly centred on his face but with a small knot on the bridge where he had broken it at least a few times. There was a faint scar on his right cheek, a battle wound that should've been healed to non-existence by a medic-nin but nevertheless remained, and he had a small _beauty mark_ (at that, she kind of internally flailed because oh _gods_ ), but otherwise no other marks nor freckles to speak of.

There was a pink line along where the top of his mask usually rested, probably from a slightly sticky adhesive strap not unlike the ones from strapless bras (what an odd thought) to keep the mask in place during activity, though the elasticity of the lycra probably helped with that too, but that was the only oddity on his face and that would pass with time out of the mask.

He was absurdly attractive, almost painfully so to someone as average as Sakura, and she felt her fingers twitch unwillingly under the desk even though the rest of her body remained casual.

Amusingly enough, he _did_ have a tan line, though it was very faint. Probably because the village had just finished the winter months, and he primarily worked indoors now while training before the sun came up. It would probably grow more defined as the spring edged into Konoha's blistering hot, humid summers but for now it was just a subtle line across the bridge of his nose and under his eye sockets.

Making sure she maintained eye contact instead of letting her beryl green eyes stray further south, she said honestly, "If you ever did decide to go balls-to-the-wall one day and waltz around the village without it on, I think a lot of the staring would be less because of your face itself and more because of the initial shock of it. Hell, if you wore a different outfit, did something fun with your hair, and hid your scar, people wouldn't even recognise you."

"It's not going to happen," he said resolutely, his lips barely moving, but she caught a slight hint of shiny white teeth. It nearly broke her concentration, because she _really_ wanted to follow the movement of his mouth and see if his teeth were crooked or straight, but she stayed firm.

"Yeah I know, but it's just a thought," she stated, sticking her tongue out at him playfully. Respectfully, she turned back to the pile of paperwork in her lap and went back to forging his signature, this time on a chūnin mission report that would go into a pile for Kakashi to read over for connections to border activity. She fully expected him to pull up his mask, his point now proven, but she felt like she had been kicked in the stomach when he simply continued to read over the scroll in his hands.

The enormity of the situation fully dawned upon her as the minutes passed and he didn't replace his mask, despite the phobia he had of being bare-faced. Even now, she could see that there was a subtle shake in his shoulders and hands that only trained eyes would be able to see, and she could hear how his breathing would elevate slightly before he would catch himself and force his body to regulate itself. She could tell that he was bothered by it, and yet he was choosing to leave it down while she was in the room, which practically screamed of his utmost trust and confidence in her. That alone was one of the most humbling gifts he could ever give her, because it was clearly something he didn't give just anyone.

She was overcome with gratitude that he had shared something so personal with her, something so potentially shattering and threatening to him to little old Haruno Sakura, that she felt tears prickle at her eyes for the second time that night, though this time it was not out of fear or anger. She was moved by his actions and she had no idea what she had done to earn such faith and conviction from Kakashi – all she had done around him was whine, complain, bitch, lose her temper, and talk his ear off about things he probably didn't care about or had heard a thousand times before – and yet he had given her this piece of himself.

The only small way that she could think to repay him was to say, "If it makes you uncomfortable, you can put it back on."

His hand instinctively jerked towards his face but she was surprised when he stilled the movement. "I trust you," he said again, causing another bloom of warmth to curl in her chest, and Sakura couldn't fight the small smile that tugged at the corner of her lips even if she had tried to.

"I know," she told him quietly, "and I can't even begin to explain to you what that means to me, but I also know that I can't be comfortable unless _you're_ comfortable." He didn't move, still looking at her with an unreadable expression on his bare, oh-bare face, so she steeled herself and stood up, hoping that she was doing the right thing.

She felt like she was though. If it was easier for him to take his mask off around her in the future then she would cherish his trust, but this was still the first time he had done so, and the medical professional in her knew that he was showing signs of increasing anxiety. She didn't want to overwhelm him, and easing him into longer periods of time would be more beneficial if he planned on removing it around her more often.

And she wouldn't be adverse to that, if only for the reminder that they had reached a point in their...friendship of sorts that not many others had reached.

Like he had done for her when she had been suffering her panic attack about Sasuke, she went to his chair, though she was short enough that she didn't have to kneel to reach his face. Fighting the urge to tremble, she reached out with steady hands and gently grasped the edges of his mask, pleased when he didn't flinch away from her or stop her whatsoever. As she slowly began hiding his breathtaking features from sight once again, she said, "Before anything else, I want you to be comfortable, just like I hope that you would want me to be comfortable. Besides, mask or no mask, you'll still be Hatake Kakashi no matter what, and I don't want you to ever forget that." She matched up the edge of the mask with the faint tan line and almost-gone adhesive line and then, almost as an afterthought, smoothed down his cheeks as if getting rid of invisible wrinkles in the lycra. It was silky under her touch, as only elastane could be, and warm from his body heat.

Fighting the urge to snicker, she pulled a page out of his book and then ruffled _his_ hair for the first time in her life.

As Kakashi's eyes widened in astonishment, probably that she would even dare do such a thing, she marvelled at the texture of the silver strands. His hair was surprisingly coarse but still soft to the touch and incredibly clean. There was a nice weight to it, which seemed contradictory considering that his hair was so gravity-defying all the time, and she vaguely wondered what it would feel like to just bury her fingers in the heavy mass of hair.

She pulled away, smiling a cheeky grin, the whole moment taking less than thirty seconds from her standing up to ruffling his messy head of hair.

She practically skipped back to her chair, leaving him gaping at her audacity, and then suddenly she shrieked with surprise when she was lifted and thrown over a sturdy shoulder. "You are _not allowed_ to do that," Kakashi demanded, his tone full of mock sternness, and she began laughing when he marched her out of his office with her beating on his back half-heartedly to put her down.

The ANBU guarding the outer doors cocked their head simultaneously when they left the soundproofed office, clearly confused at the sight of a pink-haired kunoichi casually slung over the Hokage's shoulder like a sack of potatoes, laughing hysterically as she didn't even make a real attempt to get out of her predicament.

Their newly brewed tea was left forgotten and untouched on the desk.

* * *

Sakura skipped a flat rock with deadly precision in the Naka River.

It skipped at least forty times before it disappeared approximately fifty meters down the river on the other side of the bank, taking out multiple sakura petals that had been floating peacefully on the surface of the water. The accuracy of her shot made her grin wickedly, even though she shouldn't have expected any different – after training for as long as she had, she was bound to be relatively good at skipping rocks.

Kakashi was channelling his inner Shikamaru, lounging on the dewy grass as if he didn't mind the chilly temperature outside and watching the night sky. It was an uncommonly cold evening for early April in Konoha, and if Sakura hadn't been utilising chakra to warm herself she would've been shivering. Kakashi was likely doing the same, just very subtly, and she didn't figure he minded any more than she herself did. If anything, it was a good basic exercise of chakra control and precision and practising the basics was always a good idea when one had the time.

After he had dragged her out of the office, he had dropped her to her feet before they attracted more attention than they already had. Then, with only a glance, they had unanimously decided to take a late walk. It hadn't really needed to be spoken and they had no clear destination in mind, but it was refreshing to get out of the office for once and just take in the village during the night hours. It was bustling as it always was, since there was no such thing as a weekend in a hidden village and shinobi had to take advantage of every moment they had off, and the two of them just walked in the midst of it all, just enough distance between them to be appropriate but close enough because it seemed strangely right.

Eventually they had ended up at a less populated garden next to the Naka River, nestled in between a cluster of cherry trees in full bloom. They could still hear the talking and laughter from the street a few hundred metres behind them, though even that was dying down due to the late hour, but it was still peaceful in the little crook away from all the friendly waves and curious eyes.

The bridge that she had always met Team Seven at in her youth had been destroyed during the Pein invasion, but she supposed that was fitting when it came to the four of them, especially Sasuke and Sakura. The bridge had been annihilated, memories the only thing remaining, and yet the river still flowed. It had been reformed by hand and diverted from its original path, but it continued to rush by, never ceasing its motion through their country and their hearts. Sakura's childish infatuation with Sasuke had completely changed and twisted into Sasuke's logical conclusion of future with Sakura by his side, just like the Naka River had diverted from its natural path through Konoha to a man-made bed through the heart of the village.

Partly because she was curious, and partly because of how strange everything seemed now with Sasuke, she asked, "Have you ever been in love?"

"Hmm, once," Kakashi answered lightly from behind her.

Sakura squatted down at the rocky riverbed and chose another medium-sized, flat rock that suited her needs. She grasped it loosely in her hand and then flicked it with the expertise of a jōnin kunoichi wielding a shuriken, making it even further down and hitting many more petals floating in the calm river.

Before the ripples had even faded, she turned back towards the silver haired man lounging at the base of a flowering tree and made her way over to him, ungracefully plopping down to the dewy ground beside his relaxed form. She let her head fall back against her shoulder blades so she look at the sky through the flowering cherry trees, musing internally as to whether or not she should ask him about it.

In the end, she decided to. It didn't hurt to try after all, and since he had already surprised her once tonight, he might surprise her once again. "What was she like?"

Kakashi snorted, breaking the tranquil sounds of the village behind them and the crickets chirping all around. "Oh Sakura," he said in his mellow tone, clearly teasing her, but Sakura couldn't quite understand the joke.

"What?" she asked, perhaps a bit defensively. "Just like always, it's not like you have to answer. I was just curious and figured I'd ask."

He laughed his muted laugh and then said, "It's not that. I don't particularly mind telling you, though it might change your opinion of me."

 _Curiosity piqued!_ she thought excitedly, ignoring the beautiful sky in favour of juicy gossip. She wouldn't betray his confidence of course, but she loved any and all information that filled out the man who had been such a mystery to her for so long. Besides, she had always been under the age-old impression that Kakashi was asexual, and now she was getting confirmation that he _wasn't_.

Well, he might've still been, because love was different than being a sexual person, but still.

"Well, as long as you didn't force anyone, I won't think badly of you, Kakashi," she told him honestly. Then, because she had to say it, she added, "Or, y'know, fall in love with a dead body or a dog or something, because I draw the line at necrophilia and animals. And children."

He laughed again, looking over at her with his dark eyes glistening in the moonlight, and assured her, "Nothing like that, I promise."

"Oh okay," she said with a grin, nudging one of his legs with her knee playfully.

He huffed out his mask-covered nose, almost a laugh but not quite, and then questioned, "What was she like, you asked?" When she nodded, he smiled and then answered quietly, "Well, _he_ was quite an interesting individual."

Hatake Kakashi kept startling her but at least this was something that she wasn't bothered or shocked by. From a medical standpoint, she knew it was genetic, so it wasn't as if he could control it, and besides, she had no problem with sexual preference. He wasn't any different than before, just the same old Kakashi.

Though it did explain why he didn't get turned on in public while reading Icha-Icha, considering it was all straight porn, even though it _didn't_ explain why he read it in the first place. Maybe it was because he actually believed that it was literary genius like he claimed (which it wasn't, absolutely not, though the actual prose _was_ good she could admit).

"Yeah, that doesn't give me anything," she said without any hesitation. There wasn't really a reason _to_ hesitate in the first place. "There has to be some super crazy bombshell that you're leaving out because you know that being gay or whatever isn't going to change my opinion of you."

"There is a 'super crazy bombshell', as you've so aptly called it," Kakashi said, even going as far to do the air quotes with his fingers, "and I'm not attracted to sexual organs."

Sakura raised an eyebrow. "So you _are_ asexual?"

"Is that the new rumour going around?" he asked, rolling his eyes.

"Only for the last hundred years or so at the very least," she teased. "You need to pay more attention to the rumour mill, Hatake. You might learn something about yourself."

"I've lived on this planet long enough to figure myself out, _Haruno_ ," he snarked back at her good-naturedly. "In a nutshell, I am a twenty-five-year-old Hokage who doesn't liked to be looked at, can throw a decent punch, and is in fact sexually attracted to people themselves instead of their dangly bits or lack thereof. Can we move on?"

 _Okay, so not asexual after all_ , she thought, a bit surprised that she wasn't more embarrassed that he had just blatantly said he was a sexual person without a moment's reluctance. Out loud, Sakura countered, "In a nutshell, you are a thirty-four-year-old Hokage with severe scoptophobia who is a world-class assassin and defines himself as pansexual. _Now_ we can move on."

"No we can't. What is a pansexual?"

"Someone who is attracted to people instead of gender," she answered immediately.

He paused, and then shrugged against the ground, doing who knew what to the back of his clothes. "Okay, I'll buy that."

Sakura snickered, then gestured for the infuriating man to continue on to his original point.

"Alright, alright, you bothersome creature," he grumbled, but turned fully towards her, propping his silver head on his elbow. "When I was twenty-one, _actually_ twenty-one, there was a fellow ANBU captain that I was quite close to. We had been acquaintances for a while, and then friends when he joined ANBU, and when he became a captain he approached me and confessed that he had feelings for me. I thought about it and realised it was mutual but I was...uncomfortable with the idea. Because of this, I ended up declining him despite the fact that we both admitted that we were in love with each other."

"Why were you uncomfortable with it?" she asked in a whisper, edging closer as his own voice had gotten quite low. She was fascinated, learning about such a hushed part of Kakashi's past, and now that he had started she was utterly hooked. She couldn't understand why Kakashi would deny the man he loved! If he loved someone, despite being uncomfortable, he was supposed to go for it! Had the man died or moved on, and now Kakashi had to live with the regret of never knowing what could have happened?

"A few reasons," he admitted. "He was from a family that would've frowned heavily on his choice of partner, for starters, because he was required by clan law to marry a woman and have children. That, obviously, wouldn't have been an option for the two of us had our relationship been allowed to begin, and I'm not one to throw my affections around without care." That Sakura knew was true, even without it being a relationship. It took _forever_ to weasel under Kakashi's skin and into his heart, and he didn't just let anyone in, so to offer up something so carelessly when it was bound to be an issue with this unknown guy's clan was simply _not Kakashi_.

"Furthermore, we were both in ANBU. I understand now that we should take advantage of the time that we have in this life and live it to its fullest, but back then I was still rather...raw and unwilling to offer myself to someone that could die in the field at any time. He was incredibly talented and lethal, and I knew that it would be quite the feat for any enemy to defeat him in battle, but it was still a fear of mine. I didn't want to lose anyone else."

Kakashi then hesitated, looking back towards the sky and away from Sakura. Instinctively, Sakura knew that the dreaded bombshell was about ready to be delivered, and she wondered what was so bad that he was this wary about speaking of it. Would it really alter her opinion of him that much? Surely not – she had seen and heard a lot of things about him in her life, and she was still here by his side, loyal to him in friendship and in battle.

"But the main reason I denied him was that while we were both ANBU captains, highly skilled adults, and marketable assassins for this village, I was still very discomfited with his age," he told her, his voice so low that she would've missed it had she not been actively listening for it.

Sakura frowned. "Shinobi become adults when receiving the rank of genin, Kakashi. That's the _law_. He was obviously seasoned enough to be not only of a rank far above genin, but mature enough to achieve ANBU to begin with, and captain at that. By law, he was obviously old enough to be in a relationship with you."

Without looking at her, he said quietly, "It was Uchiha Itachi, Sakura."

She inhaled sharply, realising the implications since she had read that man's file. Genin at seven, chūnin at ten, application to ANBU six months after achieving chūnin, and the youngest captain of ANBU ever recorded at twelve before the massacre at thirteen. Itachi had been _twelve_ when he had confessed to a _twenty-one-year-old_ Kakashi, and that was quite the difference. Legal adult or not, Itachi had still physically been a child, and she suddenly comprehended Kakashi's decision to logically deny him instead of following his heart. Twelve was too young to start a relationship, despite the fact that Itachi had been killing men for years and was likely more mature than most middle-aged civilians, and Sakura genuinely respected Kakashi's decision.

The fact that the individual was Uchiha Itachi also explained the funny looks over the years that Kakashi always had when Itachi was brought up in conversation.

"I see," Sakura said gently. "That _is_ quite the bombshell, knowing that we both have twisted pasts with the Uchiha brothers." His head elevated in her direction and he gave her a look that said that he probably wanted to throw something at her; she simply smiled at him in response. After a beat of silence, she continued, "I see why you denied him. He probably knew what he wanted, was mature enough to make the decision, _and_ had the legal permission to start a relationship with you because of village law, but he was still physically twelve."

"That's pretty much what I said," Kakashi said. "He wasn't pleased about it, but he accepted it. Things definitely changed after that though, I have to say."

"How so?" she asked, wondering how much he would tell her. She was in totally foreign ground here, talking about _relationships_ with _Kakashi_ , and _his_ relationship to boot, and she was still waiting for him to clam up. She was still gobsmacked that he hadn't done so already, honestly.

"I don't know," he responded softly. "Nothing explicitly physical, but looking back on it I suppose we almost were in a relationship. Long conversations, constant contact, meals together, innocent touches...sometimes he would lie to his family, tell them that the mission would be longer than actually slated, and would just stay in my apartment for a few days. Occasionally he wouldn't go home regardless, or would sneak out and stay with me. We practically lived together."

Kakashi sighed, the fingers of his free hand absently picking at the dewy grass close to his body. "We talked about going physical a few times, but I always told him the same thing: 'Talk to me when you're sixteen'. Sixteen was the line for me, and I was pretty stubborn about following that rule. Itachi was supportive of that, as he wasn't an impatient individual by nature, but we were human and sometimes we had to take a few days to breathe a bit. When you love someone, you tend to forget about the little things, especially when village law says that those little things aren't an issue. My stipulation about him being sixteen was simply for my benefit, not his or for the village, and it was hard to uphold that sometimes."

He hesitated, and then said, "A few weeks before the massacre, Itachi started acting strange. Back then it was uncharacteristic, and I couldn't understand why he would withdraw from me after years of camaraderie and then whatever we had been doing for a year or so. I understand it all now, but back then I thought he was being pressured by the clan to find a woman to court, or perhaps the pressure of the Uchiha surveillance was getting to him since tensions were extremely high. Shisui had eventually been found dead too, so there was that to consider as well. I might have tried a little too hard to keep him in my grasp, and the night before he killed them all, I nearly lost my composure. I'm still astounded to this day that I had the willpower to stop myself, especially since he didn't _want_ me to stop."

He was quiet for a long time. Sakura let him process, debating on whether or not it would be appropriate to reach for him. He was visibly affected, his shoulders shaking minutely, and she wanted to wrap him up in a reassuring hug, if only to offer some sort of consolation. He likely would've done the same to her. She split the difference by almost tentatively putting her hand on his bicep, in the triangle that his arm made as he held his head up. From underneath the fabric she could feel his body tense and then relax from her touch, and some of the residual stress seemed to finally ease out of the rest of his form as if getting a grip on himself.

He let out a long exhale and then said, "I should have done it. All I have now is fond memories and regrets that I never got the opportunity to share everything I could with him. I should have obliged Itachi's wishes, respected his mental maturity and village law, and loved him for _him_ instead of shunning his physical age. Instead, I tore myself away and made him leave, and after that he was gone. He killed everyone the next night before I could go to him and work something out and I didn't see him again for four more years, when he came into the village looking for Naruto and put me into the Tsukuyomi."

He abruptly sat up, facing her with his two charcoal eyes looking tortured in the moonlight. Her heart ached at the expression, because he was really getting to the meat of it all now. "That's what I hate the most about this," he said quietly. "I couldn't give him everything. I can't even imagine the life he had to live out there, working with the Akatsuki while acting as a spy for Konoha, giving up his life and dignity and honour not only for that ungrateful bastard he has for a brother but for the village that tossed him aside like trash when he was no longer useful. Maybe I gave him some good memories of the village that did _nothing_ to deserve his faithfulness, and perhaps I gave him something that he remembered and possibly even cherished until he died, but I couldn't give him that one little thing that would've meant so much to the both of us, and now he's _dead_ and there's _nothing_ I can do to atone for that."

It was the most unforgiving thing Sakura had ever heard him say about the village in her life, but even that didn't make her uneasy. She knew where his mind was at, why he had that mindset when it came to Uchiha Itachi, because she had had similar thoughts herself. Naruto, Sakura, even Sasuke – they all had thought it at one point, the former two lamenting and bellowing about unfairness to each other in a fit of rage when they had found out, and the later...well, everyone knew how _that_ had turned out. It had taken a while for all of them to come to terms with it, some more time than others, but eventually they had. It made sense that Kakashi had a similar mindset, because while he had never had doubts that had wavered his loyalty to Konoha and while he wore his rank with pride, it was still a hard thing to come to terms with. She couldn't imagine the sacrifice he had made to his own self-meaning to do so, and how unfathomable it must've been to do for someone he had and probably _still_ loved.

Still though, there was a lot more that could be said, and Sakura had never been one to keep her mouth shut. Her voice soft and respectful just on the off-chance she was overstepping any boundaries, she began, "I can't speak for Itachi because he had his own reasons for his actions, but some things are pretty self-explanatory no matter what his reasons." She closed her eyes and took a gamble, reaching for his hand and laying hers on top of his, more for her own sake than for his. She was relieved when he didn't pull away, though he didn't respond either.

She continued quietly, "I've read his file, and I've heard the stories from Naruto, from villagers that have worked or conversed with him, on occasion from Sasuke, and now from you, and it's not hard to figure out. That man had no reason whatsoever to have such blinded loyalty to this village after everything that he did for Konoha. From birth, he had been placed on such a high pedestal with his clan, and when he achieved genin at such a young age that tradition continued with the village itself. It was a never-ending cycle that should have bred arrogance, hatred, and _disloyalty_ , not the devotion that he carried until his last breath. He had been shunned by his peers for his skills in the field and used by his superiors for his craft to do horrible things that would drive stronger men insane, all while being forced by his clan to be a puppet for a coup d'etat that he knew would bring nothing but death and war. He should have had contempt for this village, for all that it had involuntary brought upon him, but he didn't, and he willingly murdered his family and gave up his honour to give this village a fighting chance against the Akatsuki as the inside informant."

She opened her eyes, the orbs slightly filmed over due to a sheen of moisture. "He probably had very few good memories of this place, and with the Akatsuki, he probably questioned the reasoning as to why he was playing the role when his life there had been so dark. I know _I_ would have in his position. He could have killed himself for his actions instead of spying for Konoha, or he could've escaped to a neutral country far away and lived the remainder of his days there happily, possibly even starting a family and living as a civilian, away from all of the death and lies. He didn't though – instead he fought to the bitter end, and you know what probably kept him going? The memories of Sasuke, happy and at peace, and of the village with its children still laughing in the streets with no war to burden them."

She looked at him intently, though he didn't return her gaze, and told him gently, "Most of all, I'd be willing to bet my skills as a kunoichi that the memories of the moments he shared with you kept him going most of all. As the years went by, he knew that Sasuke fell into darkness, and he knew that Akatsuki was declaring war on Konoha. He did his best to combat that by quelling Sasuke's impulses while he was alive and staying out of the light, and letting Naruto slip through his fingers time and time again. But those memories of you, those memories of long conversations and meals you shared, those innocent touches you mentioned and those nights together away from his overbearing family, _that_ kept him going most of all. I'd bet my life on it, Kakashi. Something as insubstantial as sex isn't going to change that, and one night isn't going to change the year of nights he shared with you, knowing that you loved him just as much as he loved you. You probably saved his life, Kakashi, even if you don't think so."

She took a deep breath and squeezed his hand, feeling incredibly emotional but refusing to show it. "You've probably already pondered all of this to death in your head, but it's still better to hear it out loud from someone else. You _did_ give him everything, and I'm positive that he would thank you for that if he could. You're likely one of the only good memories he had in his poor life."

For a few long, agonising minutes, there was nothing but silence, even the sound of the villagers from the street behind them fading into nothing as the hour edged into the obscenely early, before suddenly Kakashi pulled her in close. She was enveloped into a warm hug and she buried herself into it with relief, smelling the clean, masculine scent of him and feeling the minute shaking of his entire body as he clearly tried to reign in whatever emotions he was feeling. It was different, him being so outwardly expressive, and she just felt incredibly fortunate that he had let her into his life with such trust. She felt like she had done nothing to deserve such respect.

Neither one of them had further words for quite some time, letting the time pass them by without nought a care in the world.


	6. Dawning Realisations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Alright, what in the hell happened between you and Kakashi-sensei that made you not only start calling him by his given name only but wore you the hell out? Did you guys sleep together?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings!
> 
> So whew, I...uh, forgot.  Yeah.  I had family in town for the hols, and that was distracting, so I'm posting this at like seven in the morning Monday before work.  Sorry again! Anyway, unbeta'd as usual, and for all the people still around after the controversial Chapter Five, I hope you enjoy this one.

 

Chapter Six  
_Dawning Realisations_

She wasn't sure what woke her first, the pounding at her door or the screeching.

She figured she looked and sounded like a zombie when she regained consciousness, groaning before managing to roll out of bed. She didn't even bother to slip on her bathrobe or slippers, because she recognised the banging _and_ the screech, and Ino had seen her at her worst more times than the pinkette cared to admit. She almost figured it worthy to grumble at the time, because Ino was bothering her at seven-thirty in the morning on a Tuesday, but even that seemed like too much effort.

Shuffling along with an exhausted yawn and heavy eyes, she eventually made it to the door, tuning out the loud noise coming from outside as only someone with loads of practise with loud friends and family could do. It barely bothered her unless she actively wanted it to or she was trying to concentrate, but at the moment all she wanted to do was open her door, find out who had hooked up or whatever Ino's gossip was, and then go back to bed. She had had a late night after all.

She sleepily unlocked her door and peeked her head through the crack, blinking blearily for only a few seconds until she registered that Ino hadn't waited for an invitation to enter her home, instead just bulldozing her way inside like a blonde ball of frenzied energy.

" _What in the hell do you mean you quit?!_ " Ino shrieked so loudly that even Sakura woke up a little from her sleepwalking state.

"Wha?" she asked, trying to focus on what Ino was on about. She hadn't even managed two hours of sleep yet, and she was still emotionally and mentally drained after her monumental evening with Kakashi. She still couldn't believe that they had stayed out as late as they had, not even thinking of returning to their separate homes until the sun had risen.

Kakashi was probably miserable, though he could probably suffer through it better than she could. She had gotten complacent after administration work in the hospital, but Kakashi was still just as conditioned as he always had been. Days without sleep was something jōnin were required to suffer through for training, and it would likely be a prerequisite for ANBU as well, so Kakashi was probably familiar with being tired and still performing well regardless.

"Shizune said that you took an indefinite leave of absence from the hospital and stepped down as director, Sakura!" Ino yelled at her, reminding Sakura of the whole ANBU thing very suddenly indeed. She had gotten accepted as an ANBU recruit yesterday, that was right, and she had to talk to _Sasuke_ today. Ugh. "Care to explain _why_?!"

"Not really," Sakura said with a yawn, too tired to care much about what she was going to do about village gossip and the Uchiha problem. She needed a few more hours of sleep before she started thinking about the lies she was going to tell in the interim of Sasuke getting a grip.

Her blasé answer seemed to take Ino off-guard. It made sense, since Sakura usually either tried to explain herself or got pissed at being verbally attacked so early in the morning. Either way, it gave Sakura a moment of reprieve and she took Ino's lull of shouting as an invitation to shut her front door and begin walking to her bedroom, once again like a shuffling zombie.

Ino followed her silently, still clearly trying to formulate a plan of attack or whatever went on in that annoyingly pretty head of hers. Sakura just let her be, wondering if maybe she could get back to sleep before Ino started in on her questions again, because then perhaps Ino would catch the hint to come back later when Sakura wasn't as knackered.

When Sakura made it back to her room, she immediately face-planted into her sinfully soft bed and moaned blissfully into her pillow, not even shuffling around to find a more comfortable position. She was so spent that even a crushed nose didn't faze her, and she was already back on the cusp of sleep.

"Inojin is with Mum for the day, so I'll be here when you wake up," she heard Ino say distantly, as if speaking at the end of a very long tunnel.

Sakura mumbled something back that even she couldn't make out, though she had been the one saying it, and was unconscious a moment later.

* * *

Ino surprised her when she woke up with breakfast in bed.

Maybe the blonde thought that Sakura was going through an existential crisis and needed to be comforted, or just as easily was trying to butter her up for good gossip, but Sakura appreciated the gesture at any rate. With a quick thanks to both Ino and the food, she began eating, sighing as the flavours hit her greedy tongue. Ino had always been a pretty good cook, but once she had gotten her head out of her arse and gotten with Sai, she had started really making an effort to excel in the kitchen (since he was utterly useless in the kitchen). The hard work really showed, even in the mundane creations that she cooked up on the fly, and Sakura envied the ease that Ino could whip up even the simplest of meals.

Sai was a lucky man, even if Ino could be hard work sometimes.

Or most of the time.

"Spill," Ino demanded, sitting cross-legged on her bed in her kunoichi uniform. She still wore it on a day-to-day basis even though she wasn't active any more, partly because it was a familiar outfit but mostly because she was still on her vigorous training regimen to get back into shape after the birth of her son. Sakura thought she looked good even now, since she had been fairly active during her pregnancy, but Ino was used to looking stunning at all times, and having kids wasn't going to change that.

Sakura swallowed her morsel of food before she told Ino her rehearsed lie (or, at least, it was a lie for the moment, until Sasuke was dealt with and she could be honest about her application to ANBU): "I'm going back to active duty, Ino. I've gotten complacent at the hospital and I needed to be back out there, so I asked Kakashi if I could go back on the roster and he approved it. I'm going to take leave from the hospital to train for missions, and then I'll be an active duty jōnin like before, though I'll always be used at the hospital if I'm ever needed of course."

Halfway through her explanation, Ino's blue eyes grew quite mischievous, which did not bode well for Sakura. Immediately, Sakura tensed in preparation, not knowing what to expect from her bubbly friend, especially when she got _that_ look in her eyes.

"I'm really glad for you, Sakura," Ino said, her high voice truthful at least. "I was wondering if you'd ever get out of that hospital really. I think it'll be good for ya."

"Uh huh..." Sakura managed, still on the defensive and not quite knowing why.

Ino paused, giving Sakura a few moments to finish up her meal. She put her empty tray on her end table, stretching and smiling at Ino as she said a quick thanks for the food.

Then Ino finally pounced. "So, Forehead," she started, falling back on that old childhood nickname that was barely used any more unless Ino was actively trying to make Sakura irritable, "how was your night?"

Sakura raised an eyebrow, not knowing where Ino was going with this. "Um, interesting I guess. Just had dinner with Kakashi and chatted a bit about things, the usual." Then everything sort of flashed in her head at once – ANBU decisions and being accepted into ANBU and Sasuke drama and Kakashi's face and Kakashi's openness and just _everything_ – and realised that it had been a lot more than simply interesting.

Ino must've seen something in her face because a wicked grin popped up on her full lips and the impish sparkle in her eyes increased ten-fold. "Alright, what in the hell happened between you and Kakashi-sensei that made you not only start calling him by his given name only but wore you the hell out? Did you guys sleep together?"

" _What?!_ " Sakura shrieked, the sound of it so shrill that she was honestly surprised that all of the windows in the apartment complex itself didn't shatter.

"Oi, you think you can go a little louder? I think there was a missing-nin a few countries over that didn't hear you," Ino grumbled at her sarcastically, her hands over her ears and a grimace on her face.

Sakura was still infuriated but she did have a bit of sense left, and honestly she could kind of see where Ino was coming from. After years of being subjected to Ino's special brand of girlish perversity, she had pegged Ino's thought processes down when it came to Sakura's love life, and she had to admit that it _was_ kind of fishy. She had let Ino in her home and not reacted to her friend's verbal attacks because she had been dreadfully tired, when she was almost always up and in action at the same hour of the day. Then she had told her that she had spent the evening with Kakashi, not mentioning a date or any other reason why she was so exhausted, _and_ she had called Kakashi by his given name when she had never done so before. She could see why Ino had connected the dots like she had, even though _no_ , that was a _totally_ false assumption to make.

Fuming to the point where her face was probably bright red, Sakura hissed, " _No_ Ino, we did _not sleep together_."

"Okay, okay," Ino said, lifting up both hands in surrender. "I didn't mean any offence. I just figured you both finally got your heads out of your arses and got busy."

"What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?!" Sakura demanded shrilly, though thankfully at less of an ear-splitting decibel level.

"Please, Sakura, don't be stupid," Ino shot back, clearly irritated. "Everyone and their grandmothers think that you two are having a sordid affair. Don't you pay attention to the village gossip? Everyone's been placing bets on when you guys are going to come out and admit to it, though there is a sizeable pool that says that you're going to kill him when he does something stupid instead and _that's_ how everyone will find out."

Sakura tried to speak, to defend herself or threaten death and dismemberment of her fellow comrades in arms, but all that would come out of her gaping mouth was indignant squeaks. Her vocal chords simply wouldn't work properly, and she flailed around instead to show how utterly enraged she was. How could anyone even _think_ that about the two of them like that? They were just friends! Close friends, but friends just the same, and _certainly_ not lovers! The village was full of crazy people!

Ino seemed to get that Sakura was on the verge of going postal, and so the bubbly blonde sighed as if put out and tried to explain the reasoning of an entire village. "Think about it, Sakura. You guys have dinner all the time, and no amount of poking or prodding could possibly get the two of you to reschedule unless it's an important date or a mission. You can wax that bullshit about hospital briefings all you want but you spend _hours_ there, and no one's buying it. You guys train together all the time, which could be explained by the fact that he was your sensei, but he's the Hokage now and he's definitely not your sensei any more so there's no reasoning for it except that you enjoy training together. At your weekly dinners with Naruto and the others, you spend more time talking to Kakashi-sensei than anyone else, even the foxy idiot himself, and people notice _that_ too. You have to realise that people are going to think things like that, especially since the only women that Kakashi-sensei really talks to are Kurenai-sensei, Shizune, Anko, Tsunade-sama, Yūgao-senpai, and you. Since Kurenai-sensei is still devoted to Asuma-sensei, Shizune is all over Genma, Tsunade-sama is Tsunade-sama, and Anko spends more time insulting him than anything, the only women left over are you and Yūgao-senpai. You know that the village loves its gossip, especially when it concerns the most eligible bachelor in Konoha, and you're definitely everyone's choice for a steamy love affair."

"But it's not like that!" Sakura finally managed to get out.

"Oh, so you _don't_ do all of that stuff with Kakashi-sensei?" Ino snarked right back.

Sakura's brain short-circuited for a second, because yeah she kind of did, before she repeated incredulously, "But it's not like _that_." Ino mumbled something under her breath that Sakura couldn't quite catch, but judging by the expression of exasperation on Ino's pretty face it was probably something monumental, so with a large amount of trepidation creeping in her stomach, she heard herself ask, "What did you say?"

Ino sighed, squared her shoulders, and then said, "Sakura I love you to death and I only want you to be happy, so I'm only saying this because I have been dying to say it for _ages_ now. So, uh, don't kill me okay?" Sakura took in a sharp inhale and held it, her heart pounding because somehow she knew she really didn't want to hear this, and then Ino said calmly, "Maybe it _should_ be like that."

Sakura went very, very still.

"Before you freak out, just be your normal, boring, logical self for a second and run through it with me, okay?" Ino asked. When Sakura didn't respond – how _could_ she? – she sighed again and continued, "Seriously though, if you just let me talk for a minute, maybe you can see where I'm going at with this. If you think that I'm crazy at the end then whatever, laugh at me and then I'll just work on getting you a boyfriend as per usual, but at least let me make a case. I'm your girlfriend, and we're supposed to do this stuff for each other. You helped me with Sai in the same way, remember?"

Sakura did remember, because Ino had been absolutely daft about Sai until Sakura had walked her through it. To be honest, Ino had been in denial for ages, dating guys and stringing them along because she was so bent out of shape about Sai, thinking that his apathy towards her meant that he wasn't interested. It had taken Sakura a good few months to bash it into Ino's head that just because Sai was an emotionally stunted idiot that forgot that she existed rather frequently didn't mean that he didn't _like_ her. He just didn't understand how the real world worked, or how relationships worked outside of romance novels, and Ino needed to be incredibly blunt and just lay it all out there. Once Ino had realised that she had been acting like a harpy and had finally taken the plunge, finally getting Sai to realise that she was genuinely interested in him, she had been the happiest woman in the world. Especially when Sai had finally started figuring out how _to_ be in a relationship.

Of course, that was a wholly different situation than Sakura's relationship with Kakashi. There were no repressed feelings for the Hatake rolling around in Sakura's psyche, no lustful dreams or fantasies about him, nothing. She had never thought about him in a romantic sense, not once, and it was a weird concept to even consider the possibility of even the villagers gossiping about it. Kakashi had been her sensei since she had been twelve, and then had become her mentor, and now was her close friend, but there was nothing beyond that.

Still though, if Ino thought she had a point to prove, there would be no stopping her. Ino could be a bitch if she thought she was being cheated out of a chance to show her 'feminine wisdom' to a close friend, and it would be easier to suffer through the uncomfortable conversation about a hypothetical relationship with _Kakashi_ of all people than to tell her to bugger off.

Therefore, Sakura stiffly nodded, finally letting herself breathe again lest she pass out due to lack of oxygen.

Ino beamed brightly before schooling her emotions. "Okay! Now, I'm gonna ask you some questions. Don't even take a second to think about it, just answer with the first thing that pops into your head okay? Then after you answer, explain it to me in as much detail as you're comfortable with since I figure there's probably stuff you don't wanna talk about or can't talk about. And for the love of all that is holy, for the purpose of this conversation, don't try to justify to me why it's not a big deal or explain it away or something, okay?"

Ugh, she had a bad feeling about this, especially since there were a lot of things that she felt about Kakashi that could possibly be misconstrued by her flighty friend in such a manner of questioning, but at least Ino was giving her a way to explain herself afterwards. Regardless, she could still be sarcastic about it so she nodded again, just as rigidly, and received another bright grin in response.

"Alright, so let's get started!" Ino declared happily, scooting closer to Sakura on the bed. "Do you feel safe around him?"

Sakura snorted.

Immediately Ino frowned. "Hey bitch, I'm trying to ease you into this since you're clearly on the defensive right now."

Sakura frowned right back at the 'bitch' epithet, though she shouldn't have been surprised. Instead of growling back an epithet of her own of an increased vulgarity, she bit back her frustration and said, "Yes, of _course_ I feel safe around him. He's the only person who's always been there for me since the beginning of my career and the only one who hasn't left. He's had my back on missions and now he keeps this entire village safe."

"Okay, do you enjoy talking to him?" she asked next.

Sakura fought the urge to roll her eyes but answered instantly, "Yes. I wouldn't endure the pointless wrath of the village gossip if I didn't, Ino."

Ino snickered, and then asked with laughter in her voice, "Do you ever get bored?"

"No," Sakura shot off, and then she paused and backtracked when Ino's expression rapidly went from amused to triumphant. She quickly knew the reason why Ino looked so satisfied with her answer, because Sakura's usual complaint with guys was that that her dates were so utterly dreary to talk to. Even the one boyfriend that she had snagged had been a great catch, but she had been bored with their conversations. It had been quite maddening really, knowing that she had such a sweet and doting guy that could put up with her special brand of crazy and she just couldn't deal with his utter dullness.

Sakura sighed. "He's _not_ boring to talk to. Even whenever I was a girl, he wasn't boring to talk to. He's infuriating and he drives me half insane, but I'm never uninterested. Kakashi's just not a boring person. He's too intelligent and clever to be dull I guess." She wanted to tell her that there were other people that she didn't find dull or boring that she also didn't want to have relationships with – Shikamaru and Sai were good places to start – but she had accepted Ino's terms and kept her mouth firmly shut.

"Can he always cheer you up?"

"Definitely," she answered without hesitating, and then took a second to think about it. Thinking out loud, she said, "Even whenever we bicker about things, or talk about heavier topics like that arsehat Sasuke, he always makes sure to cheer me up before I leave just so I don't have to go home with all of that negativity. Despite all of his faults, yes, Kakashi can always make me smile, though throttling him is usually my default."

Ino huffed out a laugh, and then asked, "I gotta ask, but do you find him attractive, mask and all?"

A brief flash of his face _behind_ the mask popped into her head and she heard herself say without accord, "Yeah." Ino raised one thin blonde eyebrow at her quicker response, looking a bit suspicious, and Sakura decided that it would be in her best interest to explain herself. "I'm human, Ino, and I usually do his medical examinations when I can manage to drag his arse to the clinic. I _know_ that he's an attractive guy underneath all of those layers and that he's in peak physical condition, and what can I say? I'm a woman who likes her guys tall and lean and Kakashi fits the bill." It felt really...strange saying that out loud, especially since it was true, but she internally shrugged it off because she was not going to get distracted by thinking about Kakashi all naked when she was trying to argue that she _didn't_ get distracted by it in the first place. To try and hide the unfamiliar, almost awkward feelings rolling in her stomach, Sakura hastily continued, "So yeah, I guess physically he's an attractive guy."

Ino got a diabolical look in her sparkling blue eyes. "Have you seen him without his mask?" she asked greedily and unsurprisingly.

Instead of answering, because she wasn't exactly sure if Kakashi had given her his blessing to tell everyone, she simply rolled her eyes and said exasperatedly, "Honestly Ino?"

"Sorry, sorry, just figured I'd ask. Jeez, no need to jump down my throat. Uh, next question. Do you have to speak to have conversations?" Ino asked, her voice a tad bit disappointed.

For the first time since the questions had started, Sakura noticeably hesitated, because she hadn't really thought about that before, no they _didn't_ have to speak to have conversations, yes that could admittedly be viewed as couplish, and no she _really_ wasn't comfortable telling Ino about that because that was something the blonde would take out of proportion.

Naturally, Ino jumped right on her. "Oh gods, you idiot, why are you being so thick-headed?! Are you even listening to yourself?!"

Sakura quite literally snapped. "Just because I'm answering all of these inane questions in the affirmative doesn't mean that we're soulmates or something! He is one of my closest friends, and that's _it_. I can find my friends attractive and intelligent and kind and safe without wanting to _bone_ them, Ino!"

"What in the hell is holding you back then? Is it his age or something?" Ino yelled back, and Sakura was suddenly very glad that she had a soundproofed apartment now that they were both screaming at each other.

"It has nothing to do with his age, Pig!" Sakura exclaimed angrily, because it didn't. Fourteen years was a big age difference sure, but age had never been an issue for Sakura and she herself was an adult. Kakashi was in the prime years of his life, and she didn't care how old he was – he was still the same Hatake Kakashi that made her laugh and smile and furiously murderous on a reoccurring basis. Age wasn't a deal breaker; if anything, older men were more attractive to Sakura, due to maturity levels, increased intelligence, mental stability, and general sexiness, not to mention more knowledge in the bedroom.

"Is it his rank then?" Ino shouted, her face starting to go pink.

"Gods no, and whenever he quits being the Hokage and makes Naruto take over like he's been threatening to do since he took over in the first place, we'll be the same rank period! Rank might've been an issue four years ago, but it's not an issue now, not any more! I'm done arguing about this, Ino!"

"Are you just scared of commitment?" Ino demanded.

Sakura flinched back as if she had been slapped. "I'm not _scared_ , and certainly not of commitment you idiot!" she hissed venomously. Ino didn't seem intimidated, though that also didn't surprise Sakura, since the two of them had been fighting each other since the moment they had met. "I have sacrificed everything I am to this village and you know it."

"Please Sakura, loyalty to a village and loyalty to a person are two _very_ different things and _you_ know it. _I_ think Sasuke _broke_ something inside of you and now you've closed yourself off from ever loving another person because you're terrified of going through that aga—"

Sakura, fast as a lightning bolt or possibly even Kakashi himself, slapped her, and that's when the floodgates opened.

They threw punches and kicked and headbutted and slapped and tossed elbows and pulled hair and tossed and scratched liked rabid cats, destroying virtually every piece of furniture in Sakura's bedroom that came into contact with their fury. All the while, they screeched obscenities at each other when they weren't grunting in pain or bellowing in triumph when a hit connected. They were so loud and violent that even the soundproof walls couldn't cover up the sound of it, and eventually there was even more yelling from the enraged tenants all around her flat.

Eventually though, they ran out of steam, both of them flopping on the carpeted floor of her bedroom with total exhaustion and likely looking worse for wear. Sakura's entire body was throbbing with exertion as well as pain, though the adrenaline from their fight was masking a bit of it, and she pre-emptively began healing herself from the inside out as to _not_ feel the full extent of Ino's pummelling. She internally diagnosed all of her injuries – a few fractured bones, a broken nose that made it hard to breathe, more bruises and scratches than she cared to admit – and then her body glowed a vibrant green at all of the more pressing sites, healing them without lifting a single finger.

As she worked for when knew how long, not really using much chakra nor concentration since such healing was child's play in all honesty, Ino eventually said in a rough voice (probably from when Sakura had tried to throttle her), "I just don't get it, Sakura. I remember whenever you came barging into my house one day after you had that date with that hot jōnin from Suna, bitching and complaining about love and life itself. You told me that you hated the fact that Shikamaru was the guy that you could picture yourself spending the rest of your life with, and yet you just didn't find him attractive in _that_ way. You bitched about it for _four hours_ Sakura, and I really understood where you were coming from, because everyone knows that you two would really look good together if Temari wasn't in the picture. You're both freaky enough to work out."

Sakura finished healing her small fractures and broken nose almost simultaneously and decided to ignore the superficial injuries for now, turning towards Ino instead and reaching out towards her. She ran a diagnostic on her blonde friend – roughly the same injuries, though a fractured cheekbone and a bruised trachea were included and the broken nose was omitted – and began the healing process yet again as Ino continued, "So it's really funny to be having this conversation with you about Kakashi-sensei, because these conversations are practically identical. You're saying literally the exact same thing about the two of them. Over the years, you've given me snippets of your camaraderie with him and it made me totally suspicious that you guys were having that affair everyone's betting on, but I always dismissed it because you _always_ called him 'sensei' and I figured you would've told me if you guys were together or something. I mean, you guys are pretty much in a relationship _now_ , with the dinners together and hanging out and long talks and blah-blah-blah, so of course I thought something was up, but I wanted you to talk to me first. Today though, I just snapped and couldn't keep my mouth shut any more, because you being all tired and calling him 'Kakashi' was like a huge red flag that I had to pounce on."

Ino huffed in bemusement. "The funniest part about all of this is how defensive you are. When you came into my house bitching about how life was cruel for not making you wanna have sex with Shikamaru, we talked about it calmly and you logically told me why you loved him but didn't _love_ -love him. And, y'know, there was the fact that you and Temari would've destroyed half the country fighting for his affections. Now though, you're tense and defensive and you _slapped_ me and we got into an epic bitch fight for absolutely _no reason whatsoever_ , and nothing screams denial more than defensive Sakura, even you know that. It's just not like you...you always try to explain yourself, even whenever you're angry, and this time you're just reacting like you have something to hide. Maybe it's subconscious, or maybe you haven't made the connection in your stupidly smart brain, but there's _something_ in your head that you're defensive about, and you really need to think about _why_."

They fell back into silence after Ino said her piece, Sakura working diligently to heal Ino's cheekbone as she tried not to think. It took more time to mend Ino, mostly because the face was delicate and had to be done precisely as to avoid disfigurement, and then after a good ten minutes had passed and Sakura was content with Ino's more serious of injuries (though none of them were serious per se), she began healing up the superficial ones as well. It wouldn't do to send her back to her husband and baby boy covered in bruises, scratches, and welts after all.

Ino eventually hopped up and went to shower off the blood and sweat in Sakura's bathroom, leaving Sakura in the middle of her own bedroom floor to stew, her face and clothes covered in blood from her previously broken nose. Once alone, the thoughts rammed into the pedestal of her brain, refusing to be silenced or ignored.

To be honest, Sakura had no idea why she _was_ defensive. Ino was right: she had gone straight to her bubbly friend when she had lamented about not being sexually attracted to Shikamaru, since there was no one better in the world to talk to in regards to her love life than Ino (or in a way Sai, since he was so blunt and observant, but a girl's opinion was always better). She had even grumbled about it being a shame that she wasn't attracted to Sai once, to Ino's horror, though Sakura hadn't gone into too much detail about that with Ino, since the blonde had been in her denial phase. The only man or boy Sakura had ever been defensive about was Uchiha Sasuke, and that was because of a whole plethora of reasons including misguided affections and fragile bonds that she had desperately been trying to keep from breaking permanently (which she had ultimately failed to do, thanks to Sasuke). She had no reason to be defensive in this case. It was Kakashi, for crying out loud, just Kakashi. Just familiar, old Kakashi-sensei.

Sakura took a deep breath, and for Ino's sake and to just get it out of the way, albeit very unwillingly and with a huge amount of trepidation, Sakura allowed herself to imagine what it would be like if they _were_ in a relationship.

Strangely enough, the first thing that popped into her head was _not_ sex as her subconscious usually did when thinking about relationships. The first thought was a lazy evening, maybe a weekday after a long day at hospital, curled up on a sofa with a cup of tea and a novel for light reading. She could picture Kakashi sitting beside her, absently scratching the hindquarters of one of his dogs as he scribbled on some papers, probably some ninjutsu notes or maybe some paperwork that he had brought home from the office.

She shook that thought off, once again strangely uncomfortable with how domestic and comfortable it felt to her, but the next one came unbidden. The two of them, pressed side-by-side as bickered about whether or not it was proper for Naruto to get practise doing the tedious part of the job by filling out all of Kakashi's paperwork (something they had argued good-naturedly about before, to Sakura's victory since Naruto couldn't forge Kakashi's elegant signature as well as Sakura could).

Days spent no different than they did currently, except there was an added intimacy to it that made her blush to herself in the emptiness of her bedroom. Lazy days together, wrapped up in blankets to ward off the chill and cups of tea in their hands. Watching a film or reading books with their legs tangled together and their fingers linked. Arguments about whether or not cups were to be placed mouth-down or mouth-up in the cabinets and eventually just compromising by doing everything by month or something. Sakura going on tangents about violent and potentially illegal genjutsu creations she was scheming and him trying to talk her out of it while he absent-mindedly ran his calloused fingers through her short pink hair, something that could take her mind off of damn near anything. Him going on tangents about violent and potentially illegal ninjutsu creations _he_ was scheming and _her_ trying to talk him out of it with mischievous smirks and whatever she learnt about him that could take his mind off what was at hand.

Her blush bloomed hotter at what that might entail, and _finally_ her traitorous mind steamrolled down the path of curiosity.

She had told Ino that she thought Kakashi was an attractive man, and she hadn't been lying. It wasn't some misguided enthralment with his bare face now that she had seen it with her own eyes either, because she had always found him to be an attractive man, even in the days of her youth. It made her feel that same awkward curling in her stomach to think it, but it was true – even back when she had been head-over-heels in love with Sasuke she had believed that Kakashi was an attractive guy.

Sure, he covered up the majority of his face, but that didn't necessarily mean anything. It was weird to think it, but Hatake Kakashi practically _oozed_ sex appeal. It had a bit to do with the aura of mystery that the villagers and his enemies put onto his persona, but the majority of it had to do with the intensity of the man as a whole. He was standoffish, blunt, emotionally stunted, a bit socially backward, sometimes cold, seemingly lazy, occasionally quite perverted, and a thousand other things, but Kakashi had intensity in spades. Kakashi had a skill where he could look at a person and make it seem like the entire world revolved around that person, and there was nothing more flattering and consuming than that. Even whenever he didn't give two shits about a subject or a person, he could pretend like the best shinobi in the business...which he kind of was, as Hokage.

Sakura had always judged attractiveness not by how a person looked on the outside, though that was a determining factor of course, but by how that person held themselves and what kind of person they actually were. And to be honest, Kakashi was one of the most attractive people she had ever met, from his physical stature of peak condition and _that face_ to his steady calm during pressure, from his teasing to the insecurities that he had shared with her. She found his personality charismatic and his special brand of crazy charming as well as infuriating.

But most importantly, she wasn't _disillusioned_ by him. She _knew_ that he had problems, that he had issues with his past and with his own self-worth, and she wasn't deluding herself into thinking that he either didn't have problems in the first place or that his flaws were entrancing (like she had with Sasuke so long ago). She knew he had issues and she had accepted him for his idiosyncrasies and troubles ages ago. She didn't want to change him; _help_ him in a sparse few aspects, maybe, but change him? Absolutely not. She liked him as a person, as he was, and while she genuinely believed that some of his issues weren't exactly healthy, it wasn't her place to change him whether she was in a relationship with him or not.

He would fight her tooth and nail if she tried anyway.

As for the more _pressing_ concern of attraction towards Kakashi though, that was a different story. Sakura had never even contemplated the idea of being intimate with the man, because not only was he her superior and Hokage, but he was also her friend and she had never crossed that line even mentally. Maybe Ino had been right about such a decision being subconscious, because Sakura had never _wanted_ to entertain such thoughts about Kakashi. She had thought about it with Shikamaru and Sai, only to feel a bit grossed out about it unfortunately, and with a few other people, but never with Kakashi. Perhaps there _had_ always been a mental block there when it came to 'Kakashi-sensei' and anything associated with intimacy and sex, because thinking about the two concepts in the same thought process was just fucking strange. It probably also explained why she felt so uncomfortable with how domestic and practically intimate their platonic relationship already _was_.

Still though, Sakura was suddenly surprised at how _easy_ it was to envision it now that she was permitting herself to.

Immediately, she felt a shudder roll down her spine, causing her to sit up quickly. She wrapped her arms around her knees and closed her eyes tightly, wondering what it would be like to actually be close with him in _that_ way. What it would feel like to have him pull her close as they sat together on a sofa, running his fingers through her hair and feeling his masked lips press a soft kiss to the inside of her wrist. How it would feel to have him hold her from behind, his nose in her hair and his fingers entwined with hers around her middle.

Because just yesterday she had been in a similar situation with him, though platonically of course, she could even picture him in her mind so very close-close-close, where she could see every one of his deceptively dark eyelashes that framed his charcoal grey eyes. She could picture her own hands coming up to his bare face, smooth and warm just like it had been yesterday evening, and caressing his skin before burying her fingers in that heavy mass of silver hair.

Sakura opened her eyes slowly, not allowing her mind to finish that train of thought. She didn't have to – she already knew that it would be effortless to close that gap to his lips.

She didn't even jump when she registered Ino sitting on her dresser, wearing some of her own spare clothes that she left at Sakura's flat just in case she used Sakura's shower after a training session. There was no telling how long Ino had been watching her as Sakura worked things out in her head, or what she had seen on her face. In a way, Sakura kind of hoped that she had been there the entire time, because then it would be less explaining on her part. She wasn't even sure how to explain all of this out loud, because she wasn't sure how she felt yet exactly. It was a lot to take in.

"What a weird concept," Sakura said simply, her voice a bit breathless from shock more than anything.

Ino sighed and hopped down from Sakura's dresser, her damp hair hanging limply around her shoulders and getting her top wet. The blonde sat down directly in front of Sakura and took both of her hands, smiling at her tightly before she said, "Yeah, it really is, but it'll be worth it if you go for it, Sakura."

"I don't know where to even start," Sakura admitted. "I don't know how to process all of this, or how I even feel. Acknowledging that _something_ exists between us, at least on my end, is different than actually loving him. And I sure as hell don't want to go down the road where I'm in love with another half-insane genius that will never love me back."

Ino rolled her eyes. "Please Sakura. It would be so easy to get that man to fall in love with you, if he isn't already. There are bets for this, remember? _I_ think he's been blocking out the idea just as vehemently as you have, and with a bit of prodding he'll come to his senses just like you did. I just haven't decided if I'm going to let you handle it on your own or if I'm going to recruit Genma to kick some sense into him. I don't trust you to not chicken out or something."

Well, she _was_ about ready to book it to a six-month-long isolation training period for ANBU and then return either as a failure or as an operative. Either way, Ino would see it as 'chickening out' most likely, and would subsequently lose her mind. However, Sakura was definitely not comfortable with letting Ino meddle in her love life, or lack thereof, and she decided she needed to make her wishes very clear. "Ino, if you meddle in this I will burn all of your hair off. I don't even know if I want to pursue this, because you don't know the entire situation."

Ino's eyes narrowed. "What does _that_ mean?"

Sakura sighed. "I'm sorry, but that's a bit private." Private as in ' _I still have to deal with Sasuke drama and there's ANBU to consider and not to mention Naruto freaking out and Kakashi himself might not even be on board with this, and even if by some miracle he somehow_ is _there's still a thousand things in between us that need to be figured out, starting with both of our unique brands of insane,_ _and I don't even know how I feel about him anyway_ _...oh, and Tsunade, dear gods she will lose her_ _ability to function and she'll probably murder him in the process._ ' "I'll tell you soon, I promise, but you have to give me some time. Please Ino, you have to trust me to do this on my own, even if I butcher it up or end up deciding to become a lonely old maid instead. I need your support, not your scheming."

Sakura's busty blonde friend looked incredibly put out but thankfully she said, "Okay Sakura, I'll let you handle this one. But if you change your mind just let me know, and just remember that I'm always going to be here if you need someone to talk to, alright?"

Sakura gave Ino a shaky smile and pulled her into a hug, relieved for the time being that Ino wasn't going to get involved. Sakura just hoped that Kakashi's plan in regards to Sasuke worked, because she was going to have to fill Ino in on a few things just to keep the woman from going completely off the walls. Ino was the village gossip and rightfully so, but she also knew how to keep a secret or she would not have been such a good kunoichi. Therefore Sakura wasn't too worried about the Sasuke business getting out to her bubbly friend because she knew that Ino would keep it under wraps if Sakura asked her to.

Once Sakura told Ino about the Sasuke drama and then her ANBU story got out, Ino would be convinced that almost all the secrets were out. Obviously she would be suspicious that there was some underlying information between Sakura and Kakashi that was also holding Sakura back, which was most certainly correct, but Ino was respectful enough to keep her nose out of something so private. Contrary to popular belief, Ino knew her boundaries.

"Thank you Ino. I'm sorry I'm being so evasive about all this, but it's really complicated and I never expected all of this to happen. Not right now, and definitely not all at once. I feel like I'm living in a soap opera." Sakura sighed and pulled away, giving her friend yet another shaky smile. She wasn't sure if her face could manage another facial expression without her internal revelation visibly showing on her face, and she definitely didn't want Ino seeing any other emotion than a smile. She needed time to herself to not only think about what she was going to do about Sasuke but now she had to ponder over this new development.

She adamantly refused to call it anything else until she had fully dissected it in her head and had come to a full understanding on what she _actually_ felt for Hatake Kakashi, or at least _could_ feel for him in the future if she allowed herself to.

"It's about time you had some drama in your life, girl," Ino said with a snicker. "You've been all work and no play for so long that I was worried that you were gonna turn out to be a bore for the rest of your life."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "I don't like drama. I've had enough of that to last a lifetime."

Ino smiled understandingly. "I believe that, but still it keeps us on our toes. As long as we don't get carried away by it and take it all in good spirits."

"I just want my life to be boring. Is that too much to ask for?" Sakura complained, but good-naturedly. Ino was right...well, somewhat. A little drama did keep things interesting, though she did prefer when it was about other people and not about her.

"Definitely," Ino teased her. "I'm your girlfriend, you hang around Naruto who is a bundle of stupid all by himself, and you're the most eligible woman in the village, not to mention the most intimidating kunoichi here too. Your life is never going to be boring, Sakura."

"That's what I'm going to ask Kakashi for my birthday next year: for my life to be utterly boring," Sakura said without thinking. "He always gives the best presents and they're always so practical."

Ino's smile turned into a wicked grin. "You'll have to be snatched up by a guy to become boring Sakura. That being said, I'm sure Kakashi-sensei will be great in bed, considering those pervy books he reads and all his _experience_."

"Ino!" Sakura shrieked, and promptly went about throwing the infuriating blonde out of her apartment.

* * *

By the time Sakura had gotten ready for the day, it was nearly four in the afternoon.

She still didn't have a clear plan of attack on dealing with Sasuke, but in the end no amount of over-thinking it was going to help her figure it out. She just had to go in with her gut instincts switched off for once and take Kakashi's advice, because she truly _didn't_ want to hurt Sasuke any more than he already had been in his life.

She just had to be honest about what she wanted, and have a mature, adult conversation with him. What could possibly be so hard about that? She was a grown woman and she was capable of steeling herself to have this talk with Sasuke no matter how hard or awkward it would inevitably be.

She just had to do it now instead of putting it off like she was tempted to do, because she really didn't know how long she would be able to keep her acceptance into ANBU a secret from Naruto. Even now every molecule in her body ached to tell her brother in all but blood, and the sooner she settled things with Sasuke the sooner she could spill the beans to Naruto (and by extension the rest of the village).

Besides, she had told herself that she wouldn't start drafting her training regimen schedule until she had talked to Sasuke, and she was planning on doing that tonight after her dinner with Kakashi.

And thinking of that, she hoped it wasn't all weird and mortifying now that she had discovered that there could possibly be something worth exploring there. She sincerely doubted it, because awkwardness had sometimes popped up in their relationship over the past near-decade and it hadn't stopped them before. Still though, seeing him in the light of _maybe-possibly-potentially-a-love-interest_ was a bit different than him getting her tampons when she had abruptly started her period while on a mission when she had been a genin, or when she had accidentally been caught naked by him when on a mission before the war. Sure, those instances had been embarrassing, but this was on a whole new level.

She walked through the village briskly, waving to a few of her acquaintances and friends that she passed on the streets as she made her way to Sasuke's flat. She didn't really expect him to be there, but she didn't know his schedule and didn't exactly know where else to look. She didn't want to go and ask Naruto, because the temptation to tell Naruto everything would way too great to resist, and he would probably wonder why she wanted to talk to Sasuke anyway, considering she avoided him like the plague. Since Sasuke avoided everyone else _besides_ Naruto and Hanabi like the plague, she didn't really know who else to ask. If he wasn't at his flat, she was planning on stalking the jōnin headquarters as well as the training grounds in order to track him down that way.

At least she knew he wasn't with Hanabi, since Sakura was fully aware that the Hyūga heir was on a mission with her team to the Land of Rivers, in between Sand and Fire, escorting some caravan or something. Moping around his flat was a safe bet unless he was training, and if that was the case then he was either alone or with Naruto. If it was the former she could pull him away and maybe heal him of eye strain, something that she hadn't done for him since his initial healing after the war had ended, and that could possibly ease down the tension. If it was the latter, she would run for her life and talk to him after her dinner with Kakashi, and hope that he didn't judge her for not talking to Sasuke immediately. He probably wouldn't, after all, and likely knew that it was a pain in the arse to find a man who often didn't want to be found (and that she had probably slept the day away too no doubt).

He seemed to always know where her mind was at anyway.

She had opted out of thinking about her current revelation of sorts when it came to Kakashi, not because she didn't want to but because she had way too much other shit that she needed to focus on. As soon as she dealt with Sasuke, had drafted up a training schedule for herself, and had let everyone important to her know that she was applying to ANBU, she would allow herself to ponder it to death. That was more important at the present moment than a hypothetical relationship that could brew in the future, and a week or so wasn't going to hinder her any. She was happy and unbelievably content having him as a close friend, and jumping head-first into something as wild and potentially friendship-ending like that was something that she wanted to avoid. She had to weigh the pros and cons of such a move on her part, and she didn't know if she wanted to risk the closeness that she had with Kakashi for something that might not even come to fruition.

So she pushed it to the back of her mind for the time being and focussed on what she was going to say first to Sasuke.

By the time she made it to his building, she was a solid bundle of nerves, and a huge part of her just hoped that he wasn't at his flat. Still, she trudged through the doors of the nicer building and made her way to the fifth floor where his apartment was. Swallowing the nausea that was a result of the intense nerves, she took a deep breath and knocked on his door soundly three times, forcing herself to keep breathing so she didn't appear suspiciously panicked or on edge if he was home. He could possibly mistake her nerves for anger, and she didn't want to give him that impression because for once, she wasn't angry with him for this – a hell of a lot of other things, sure, but not this. This was logical and made sense, and she _understood_ even if she didn't like it.

Her ears weren't as sharp as her boys but she still heard movement inside the flat, and Sakura's heart leapt into her throat. She wasn't sure how to work from this moment, seeing him face-to-face and having such a personal conversation with a man that she disliked so intensely. What if he asked her to come inside, giving her no escape plan if things went south unless she knocked down a wall of his apartment? What if he grew so angry that he attacked her and she was forced to defend herself? What if he got _personal_?!

The door opened, and standing there in surprisingly casual clothes stood Sasuke.

He looked ridiculously handsome as always, but it didn't swipe her off her feet or make her heart accelerate like it had in the past. She was practically desensitised to to all things Uchiha Sasuke now, though she could still appreciate how attractive he was. More masculine than his brother had been at the same age, but somehow still not as beautiful as Itachi. It was weird, because she tended to go for more masculine men, but she just honestly found Itachi more attractive than Sasuke.

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she now realised that Itachi was one hell of a loyal, caring, devoted shinobi whereas his brother was...well, _Sasuke_. Itachi had admittedly done terrible things, between his clan and his atrocities in Akatsuki, but then again so had Sakura. She had killed people and stolen for money, power, and notoriety all in the name of Konoha, and in the end so had he. Infiltrating Akatsuki had been a mission from Konoha that Uchiha Itachi had preformed in a manner that no other shinobi could have accomplished with such finesse and perfection. Even if his mission in Akatsuki had been the Kyūbi, he had seamlessly done everything in his power to let Naruto slip through his fingers, and Sakura knew for a fact that the number of casualties in Itachi's ledger was absurdly small considering. Unbelievably, he had killed more people during the Uchiha massacre than he had during the eight years he had been a missing-nin with Akatsuki, and that was one _hell_ of a feat.

Sasuke had done the same terrible things, but he had done those things without remorse or hesitation, and only for selfish reasons. At first it had been to murder his brother, which had been understandable considering the limited information that Sasuke had had and the reasoning behind it. Then after the truth had surfaced, Sasuke had been hell-bent on destroying Konoha, the elders, and Danzō, which had resulted in a lot of fear and carnage, especially in Lightning and Iron. After that had been abandoned, he had fought Naruto one last time with the intent of killing him, set on becoming not really the Hokage but more of a global dictator of fear.

Itachi, despite his insanity and his horrible deeds seemingly against Konoha and the other nations, had been a better man than Sasuke could ever be. Maybe that was why she could look at the two brothers in her mind and resolutely believe that Itachi was more attractive despite his more delicate appearance, because Sakura looked at people's actions more than their appearances.

Sakura sighed, pulling herself from her internal thoughts, and said tiredly, "Hello Sasuke."

Sasuke's dark eyes were impassive as they looked her up and down, assessing her warily instead of the once-over that she was more familiar with when it came to guys. She didn't blame him, because it wasn't everyday that she willingly sought him out of her own accord. After all, she did avoid him as if her life depended on it, and he was probably a bit on his guard with her sudden appearance at his door.

"Sakura," he said simply.

She sighed again, fighting the urge to roll her eyes and ultimately succeeding. This was much harder than she had originally anticipated, since she couldn't use some sort of buffer to ease his caution before dropping some personal crap on him. She really wished the little bugger had been training because that would've been a perfect segue to have said chat. "Look," she eventually said after a few seconds of awkward silence had stretched between them, "I was wondering if we could...talk."

Sasuke's face showed the first hint of expression when his eyes narrowed minutely, but instead of answering he simply opened his door a bit wider to allow her room into his flat. She inwardly groaned, praying that he wouldn't overreact and force her to break her way out of his place, resulting in loads of damage, but ultimately accepted his unspoken invitation inside his home.

She had never seen the inside of his place before, and she was quite surprised at how modern the décor was. She had always been under the impression that he would prefer the more traditional style because it was what he had grown up with, but Sasuke's high-end apartment was contemporary and actually rather posh. It wasn't filled with non-necessities, instead furnished stylishly but sparsely with only the bare minimum of what he needed. She could only see his living area, kitchen, dining area, and an open half-lavatory, but everything was perfectly neat and organised in a way that _was_ characteristic of Sasuke at least.

She stood awkwardly as he closed the door, and then toed off her shoes with trepidation when he beckoned her further inside. She followed him towards the open kitchen but they didn't actually make it in, because Sasuke finally turned around with his impassive expression back in place.

"Have a seat wherever you would like, Sakura," he told her, his deep voice not betraying anything that he might be thinking, and she heeded his direction only so she wasn't standing uneasily in the middle of his living room. She chose one of the stools at the L-shaped bar, the only thing separating the kitchen from the living area and dining room, mostly because it was a neutral spot that gave her a few exit strategies if she needed them. There was the front door to her right, the large glass window to her left in the dining room, and then the balcony door in the living room directly behind her, all equally spaced from her location at the bar. Plenty of options if she needed to do a runner.

He didn't sit beside her, opting to walk into the kitchen. When he finally stilled, leaning his elbows against the counters that were nestled on the other site of the bar, he said, "Why are you here?"

This was one thing that she had come to a decision about in her mind at least. Starting out this conversation was something that she had to have a solid game plan on, because it wasn't something she could bumble her way through. If she did that, she would fluster herself and then forget everything she had meant to tell him, so she had pondered endlessly about how she was going to get the ball rolling.

Sakura took a deep breath, looking down at her fidgeting fingers, and told him truthfully, "I want to talk to you, which is kind of a tall order. I don't know if this is news to you, but I don't really know _how_ to talk to you. I never really have. When I was younger, I babbled nonsense that I either didn't care about or sang your praises because I wanted to impress you, so all of it was either previously thought up or was a spur-of-the-moment crap. Now that everything is...well... _different_ , I still don't know how to talk to you. I've never really made an effort to try since you've been back, I'll fully admit to that, and to be honest I've always been concerned that either you'll get angry or that _I_ would, and it was something that I wanted to avoid, mostly for Naruto's sake. So I just never tried, and honestly that was an error on my part."

Sakura finally looked up at Sasuke, trying not to let her exasperation show at Sasuke's expressionless face. "Regardless, I do need to talk to you about something extremely important, so I'm throwing all of that out the window and I'm just going to have at it in the way that I know how. I really need to explain some things, and I'm going to be absolutely honest with you, so I want you to actually listen to what I have to say. I'd like for you to talk to _me_ as well, even though _that's_ kind of a tall order too since I'm talking to you."

Sasuke was quiet for a second and then his smooth voice said, "This...barrier between us might make it difficult, so I make no promises, but I will make an attempt."

Sakura forced herself to smile in response, though it was probably noticeable to Sasuke that it was as fake as it came, and she nodded in his direction. He elevated his chin at her in acknowledgement and then asked, "Would you like some tea or water?"

"Some tea would be nice, thank you," she answered quietly.

The silence was stiff as he efficiently went about brewing the tea, every movement controlled as to not waste a single millisecond of time or the tiniest bit of energy. His methods were methodical, and unconsciously she compared it to Kakashi's manner of making tea. Kakashi was just as controlled, but he was certainly more relaxed about it, not measuring out the tea leaves with utmost care or making sure exactly five cups of water was in the kettle. He didn't make sure his tea set matched like Sasuke did, or wash and dry the already clean teacups by hand as the kettle heated, or make sure that the cups and saucers were in the same direction and placement even as he waited for the tea to steep, or set the timer to make sure the tea didn't steep any longer than it was supposed to. It was so bizarre to watch Sasuke make tea because of the obsessive-compulsive mannerisms behind it, especially since he wasn't OCD in any manner as far as she knew. Kakashi (and even Sakura herself) tended to just go with the flow and wing it, hoping that the brew ended up tasting delicious in the end. She had a feeling that Sasuke's tea would taste meticulous because he had followed the directions to the letter, but it was still so clinical and disciplined that she was genuinely surprised that something hadn't gone horribly wrong and forced him to start all over.

By the time the timer had gone off and he had poured their tea, a simple green by the looks of it, she was actually kind of relieved. She was gradually becoming more relaxed the longer she was in his flat, and that was actually the truth, but the nervousness was slowly being replaced by impatience and exasperation, which wasn't exactly the most ideal state of mind for Sakura to be in. She just wanted the conversation to be over with so she could go get dinner and head to Kakashi's office. The sooner this was over with, the sooner she could get on with her life.

This time he sat down at the bar with her, though there was a stool that mercifully separated them. She thanked him for the tea and then took a tentative sip, burning her tongue a tiny bit due to the heat but relishing in the simple, delicious flavour of the beverage. It _was_ pretty delicious, but she had expected it, probably because it was expensive and he had brewed it with such discipline. It was a comfort too, because it gave her something to do with her hands and was a legitimate excuse for her to pause.

She steeled herself and then decided that she should just get it over with, finally turning towards Sasuke with a determined air. "I became aware of some things that were said awhile back between you and Kakashi-sensei," she told him, actively tacking the 'sensei' at the end of Kakashi's name without a moment's hesitation just to keep Sasuke in the dark about _that_. The last thing she wanted was him to think that she was declining him because she was in love with Kakashi.

Sasuke's eyes visibly steeled and she could see him tense, but she said quietly, "No one verbally attacked you behind your back, not even Kakashi-sensei when I briefly talked to him about it, and I want you to know that I'm not here to do that either. Trust me Sasuke, if I was going to do that, I wouldn't be here having a calm, civilised conversation with you. I would've kicked down your door screaming and kicked your arse, or attempted to at least."

The little addition of her acknowledgement of his superiority over her seemed to placate him if his tiny smirk was anything to go on, though his eyes were still wary and his body tense. It didn't much bother her oddly enough, because it was true that he was stronger than her in their chosen profession though they had different strengths and weaknesses, and besides, it was almost reminiscent of a teasing remark she would've made to any of her boys.

The small smirk slipped off his shapely lips fairly quickly though, and he said again, "Then why are you here? Somehow I doubt it's to accept my offer to court you."

Sakura let out a small chuckle at that, and the last of her nerves melted away. Maybe he wouldn't have a temper tantrum after all, though mentally she knocked on wood...just in case. "I was being honest when I said that I wanted to talk, but I don't want to talk about about that conversation you had with the boys or your motives behind it. I have a pretty good idea where your head is at and I doubt you're going to confirm it for me anyway. So I just figured that I'd tell you a little about _me_ instead, because maybe it'll put things in perspective a bit."

"I don't understand," Sasuke confessed, his tone unreadable. His two hands, one real and one manufactured, cupped his tea as he continued, "How could you boring me with your personal insecurities help put things in perspective as you've so aptly named it?"

She felt a stab of irritation but let it go, because Sasuke was just being his usual insulting self and he really just couldn't help himself. In a way she didn't even blame him for making the jab at her, because in the past she might've done just that. Instead, she just took a few seconds to internally calm herself down, took another sip of her tea, and then replied, "Because you have some preconceived ideas about me that admittedly are probably warranted considering how I've acted in the past and even how I act around people now. The whole purpose of this isn't to 'bore you with my personal insecurities', as _you've_ so aptly named it, but to explain to you who I am as a person, any _why_ it would be kinda silly for us to ever...uh, date or whatever."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed again, but Sakura could tell just by the downward tilt to his lips that it was with confusion instead of anger. It was a relief, and when Sasuke said nothing in regards to her either continuing or shutting up, she took that as a sign to start. "Well, back when I was younger, you obviously knew that I was a bit daft in the head." She smiled and joked, "I think I needed to be checked out worse than you back then."

Sasuke made a little exhale with his nose that could've been a snort had he put more effort into it, and Sakura fought the urge to snicker at his poorly concealed amusement. She was glad he hadn't taken _that_ the wrong way either, because reminding Sasuke of all the stupid shit he had done in his past usually made him highly cranky.

Sakura went on, "I would've done anything to get you to like me Sasuke, but I still had priorities. I didn't fully understand what having a relationship with you would actually consist of, or I would've run screaming in the other direction." At that he raised an eyebrow, so she figured she should clarify herself before he started getting angry. There was no telling how he was taking that.

She exhaled and shrugged, refusing to break eye contact. "Ever since I was a little girl, I've always had this picture in my head of what my life is going to be like, and it hasn't changed in fifteen years. I got a bit sidetracked with you, but even so that picture never changed, and I didn't realise when I was pursuing you that I would have to completely change who I was as a person in order to make you happy. If I had, I probably wouldn't have been as annoying because I would've found someone else that was broody and mysterious and dashingly handsome to bother the hell out of." She smiled to herself, refusing to get irritated that his expression was still just as impassive as ever, but at least she could tell that he was paying attention. She just needed to stop rambling and get to the meat of it before he lost his patience with her.

"Sasuke, I've always known what I wanted, even before I met you, and that's not really going to change no matter how old I get. As you and Naruto know, I'm pretty stubborn, and I'll kick and scream to make sure that I live life in the way that makes me happy."

She took another sip of tea and then finally looked away from those dark eyes, looking down in the cup without seeing the tea inside of it. Finally, she said, "I never thought that I would be telling you this, but here goes. One of my first memories that I can actually remember is when I realised that I wanted to be a kunoichi, and I think I was about four- or five-years-old. My mother was taking me out to the market and I watched a fight break out between a few guys over the price of something I think. They were both shinobi and I'd never seen anything like it before, the way that they were fighting each other with taijutsu." She glanced up at him, hesitating for a moment, and then told him cautiously, "It was broken up by a kunoichi and two shinobi, and all three of them were in the Uchiha clan's police force."

Sasuke visibly recoiled, but she chose to ignore it for his own sake. She continued, "They dealt with the issue pretty quick without any trouble, and the two shinobi who had been fighting in the middle of the market pretty much tucked their tails between their legs and bolted, but it was still amazing. I remember looking up at my mother and asking her what they were, and how they could move that fast. She just told me that they were shinobi of the Leaf, and I _knew_ right then that I was going to be just like them one day."

Sakura smiled softly. "Mum enrolled me into the Academy after I begged my parents, who were both retired shinobi and hadn't wanted that life for me. In the Academy, I learnt about what a kunoichi did, discovered that I would have to lie and cheat and steal and kill to protect this village, but even that didn't deter me. The idea of being just like those three Uchiha in the market that day, protecting the civilians from getting hurt by two irate shinobi, and ultimately protecting everyone that I cared about...that was my dream. Every single day that I was in the Academy my resolve grew, and I knew that I was going to live and die this lifestyle."

"You were pathetic when you were in the later classes, and nothing changed when Team Seven was formed," Sasuke drawled, seemingly composed from his earlier shock at learning that Sakura's reasoning for becoming a kunoichi was directly involved with the Uchiha police force. Of course, Sakura knew without a doubt that if it hadn't been that incident that had motivated her to join the Academy, it would've been a different incident – it had simply been a matter of happen-stance that the Uchiha had been the trigger.

"Well duh," Sakura told him with a smirk, looking at him with a teasing glint in her eyes. "I thought I was in love with you, and that made me change who I was even though I really did hate myself sometimes. The long hair, the squealing, dumbing myself down – everything served a purpose back then, though it was a misguided purpose. I had always been told that boys liked dumb girls that weren't as strong as them, so the boys could always be the big, masculine men that they all secretly wanted to be. I changed who I was when I was around you, and that eventually bled into my studies and my actual kunoichi training. It hurt me a lot, but I overcame it in the end."

Sasuke was quiet for a long moment, but before Sakura could go on to fill up the silence Sasuke said quietly, "That's moronic. Guys don't want stupid girls unless it's just for a mindless fuck or they're insecure about themselves."

Surprisingly, it was the first time that she had ever heard Sasuke swear to that level of vulgarity, and it caused her to burst into giggles. She could see Sasuke look at her sharply from the corner of her eyes but she simply couldn't stop them, because hearing proper little Sasuke say such a word was endlessly amusing.

Eventually she got her mirth under control and said, "Oh I know that _now_ , but that's what girls grow up hearing. That's why a lot of girls act so vapid around guys that they like, because we're always told that that's how we're _supposed_ to act."

"That's completely ridiculous." Strangely, there was a slight twinge to Sasuke's voice that Sakura recognised as bewilderment, and that was enough to make her giggle again, though her amusement wasn't as long winded as when Sasuke had said 'fuck'.

With the few and occasional snicker colouring her tone, she decided to move on past the conversation of girls acting like fools because of long-held instruction on how to get a boyfriend by saying, "Look, all I'm trying to tell you is that I've known since I was like five that I was going to be a kunoichi of the Leaf for the rest of my life. Whether I die in an epic battle or of old age, I'm going to be a kunoichi until the day I die, and I could never change my mind. I'm never going to retire, not while I have a gram of chakra left to heal patients."

Sasuke was quiet again, but this time she was waiting for him to speak. In time though, he finally said, "That's something I could compromise on. Hospital work is different than being on the field." He didn't look at her as he spoke, opting instead to let his dark eyes stare into his teacup not unlike she had been doing previously. She wondered if he was a bit embarrassed to be having this conversation with her, or if he really just didn't care to look at her. Either way, she didn't mind. She was actually kind of relieved that he was participating so calmly, even agreeably, and she was even a bit surprised that he was telling her that he could compromise. It was all hypothetical of course, because the two of them together was never going to happen, but it was still rather...nice that he would consider it. After all, if she was a staffed medic-nin in charge of the hospital, she would still be considered an active kunoichi, even if she wasn't active _duty_ per se.

Still though. "You've probably heard the rumours that I've quit working at the hospital. I'm going back on active rotation, and I figure I'll probably be active for the next decade or so Sasuke, if not longer." Which was true – she wasn't sure how long she was going to stick with ANBU yet, if she passed the training period in the first place, but even after that she wasn't going to stay off the field. Sakura knew that she wouldn't be able to go from ANBU, the elite of the village and a collective that was always neck deep in missions, straight back to the isolation of the hospital cold turkey. She would need time to calm herself down from the lifestyle, that she was already sure of, and it would likely be a long time before she ever decided to become a fully reinstated hospital director and medic-nin again.

Besides, by the time her ANBU stint was over, Kakashi was probably going to step down as Hokage, and she loved working with the man, strange new feelings aside. Between Kakashi, Sai, Tenzō, and even Sasuke being on active rotation (since it was inevitable that Kakashi would jump head-first into missions again, likely to the general bafflement of the Konoha populace), she knew without a doubt in her mind that forming a team with even some of them for jōnin missions would be her next logical step. They would need a medic-nin anyway, and she was the most qualified in the village even at her current level. It had been long enough that Team Tenzō was skirting through the cracks of having no medic-nin, and that team would disband soon enough because of Naruto's appointment as the Seventh.

Maybe she would coincide her leave from active ANBU with Kakashi's step down as Rokudaime, just so they could be on a team again with Sai and maybe even Sasuke, if time eased the rift between them.

"I've heard," Sasuke said, his tone once again unreadable, which probably meant that he wasn't pleased with that news. Coupled with her statement of being a kunoichi for the rest of her life, he likely was incredibly miffed.

Sakura sighed. "Still though, me being a kunoichi until my last breath isn't exactly the only thing I'm here to talk to you about."

He blinked once at her so she decided to drop the next bit on him before he grew even more grumpy. "I mean, hypothetically we could work around the whole lifetime service thing, but I seriously doubt that we could work around the fact that I don't want kids, nor do I particularly like them to be completely honest with you."

He frowned heavily at that, causing a small sheepish smile to pop up on Sakura's lips. "I know what you're thinking," she told him with a small hint of amusement colouring her tone. "' _Sakura is good with kids and she always fawns over them._ ' Yeah, I guess that's true, but that's only because it's my job as a medic-nin to heal and have a good bedside manner, and if I actively avoided my patients that were under the age of ten I would probably be out of a job in a hospital, even _if_ our hospital usually deals with shinobi. It's easy to pretend anyway, because frankly they're easier to deal with than some of you idiots sometimes.

"But I really don't like them personally. They're loud, expensive, unmindful, and I don't have the patience for them. Ever since I was a girl I've always disliked kids. I don't mind babies as much, mostly because they don't talk back, but I'm just not a fan of kids in general. It drives my mum mad, because she wants grandchildren and she's pretty much had to come to terms over the years that she's screwed in that regard." Sakura shrugged, a bit despondently. "I don't want to get married either, but if I ever was cracked enough in the head to do such a thing, one of the big deal breakers for me would be kids. I may not like kids, but I think the biggest part of it for me is the fact that I'm going to be a kunoichi for the rest of my life, and the idea that I would be letting a little hellion run around without a mother or a father is a big _no_ for me. I'm not the type of girl who would marry a civilian, because of obvious reasons, and I doubt a shinobi would give up _his_ career to raise a child and be a stay-at-home dad, y'know?"

Sasuke was very still beside her, his eyes still expressionless, and she wasn't sure what kind of stillness it was because she simply didn't know him well enough to understand. She knew what all of her boys were thinking when they went still, and she could guess when it came to all of her friends with an uncanny accuracy, but Sasuke was a wildcard that she knew nothing about.

After a few moments of silence, she took another sip of lukewarm tea and then sighed for the umpteenth time since entering his flat. Softly, truthfully, she concluded, "Look Sasuke, what I'm trying to get at is that I'm not what you're looking for. Trust me, I _understand_ why you thought of me, but I'm not the answer. We have nothing in common, we would both be unhappy, and I will never be able to give you the home that you wish for. I can't be a wife, or a mother, or a hospital administrator for the rest of my life, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but you really _do_ deserve a lot better than me. You deserve a woman who can give you all of those things and more, because no one in this village deserves to be happy and loved more than you and I say that with every molecule of honesty I have in my body. You're worth more than an unhappy marriage Sasuke."

She paused, still refusing to look away from him even though his face was still blank, and then went on, "I know it's kinda scary out there, especially with all of those airheads following you around all the time, but there _is_ someone out there who can be that for you. You just have to stop hanging around just Naruto and get out a bit more, because people are starting to think that you're gay for him and miserable that he's with Hinata instead of choosing you."

Immediately she got the reaction she had been hoping for, and she fought the urge to cackle at his indignant expression. "What in the hell does that mean?" he demanded, a twinge of outrage in his voice, and there was a spark of deadly ire in those onyx orbs.

" _Please_ Sasuke, people are _betting_ on this now," she teased. That immediately made her think about other things that the village had been betting on, and she quickly pushed that thought away before she could get either distracted or irritable herself.

"That's absurd. Why would they bet on something as unintelligent and idiotic as that?" he said angrily.

"Think on the bright side," she told him with a sheepish smile. "At least they think you're gay rather than a pervert." Before Sasuke could go on a rampage about that, she added, "Though I think a lot of that has to do with Hiashi's wrath rather than their personal beliefs. No one wants to piss off an entire clan."

Sasuke went incredibly pale, and his eyes were wide. "That is _not_ what's going on. Do people actually think that?"

Sakura shrugged. "You'd be surprised. I mean, Hanabi is a chūnin, which means there's nothing wrong with it in the eyes of the law and people know that, but she was younger when she became your little protégée though still a genin and people get weirded out about things like that, especially civilians. But she's sixteen now, and everyone is wondering why Hiashi hasn't pushed her into some arranged marriage thing even though the clan is supposedly past that. Not only that, but the only two people that you ever willingly converse with is Naruto and Hanabi, and a lot of people would rather gossip about you and Hanabi since she's a girl and people don't _really_ want to admit that you're gay. The only reason people don't talk about it more is because...well, you're an Uchiha, and she's a Hyūga, and you're both technically clan heads, or at least she will be soon, and that sums it all up right there."

She paused again, and then tacked on, "Besides, can you _imagine_ what kind of hybrid, freaky arse dojutsu you two would create if you had a bunch of babies? I mean the Hyūga's famously good eyesight would cancel out your notoriously shitty eyesight and that could only be a good thing, but still, you wouldn't get a clan Sasuke, you'd get a whole new _bloodline limit_."

"While that's one way to forge a new path from the Uchiha of the past, that is definitely not my intention," Sasuke grumbled, and Sakura snorted. "Our two clans do not converse well together, and the only reason why I'm allowed to train Hanabi is because of my own abilities and the interference of Naruto and Hinata." He looked away from her and then admitted quietly, a strange sound to his voice, "I look at her like a little sister and in private, she's even started calling me nii-san."

Sakura's eyes widened and she bit her lip in order to keep the gasp inside, though he likely heard her shocked inhale through her nose. He continued in that same weird tone, "She's incredibly talented, I get along with her unbelievably well which was quite unexpected, and I'll admit that she's grown up to be a beautiful woman, but despite all of that I look at her like family. There will never be anything more to the two of us than that, even if Hiashi would allow his daughter to be courted by an Uchiha, and beyond that there would be too many political ramifications of such a union."

He was right about the political nature of such a courtship of course, and the added bit about looking at his protégée as a sister pretty much cancelled her out of the potential dating pool. It was unfortunate, since she was the only girl in the village that actively talked to him and tolerated him on a day-to-day basis.

"That's true," Sakura agreed, "but the argument is also completely pointless." Sasuke looked at her sharply, so she explained to him, "You aren't planning on dating or marrying her regardless of your reasoning behind it, and Hiashi would never allow it, so there's no reason to get bent out of shape about it. The village gossips about anything and everything, so it's easier to just ignore the mill and go about your day. If I got bent out of shape about every rumour I heard about myself, I would be in a crazy house or a missing-nin for beating the hell out of everyone."

She wasn't sure what else she had to say, and a quick glance at the clock on his living room wall showed that the time was just before six. She had to get a move on if she wanted to get dinner and make it to Kakashi's office for dinner, because she didn't want to be late.

Sakura hesitated for a moment, and then tentatively placed a hand on Sasuke's forearm. He didn't stop her, but he was quite tense under her hand, clearly unused to being touched as well as any sort of friendly affection from Sakura herself. After all, despite the near-pleasant conversation that they were having, and the personal nature of it, they still weren't going to be friends or even real acquaintances, because there was still too much baggage and scar tissue acting as a barrier between them. Maybe they would be a bit warmer to each other, but it was still going to be cold and there was nothing that could really change that except perhaps time.

"Look, I just wanted to tell you what my plans for the future were so you could have a bit more awareness on where my head is at," she told him quietly, returning back to her main reason for being at his flat. "I hope that you understand why it's illogical for us to really take this further, or at least that you'll think about it and come to your own conclusions."

Sasuke was silent for a long moment and then he asked her with the barest hint of acceptance in his tone, "And there's no way to change your mind about any of it?"

Said hint of acceptance made Sakura's chest tighten with hope, because maybe she really had gotten through to him. Kakashi really was a genius for coming up with the idea, but she was the one who had made it happen with such success (again, she mentally knocked on wood). She hadn't lied to him, or lost her temper, or made _him_ lose his temper, and maybe even some of the bitter ice between them would thaw a bit now since they were capable of having such a mature, calm conversation together without outside interference.

"Sorry Sasuke," she said with a smile, "but that would be a no. I might change my mind about getting married one day when I'm old and crazy in the head from one too many beatings in the field, but I'm an unmoveable mountain when it comes to my job and kids. While you might be up for compromise with the job, I know you aren't up for compromising about kids, and I simply can't give that to you."

She removed her hand and then stood up gingerly, grasping nearly empty teacup and draining the last bits to not be rude. She took it to his kitchen sink and rinsed out the empty cup, eventually just holding it awkwardly because she wasn't exactly sure what to do with it, but thankfully Sasuke said, "Don't worry about it; just leave it in the sink. I know you have to leave for your thing with Kakashi, so I'll clean up."

She smiled again, and surprisingly it wasn't the least bit fake. "Thanks. And thanks for listening too, when you could've just told me to bugger off."

He shrugged a single shoulder. "Don't worry about it. I..." He trailed off, then looked at her with an unreadable expression in his dark eyes once again, though this time it was different. She couldn't put a name to it whatsoever, and somehow that made her slightly nervous. Eventually though, he continued in his normal emotionless drawl, "I appreciate you being honest."

Her smile tapered down a bit, and she felt a stab of the same sadness in her chest that she had felt when Kakashi had explained Sasuke's need for truthfulness to her. Regardless, she put the cup in the sink and made her way to the front door easily, opening it quietly. Before she left however, she glanced back at Sasuke, still sitting with proper form and his mismatched hands around his untouched tea, and said softly, "You don't deserve lies. You never _have_ Sasuke."

She caught the smallest glimpse of pain in the Uchiha's face as she left his flat and shut the door behind her.


	7. Explanations and Rumours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Everyone knows that Sakura, but Sasuke walks into his office and demands an acceptance into ANBU or your hand in baby-makin' marriage, and instead of telling Sasuke that he's a dumbarse and won't have a chance in hell, Kakashi-sensei gets into a fist fight with him instead!" Ino cackled like a madwoman, making Sakura grit her teeth in frustration. "If that's not Kakashi-sensei fighting for your honour, I'm not sure what is!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's another chapter, unbeta'd as per usual (though that is changing soon, I think? I should probably get that started). Just a slight warning here: some old, mission-related shiz about a young Kakashi doing certain missions before they were outlawed in Konoha. Hate to spoil a bit of it, but just wanted to warn people. The thing is, this is the Naruto 'verse, not our world, and I think this is an incredibly important distinction to make. Their lives are full of bloodshed, war, missions, sabotage, theft, seduction, and the darkness that is separate from the civilised world - clearly these people do fucked up things for their village, and we can't ignore that as a fandom. It's fuckin' barbaric to send Naruto and Co. at twelve to murder and steal for a village's gain, and digging into that madness (as well as the clear fact that it had been a thousand times worse in Kakashi's/Madara's/Minato's/etc youth) is what makes this world so unique. So if you're looking for puppies and rainbows, you should probably back away from this story now. It's supposed to be a realistic conveying of what people in the Naruto 'verse would have to go through as shinobi of the Leaf, especially in the days when the same village trampled over smaller countries or, I dunno, forced a thirteen-year-old to commit genocide against his own family.
> 
> So yeah. Read at your own risk, I guess, because I'm aiming for a multi-dimensional backstory, not the cookie-cutter view of him that's so common in this fandom as a whole (KakaSaku or otherwise). And at the end of the day, it's like, four paragraphs or something, and practically inconsequential in this story. probably won't even be brought up again.

Chapter Seven  
_Explanations_ _and Rumours_

It was a Sunday, the day before her training would begin, when she decided to talk to Naruto.

It had been six days since her approval into ANBU and five days since her chat with Sasuke, and she was pretty much bursting at the seams. Between long bouts of inaction due to her not working at the hospital any longer and avoiding Naruto just because she knew she wouldn't be able to keep her mouth shut, she had had nothing to do but think and brood.

She had talked to Kakashi about how well the conversation had appeared to go, though she hadn't told him some of the more personal things Sasuke had admitted to her, and he had told her that she should use her best judgement for when to tell Naruto. He probably knew that she was keeping some of the intricate discussions between Sasuke and herself private (for good reason) and was giving her a break.

So she had waited until Sunday around lunch, right before his training session with Lee, because he would likely go and destroy things in the training grounds when she dropped the bomb. Naruto was already irritated with her because the blond wasn't stupid – he instinctively knew that Sakura was hiding something and was therefore avoiding him, which made it even harder to hide from him.

She had spent the better part of the five days adjusting to _his_ schedule. She went to the market when he was in meetings, had been sleeping in Shikamaru's spare bedroom in his flat because Naruto wouldn't dream of looking for her there, and had been spending a lot of time hiding out in general. She didn't go to her usual haunts and hadn't returned to her home because Naruto was constantly outside her place, waiting for her to wonder back. She was just relieved that he had been refraining from using Sage Mode to find her, though she figured that Hinata was helping her out by distracting him.

The only thing that hadn't changed in her schedule was the seven o'clock dinners with Kakashi, but she had worked out a deal involving his favourite dishes and teas on her pence. Therefore they had been sneaking around the village like bratty teenagers hiding from their mother so they could smoke cigarettes without anyone knowing. It was kind of amusing, because she got to see some of the interesting places that he had discovered over the village in his thirty-four years of existence, and not to mention that he was showing her where some of his infamous hiding places were. It would come in handy when she was looking for him in the future, though there were likely dozens of other locations that he hadn't divulged for his own personal safety.

She did get a bit ruthless when hunting him down for something or another – usually medical examinations – so not giving away all of his hiding places was probably smart of him in the extent of things. She still didn't particularly care for it though, because while she respected his boundaries, physicals were mandatory even for a Kage.

Nevertheless, she was relieved when she finally sought Naruto out after days of avoiding him, sneaking up behind him with her chakra masked as he grumpily slurped down some ramen at Ichiraku. She put a finger to her lips when Ayame caught sight of her, and the woman obliged, smiling as she cleared away Naruto's most recent empty bowl. With Ayame silenced, Sakura finally decided to flare out of her chakra, causing Naruto to choke on his noodles and whip around, broth dripping down his chin.

"Sakura!" he cried with his mouth full of half-chewed ramen.

She grimaced and complained, "Manners Naruto, jeez."

He hastily swallowed his mouthful and wiped his chin with his sleeve before he said angrily, "You've been avoiding me! What the hell, Sakura?!"

She took a seat to the right of him and sighed. "Yeah I know. I kinda had to, because otherwise I would've blabbed my mouth too early, and I just had to wait until enough time went by before I could talk to you."

"What the fuck does _that_ mean?" he demanded, blue eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"Well hurry up and finish your ramen and I'll tell you, idiot. Just not here," she told him, but the insult was downplayed by the amused tone of her voice. He could probably tell that she was nervous and excited too, probably by her scent as well as her fluctuating chakra now that she wasn't masking it, and he nodded in agreement.

She watched as decorum flew out the window, Naruto wolfing down his ramen faster than she had ever seen him do, and a grin crept up on her lips. It was rather horrific to watch, since broth was going pretty much everywhere, but she was also kind of relieved that he was hurrying things up. She felt ready to burst at the seams with the weight of her news, and she really just wanted to talk to him about her acceptance into ANBU. She still wasn't sure how he was going to react at first, but she also knew that eventually he would be happy and supportive of her decision, so she was really itching to just get it off her chest.

He gulped down the last of the broth and then cheerfully thanked Ayame for the meal, throwing down his payment in a hurry. After saying their goodbyes, Naruto practically dragged her towards his apartment since it was the closest though only by a few minutes, both of them taking to the rooftops in order to get there faster. Sakura didn't mind, and practically flew right alongside him until they reached his building and dropped to the street below.

They entered his building and made their way to the top floor, and the second they entered his flat he practically turned on her.

"Alright, I demand an explanation Sakura. You've been worrying me half to death, and Kakashi-sensei wouldn't give me a damn thing to work with," he said. "You never avoid me unless it's something really important and—"

"I applied for ANBU," she blurted, the words spilling out of her without her control.

He stared at her with wide blue eyes, mouth gaping, and then he seemed to get control over himself. He grabbed her hand again and then led them to the living area, sitting them both down without her say in the matter, and then he finally asked, "You applied for _ANBU_?"

She inhaled and exhaled deeply, then replied, "Yeah, and I couldn't tell you until I talked to Sasuke and sorted some stuff out with him. I knew that you'd tell everyone, and I had to make sure he didn't go off the deep end and throw a tantrum or something."

His mouth opened and closed like he was trying to speak but nothing would come out. She groaned in the back of her throat because he was clearly in shock, his mind probably warring with a thousand questions he wanted to ask all at the same time, but eventually he asked in total confusion, "You talked to _Sasuke_?!"

Sakura rolled her eyes. Of course he focussed on that first, how predictable. "Yeah," she told him. "I heard about his little claim to my future and went to talk to him about it on Tuesday."

Naruto burst into laughter. "I trained with him on Tuesday _and_ Wednesday. Did you heal him after you tried to kill him? And how in the hell did you guys not destroy half the village?"

Sakura huffed. "I am perfectly capable of talking to Uchiha Sasuke without losing my temper, Naruto. In fact, we had a very civil conversation, and I think I got my point across pretty well, considering the circumstances. All I had to do was be honest and tell him that I refuse to quit my job or have kids, and the reasoning behind it, and he seemed to understand. I didn't even have to gripe at him or break his apartment."

"So _that's_ why he's been acting so weird and distant lately," Naruto pondered out loud. "He's had a lot to think about, the bastard."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she demanded, a bit irritated now that she was thinking about it.

His face grew sheepish. "Meh, didn't know _how_ to without you guys having a huge fight and to be honest I was kinda shocked into speechlessness. Who told you?"

"Sai did, and then Kakashi confirmed it."

He completely missed the absence of 'sensei' on Kakashi's name, though to be fair his mind was probably distracted by more interesting things. She fully expected to be drilled on it later, though he would probably be satisfied with the whole _he's not our sensei any more you idiot_ argument, while other people in the village wouldn't be.

"Yeah I'm _sure_ Kakashi-sensei confirmed it," Naruto snickered. "Did he tell you that he nearly threw Sasuke off the balcony? I've never heard him yell like that outside of battle – he was practically screaming at him. I had to hold Sasuke back while Sai held Kakashi-sensei back before they destroyed the Hokage tower after they got into a fight, though thank the gods that jutsu wasn't used 'cause that would've been bad. No matter what though, I was pretty sure that they were going to kill each other, or that Kakashi-sensei was going to banish him from the village after it was over."

Sakura frowned. Heavily. She hadn't been aware of it at all. In fact, she had been under the impression that Kakashi had only argued with Sasuke from behind his desk. However, now Naruto was confirming that there had actually been a physical altercation between the two in Kakashi's office, and it had taken Naruto and Sai to hold them back after it had gotten a bit _too_ physical.

Something in her chest fluttered at the thought, but she pushed it to the back of her mind. She would process Kakashi's reaction when she wasn't trying to have a serious conversation with her best friend and brother. Maybe she would even bring it up to Ino, though that crazy blonde bitch would probably read _all_ kinds of shit into it.

"I don't care about that and it's not why I'm here," she deflected. "I applied to ANBU, Naruto. _ANBU_."

"What's that about anyway?" he asked. "I mean, you didn't even tell us that you were going to do it. And what made you think about putting in an application?"

She shrugged. "I've been wanting to go back to active status for a while now, and I couldn't bear the thought of doing it without my boys." Naruto grinned at her a bit sadly, both of them fondly remembering the days of Team Kakashi (and, to a lesser extent, Team Seven), and Sakura continued, "So I submitted my application with Sai as my sponsor because I wanted to see if I could do it and because I really do believe that ANBU is where I want my career to go."

"It's really dangerous Sakura, and we won't be there to back you up," Naruto told her.

She understood that he was being his normal protective self when it came to her, but it still irked her to hear him say it. "I don't need protecting, Naruto. I'm fully capable of kicking some serious arse in ANBU if I pass the isolation training."

Naruto frowned. "I know that, Sakura, but it's kinda my job to worry about you. You're my girl!" He threw an arm around her and pulled her into a tight, one-armed hug, and she reciprocated by wrapping her arms around his sturdy middle, albeit a bit awkwardly because of their position. Then, when they finally pulled away from each other, Naruto added, "Besides, Kakashi-sensei still has to sign off on your application, and I can't imagine that he would let ' _his favourite student_ ' do it when he wouldn't approve me and Sasuke. He always liked you the most and ANBU is a whole different game than ordinary shinobi stuff. He knows that better than anyone." He even did the exaggerated quotation marks with his fingers at Kakashi's usual 'favourite kunoichi' crap, rolling his cerulean eyes with mock irritation.

Sakura cringed, hesitated, and then said with trepidation, "Umm...Naruto? He kind of already signed it. I'm just waiting for a leave date."

A beat of silence, then: " _What?!_ "

Sakura winced again when he jumped to his feet, an outraged expression on his handsome features. Pointing angrily in the general direction of the Hokage tower, he bellowed, "That little shit accepted your application right off the bat and wouldn't let _us_ do it?! What the fuck is he playing at?!"

Throwing both of her hands up in appeasement, she said hastily, "Naruto calm down. He didn't really have a choice and besides, he thinks I can do it. It's nothing against you or Sasuke, it's just...different."

"What the fuck does _that_ mean?!" he yelled, but some of his ire died down at the expression on Sakura's face and he sat down with a furious huff. He ran his fingers through his short hair, his face pink, but he was clearly waiting for her explanation.

She obliged hurriedly, "So apparently I was on a list for recruitment, and when I started asking questions about ANBU, the higher-ups started banging on things and harassing Kakashi about my application. When I formally submitted it, he knew that his options were limited unless he wanted a bunch of pissed off ANBU heads jumping down his throat, and like I said, he genuinely thinks that I would excel in ANBU."

"There's a _list_?!" he barked.

Sakura cringed yet again. "Yeah, though that's not supposed to be common knowledge so you seriously shouldn't tell anyone about it." Namely Sasuke.

"Ugh, why am I not on this list?" Naruto grumbled, his face getting just a tad bit more red.

Sakura finally felt a bit irritated. "Because you're going to be the Shichidaime soon, and because you're probably going to end up marrying Hinata, and because you're loud and brash and can't do clandestine operations if your life depended on it."

He gaped at her, and that was precisely the moment when she felt her mind snap.

"I don't like you being pissed off about this when all I want to do is talk to _my best friend_ about the biggest decision I've ever made in my career!" she yelled right back at him, feeling a vein pop up in her forehead as she finally lost her temper. "This is a huge thing for me and all you can think about is your own damn pride. You sure are an arsehole sometimes Uzumaki Naruto! Everyone _knows_ you're the strongest fucking shinobi in this village, possibly even the _world_! Why can't you pull your head out of your _ego_ for ten seconds and be happy for me?!"

For good measure, she hit him in the bicep and quite hard too.

"Woah, Sakura-chan, that's not what I meant at all," he said pleadingly, all of the anger seeping out of his voice as he rubbed his arm. "Of course I'm happy for you, because this is a huge thing. I mean, ANBU is the top of the pedestal other than Hokage and you getting accepted is totally awesome. I'm scared for you, and I hate that you have to do all of this by yourself without us backing you up, but I'm also really proud of you Sakura. Surely you know that, right?"

Her own wrath died down and she sighed. "I know Naruto, I know. Why do you think I avoided you for so long? A lot of it was giving Sasuke some time to come to terms with the fact that we're never going to be a thing, sure, but a part of it was because I knew you'd be angry too. I know that both of you wanted to be ANBU and the fact that I got in when you guys didn't...I didn't know if it was going to cause some strain or not."

"Oh Sakura," he murmured, and pulled her into another one-armed hug. "Something like this isn't going to come between us. I mean, it might make that bastard all bitchy for a while, but he'll get over it eventually, and the two of you pretty much avoid each other despite my meddling anyway. You're gonna kick arse in ANBU, Sakura-chan, no doubt about it."

She snorted, and buried her nose in his warm jōnin vest. "Thanks Naruto."

She could feel the bright grin that popped up on his face more than see it as he said happily, "So you chose that prick as your sponsor? Damn, hope you know what you're doing Sakura. I know Sai is our friend and everything but he is a total pain in the arse."

She laughed out loud and replied teasingly, "And you aren't?"

"Meh, point," Naruto acquiesced, laughing himself.

For a long time, they just talked about her decision, Sakura still curled up in his side comfortably and Naruto being his usual self, all cheerful but concerned at the same time. Multiple times she had to smack him for being an idiot, or he would have to smack _her_ for being self-deprecating about her abilities, but it was still a long-overdue conversation that finally helped Sakura come to terms with her decision. Having Naruto's support was just as important as having Kakashi's support, or Sai's, and it made her feel incredibly complete.

When Hinata came in, carrying a few bags from some shopping excursion, she simply waved and smiled, not bothered in the slightest to see her boyfriend snuggled up to another girl. Anyone with half a brain knew that Naruto and Sakura didn't feel _that_ way for each other, and Naruto's misplaced crush on her in their younger years had faded into their sibling relationship that was ultimately characteristic of them in the present. The two of them had a bond that no other person could really understand, but Hinata was supportive of their connection because she had the similar bonds to her team-mates that Naruto was equally supportive of.

After she had put away her bags, she sat down with them and Naruto immediately let the cat out of the bag, just as Sakura thought he would. "Sakura got accepted into ANBU!"

Hinata's lovely lavender eyes went wide. "Wow Sakura!" she exclaimed demurely. "Congratulations."

Sakura grinned. "Thanks Hinata. This one here had to be knocked down a few pegs before he could say the same thing."

Naruto spluttered indignantly. "Hey that's not fair! I was happy for you the whole time!"

"Funny way of showing it," she grumbled good-naturedly, and continued to joke around with him until he left for training with Lee.

* * *

Naturally, the whole village knew about the ANBU thing by the end of the day, courtesy of Naruto.

Ino was waiting outside of her flat when she got home after her dinner with Kakashi and practically glomped her the second Sakura came into sight. She didn't have Inojin with her, which immediately cued Sakura to the fact that she was probably due for a long conversation with her busty blonde friend, so with a huff, she allowed Ino inside with minimal complaining.

"Heard about your secret from Shikamaru today, Sakura," Ino instantly started when they were both comfortably inside Sakura's flat, hands on her hips and a wicked grin on her lips.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Which one are you referring to?"

Ino's eyes went big and sparkly at the idea of even more gossip. "There's _more_?" she whispered excitedly, clapping her hands and her grin widening. Sakura was actually impressed that Ino was able to widen her grin to such proportions without her face splitting in half, because the grin was quite terrifying to look at.

Sakura gave a long, exaggerated sigh and said, "Yep, so sit down and I'll tell you, but you have to promise not to blab about this. It's _extremely_ private, and it's one of the main reasons why me pursuing Kakashi to your level of insanity is kind of impossible, if I decide to in the first place."

Which she still hadn't decided, mostly because she was still avoiding thinking about it.

Ino sat down excitedly on her couch and replied hastily, "You have my word that I'll keep this quiet. My lips are sealed like an A-class mission in enemy territory."

Sakura sat down on her single-seat recliner, relishing in the squishy comfort of it as she tried to organise her thoughts. This was going to be a totally different conversation than the one with Naruto or Sasuke. "I'll hold you to it, because this is a big deal, Ino." Sakura paused, scratching the back of her head absently, and then said, "So I'm guessing what you heard is that I got accepted into ANBU from Shika today then."

"Yeah," Ino said, "which I guess ties into you not going all gung-ho into a relationship right now, because you'll book it to your six-month training thing soon and that would suck for the both of you when your relationship is brand new."

Sakura nodded and replied, "Exactly. That's a big part of it for sure. The average wait time is four months or so, but it could be two months or it could be six months before I leave the village to complete the training. Until I get a concrete date, I have no way of knowing when I leave, and I don't want to be rushed into anything. Right now I just want to focus on training, relaxing, and spending time with the people I care about, and yes that includes Kakashi."

"What if he finds another girl in the meantime?" asked Ino.

Sakura shrugged. "If it happens, it happens." And that was true in her mind. If he found someone that wasn't her, then she would be happy for him because she genuinely cared for Kakashi. Even if it wasn't her and was instead some spontaneous woman or man that she didn't even particularly care for, she would still be happy and supportive of him, because Sakura really did love the idiot.

Unless the individual happened to be the devil or an enemy spy, and then Sakura would take matters into her own hands, Kakashi's feelings be damned. Then again, Kakashi had better sense than that.

Sakura really needed to sit down and think about what she wanted in the future, and if she even _wanted_ to try have something with Kakashi. The sooner she figured out how she really felt about him, the sooner she could make a game plan. However, she was just so terrified of going down that rabbit hole, which consisted of realising that she was _in love_ with him after years of self-denial and then being shot down by him because of something like rank or age or something. After all, Sakura herself had had a point during her argument with Ino: she _could_ find her friends attractive, intelligent, kind, and safe without wanting to have a relationship with them, and therefore Kakashi could too.

"Regardless, me getting accepted into ANBU is a big deal, but it's also not the only reason." At Ino's greedy expression, Sakura reiterated, "Again, you _have_ to keep this secret from everyone, even your team-mates. This is kind of a big deal, and I _don't_ want this getting out. So what I say next stays between you and me, just us two girls, okay?"

Ino nodded solemnly, and so Sakura began to talk. A lot. She told Ino about Sasuke's 'confession' of sorts in the Hokage tower when he had been declined his own ANBU acceptance, and even the fight that had broken out between Kakashi and Sasuke. She told her about the conversation she had had with Sasuke, and why said conversation had been so important to have with him before the ANBU news got out, though she kept Sasuke's more personal admissions out of her story. And when Sakura was done, her throat dry from speaking so much without a break or a drink, all Ino could say was "Damn."

"That's it?" Sakura asked, shocked.

"Well... _yeah_. I mean, damn. _Damn_."

Sakura threw her hands up in the air, completely giving up, and stood up, making her way into her kitchen for a glass of water to quench her dry throat. While she was at it, she poured Ino a glass of apple juice, her favourite, because she knew that Ino would want some without even asking the blonde. After draining her own glass and refilling it, she walked back into the living room, putting the two glasses on the coasters on her coffee table before sitting on her couch heavily.

Ino didn't even glance at the glass, instead finally speaking. "I guess you have a case in saying that Kakashi-sensei has feelings for you, judging by how he reacted."

"Ino!" Sakura exclaimed, putting her face in her palms.

"What? I'm just telling it how I see it," Ino said defensively, crossing her arms and looking completely unapologetic. "Regardless, _wow_. Sasuke had feelings for you, Sakura. I mean, he was being all weird about it like he usually is, but he wanted you to be his baby-mama so that's _some_ sort of feelings right? Imagine that. After all the bitching we did when we were younger about getting our claws into that boy, he actually chose your boring arse over my sexy one."

"Oh shut up Pig," Sakura griped, but there was an exasperated smile on her face at the reminder of their ages-long rivalry. Even though Ino had found love with Sai and Sakura was so over Sasuke that it was ridiculous, it was still hilarious to know that in the end Sasuke had chosen her. He had chosen her for analytical reasoning rather than love, yes, but he had still chosen her.

"Good thing we never actually bet anything on it," Ino told her with a snicker. "There's no telling what the stakes would've been up to now, even with our lives in such different directions, because we were so damn competitive back in the day."

Sakura laughed. "We still are, Ino. It's just over different things now, though I'll admit that we have mellowed out now that we're older."

"No kidding," Ino stated, joining in with her laughter. "What a trip. We would've done anything in the world to marry that boy when we were younger and now you've denied him and I'm with Sai. How strange everything ended up turning out, eh?"

"The strangest," Sakura agreed, picking up her glass and toasting Ino. Ino mimicked her, their glasses clinking together lightly, and they both took drinks with identical nostalgic smiles on their faces.

Ino put her glass down and then said lightly, "I get what you mean about your life being a soap opera. How dramatic!"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "It's totally a buzzkill but hopefully all the dramatics will stop now. Sasuke seemed pretty calm when we had our conversation and if I'm lucky he'll take it all in stride so he can find some other girl that meets his needs. Also, everyone knows about my ANBU application being approved now since Naruto is completely incapable of keeping his mouth shut. It should get pretty calm from here on out, since all I'm going to be doing is relaxing, hanging out with my friends and family, and training my arse off."

"Some scandal will distract the village soon enough," affirmed Ino confidently. Then she got a devilish twinkle in her blue eyes and said mischievously, "But back to the matter at hand, Sakura- _chan_..."

Sakura groaned. "I don't want to talk about it. You know all my secrets now—" _Well, most of them_ , she thought inwardly, because there was no way she was telling Ino about Kakashi's personal life. "—and now you have to leave me alone. You promised you'd let me figure all of this out on my own."

"Sure, but Kakashi-sensei was fighting for your honour," Ino said with a wicked grin. "We _totally_ have to talk about that. You'll crush my spirit if you don't!"

"He was not," Sakura denied vehemently. "He was defending me as his student and because he doesn't like Sasuke, not for my honour. He knows that I'm perfectly capable of fighting my own battles."

"Everyone knows that Sakura, but Sasuke walks into his office and demands an acceptance into ANBU or your hand in baby-makin' marriage, and instead of telling Sasuke that he's a dumbarse and won't have a chance in hell, Kakashi-sensei gets into a fist fight with him instead!" Ino cackled like a madwoman, making Sakura grit her teeth in frustration. "If that's not Kakashi-sensei fighting for your honour, I'm not sure what is!"

"You are absolutely impossible," sighed Sakura, rolling her eyes for the billionth time.

"Duh," Ino replied with a shit-eating grin, not bothered in the slightest.

* * *

"Hey Mum," Sakura said, enveloping her mother in a warm hug with a smile.

Haruno Mebuki hugged Sakura back just as firmly and then ushered her inside, offering her a cup of tea from the pot that was sitting on the tiny coffee table. Sakura accepted and poured herself a cuppa, refilling her mother's as well just to be polite. Her mother probably wouldn't touch hers now since Sakura was present, because when Sakura popped by she tended to talk too rapidly to catch up with her busy daughter, but it was the thought that counted. Sakura herself would need something to drink in order to fill her silences while Mebuki chattered away.

"So what is this I'm hearing in the village about you applying for ANBU?" Mebuki immediately began, and Sakura sighed. It figured that her mother would immediately go for the jugular, and without her father here to distract Mebuki, Sakura was probably in for a long, painful conversation about the topic. Her mother was a chatterbox and generally a supportive person, but she hadn't been fond of Sakura becoming a kunoichi in the first place and she tended to be a bit judgemental unintentionally.

"Yeah," Sakura told her mother with a sheepish smile. "I applied a week or so ago and got accepted. I'm just waiting on a leave date for the training now."

Mebuki gave Sakura an unreadable stare before she leant back into the well-worn sofa and exhaled slowly. "Well, I suppose that since you've already been accepted, there's no way to talk you out of it."

Sakura shook her head. "Sorry Mum, but it's kind of a done deal. Trust me though, this is definitely what I want to do. I pondered it to death before I made a decision, just like I always do about big decisions like this, and I know that ANBU is what I want to shoot for."

"Is it about catching up to those boys?" Mebuki said, which instantly caused Sakura to inwardly bristle with irritation. She held her frustration and anger inside though, because it wouldn't do to get into an argument with her mother about something like her old self-worth issues. Mebuki, while being a good person and a great mother, still had problems really _understanding_ Sakura and her reasoning behind her decisions, especially since she had grown up. Kizashi, Sakura's father, was much more willing to bridge the gap and delve into Sakura's head-space with an open mind, though he usually didn't get it either.

"No Mum," Sakura said, making an effort not to tense up or clench her fists. "It has nothing to do wit—"

As if ignoring Sakura's words, Mebuki interrupted, "Because your sensei is the Hokage now, and I hear that Naruto-san is going to be his replacement soon. That Sai-san of yours is formidable as well, having been an ANBU for as long as he has without cracking under the pressure. You've always wanted to catch up to them Sakura, but if your own application into ANBU is about trying to be on their level you need to understand that you are never going to be like those team-mates of yours because you're different shinobi and have different skills."

"I know Mu—"

"You are a medic-nin that is on the same level as our Godaime, and that is something to be incredibly proud of," her mother continued, barely even taking breaks for air, "but you have to be realistic. You're not going to be the Hokage, which means that you'll never actually catch up to them Sakura, so if this is you settling for the closest you can get you should rethink your career goals."

"I'm perfectly aware that I'm never going to be the Hokage, Mum!" Sakura finally yelled, throwing her arms up with exasperation and her blood pounding with fury. It was enough for Mebuki to pause for a moment, so Sakura continued loudly, with a huge amount of irritation, "I don't _want_ to be Hokage anyway! But _I_ am going for ANBU because I _want_ to go for ANBU, and there is no ulterior motive! It has nothing to do with Naruto or Sai or Kakashi, only _me_!"

Mebuki's eye twitched, her head cocked and mouth slightly open, and she opened her mouth a few times as if trying to get words out. Then after a moment, she said slowly, "Okay, if this is what you really want then I support you," and Sakura had the distinct impression that her mother clearly wanted to say something else but had stopped herself at the last moment.

In the end Sakura decided to ignore it, as she was a bit preoccupied with trying her damnedest to reign in her infamous temper before she did something insane...like break the room or something with her superhuman strength. "Yes, this _is_ what I want to do, so I'm very happy to have your support," Sakura growled through her teeth, fighting to keep herself from clenching her fist or having an angry chakra spike. Her mother would absolutely kill her if she broke anything, and while Mebuki was not active duty and hadn't been for a good twenty-plus years, Sakura would still get her arse kicked. Haruno Mebuki _was_ Sakura's mother after all, and she would always respect her mother even when said mother was being nuts.

"I'm sorry, dear," Mebuki confessed after a moment, green eyes slightly narrowed as if confused or (more terrifyingly) pondering something. "I don't mean to question your judgement, and I know without a doubt that you are more than capable of making your own decisions without your poor parents looking over your shoulder, but this is _ANBU_ Sakura. I'm worried about what this will do to you, and your father is going to be as well. It's a big step in your career."

Sakura deflated. "I know Mum," she said quietly, letting out a huff of air. "I thought about it for ages before I made a decision like I always do, and I'm one hundred percent sure that this is what I want. It doesn't have anything to do with the boys, honest. That insecurity was a problem a long time ago and I've come to terms with my strengths and limitations since then."

"Well you did help save the world," Mebuki said with a whisper of a smile playing at the corners of her stern mouth.

"Shut up," Sakura groaned. Then, after she had given her mother a shaky smile, Sakura continued a bit hesitantly, "Hey, can I talk to you about something else? ANBU's a bit of a moot point at this point, and so there's no real reason to really waste breath on it."

Mebuki cocked her head to the other side, and then asked point-blank, "Is this about the Hokage?"

Sakura barely managed to keep her expression neutral, but she could feel her fingers twitch. There was no way in hell that Mebuki had missed it either, because Sakura's mother never missed anything. With a frown Sakura replied, "I heard _that_ rumour about a week ago, and I'm still trying to process the fact that the villagers think it's okay to gossip about my relationship of whatever sort with Kakashi." Sakura paused to gather her thoughts and school her face into careful nonchalance before she asked curiously, "Do you see any basis in it? I mean, it came as a bit of a shock to me, and Ino thinks it's hilarious."

Mebuki snorted. "In the beginning I was incredibly livid about the whole thing. Mind, you were just newly fifteen at the time when the rumours started about you and him—" Sakura couldn't help but choke on her own air at that little revelation but Mebuki didn't pause. "—and I don't care _what_ the law is: you're my daughter and the idea of you having a relationship with Hatake Kakashi when he was almost thirty and you were fifteen made my skin crawl, especially since he was still your acting team leader."

Mebuki placed a hand on Sakura's forearm and shrugged. "But now, I can definitely see it. I thought you were going to get with that Sai kid for the longest time until he married Ino but I don't know, in the past two years or so it's just been different between you and the Hokage. I'll admit that I don't see the two of you together often but when I do, it's like seeing a couple that's been together for a decade. Not to mention the rumours flying around the village about how often you're together...if even _half_ of them are true, it's just more evidence in the pot." Mebuki suddenly grinned, green eyes alight with amusement. "Honestly, I've just been under the impression that you've been keeping it from me because you didn't want to prove me right out of pure daughterly stubbornness."

Sakura took a minute to collect herself and then questioned, "Prove you right?"

Mebuki pulled Sakura close with one arm and said against her hair, "Surely you remember all that mumbo jumbo I've been screeching about since you were ten and you told me you were never getting married or giving me a bunch of grandkids? I've just been waiting for you to come up to me and tell me that you're marrying the man or got pregnant by accident."

Sakura made a small noise in the back of her throat that could only be described as the whimper of a dying animal.

"Now I know that you're smart enough to use protection when you're having sex with him, but if I don't get to plan a wedding because you secretly get married, I will personally ground you until the day I die regardless of your age _or_ your future husband's standing as Hokage," Mebuki threatened, already starting to get carried away with her errant mouth without taking Sakura's mental stability into regard. Sakura _really_ needed to have an in depth conversation with her father about Mebuki's obliviousness to everything but her own voice.

"We're not hav...we're not together Mum," Sakura said at practically a non-existent volume, and she wouldn't have been surprised if her entire body had lost all colour. It was one thing to hear Ino, the village gossip, giggle about a hypothetical betting pool – it was another thing entirely to hear her _mother_ chat about the same thing as if Sakura was _already_ guilty of having a steamy affair with Hatake Kakashi.

Mebuki pulled back a bit and raised a slender blonde eyebrow. "You don't have to lie to me, Sakura."

"No, I'm serious. We're not...having sex or in a relationship Mum," Sakura rebutted, thankfully with a bit more volume and life in her voice (though not much to be honest). The shock and horror of the current conversation was still running in her body, practically immobilising her, but at least she didn't sound like she was being crushed under the weight of the universe.

Mebuki frowned. "Oh," she said simply. "I figured you were. Huh." There was a pause, and then Mebuki asked bluntly, "Why not? You're already an old married couple. Sex is the fun part anyway, and makes the whole 'married' thing worth it."

Sakura spluttered.

"I mean, it's a bit untoward considering your past with him of course, but we still adore the Hokage," Mebuki rambled on. "We've always liked that man, and he's a legend so he can protect and support you, though you _certainly_ don't need it – it's just the fact of the matter. Anyway, you couldn't hope to find a better match in the village, and there won't even be much rampant gossip in the village either since everyone already thinks you're sleeping together anyway. And I'll be the first to admit that the Hokage is one hell of a good-looking man even with all those layers. He just oozes...I don't know, just oozes—"

Sakura grimaced and then answered a bit sarcastically, "Pheromones?"

Mebuki snorted again. "Well, maybe. I think I was going for sex appeal."

"Some people think they're interconnected." Sakura sighed and then added, "But yeah, he's pretty...intense."

With a huff of laughter, Mebuki responded with clear amusement, "Well _obviously_. He's the best assassin in the five hidden villages for good reason, Sakura, and a charming, easy-going demeanour ain't it."

The medic-nin stuck out her tongue, half playfully and half in sync with her grimace. After a beat of quiet between the two of them, Sakura asked with trepidation, "So you really wouldn't mind if we _were_ together? I mean, he _is_ the Hokage, plus he is fourteen years older than me and used to be my sensei."

Mebuki stared at Sakura for a long time, long enough for Sakura's father to arrive home. Feeling incredibly vulnerable and quite uncomfortable under the unblinking eyes of her mother, she averted her own gaze and gave Kizashi a shaky smile. "Hey Dad," she greeted, taking in his quirky, purplish-pink hair and stocky countenance with comfort. Kizashi wasn't nearly as overbearing as Mebuki and had a bit more control over the words that came out of his mouth, so it was a relief to see him in his simple civilian work clothes.

Immediately Sakura could tell that Kizashi had cued in on her discomfort, so instead of heading into the kitchen for his usual glass of juice and a mild snack before dinner, he unsnapped his work belt and tossed it over the coat rack right inside the doorway before heading into the living area with a smile.

"Hey Petal," he said as he sat heavily on the other side of Sakura. "You haven't been by to see us in for ever and I was starting to think that you'd been killed in an unfortunate cooking accident or something."

Sakura's smile strengthened a bit, partly because Kizashi had instantly cut the tension but mostly because Mebuki was now glaring at her husband instead of looking at Sakura all weird-like. "I'm not dead Dad, and I'm not _that_ bad of a cook."

"Yes you are," he told her with a wink, and Sakura couldn't help but giggle, albeit weakly.

"Damnit Kizashi, I was trying to have a conversation with our daughter about her romantic future and you've gone and ruined it!" Mebuki exclaimed, crossing her arms and looking incredibly put out.

A knowing expression crossed Kizashi's face as he finally clued into (the majority of) the reason for Sakura's _Help Me!_ eyes. "Well, sorry about that ladies," he said with a smile, "but you're gonna have to deal with me now because this couch is mighty comfy."

"Fine," Mebuki grumbled, rolling her eyes. "You can join in then, because this concerns you just as much as it does me."

"Please don't," Sakura and Kizashi said simultaneously.

"This is incredibly important you two!" Mebuki said loudly, eyebrow twitching at the clear picture of father and daughter joining forces. Without waiting for a rebuttal, Mebuki practically screeched, "She wants to know if we're okay with her shacking up with the Hokage!"

Kizashi frowned and asked, "Wait, _are_ you shacking up with the Hokage, Petal? I thought that was just a rumour."

Sakura smacked a hand to her forehead, cheeks heated with embarrassment because _oh for fuck's sake_ but she managed to choke out, "No Dad, I'm not 'shacking up' with Kakashi."

"She _wants_ to!" said Mebuki with a feral grin.

"I never said that!" Sakura shouted, letting her hands gesture wildly to help bring the point home.

Kizashi sighed and pulled Sakura into a one-armed hug, almost cradling her protectively against his side. At the same time, Mebuki rebutted, "Yes you did! You just _asked_ me if we would be okay with you getting in a relationship with him. That's pretty much a confession, Sakura!"

"It was a hypothetical situation brought about by all these atrocious rumours being circulated in the village!" Sakura retorted loudly. It was also a lie, sort of, because while it _had_ started because of all the vile gossip and Ino practically shoving the shit in her face, she really _did_ want to know what her parents thought.

She had never been truly close to her parents, not really, which was a bit of a shame since they had given her life in the first place. Not to mention the fact that she didn't really go out of her way to change that, and it was almost a disgrace to the reminder of her entire team, who didn't have parents at all and would've destroyed planets in order to have them. None of them had family to speak of – Naruto's parents had died for him and the village, Sai didn't even know if he had born from a test tube courtesy of Danzō or from an actual person, Tenzō probably _had_ been born from a test tube considering Orochimaru and his disgusting experiments, Sasuke had been brutally torn away from not only his parents but his _entire clan_ , and Kakashi...well, she knew what his father had done but she also knew that the Hatake clan was now pretty much down to one as far as she knew – and she just casually forgot about hers as if they didn't matter.

She loved her parents and her whole family with every part of her being, and while she could only stomach them in small doses over long stretches of time (easily done by claiming missions or hospital work) she had always made an effort to keep them involved with her life as much as she could.

But with something like this, she needed her mum and dad to give her their blessing to even make an attempt. She knew what a good judge of character her parents were, and the last time she had fallen head-over-heels with a boy she had ignored their advice to take a breath and stand back. She hadn't listened to their warning about Sasuke, indignantly dismissing their concerns over his attitude and fragile state of sanity because she had been consumed by what she had thought was love. If she had listened to her parents and had taken a _good_ look at Sasuke, she would've saved herself a lot of heartbreak. Perhaps she would've never forced Naruto to make the promise that had nearly cost him his life on multiple occasions. Maybe it would've been possible to become real friends with the Uchiha once he got his shit together and came back to Konoha.

Possibly she would've been able to successfully kill him without getting distracted by misplaced sentiment when they had clashed after the Kage summit.

Her mum and dad had approved of Sai, and Sai had turned out to be the closest damn thing she had ever had to a lifelong partner and was in fact one of her closest friends. They had approved of her one actual boyfriend, who would've been a great match for her if she had been able to just stomach the dullness in their relationship. They had even approved of _Naruto_ right before the war had really started, and while the two of them had never been able to really kindle a real sexual attraction, Sakura knew that if they _had_ , they would've been awesomely ridiculous together.

She knew that they approved of Kakashi as her sensei, and as a squad leader, and as a battle commander, and most certainly as their Hokage, but it was a bit different when feelings came into it. Sakura was still their little girl, and her parents would keel over if she settled with someone they didn't deem worthy. Her mother, at least, was nuts enough to actively sabotage the relationship (but to be fair so was Naruto and the rest of her makeshift family, even on some level Sasuke, though maybe _that_ would change now that he didn't see her as his soon-to-be wife).

Before she made any decision about whether or not to actively pursue a relationship with Hatake Kakashi, she had to get her parents' opinion on it as well as the rest of her makeshift family. If they didn't think it was wise or didn't approve, then she would take their advice for the first time in her life and would be the better for it. Her mother had already sort of approved, if her babbling was to be taken to heart, but to have it clearly stated by _both_ of her parents would really seal the deal for her.

In a small way, she almost _did_ hope that they would disapprove. If they did that, then she would be allowed to tuck whatever Kakashi and Sakura could potentially have into in the far corners of her brain and just continue their blissfully peaceful and content lives as usual. She would be happy with that without a doubt, because there far few things in the world she wanted more than to continue being one of Kakashi's few close friends.

If they did approve, and Naruto, Sai, Shizune, Shikamaru, Lee, and gods forbid Tsunade followed suit, then she had a whole can of worms to sift through and try to organise. It would be a long, arduous process that she would have to figure out and work through until she was completely convinced in her head and heart. After that, she would actually have to start going after him, and who knew how hard that could turn out to be if it managed to happen at all. Hell, after _that_ they would have to deal with village gossip and the possible ramifications of the Hokage having a relationship with the head medic and hospital administrator (or ANBU operative, depending on whether she made the ranks of the elite or not).

It was a lot of thought, time, and effort to put into something that might only lead to heartbreak after all, and she had to be sure that her family was supportive of her decision to pursue Hatake Kakashi.

Furthermore, she had to sit down and think long and hard until she felt she _herself_ was comfortable, confident, and determined enough to go through with it. If she decided that the potential was there for her to love him, that the potential was there for _him_ to love _her_ , it would be a one-way street with no exits or backtracks. If she decided to reach for him, there would be no turning back or changing her mind. Sakura would be unable by that point to flip a switch on her affections, because she had already given herself up to the possibility of said love being returned, and Sakura knew from personal experience that it would be all or nothing. If she truly loved someone, she always dove head-first into it without ever turning back (except with Sasuke, under _incredibly_ extenuating circumstances), and attempting to win Kakashi's heart would be no different.

Once she allowed that love to inevitably bloom in her heart, there would be no stopping it, and she would be damned if she opened herself up to another heartbreak. She had learnt her lesson the hard way with Sasuke, and she wasn't going to repeat such pain by being careless or daft with her own mind and heart.

In the end, making the decision wasn't about opening herself up for a man, or being vulnerable, or the stares that would follow her. No, she had to make sure that she wanted it not only because her family thought it was a good match, or because Kakashi deserved someone who loved him, or because she was lonely, or because _Kakashi_ was lonely, but because she genuinely and seriously wanted it for _herself_.

All of her wild thoughts took place in only a few seconds, and Sakura took a deep breath just before her mother could start ranting again. With determination and conviction, she said evenly, "I'm not asking for permission, and I'm certainly don't have an ulterior motive, but I just want to know. Would it be an issue if something like that _did_ happen between me and Kakashi? I'm not saying that anything is going on, because there _isn't_ anything going on between us, but if there _was_ , way in the future, would you approve or would you caution against it?"

Both of her parents were quiet for a long moment, but Sakura refused to get jittery or the sort. Patience had always been one of her stronger qualities, though sometimes it didn't seem that way, and she wasn't about to jump out of her skin for this. She wanted her parents to be completely truthful and honest, to really think about the question before answering, so she made herself focus on regulating her breathing and keeping her hands from shaking.

Then, Kizashi pulled her in closer with his arm and said with the unmistakable ring of sincerity, "Petal, we want you to be happy. If the Hokage makes you happy, then you should go for it. We've always liked him, and unless he breaks your heart we will continue to do so."

Mebuki huffed and said point-blank with absolutely no bullshit, "I don't care if he has no teeth and his dick is the size of a baby's pinky, that man is perfect for you and this whole damn village knows it. Of _course_ we approve, you silly, beautiful girl. He'd be stupid to turn you away, and I'm not saying that just because I'm your mother."

Sakura closed her eyes and grimaced, not even dignifying her mother's comment with a response. Maybe it was because she knew, in fact, that Kakashi had all of his teeth and his...manly bits were _not_ the size of a baby's pinky. She had done his physicals after all, and was perfectly aware of what he had in that area of his body.

Sakura swallowed. She might've not actually thought about a potential relationship with Kakashi with focussed intensity yet, but she wasn't blind – she knew that Kakashi had nothing to be ashamed of physically, not at all. Sure, the prospect of being able to _actually_ get her hands on him in _that_ way if she decided to make that decision was certainly distracting if she let herself think about it, but it was really just a matter of fact. Kakashi, mask and all, was a stunning specimen of masculinity, and Sakura had no problem whatsoever with the physical attraction. He was a good-looking man, regardless of whether she brought troublesome feelings into it or not.

Behind her closed lids she rolled her eyes. Shikamaru was starting to rub off on her.

In a matter of speaking.

Sakura exhaled slowly and said, "I haven't made up my mind, but Ino pretty much shoved it in my face and I sort of came to the realisation that the potential was there. I haven't really given myself a second to really think about it though. I wanted to make sure that you guys were okay with it, if I do decide in the future to go for it. Him. Whatever." She opened her eyes and snuggled back into her father's comforting embrace, keeping eye contact with her mother. "I have never taken your advice on this stuff before, but this time..." Sakura sighed, steeled herself, and admitted, "This time, if I do go for it...it'll be different. Way different. Like, he would be _it_ , y'know? He's practically everything _now_ , has been for a while actually, and we aren't even together. You guys have never been wrong before, and I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't leading myself up to failure. Again."

"Well I'm already sold," Mebuki said, a twinkle in her green eyes. "Maybe you two won't give me any grandchildren but at least I can die knowing that my daughter has found someone just as important as those idiots you hang around with."

Sakura couldn't help but laugh. "You know that 'those idiots' are the strongest people in the village and are, in reality, not idiots." Then she paused and said loudly with a smile, "And Kakashi's always been important to me! All of this whiny stuff aside, he's always been one of my comrades and friends."

Mebuki snorted and said with amusement, "Yeah, _friends_ , but now you're calling him by his given name and that's a big red flag there sweetheart."

They all laughed, and then Kizashi said innocently, "Now that we've given you our blessing, can we please eat? I'm starving, and I know you were planning on making _shioyaki_ tonight."

Mebuki rolled her eyes while Sakura smiled. It was just like her father to think with his stomach, but at least he had diffused the atmosphere.

She wasn't sure if she could take much more teasing at her expense.

* * *

Sakura breezed into Kakashi's office half a minute before seven, out of breath but carrying dinner.

She had already been forced to eat once by her incredibly overbearing parents so she wasn't very hungry, but she had made sure to save some room for her usual dinner with Kakashi. And there was tea and tea was always a good thing.

She dropped the take-out bag on his desk and then collapsed into her usual comfy seat that he had dragged to the desk for her. She didn't have to look at Kakashi to know that he was a bit befuddled by her winded form, so she said in between deep breaths, "Sorry. Got held up by my crazy parents and was nearly late. Just give me a minute to catch my breath."

"Uh huh," he said, a hint of amusement in his mellow tone, and went about setting their meal out and pouring the tea without any prompting from her.

When she felt like she wasn't dying any more, she finally straightened herself out and sighed. "Jeez, Kakashi, you should've heard my mother when I went to talk to her about ANBU. Dad wasn't there to take the edge off so it was utterly brutal. She went on and on about how I only wanted to join ANBU because I wanted to catch up to you guys and I broke their house because I was so mad."

"No you didn't," he stated absently, popping off the lid of his miso soup so it could cool.

"Well I wanted to!" she exclaimed, and then she flashed him a grin as she sat on the edge of her chair to pop open her own container of miso soup. "It _was_ pretty ridiculous though."

"Your mother was always an interesting woman to converse with," he stated as if bored with their conversation, then winked at her playfully. Sakura rolled her eyes in response just as Kakashi continued, "And of course you're joining ANBU to bridge the gap between us. Why else could you possibly want to join a b—"

His teasing was cut off by a flying piece of daikon that nearly hit him in the centre of his hitai-ate, and _would_ have if he hadn't dodged at the last second. Sakura sighed. She was fast, but she wasn't Kakashi-fast. Such a pity too, because she would've thrown a lot more shit at his head too if that had been the case, even though she wasted plenty of food attempting it on a weekly basis.

With a splat, the sliced piece of radish hit the wall and slid down, leaving a shiny trail of miso in its wake.

"As enlightening as finding a few of your notorious hiding places was, I'm incredibly glad that we're back here for dinner," Sakura said as if she hadn't just sent a flying projectile of food at her superior's forehead. "It's a lot less stressful to just sit down with a nice cup of miso and some tea rather than finding a hiding place and praying that we wouldn't be found by Naruto's Sage Mode."

Kakashi sat down and brought the soup cup to his nose, giving a soft hum as he inhaled the scent of it through his mask. Then suddenly he pulled down said mask, brought the foam container to his lips, and blew on the top to cool the soup down. It was different, not only because he was apparently allowing Sakura to watch him eat but because he didn't have to eat his soup last so it would be cool enough to ingest at his superhuman speed.

Sakura stared for a few seconds in shock and then went back to digging in the take-out boxes lest she get distracted.

"Hmm," Kakashi said against the rim of his soup container, voice just as mellow and not sounding anxious at all, "I half expected you to demand other locations for dinner. I still can't quite believe you aren't sick of this office yet."

"I like this office," Sakura replied truthfully. "I like the tea pantry, I like that ugly bauble that you received from Gaara at a diplomatic function two years ago, I like the pattern of the floor, and I like this chair. It's my second favourite chair in the world in fact, second only to that piece of shit couch in Sai's studio. But if you want to leave every once in a while, that's okay too. You're cooped up in here enough doing tedious paperwork and briefings as it is, so it wouldn't surprise me if you wanted a change in scenery."

Kakashi gave another hum and said non-committally, "I don't mind either way. And the tea pantry is quite nice."

Sakura smiled wistfully. "One day, I would like to actually have a proper tea pantry in my flat. To be honest, I would like to grow the stuff so I never have to go out and buy it from vendors. Experimenting with different methods and flavours would be fun and I bet it would smell nice too."

"Too much work," drawled Kakashi, taking a small sip from his soup. "I'd rather pay for it."

"Which is hilarious because you don't like paying for anything _besides_ tea," Sakura teased. "I've seen your kitchen – nothing but tea, condiments, and a few mismatched dishes. You're single-handedly the reason why there's a stereotype about bachelors."

Kakashi sent her an unamused look over the rim of his soup container, his lower face mostly hidden behind the foam so it wasn't as distracting when she looked back. "Like your kitchen is better," he dead-panned, raising one silver eyebrow as if challenging her to argue the claim.

Sakura snorted. "Nah, you're right; it's pretty pathetic at my place, worse than yours by far. I don't have delicious condiments like you."

She had to focus hard when Kakashi's lips curved in a small smile against the rim because she had never _actually_ seen him smile before. Seeing the line of his mouth curve into that tiny, otherwise mundane expression was absolutely the most endearing thing she had ever seen in her life. She desperately wanted to trace the smile with her eyes, committing it to memory, but instead she just let the corner of her own mouth quirk up in amusement, beryl green orbs set firmly on Kakashi's charcoal grey ones.

"Ah, but I'm sure that those condiments aren't delicious now. They're probably expired by now," Kakashi mused, eyes twinkling as he bantered back. Despite her eyes being firmly lodged on his, she could see in her peripheral that his smile was widening, and it was _crooked_ , the slightest hint of teeth nearly breaking her concentration.

It was an unbidden thought, the sudden urge to kiss him, but she wasn't concerned or flustered about it. It felt completely natural to think it, almost to the point where she felt her body move minutely in his direction over the desk. She stopped herself within a split second of becoming aware of her movement, but it was still a bit surprising that she had made the effort to reach for him so resolutely. Her palms were practically tingling with the urge to bury her fingers in his hair or touch his skin.

It was still bizarre though. It was the first time she had ever reacted so instinctively to him in such a manner, and it really was putting a twist in her plans to think the situation to death. Perhaps now that the spark of knowledge had been allowed to ignite in her brain, she was going to be incapable of looking at Kakashi without _wanting_ him – intimately in a platonic manner _or_ a sexual one – in some tiny corner of her brain.

She could tell that Kakashi had noticed her minuscule movement, but he didn't mention it. Perhaps he had read her intentions wrong, maybe thinking that she wanted to throw something else at his head, but she couldn't help but be thankful for it. He didn't seem wary or uncomfortable either, so he likely hadn't realised how close she had been to kissing the poor man.

She _really_ needed to get her thoughts in order and over-think it all to death so she could move on with her life, confident with her decision (no matter what it would be). All of the weird thoughts in her head were starting to get confusing, and she just wanted the internal commotion to stop already, resolute in her choice of her future.

After a beat of silence, Sakura shot back good-naturedly, "Expiration dates are just guidelines for the most part, but I'm sure that yours are expired by a year or more so yeah, we're both losers."

Kakashi laughed. For the first time she watched his lips stretch wide in mirth usually hidden by elastane, his eyes crinkling in the corners as he smiled her favourite smile sans the mask. His teeth were white and shiny and almost completely straight, the only quirk being the upper lateral incisors that were somewhat crooked, twisted just a tiny bit over his slightly elongated canines identically. His teeth were utterly charming, not overly crooked like some but not freakishly straight either, that perfect medium that gave his smile actual character.

 _Gods, I could fall in love with that smile_ , she couldn't help but think absently as she grinned back.

It faded rather quickly as his genuine smiles always did, and she could sense that he was a bit self-conscious and perhaps even anxious after the fact. She watched his fingers twitch against the foam container as he raised it yet again to block her view, and she respectfully focussed back on her own soup, taking a sip and finding it cool enough to steadily drink.

They were quiet for a while after that, Kakashi clearly trying to settle his nerves as Sakura finished her soup, wanting to soothe him but not knowing how. She didn't want to trigger him and she sure as hell didn't want to give him an anxiety attack, and phobias as well-developed as Kakashi's were something to be tentative with if she wasn't familiar with his coping mechanisms. To really familiarise herself with it so she could be respectful, they would have to talk about it and work through it together, and while they were close, Sakura didn't figure that such a reach would be welcomed.

She finished her soup and cracked her chopsticks apart so she could pick out the vegetables, letting her mind wander. She had her first day of training for ANBU the next day, early with Sai since he was back from his mission, and she was incredibly nervous about it. She had never particularly minded getting hurt and dirty during training (except that terrible year when she hadn't wanted to look grimy or weak in front of Sasuke), and in fact relished the idea that she was getting her arse kicked because it meant that she had a baseline she could improve on, but it was still...vaguely terrifying. Training for ANBU was going to be the most brutal experience, other than training with Tsunade since that woman _herself_ was terrifying, in her life, and while it would definitely increase her abilities she was still incredibly worried about it. She had been stuck inside of the hospital for so long that her performance was sure to be a bit rusty despite training regularly.

Plus she wasn't sure how she was going to have to prepare. With such a clandestine force, she doubted that she'd just have to fine-tune her stamina and abilities with jutsu. She knew she would probably have to be able to perform for longer periods, days if not weeks with minimal sleep and nutrition, and would probably have to be trained even further in operating with debilitating injuries or withstanding torture, but she had already had some training in those areas between the war and jōnin exams so she was prepared somewhat for that inevitably. She couldn't really think of anything else she would need training on though – it would probably be just like the jōnin exams but on some _serious_ performance-enhancing drugs.

Suddenly Sakura had a thought, and she blurted it out before she could wonder if it was inappropriate or not: "Hey, does ANBU do seduction missions?"

Kakashi looked over at her again sharply, eyes intense and his lips pressed together into a tight line. "Seduction missions aren't commonplace any more, Sakura," he eventually said after a brief hesitation.

Sakura rolled her eyes, not trusting that hesitation but confident that he would fess up regardless. "It's a damn good way to conduct espionage and assassinations. I know the practise has been pretty much eliminated in all ranks except in the occasional S-class mission, but _someone_ has to do it right? Who better than the elite of the elite?"

Kakashi sighed and placed his empty soup bowl on the desk, leaning back lazily and replacing his mask. She felt a brief stab of curiosity as to why he had replaced it in the first place, but eventually reasoned that he wanted to mask his facial expressions. She would've been uncomfortable with the conversation if she had been in his position too, because she couldn't imagine actually assigning shinobi and kunoichi to missions that dealt with the sins of the flesh for the village's gain. More so, she was his prior student and quite young, even if she wasn't innocent, and it was probably a bit strange and disquieting to know that he would explicitly be approving missions of such a nature to her if such missions did in fact exist. In the end, he would be practically forcing her to have sex or at least flirt and put on a show for Konoha, and that was a really weird thought.

After another pause, Sakura waiting patiently for Kakashi to spit it out, the silver haired man let his head fall against the back of his chair, gazing at the ceiling absently. "Yes, ANBU are assigned seduction missions. Does that bother you?"

Sakura shrugged, a bit discomfited with the idea but ultimately unconcerned. She had done terrible things for her village already, and had sacrificed plenty more than her non-existent virtue for Konoha. "I'm sure it'll be different if I'm ever assigned one, but at the moment...no, not really. Sex is a physical thing for the most part, unless it's with someone that you love, and to be honest having sex with some random guy is easier than killing someone."

"Or a woman," said Kakashi pointedly, finally looking back to her, in which Sakura shrugged again, nonplussed. She wasn't attracted to women, but she'd go for it if it meant keeping her precious people and village safe. At her casual gesture, Kakashi continued, "You'll have to go through that kind of training during your isolation period, though it won't be too thorough and relatively tame in comparison to what you could encounter out there. If you're ever assigned something more invasive than the standard mission, you'll have supplemental training by a professional operative."

Sakura pondered that for a few seconds before she asked a bit intrusively, "Did you ever get assigned those kinds of missions?"

Kakashi cocked his head, his silver hair falling into his left eye and covering the long-healed scar. "Twenty-eight, yes, and most of them before I turned eighteen," he answered honestly, completely unconcerned with the admittance, and Sakura felt her eyes widen a tiny bit at the knowledge, especially such a high number. He had joined ANBU when he had been quite young, fifteen if she remembered correctly, and she couldn't imagine having to do such things when she was still that age. Then again, Kakashi had been in the middle of the Second Shinobi War, and seduction missions had been pretty common even in the mainstream ranks back then (though the practise had been all but outlawed in Konoha under Namikaze Minato's reign). Perhaps he hadn't even been in ANBU when he had...

Frowning heavily, she asked hesitantly, "How old were you when you were assigned your first one?"

Kakashi tilted his head down, eyes completely detached but still showing a hint of wariness as he looked at her, and answered matter-of-factly, "Eight."

Sakura instantly recoiled in revulsion, but Kakashi calmly elaborated, "It was a different world back then, and there wasn't a flee-on-sight order on my head. It was easier to send a kid into situations like that without raising any alarms, and the sex trade was everywhere, completely unregulated and worth millions, filled with missing-nin running the markets or buying a night with a body." He suddenly smiled, one of his fake grins that made his eyes curve up. "I was a cute kid, a genin, and an orphan, so I was a sound choice for the missions. It's in the past now, and the practise was all but abolished by the time you became a kunoichi and besides, I don't regret them Sakura, so you shouldn't feel upset that I was doing them. I've come to terms with it."

"But...you were ei...oh _gods_..." she choked out, her heart in her throat and constricting her breathing. She felt faint, shaky, and she couldn't understand why he was so _calm_ about it when she was on the edge of either having a panic attack or screaming at the top of her lungs at the insanity of it. Perhaps he had come to terms with it like his demeanour suggested, but _still_. She couldn't imagine the strain that had put on his poor little shoulders, on his brilliant but childish brain, on his young and innocent body...how had he moved past such an atrocity without breaking to pieces?

She whispered, "You poor child." Then she steadied herself, took a deep breath while blinking rapidly to push off the threatening rush of tears that were aching to break free, and then she said quietly, "I wish I had known you when you were younger."

That seemingly puzzled him, if she read the spark of confusion in his eyes correctly (and she usually did). "Why do you say that?" he questioned, his tone level as expected.

She exhaled noisily and replied with an angry growl, "I would've picked you up and ran away from this village and never looked back. And then a few years later, I would've stolen Itachi, Sasuke, Naruto, and Sai away too and I could've been your mum and everyone would've lived happily ever after."

That startled a huff of laughter from Kakashi, the sad tension evaporating almost instantly. "While I appreciate the sentiment," Kakashi said with a glint of amusement shining in his eyes, "I don't think the village would've taken well to the disappearance of a significant amount of its most esteemed shinobi."

Sakura huffed. "They wouldn't have known that you guys would be ' _esteemed shinobi_ '," she answered grumpily. "I mean, sure...you and Itachi were little geniuses and Naruto is a jinchūriki, but they wouldn't have known that you'd all grow up to be how you are. We would've hidden away in Forests, living almost as far away as we possibly could from Fire, and everyone would've grown up all fat and happy and totally terrified of my awesome badarsery. You would've loved your dear Sakura-mummy, and would've had a shrine of me in your rooms to celebrate my genius."

Kakashi snorted loudly, then pointed out, "We would've grown up very different if you had taken us in when were were kids and you know it." He lowered his mask again and lifted his teacup to his lips, taking a quick sip before continuing, "And really? A shrine? You give yourself too much credit, Sakura-chan. No one likes you quite that much."

And then he sent a quick, devilish grin at her over the rim of his cup, his lower lip caught in his teeth teasingly, and that knocked the breath clean out of her.

A part of Sakura wanted to say ' _Hey, put your face back on_ _be_ _cause it's breaking my concentration_ ' but she knew that such a statement would only make Kakashi freeze up and it wouldn't have been completely true anyway. So instead she was quiet, closing her eyes and taking a few deep, calming breaths so she didn't do anything stupid like blush or throw a bauble at his head or jump over the table to ruffle his hair or something. At least this time she didn't want to reach over and kiss him, but still, doing any of the above would probably cause him to clam up.

Though now that she was thinking about it, kissing him didn't sound bad at all...and she _really_ needed to get her shit together.

After a moment of trying in vain to get herself in order, she heard Kakashi say with a barely-noticeable twinge of unease in his voice, "What's wrong?"

She opened her eyes, blinked once very slowly, and then turned her head to give Kakashi a small smile. "It's nothing," she lied, voice even and calm despite the inner turmoil she felt in her chest and brain. She was completely unconcerned when Kakashi frowned at her, catching her easily in the fib because he knew her inside and out.

At least he wasn't seeing through her _completely_ , because she wasn't sure how she could explain herself if he had caught on to what said turmoil was about. He had jokingly said that no one liked her quite that much, and some people would've seen that as a kick to the gut even with the teasing grin afterwards but Sakura knew better. Hatake Kakashi knew that Sakura had had problems with self-confidence, but he had joked about it anyway, knowing with complete sureness that Sakura would see it as a tease instead of a jab. He had known that Sakura would see his joking as it was: a hidden, tiny admission that Kakashi himself liked her that much and didn't need a shrine to prove it.

He knew her so well and fuck it, she wanted a hug.

With a loud exhale through her nose, Sakura hopped up and walked around his desk, not even hesitating as she grabbed him by the arm and yanked him up. He didn't complain or fight her, a testament to how often she manhandled the people around her, but he did tense when she wrapped her arms around his middle and squeezed, not hard enough to break the poor man but decently enough to get her point across.

Burying her nose into his charcoal grey vest and inhaling the scent of paper and grass in his clothes, she sighed and simply gave up just as he relaxed and patted the top of her head a bit awkwardly (as he always did).

Hopefully the rest of her makeshift family didn't see an issue with Kakashi and Sakura being a potential... _thing_ in the future, because she was pretty sure that she was fucked.


	8. Coming to Terms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She stood up, stretching towards the ceiling to soothe her numb legs, and then meandered into the kitchen, absently pulling out the leftovers from her lunch the day before. As she popped it into the microwave and started the kettle, she allowed her mind to wander in the direction that she had been avoiding for weeks.
> 
> It was time to figure everything out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings! So, uh, here's the next chapter. This story is winding down to the end, which is crazy because it seems like just yesterday that I was cranking out what was supposed to be a 10k-long one-shot. Crazy how life works, isn't it?
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the chapter, let me know if you see anything super crazy since this is unbeta'd, and for the love of all that is holy, MIND THE TAGS. Haha XD

 

Chapter Eight  
_Coming to Terms_

Sakura dodged too late and went flying fifty metres across the field, the air knocked out of her.

She managed to twist in mid-air, landing hard with the entire side of her body in increments instead of letting her legs, arms, or back take the brunt of it, but it was still enough to jar her. Her teeth smashed together, the coppery tang of blood flooding her mouth as her teeth caught her tongue, and she grunted at the sharp pain that accompanied.

Despite the lack of oxygen in her body and the blood that oozed out from between her lips, she instantly rolled out of the way as Sai rushed her again, his fist impacting the grass where her head had been a tenth of a second ago.

She felt a stab of panic in her bones when Sai continued to relentlessly attack her, not giving her a split-second to catch her breath or defend herself properly. It was her undoing in the end, because she hesitated for a split-second when she realised he wasn't going to stop attacking her even after she had held her hands up in surrender. In response to her brief moment of weakness, he simply pummelled her into a ball of worthless flesh, giving her a good old-fashioned beat-down like a common thug as if she was not the powerful apprentice of the Godaime but instead a civilian child. It was humiliating how easily he beat her into a pulp without showing any signs of fatigue, because she had lived through some serious shit in her life with the war and Tsunade herself but this was on a _whole_ different level. Honestly she hadn't even known that Sai was capable of it.

She gave up and curled into a foetal position, helplessly trying to protect her internal organs from Sai's brutal onslaught, and after a long minute the pummelling mercifully stopped.

In the aftermath of the rather humbling beating she had just received, her body immediately shuddered heavily, nerve endings shrieking in pain, and she couldn't help but close her teary eyes and vomit all over the blood-splattered grass.

She heaved until only a small trickle of sick, drool, and blood crept down her cheek in a warm line, every single molecule of her body throbbing with agony. Her breathing was short and wet, probably indicating a punctured lung if the pain was anything to go on, and she mentally screamed at herself for wasting so much chakra. She could've activated the seal and flooded her body with chakra in order to heal herself, but she had no idea if Sai was done with her yet. Until he called their training session and gave her the go-ahead to piece her broken body together, she would lie in wait. Just in case.

She heard him kneel by her head and hissed like a cat when he grasped a handful of her pink locks tightly, yanking her head back so she was forced to look him in the eye. His face was carefully blank, giving Sakura no indication as to whether he was concerned about her well-being, and to be honest she was actually terrified because this was _not_ Sai. This was not her friend, her comrade, her _brother_. This was a monster with unyielding ferocity and single-minded dedication to get what he wanted from her.

When he spoke it was just as cold: "Weak. You're weak, Sakura. You have just as much chakra as I do and the training of the Godaime to fall back onto, but you allowed me to break your body like a toy. I shouldn't even take you in as a sponsor if you're going to embarrass me like this. You won't possibly pass the examination at this level." His eyes hardened and in a soft whisper, he said, "You're useless, and I refuse to belittle myself into assuming otherwise. I believe you should find another sponsor or cancel your application entirely. It's the only possible solution, Sakura."

 _It's not true, it's not true, he's just using this against you so he can break you_ , she desperately tried to assure herself.

 _But this is Sai!_ another part of her screamed. _Sai doesn't lie, even if he's training with me! He wouldn't say it unless it was true! He's not talking about a mission – he's talking about you_ personally _, which means that he is telling the truth! You know that you're rusty, and you know that you're weak in a lot of aspects, so it makes sense!_

Sakura's eyes stung from the rush of tears that threatened to spill, both from the feeling of worthlessness as well as the deplorable pain she was feeling physically, but she refused to give anyone the satisfaction of seeing her cry. Sakura _was_ rusty, and she _was_ weak in some ways, but she was _not_ useless. She had accomplished so many things in her few years that most shinobi, ANBU or not, would never hope to achieve, and because of that she knew that she had to stay strong. Even if Sai was telling the truth and wanted her to find a new sponsor, she would not buckle underneath the overwhelming feeling of worthlessness. She _wouldn't_.

Partly because she was furious, and partly because she refused to let him get to her, she gathered the last dregs of her chakra and punched him in the face.

It didn't do much damage to him, since she had no strength or stability to pull from (and her arm and fingers were broken to boot), but it still gave her the satisfaction of knowing that she wouldn't go out without putting up one hell of a fight. Her punch, as pointless as it seemed to be, was her way of telling him to go fuck himself.

After a bloody, sick-smelling grin, she fell into blissful unconsciousness.

* * *

It took forever for her to come to, though time was muddled and hard to figure out.

She could hear shuffling around, some sniffing, and clicks that sounded suspiciously like a shogi board but the most familiar and constant sounds was the hum of a respirator and the even beeps of a heart monitor. Somehow she figured that time had jumped between the sounds not directly indicative of the hospital, because sometimes she heard familiar voices that never seemed to match in the flow of conversation. Either she had more people crowding her room than allowed by regulation (possible, considering that her friends and family weren't people the staff could really say _no_ to) or she was drifting off sporadically and missing the transitions.

Absently, she took note of her body, feeling a spark of relief when she noted that her chakra was busy working to repair what remained of the damage. Her levels were rather even too, which indicated that she had been sleeping for a while and her life force had been allowed to regenerate naturally, as the chakra seal on her forehead was still intact. Nevertheless, someone (probably Tsunade, judging by the amount of injuries she had sustained and the seamless way said damage had been repaired) had done the majority of the work for her, so all her chakra needed to accomplish was the superficial injuries that hadn't been bothered with as well as the massive headache thundering behind her eyes.

It took her a bit of time to do all of the above, still bleary from sleep and wary of going too fast and injuring her brain, but eventually the headache faded into a whisper and she decided to have a go at opening her eyes.

It didn't hurt, surprisingly, as the lights were dim and the windows were black due to it apparently being night, but her eyes watered nonetheless, crusty at the corners and heavy with exhaustion. She forced herself to blink rapidly to chase away the vestiges of sleep, and then focussed on the only body she could see from her current position.

Sai was reading quietly, the crisp rustle of turning pages and his even breathing the only sound that cut into the hum of equipment surrounding her bed. The light of the lamp by his side gave his pale, sallow features a more healthy glow, and there was a similar flicker in his dark eyes. He appeared to be completely involved in the words of his book, probably something on philosophy if his usual tastes were to be trusted, and she knew just by the calm composure and casual reading that everything was okay.

Without looking up from his book, he said in a low murmur, "It's considered rude to stare, Sakura-san."

She smiled.

"Well," she said in a croak, voice weak from disuse and the last traces of sleep, and she stopped her sentence. She attempted to wet her lips, though her mouth was so dry (and foul tasting if she was completely honest) that it was nearly futile, and then cleared her throat and began again. "There isn't much else to be doing, and you're directly in my line of vision."

His eyes flickered on his book, as if he had almost torn his eyes away so he could look at her but had ultimately decided not to, and then he nonchalantly flipped another page. As his eyes vaguely read the lines of kanji on the page, he said, "You did well."

The smile on her face dimmed a bit as she remembered his words from the training session how many hours or days ago, but then she questioned, "Is it always going to be like that?"

"No," he replied. "I wanted to begin with the hardest task, and get it out of the way so we could focus on your repertoire of various jutsus, particularly genjutsu. We'll focus on offence next, making sure that nothing like that ever happens to you in the field."

She took a few seconds to digest that and then said evenly, "It was a humbling experience, I will admit. I didn't know that you were capable of that, though we didn't really fight together during the war so maybe I just didn't know."

He finally looked away from his book and settled his eyes on her face. They flickered, taking in every aspect of her physical appearance, perhaps to search for any misgivings or lies in her features but more likely to take stock in how she was faring. After a moment, he said, "I had the advantage of fully understanding your fighting style and mentality. I used your weaknesses against you so I could gain the advantage and tactically bring the lesson home. An enemy won't have that advantage."

"Seems like I have a lot of those," she mumbled, perhaps a bit sardonically. In all truthfulness, she was more than a little self-deprecating at the moment, because he _had_ used it to his advantage and had literally broken her to pieces. Once again she felt the spark of pride in herself for delivering that weak, but deliberate punch at the end, because otherwise she would've been able to convince herself that she really _had_ been weak in totality. He had used her as a punching bag and preyed on her confidence issues like a master mind fuck, but at least she hadn't given in.

"Surprisingly enough, you don't," he responded, ignoring her tired eye roll at his statement that resolutely contradicted her internal thoughts. He continued without prompt, "You have an appalling lack of long-range abilities outside of your talent of destroying an acre of solid ground and rock, but that will be rectified when we teach you more rounded jutsu that is compatible with your nature. You have confidence issues, but that will be absolved with the more tactical experience you gain during your training and the jutsu we are going to teach you. Otherwise, you are an incredible kunoichi who didn't give up when I had used your own self-confidence against you. Not well-rounded, but that will change rather soon. You've always been a fast learner when you put your mind to it, so I have no doubts."

It was quiet for a long time, Sakura pondering Sai's words and trying to let his confident words penetrate her self-deprecating thoughts, and then she said quietly but with all the honesty she could convey, "Thank you, Sai, for what you did. I needed to be knocked down a few pegs, and now that I know for certain my limitations, I can work to either eliminate them or not let them affect me as much."

He looked at her with an unreadable expression and didn't reply.

* * *

The weeks flew by in a comforting, but ultimately demanding routine.

She woke up at six as per usual, inhaled her standard cup (or three) of coffee, ate a light breakfast, and then made her way to wherever in the village her trainer-of-the-day happened to designate. From there, at seven in the morning on the dot, she spent anywhere from two to eight hours training in whatever was determined that day, and was not allowed to train directly for longer than that. Then she would heal herself if needed and go home, where she would shower and eat a late lunch, and afterwords she would spend the rest of her night with friends, her makeshift family, and of course with Kakashi, dutifully arriving for dinner at seven every night. After her dinner with Kakashi, she would meander her way home, have a cup of tea as she decompressed from the day, reading or watching the telly mindlessly, and would be in bed by ten or so.

Of course, training _was_ a twenty-four hour spectacle. Her trainers, and whoever else they had enlisted to help, would jump out at her at any time, or would infiltrate her house in the wee hours of the morning. She was always constantly aware, ready to take action at a moment's notice, which helped her response time (which was already pretty legendary) drop from half a minute to only a second or two. Not only that, but they laid traps all around the village that were tailored to her chakra signature, so she was always on guard wherever she went to practise, constantly vigilant of her surroundings. Most of it was harmless, like water balloons or genjutsu, but some of it was pretty nasty, like a barrage of kunai directed towards her face or a paper bomb in some of the out-of-the-way places she frequented.

The direct training itself was the hardest thing she had ever done, and thankfully not one of them went easy on her. She had practised withstanding _and_ delivering torture, had been given a workout routine that was on par with Gai and Lee's insanity (though she was certain that Gai had had a hand in developing it, since Kakashi was ruthless when he tutored her in a way he hadn't before), learnt a multitude of jutsu that were in her natural earth element, developed and/or mastered a plethora of genjutsu, and on one memorable session that had lasted the full eight hours, had been taught the basics of both emotional and physical seduction techniques courtesy of Yūgao and her partner Hyō.

That had been one hell of an experience, because stripping to nothing but her skin and then seducing the both of them (with various tips and tricks being delivered throughout the session, which she would immediately apply) had been the craziest thing she had ever done. After all, she had never _wanted_ to learn how to get a woman off, which she had done to Yūgao without complaint, or how to fake pleasure convincingly as they did the same to her, and how to get information in the midst of it all. Surprisingly, that had been both the most informative training thus far, not to mention the most exhausting. Learning to lap dance and seduce and properly weasel information out of people while making them climax _and_ not giving the game away had been crazy, particularly as they had all gone to dinner afterwards without it being too awkward after eight solid hours of stripping and literal sex.

And sex was exhausting even without the mind games that went into it, so she had been quite knackered at the end of it. She had practically fallen asleep at dinner, which had tickled Kakashi when she had told him that she was fatigued because she had been having sex all day.

And about Kakashi...she had finally made the rounds to her makeshift family – Naruto, Sai, Shikamaru, Lee, Shizune, and Tsunade – to tentatively ask for their input on her potential situation with Kakashi, which had gone down in strange ways.

Sai had been the first she had cornered after coming clean to her parents, because she could get the majority of her nerves out of the way while simultaneously getting a blunt, honest opinion out of him. It had been a very short conversation in the end though, because she had just point-blank asked for his opinion and he had replied, "According to my research, you are both very compatible and would have an agreeable relationship because of it, so I am unconcerned and support your decision." Then he had tacked on to her utter horror and confusion, "Though the dickhead said that you were already married, so I'm confused as to why you're asking me if I would accept such a relationship after you have already consummated your bond."

Naturally, she had barrelled into Naruto's flat immediately after leaving Sai's, shrieking like a banshee regarding him spreading rumours about her. After she had gotten all of her ire and mortification out of the way by screaming at him, Naruto cowering in his kitchen while Hinata bit her lip to keep from laughing, the three of them had sat down at the dining room table and talked it out. Hinata, as expected, had said that they would be happy together and fully supported her; Naruto, on the other hand, had drilled her about everything and anything he could think of to really understand her thoughts about the whole thing. Despite his joking with their friends and various villagers about Kakashi and Sakura already being practically married, he still had concerns: whether Sakura was serious, whether she thought that Kakashi would return her feelings if she did go for him, that it was strange since they were team-mates and he had been her sensei, if it would cause problems between them because of Kakashi being Hokage and Sakura being either ANBU or an active jōnin, that it was weird because he was _so old_ and would die before she did, along with multitudes of other things. It had taken hours to hash it all out, but before she left for dinner he had finally accepted that they could _actually_ work and had given his blessing as well.

It had taken her a week after that to corner Lee, since she was saving Shizune for last (since Sakura wanted to break the news to both Shizune and Tsunade at the same time to minimise the inevitable carnage) and Shikamaru was on a 'mission' in Sand. Lee had been the most exuberant of them all thus far, unsurprisingly, instantly proclaiming that it was a "destined bond between two youthful shinobi" and "would result in much happiness and contentment" while also hugging the life out of her.

A month after her talk with her parents, Shikamaru had returned from Sand in good spirits, though that had faded rather quickly when she had met him at the gates and dragged him to his flat against his will. Despite his insistence that he had to give an after-action report to Kakashi as soon as possible, she had thrown him into his apartment and said pretty candidly, "Do you think it's a colossal mistake for me to start a relationship with Kakashi?"

That had been an altogether unexpected conversation. Shikamaru, fresh off his Hokage-sanctioned steamy liaison with Temari, had been a bit more forthcoming with his advice, which Sakura hadn't expected. He was usually pretty quiet about his own relationship with Temari, mostly due to the literal _mountains_ of bullshit politics that forced them to be separated nine months out of the year and somewhat because he was generally a quiet person when it came to personal things. However, they had _both_ talked about their respective situations, because he had questions and concerns about his own relationship as well as hers.

He had asked a lot of the same questions that Naruto had, albeit a lot more carefully, which she answered honestly. He had even asked if she was okay with the idea of a sexual relationship with him, and she had replied with an "absolutely" with no hesitation. He did open some fears for her though, things that she hadn't even considered before. Kakashi was the last of his clan, as far as anyone knew, so it was possible that he would want at least one kid in the future to carry on his name. This, obviously, was a concern, and knowing that if she asked Kakashi he would be honest with her, she vowed to ask him at some point before she started to chase him (because it was looking like everyone in her family was okay with them getting together, and Sakura was actually _pleased_ about it). Also, he had brought up the fact that Kakashi might not be okay with starting a relationship with Sakura, and had asked her if she was okay with the potential outcome of Kakashi completely cutting off ties with her in order to get some distance. That had scared the living shit out of her, having someone so bluntly tell her that it was a possibility, and it was something that worried her every time she thought about it.

Shikamaru had been weighed down over his relationship with Temari, and his old team-mates weren't exactly the best people to converse about it considering that Ino was a harpy and Chōji was a man with a man's perspective. Sakura had been absolutely staggered when he said that he was going to ask Temari to _marry him_ , but wasn't sure how to go about that. Additionally, getting married to Temari came with its own plethora of issues – they were already forced to be apart a majority of the year and there was no way that that could change. Shikamaru was a jōnin-sensei with brats to take care of, was one of the heads of the strategy division, and was also a valued member of Kakashi's (and soon to be Naruto's) council, not to mention that he was now head of the Nara clan since Shikaku had passed over the mantle. Temari, on the other hand, was Gaara's right-hand advisor, in charge of the intelligence division in Suna, and was the Suna ambassador to the other four Elemental Nations, a job that she couldn't just leave without breaking _years_ of hard work to establish rapport.

If they were going to get married and start a family, having three months in a year to do that wasn't a stable way to go about it.

Sakura had had no idea what to even say to him, but did ask him if he had any options that he wanted to start working with the council and Kakashi. Shikamaru had shrugged, and then said, "I don't care if you talk to Kakashi-sensei about this. I was planning on having this conversation with him anyway, to come up with a solution, so feel free to break the ice with him." After that, he had told her, "Well, we either have to spend six months in one place and then swap out, which neither one of us really want to do when we have kids, or she's going to have to start easing herself out of Suna's politics so she can move out here permanently. It sounds bad, but those are the options we have. She can train replacements and pass on her duties to other people, and I can too in some ways, but I have clan duties here and I literally can't give that up. There's no one that I could pass it on to." He had sighed, a heavy one that seemed to come from the tips of his toes, and continued, "It's either one of those two options or we have to break it off completely. And I'll go missing-nin before I leave her, Sakura, I swear I will."

It was totally out-of-character for him to be so forthright about his emotions and fears, but she was so thankful that he had opened up to her. Not only would it help him get some of that weight off his chest, but it showed that he trusted her as family just as much as she trusted him.

After that, she had found Shizune and dragged her to Tsunade, who had been in the village for a few months overseeing a new wing in the hospital – and to irritate the hell out of Kakashi, but that was beside the point. After a few minutes of small talk, mostly Sakura telling her to lay off Kakashi and to give Shizune room to breathe at the hospital, Tsunade had demanded Sakura to spill it already. So she had, and unexpectedly Tsunade had started laughing rather than throw things (or Sakura herself) against the wall.

"Well hell Sakura, it's about time you came to me about this," Tsunade had said after she had gotten her mad cackling in control. "I was starting to think you were just going to keep me in the dark until you two ended up moving in together or tying the knot in some border city." Then, after some spluttering on Sakura's part, Tsunade had continued, "Everyone knows you two have been together in an unofficial manner for years, and if you haven't killed each other yet I'm sure you'll be fine. Besides, when you find someone that you're _that_ compatible with, you have to go for it with all you've got. You might never get another chance."

Shizune had agreed, giving her a big hug, and Tsunade had heard Sakura's side of the story, complete with wondering if she should even try in the first place if Kakashi might never reciprocate her feelings. At that, Shizune had gone beet red and hid her face in her palms while her mentor started cackling again. Sakura, suspicious, had questioned their actions and Tsunade had said with a mischievous smirk, "Well, normally I'd say that, as my surrogate daughter, I will have to threaten to tear off his dick if he broke your heart, but...I had that talk with him about a year ago."

Understandably, Sakura had gone nuclear.

"Oh shut up you brat," Tsunade had grumbled after Sakura had nearly passed out from fury and embarrassment, her throat sore from yelling at an ear-splitting decibel. "He had no idea what I was talking about and tried to tell me that I had heard a rumour that wasn't true. When I told him that he was a moron and you two had been dating for a year – and what's the fucking point of being in a relationship if you aren't having sex anyway? – the little bastard actually went _red_ and had the gall to throw me out of the office I so _graciously_ shoved down his throat against his will. I've never been so pissed off in my life, but since he looked confused I guess he really didn't know what I was talking about. But anyway, he sure as hell does _now_ , so I'm sure he's thought about it and he'd be an absolute imbecile if he didn't wholeheartedly know that you two were born for each other. He's probably just keeping it quiet because he's not sure where _your_ head is at and he's terrified that I really will tear his dick off with my fingernails if he hurts you. Trust me, kid, he sees the potential and knows that if you give him the smallest inkling of mutual interest, he'll be done for. You have absolutely _nothing_ to worry about, girl."

Sakura had just stared at her mentor's face for a few minutes, Shizune nodding in agreement at Tsunade's words with an apologetic smile on her face, and then turned on her heel, shakily leaving Tsunade's apartment without a word.

When retelling the conversation to Ino an hour or so after leaving Tsunade's place, her blonde friend had laughed so hard that Sakura had been _sure_ she would burst an aneurysm.

* * *

Sakura sighed, unfolding herself from her meditative pose.

She had been at it for about an hour, after showering and quickly getting rid of the lactic acid in her muscles and the multitudes of bruises that had resulted from her four-hour taijutsu training session with Tenzō. She didn't usually meditate after training, because she was normally zen enough to go about her day, but today she had felt that it was necessary.

After her talk with Tsunade the day before, and the subsequent dinner with Kakashi that had followed (it had been a little awkward, Sakura unable to meet his eyes until she had forced her brain to shut up and not think about Tsunade's words), she just needed time to herself. She needed to be alone, to _think_ , and meditating was a good way to ease some of the residual adrenaline that had built up after her spar.

She stood up, stretching towards the ceiling to soothe her numb legs, and then meandered into the kitchen, absently pulling out the leftovers from her lunch the day before. As she popped it into the microwave and started the kettle, she allowed her mind to wander in the direction that she had been avoiding for weeks.

It was time to figure everything out.

As for blessings from her family, Tsunade, and by extension literally _everyone else_ she had talked to, already thought that Sakura and Kakashi were good for each other. Because of that, she knew that her parents and makeshift family were okay with a potential relationship and were supportive of it. All of them were on board, and some were even outright encouraging her, so that was now a non-issue.

When it came to the fear of Kakashi never being able to reciprocate, her family was unanimously convinced that she had nothing to worry about. Tsunade had even had _The Talk_ with him already, so Sakura instinctively knew that Kakashi had mused over it afterwards. He always did, when it came to information or the sort that was unceremoniously thrown at him. The fact that he continued training with her, eating dinner with her almost every night without being late, and had told or shown her things that he hadn't told many people _ever_ gave Sakura the inkling that Kakashi had contemplated it and then arrived at one of three conclusions: that the potential for an intimate relationship was there but he didn't want to jeopardise his friendship and camaraderie with her; that the potential for an intimate relationship _wasn't_ there but a supremely close platonic relationship _was_ since they were so compatible; or that the potential for an intimate relationship was there but he was too wary of being rejected for whatever reason (or that Tsunade really would tear off his bits) and therefore kept quiet.

There was, of course, the possibility that he wasn't interested at all and was actually rather uncomfortable with the idea of it, but if that had been the case, Sakura knew without a doubt that Kakashi would've started distancing himself away from her. However, that hadn't been the case, and he had actually opened up _more_ to her in the past year (following Tsunade's confrontation about the whole possibility in the first place, which was fishy in and of itself).

She was also sure that if he didn't reciprocate in the slightest, he would've brought it up to her regardless of how embarrassing the conversation would've been.

Her reasoning behind that was pretty simple. Kakashi knew Sakura inside and out, and knew better than most what she was like when she was either attracted to someone or in love. She had always been pretty open about her past 'relationships' with him too, so he knew how she acted and went about herself when she was with or interested in someone. Because of this, he _had_ to know that she didn't have those kinds of feelings for him ( _yet_ , her traitorous mind supplied unhelpfully). So, if he hadn't reciprocated, he would've tried to clear the air with her immediately. Probably in his lackadaisical, lazy manner by telling her about the rumours going around and how bonkers they were, and how he didn't understand why friends could be misconstrued that way. Judging by how Sakura had initially reacted with Ino, she would've wholeheartedly agreed and that would've been the end of it, because it hadn't occurred to Sakura that the potential existed until Ino had pounded it into her head. And even _if_ Ino got to her afterwards, probably due to Sakura raging through the village about said rumours in the first place, Sakura would've known due to Kakashi's reaction that it wouldn't be an option and she would've buried the potential deep until it was forgotten.

But he hadn't done that. Instead, he hadn't mentioned Tsunade's accusations at all to her, and had opened up to her even more than before, granting her the opportunity to take a slot in his life that a sparse few had ever achieved.

 _That_ was telling. Maybe Kakashi preferred a close friendship or maybe he was too uncertain about where her mind was at, but Sakura couldn't help but feel in her bones that he felt _something_ for her, something more than what they had going on already.

Kakashi likely had a lot of reasons as to why he would be wary of a romantic relationship between the two of them. He had been her sensei, and now was her Hokage, which would cause chins to wag. He was fourteen years older than her, though age gaps weren't really a taboo thing. He had to be understandably terrified of losing someone else that he loved, because the last and only time he had been in love, Itachi had been ostracised and eventually murdered by Sasuke before Kakashi could really _do_ anything about it. Not to mention that he was self-admittedly terrified of losing _anyone_ he was supposed to protect really, which was only exacerbated by the fact that he was Hokage and regularly sent his people on dangerous, potentially lethal missions. Sakura being in ANBU, where Kakashi himself would have to assign her missions that regularly sent operatives back in pieces, would probably tear him apart if they were together.

But everyone, particularly Tsunade and Naruto, was right. They were already so close that it practically _was_ a relationship, and she knew that he loved her in his own special way. Bridging that gap wouldn't make him love her any more or any less – it would just be a different variation of the love he already felt. And yes, it would be hard if she was to die on him, or if _he_ was to die on _her_ , but in the end they had to take advantage of every moment because they might not get another opportunity. Her mentor had been destroyed when Dan had died, but she had come back from it with a bittersweet fondness that she had had those moments with him before the end. Naruto had gone his entire life alone and hated, but if he hadn't reached out for friends and a new family despite the danger he put them into because of his jinchūriki status, he would still be that scared little boy without anyone to love him. Hell, even Kakashi himself had reached out towards Itachi all those years ago, and while he had regrets, Sakura knew he still cherished it even if it made him unbearably devastated when he recalled what he'd lost.

As for Sakura herself, she knew that _she_ was already done for. She _wanted_ it. She _wanted_ to be able to reach for his hand so she could tangle his fingers with hers. She _wanted_ to bury her face in his hair and breathe in the scent of his shampoo and his dogs. She _wanted_ to wake up in the morning and see his face, relaxed in sleep, only a short reach away. She _wanted_ to tell him that she loved him as they both sleepily nursed a cup of tea before they fell asleep in each other's arms. To be honest, she _wanted_ to feel him in between her thighs, feel his bare skin against her fingertips, feel his lips against her throat, feel him breach her with a low gasp.

She just _wanted_ him.

She also didn't want to hurt him.

In the end though, she knew that _that_ wasn't her call. Sakura had made her decision, and Kakashi would have to make his. Whether he thought the personal risk to himself was too high, or whether he jumped head-first into a future with Sakura with the determination he was famous for in battle and in policy, it had to be his choice. She couldn't force him into anything, and she wanted him to be just as confident as she was that this was what he wanted, irrevocably and without doubt, for as long as they were good together.

Sakura was torn out of her thoughts when kettle began whistling, jumping at the unexpected sound. She shook herself lightly and then switched off the burner, picking up the kettle and pouring the boiling water into her prepared cup. Absently, she watched as the water went murky, the infuser oozing out tendrils of brown. She glanced at the microwave, which had probably finished reheating her meal ages ago without her registering the beep of completion.

Setting down the kettle and moving towards the microwave, she pulled out her rice and veggies before sitting at the island of her kitchen, staring down into her food. Suddenly she wasn't very hungry, though she knew that she needed to eat after her intense workout, and so she forced the food into her mouth, already starting to ponder how she was going to go about all this.

Because she was going to go for it, and she needed to gather her thoughts beforehand.

* * *

Sakura walked quietly into Kakashi's office ten minutes before seven.

Despite her calm approach though, she was very nervous. It wasn't like she was planning on just waltzing up to him and kissing the poor man on his mask-covered mouth (though she _was_ going to barrel into this discussion like a raging bull) but she was still nervous. She knew that the majority of it had to do with the fact that she had finally made up her mind, but she still wondered if she was crazy for trying. Crazy for opening up this can of worms when she had no idea what his reaction would be.

She put the bag down on the table and he immediately began digging into it, barely glancing at the tops of the containers before sitting them down haphazardly where the warming cloth was. His familiar, efficient divvying of their meal was just another kick in the gut, and for the first time since ever meeting him, butterflies erupted in her stomach.

"Everything okay?" she heard him ask, and she tore her eyes away from his confident hands so she could look at him in the eyes.

"Yeah," she managed, a bit more breathless than she would've liked, so she cleared her throat and tried again. "I'm okay. Just...heard a few things that surprised me, and I'm just trying to wrap my head around them."

He cocked his head at her like one of his pups, silver hair catching the light and transforming the strands into variations of gold, and then he simply replied, "Okay." Then, as they both sat down and simultaneously reached for take-out containers, he inquired, "Who's the unlucky target of the gossip mongers today?"

That startled a bubble of laughter from her, and she shot back, "Everyone, like always."

Kakashi raised a silver eyebrow at her, clearly seeing her avoidance of the question, so she laughed again and gave him a two-fingered salute in response.

They were quiet after that, scooping out whatever food they fancied on their plates until Kakashi poured the tea for the both of them and they both tucked in, Kakashi's mask pooled around his neck like was now customary between them. It was a comfortable silence, which was reassuring since the butterflies were slowly fading away, and she simply revelled in the companionship. They didn't have to fill silences with conversation, forcing words out when nothing was needed, and she loved that. Gods, did she ever. Why in the hell had it taken her so damn long to realise that the man she could spend the rest of her life with had been right _there_ the entire time?

Steeling her resolve and knowing that this inevitable conversation was one they should've had a year ago, she swallowed a mouthful of noodles and washed them down with a sip of tea. Then she said point-blank, "People think we're dating."

To Kakashi's credit, he didn't choke on his chunk of beef, but he did swallow rather hard if the strain of his neck was to be trusted. Calmly, he took a sip of his own tea and then leant back in his chair, crossing his arms and studying her intently.

As a way to break the insanity of what she had just said, she added, "Also along that vein, Shikamaru is going to ask Temari to marry him and Hinata's pregnant."

Kakashi let out a huff of what might've been laughter, but was probably exasperation. Evenly, he said, "Naruto told me about Hinata earlier this morning, and I figured as much when it came to Shikamaru and Temari. It's going to be a nightmare sorting through all the bureaucratic nonsense so they can have a life together." Then, after a long pause, he said simply, "I know."

She discarded her nearly empty plate like Kakashi had, reaching for the warm porcelain cup that held the pumpkin black tea, Kakashi's favourite. Just like at Sasuke's, it gave her something to do with her hands, though she wasn't going to take her eyes off of Kakashi's bare face during _this_ conversation if she could help it. With a small sigh, she told him, "Ino brought it to my attention two months ago, the day after you first showed me your face. Apparently using your given name while being utterly exhausted at the same time was enough to entice her into an inquisition. Since then, I've been talking to everyone, trying to see what everyone else was seeing and figure everything out in my head." She snorted and said with laughter in her tone, "Naruto told Sai that we were secretly married, so he was really confused by all the questions."

Kakashi rolled his eyes, then continued to look at her just as attentively as before. There was a long moment of silence, long enough for Sakura to finish her tea and refill both of their cups, before Kakashi questioned almost carefully, "And?"

His tone plus the question itself made the fluttering in her stomach return, though with less force than before. Not only was she about to come clean, but he was clearly curious as to where her thoughts were on this. Sakura figured that was a relatively good sign.

She inhaled and exhaled deeply, making sure to maintain eye contact, and answered quietly, _honestly_ , with no shame or trepidation, "It would be the easiest thing I've ever done if I allowed myself."

His eyes narrowed minutely as he watched her silently, mouth set in a firm line, taking in every micro-expression she made with his keen gaze. She could practically see his mind whirling madly as he put together everything and digested her words, and she let him muse over his thoughts without asking or demanding his input or feelings.

Then he murmured, his mouth barely moving, "Yes. It would be."

Though she kept her facial expressions as controlled as she possibly could, drawing into the deep well of stoicism that she had accumulated over the past eight years of her shinobi training, she still felt his words deep inside her like a punch to the chest. Her voice remarkably steady, she replied, "There are a lot of factors that keep me from pursuing it, of course, but at least we're in agreement on the potential."

"Such as?" he inquired.

She took another deep breath and let it out in a turbulent rush. "Well, for starters, I'm not putting myself into another situation like the one I had with Sasuke. I won't put myself on the line for you or anyone else unless I know that I'm not the only one who is willing to give one hundred percent of themselves to it. Also, I don't want to put you in the situation where your reputation is harmed or your leadership is questioned because I used to be your student, or because you're my superior in general. I don't even know if I'm too young for you, even though I'm not bothered by the age gap myself, but you might want someone more...your age. Not to mention that I'm terrified that if something goes wrong and we don't work out, our friendship could fall apart. I don't want to lose you in that way whatsoever." She paused, quickly gathering up a bit more of her resolve, and then continued, "I also don't want to put you in this position in general. I'm going for ANBU, the most dangerous rank besides yours, and that means that you'll be overseeing mission assignments for me if I get accepted. I know that I'm strong enough and a good enough medic to keep myself alive and relatively sane out there, but I can't imagine what it'll do to you to authorise those assignments, not knowing if I'll come back broken or in a body bag. I don't know what it would do to _me_ if I made you go through that. Not after you've lost so many of your friends, not after you lost your family...and not after Itachi."

She sighed and continued, "It's not my choice to make though. It would be unbelievably easy to love you because it's already easy to love you in a platonic way _now_ , and crossing that line into intimacy would be as simple as breathing. But at the end of the day, all of my misgivings are about you getting hurt or losing our friendship, which I don't think could ever happen between us because you're one of my best friends and I won't let you go that easily. So...really it's on you, because I'm not going to give it a go unless you're committed to it and _absolutely sure_ that the pros outweigh the cons. So it's not really my decision, because I'm open to whatever you want. I will spend the rest of my life completely happy with just a close friendship, because you'll always be that first and whatever else second."

By the end of her speech of sorts, a lump had caught itself in her throat, making her voice shaky. She cleared her throat after the last word and took a drink of her tea, finally looking down into the dregs instead of his eyes. She couldn't bear to look at him now, not when he had stayed utterly impassive during her monologue, no hint of what he was thinking in his expressions or body language. She didn't want to think about the fact that, despite his almost easy confirmation that there was _possibility_ for moving into intimacy, everything she had just told him could be the catalyst that could break apart their effortless camaraderie. She would do everything in her power to fight for said friendship, but if he made up his mind to distance herself from her she would be powerless to deter his stubbornness.

The silence, which before had been comforting, was filled with an undeniable tension that set her teeth on edge. She hadn't felt like this around him before, and wondered if she was the only one that was feeling it because he hadn't moved or said a word. She could still feel his eyes boring into her, threatening to bring out a flush on her cheeks.

Gods, she hoped she hadn't screwed everything up with her direct approach. Perhaps she should've gone for the sly route where she subtly flirted with him until the date of her departure. It had been a good plan, cornering him right before she left, telling him that she would return either a success or a failure but whatever happened, she would be waiting at seven on the dot in a very pretty dress for him to take her out on a date. It would've been good too, and he would've had six months to come up with a course of action, and all he would've had to do was tell her no when she got back if he wasn't interested.

Suddenly, his low voice said, "My leadership and reputation wouldn't be damaged, since the village is already of the opinion that this has been going on for years. The only person I'd be worried about is Tsunade, and she's already said her piece."

Sakura couldn't help but let out a breathless chuckle, heart in her throat and eyes on her tea. "Yeah, she told me, that damn harpy. I'm sorry about that, Kakashi. She had no right."

She heard him shrug, a minute shifting of his jōnin-standard shirt. "No she had every right. She was just looking out for her the woman she considers a daughter, and it wasn't like her suspicions weren't justified. Everyone is saying it, and has been for a long time." Sakura echoed his shrug, running her index finger around the rim of her cup, and then he said lightly, "Sakura, look at me."

She took yet another deep breath to steady her nerves, and then obeyed with shaking hands.

His charcoal eyes were soft as he met her gaze, and something inside of her uncoiled because she instinctively knew that he was okay, that _it_ was okay, that this really was about to happen. She felt a sting behind her eyes and registered that she was going to cry, that it was unavoidable, but it was probably going to be one of the best cries of her life. She steeled herself though, wanting to make it through everything he had to say before letting go of her tears.

"I'm not worried about the rumour mill, or your age, or us losing what we've built upon. You're..." He bit the corner of his bottom lip and let it drag out slowly, his teeth shining in the lights of his office. Then he continued, "You're never going to let that happen and I won't let it either, because you're my closest friend and I'm not just saying that."

Her traitorous emotions denied her vehement wish to stay dry-eyed through his words, the first tear falling despite her resolve. She almost angrily wiped it away, placing the teacup on the desk so she didn't drop it, but didn't let her eyes break from his as he said quietly, "I'm afraid for you in ANBU, and I'll hate sending you out on those missions, but it's our lifestyle and what you want, so I can't fault you for that. If I lose you, then that's how it was supposed to be, and I'll figure it out just like I've always done. I know that you'll be just as supportive when I go back to active duty after this glorified desk job is over, so it would be hypocritical to attempt to shield you from it and it doesn't do your abilities justice anyway."

Then he smiled, a shaky one at best but still there, and told her, "And I don't do anything halfway. In fact, I usually go past one hundred percent straight into stupidity. You know that just as much as I do."

She laughed, a bit hysterical, and buried her face in her palms, silent tears of relief beginning to leak out of her eyes, and she heard him get out of his chair and walk to her. She felt him fall to his knees in front of her and suddenly he was pushing her hands away so he could cradle her face in his palms, thumbs gently brushing the tears from her smiling cheeks. His eyes flickered back and forth between hers, and that faint smile was still curling his shapely lips.

"I have no idea how to do this, because I'm thirty-four and have never done this before, not really, but I'm willing to try this out and see what happens. I don't want much to change, though considering we have evidently been dating for at least two years I don't think it has to change too drastically, but I'm in this if you are. We'll figure it out as we go because it's going to be different as we feel each other out, but no matter what happens we're in this together, okay?"

She bit her lip in an effort to hide her smile, then gave up because the smile definitely wasn't going anywhere for the time being. The emotions rolling around in her body made her feel like a tightly coiled spring, chest fit to bursting, and she nodded once, then twice, then repeatedly as she raised her hands and brought them to his.

Their hands fell to Sakura's thighs, lightly threaded together, his hands warm in hers. He cocked his head, the smile fading into a contemplative expression, and he said with an air of someone who was up to something, "Though I think we should test it out. Maybe by this point we're too damn close to know if it's actually promising or if we'll end up fizzing out because it's more sibling-like."

"Nice, Kakashi," she said sarcastically, though the happiness absolutely ruined the effect, and she leant forward slowly to press her lips against his.

It was just a soft touch, neither of them moving or pushing it deeper, and Sakura's eyes closed as her body flared to life. She could feel the electricity that resulted in something so simple, a connection she had never felt before in _any_ relationship, and she knew with every molecule of her being that this was it. His lips were soft, not dry like she had expected though that was probably the tea's doing, and when they broke apart and pressed their foreheads together, she could feel his breath on her skin.

"This is going to be _so_ easy," she breathed.

"Absolutely," he whispered back.

They connected again, and now that the confirmation was registered Kakashi didn't waste any time whatsoever. He disconnected one hand to cup the back of her neck, tilting her head so he could slot his lips with hers again. This time, she could feel his intent, a controlled heat even as he carefully began working to figure out what made her tick, and she kissed back without restraint. Her lips parted and his followed, their mouths meeting and separating twice before she took the leap herself and cautiously let her tongue wander.

He met her calmly and their tongues danced, causing Sakura's heart to slam against her chest and her skin to break out in gooseflesh because holy _hell_ he was good at this, just the right amount of burning passion, not too wet, so clever and unpredictable with his mouth and tongue that she was floored. She pushed into another kiss after they managed a quick gasp of air, her fingers burying themselves in his coarse hair so she could get him closer, ever closer, never close enough, and her entire body was on fire.

When they finally separated, Kakashi's teeth dragging deliciously on her bottom lip and both of them panting, she inquired breathlessly, "Is it considered bad form on a first date to take advantage of the Hokage in his own office?"

She felt him smile against her lips and he replied a bit hoarsely, "How else are you going to be able to know what you're getting into if I don't put out on the first date?" As she snickered, he added very sincerely, "But in all seriousness, it's definitely not a requirement, and besides, ANBU are lurking in this section of the tower, not to mention the Elders. Do you really want to make that kind of impression on your future co-workers?"

She pulled away with a mischievous grin. "Well then," she said conspiratorially, pleased when his eyes widened and he swallowed thickly. "Your official flat is closer than mine, and it has the added bonus of being in this very building."

He eyed her, a bit wild with a light flush building on his cheekbones, and asked, "You sure?"

She replaced his mask and then dragged him to stand with her, grin never wavering. They both looked ruffled, even Kakashi despite the majority of his face now covered, and it was insanely obvious that they had been snogging. She pecked him on his masked lips once, amused and not the least bit nervous, and then threw his own word against him: "Absolutely."

He blinked, and then immediately began dragging her out of the door by the hand. Sakura giggled madly into her palm as he said to the ANBU guards outside, "Don't even fucking _think_ about following us or I'll murder you both with fire. Dismissed."

The ANBU on the left started laughing (and she _knew_ that laugh, because she'd been listening to Genma's laugh for _years_ ) and said teasingly, "Make him beg for mercy, Sakura-chan."

Their new relationship would be the talk of the village in five minutes.

* * *

Sakura had been shy the first two times she had taken a man to bed.

There had been this image in her mind that she would, as the woman, be more passive, letting him make her feel good. Plus she had felt a little self-conscious because it had been the first time outside of a medical examination or mission mishap that anyone had seen her naked, even though objectively she knew that she was in good shape and probably didn't look horrible without clothes. Ichigo, her first (and only, really, because Kakashi was _not_ going to be classified as something so juvenile) boyfriend, had been good to her, making sure that he took care of her needs like a proper gentleman. So after the first two times they had slept together, she had been pretty confident that she was not only attractive naked, but was also allowed be a bit more vocal and take a tiny bit of control.

She had been seventeen at the time, and by the time they broke up six months later she had figured she'd found her groove, but getting back into the dating game had been an educational experience. Between all of her short flings and one-night stands, she learnt a great many things about men in the bedroom (or wherever, really), but two things definitely took precedence: one, that men didn't mind when a girl took control entirely, because showing masculinity didn't mean always exerting constant dominance and power; and two, that men didn't mind when she explicitly _told_ them how to make her feel good because they wanted the boost of self-confidence to know that she was losing her mind because of them.

Also, men turned into total morons when she touched their dick, but whatever.

So she didn't feel any trepidation or anxiety when she pressed close to Kakashi, arms wrapping around his middle so she could tease his black, long-sleeved shirt upwards, her fingertips trailing over his lycra-covered abdomen. She could feel every ridge of his musculature like he was crafted over steel, the material warm with his body heat. She heard him turn the lock on his front door but he didn't turn around to face her, simply breathing in tune to her as he raised his arms above his head, letting her throw the shirt into a corner of his entryway.

She pressed a soft, open-mouthed kiss to the ridge of his spine, right in between his shoulder blades (the highest she could reach without stretching). Her fingers, restless and wanting to touch every centimetre of him, traced his torso in a steady caress as her mouth moved to the hard muscles of his right shoulder. He tasted like warmth and salt, and she deeply breathed the scent of his clean skin as her fingers dipped beneath the waistband of his trousers.

She felt him shudder in front of her, but she didn't go too low, simply untucking the undershirt he wore slowly and dragging it up with her wrists so she could place her palms on his heated skin. His stomach was sharp and littered with the bump of scars that she already knew were there, his pectorals strong and beginning to move erratically as his breathing became uneven, and she _loved_ the feel of his strong, defined shoulders and arms as she finished pulling off the shirt with its attached mask.

It fell to the ground by their feet, for she dropped it absently and entwined her fingers with his, trapping them against the door.

She allowed her mouth to explore as far as she could reach, pressing her lower body against his as she kissed every muscle and scar she could see and touch in the moonlight-drenched darkness – both scapulae, deltoids, teres major, infraspinatus fascia, rhomboid major, latissimus dorsi, and finally from the seventh cervical vertebra to the thoracic, unable to reach any further down without disconnecting their fingers against the door. She could hear his shaky breathing, feel his muscles flutter and flex against her lips and body, his fingers beginning to clench against the wooden door, and it sent a bolt of energy through her because she was doing this to him, making him shudder in her grasp.

"Still okay with this?" she murmured against his skin, pressing another kiss to his spine.

He cleared his throat and said in a gravelly voice, "Definitely. Are you?"

She smiled against the warm skin of his back and said, "Clearly."

Then he moved, turning around quickly and burying his fingers in her short hair, letting her hitai-ate fall heavily to the floor. He slanted his lips on hers, pushing his body against her, and it was so consuming that she moaned in the back of her throat, just trying to keep up. Her nails dug into his lower back but he didn't seem to mind, if his low groan was anything to go by, so she dragged them up his back lightly.

He broke off his lips from hers with a sharp inhale and then pushed her against the nearest wall, his body a long line of heat and power. He slotted a thigh in between hers, and her head fell back against the wall as she sighed, absently pushing her hips forward for _something_ to quench the need in her. She could feel him against her, rigid and _definitely_ okay with their actions, and she pushed into it, wanting to hear him groan.

He didn't disappoint, and he soon latched his lips and teeth to the sensitive skin of her neck as his own fingers began unzipping her top where it was latched at the side, the slow sound of it barely registering because of the pounding of her heart in her ears and the near-constant gasps she sounded. He was letting her rock against his solid thigh for friction as he dragged his teeth to her pulse, working the flesh and probably leaving a damn mark that she didn't mind having as a memento. When he was done, he pulled back a bit to unfold the fabric from her and she whined at the loss, knees weak and her core contracting for something more substantial.

He unwrapped her bindings with ease, eyes following his own movements as the wraps fell to the ground and exposed her small breasts, breasts he had seen before but not like this. She couldn't take her heavy-lidded eyes off him as he studied her, fingertips trailing from her collarbones to her navel, so lightly it almost tickled. It should've distracted her from her arousal, his gentle exploration replacing the almost overbearing need she had been experiencing while he had worked her neck with his mouth, but it didn't, and he hadn't even managed to do more than softly swipe the pads of his thumbs over her nipples (which _oh gods_ ) before she simply couldn't take it any more.

"For the love of all that is holy, Kakashi, touch me," she managed to get out through the hum of arousal, and to emphasise where _exactly_ she wanted to be touched, she grasped his long-fingered hand and led it to her black shorts.

He looked up once, grey eyes almost black with desire, and then he kissed her, almost desperate, as he slipped his hand past her shorts and knickers and _finally_ touched her.

She was already so aroused that the first finger that immediately pushed into her caused Sakura to shudder violently against him, a keening sound falling from her lips. She clenched around the digit and ground her clit against the heel of his hand, needing it, and gods it was good as he pushed into it, his finger stroking upwards and sending sparks up her lower spine. Her legs were shaking and she threaded her fingers through his hair again so she could hold something concrete. He added another finger just as he went for her throat again, and she let out a low, drawn out moan at the dual sensations.

She wasn't sure how long he went at it, her blood churning and the ball of tension getting tighter and tighter as she quickly (too quickly, how was he _doing_ this to her so fast?) approached her peak, but a particularly rough thrust of his fingers made her cry out and she couldn't stand it any more. With an unsteady gasp, she tore her hands from his hair and immediately started working at the button on his trousers, earning a groan from Kakashi as she worked it open. He pulled his fingers out, which made her huff at the loss until he echoed her, pushing down her shorts and knickers down just as she dragged his trousers down.

Their tongues never faltered their heated dance even as they both toed off their sandals and kicked the rest of their clothes away, but she had to disconnect when she trailed her hands down the sharp bone of his bare hips.

Fucker hadn't been wearing any pants.

"Easy access?" she teased, then nipped at the flesh where his neck met his shoulder, intent on leaving her own mark.

"Unconscious," he murmured in her hair. "Genma might've set my dresser on fire looking for my mementos, so I didn't have any clothes except the spares in the office."

As she pushed him backwards, both of them naked and pale in the moonlight streaming through the large window in the living room, she said in a low whisper, "I'll bug you about that later. Right now I'm taking advantage of you and I need my full concentration."

He snorted, running his fingers through her short locks and lightly kissing every inch of skin he could as he let her manhandle him through his official flat. He kissed her when they crossed the threshold of his bedroom, still heated but clearly taking his time instead of echoing the frenzy from just a minute ago. She wasn't sure if she wanted that, because despite their interlude taking a _bit_ of the edge off, she still felt too close to the edge to delay it any longer. She wanted to feel him inside her, preferably sooner rather than later – after all, they had more than enough time in the future to fully worship each other's bodies slowly.

She smiled at the thought of _having_ that future and then playfully pushed him on his bed with the aid of a little chakra.

They both took a second to just look at each other, his heated gaze tracing every curve she possessed while she enjoyed the sight of his long, pale, gorgeous body. She was already familiar with it both inside and out, but seeing him laying there, covered with a light sheen of perspiration and his cock hard for her, was more than enough for her to whisper, "Gods you're beautiful."

Before he could reply – though the flash of tender affection and desire in his eyes told her more than he could ever hope to verbalise – she fell on her knees into the firm mattress and began making her way up his body. She trailed her fingers up his strong legs, letting her mouth follow her right hand hotly, traced his hips, and then she _very_ slowly sunk her mouth down on him, tasting the tang of his precome on her tongue and feeling the rigid warmth of him down her throat. She groaned as she pressed her lips at the root of him, a sharp twinge of arousal making her core spasm, and he let out a desperate sound at the vibration that resulted.

She didn't stay long, though, just as slowly pulling off, eyes greedily taking in his cock all shiny with her saliva with pure _want_ , and when she finally let him go with one last unhurried lick of her tongue, she scooted herself up and took him in her hand, positioning him right where she needed him, right against her wet opening that was positively aching for him.

For the last time, just to make sure, she asked hoarsely, "You still okay? Can I—" She swallowed thickly, her voice shaking with lust, and managed to choke out disjointedly, "—Kakashi, is this oka...can I... _please_."

He opened his eyes (blazing, burning charcoal grey) and responded by thrusting inside of her, all the way, smooth and throbbing and hot.

She cried out as her back arched, her hands scrambling to the sharp protrusions of his hips because she wasn't sure if she would stay upright if she didn't have the support. She felt him shudder beneath her, his own hands falling to her spread thighs and grasping as he gritted his teeth, and she let out a breathless, shaky laugh. "Holy shit, you feel good," she gasped, and then lifted her hips only to slam back down again.

He let her set the pace, his tightly shut eyes eventually fluttering open so he could watch her work above him, his breathing erratic and choppy through his teeth. She tightened her inner muscles around him and dug her fingernails into his hips, wanting him to lose control with her, because her arousal was spinning out of control and she definitely wasn't going to last long. As if he had read her mind, his hips began meeting her in the middle, his thrusts smooth but hard and pushing into her so deeply that the only thing she could think was _more_. Her cries were ceaseless now, and the volume only increased when one of his hands left her thigh so it could settle in between her legs, his fingers playing with her clit in time with his thrusts.

Just as the fire in her blood and the coil of her arousal grew to overwhelming heights, her body dangling on the edge of reason as her body tightened in preparation, suddenly she felt a spike of Kakashi's chakra and the hum of gentle electricity on her clit – _oh gods oh gods he's unbelievable I didn't even know that you could_ _even_ do _that_ _with chakra_ – and she snapped.

He surged up and swallowed her scream in a kiss full of tongue and teeth, Sakura barely able to respond as she climaxed almost violently, her body frozen against him as it tore through her like a hurricane. She felt him push inside of her twice, shallowly since her body had clenched around his cock hard to keep him inside her, and then she _felt_ him empty himself inside her in pulses. His groan as he came was deep and guttural in the back of his throat while he continued to kiss her through it all.

As it waned, both of them very slowly starting to loosen their tight holds on each other, she could finally hear her voice whispering his name, in between kisses and heavy gasping, and he was saying "I know, I know" over and over again in response, his voice strangled. At length, Kakashi very abruptly seemed to lose every millilitre of tension in his body and so they both fell back against the bed, Sakura's shaky arms barely able to keep all of her weight from slamming into him.

They laid there for a long minute, Sakura highly aware of his cock softening inside of her but unwilling to move from his chest, legs draped over his waist carelessly. He didn't seem concerned with disconnecting their bodies either, though he was probably oversensitive and her core's involuntary, sporadic shudders probably were on the brink of painful. In fact, every time she felt her internal muscles spasm, his breath would hitch and his cock would twitch inside of her, so sleepily she asked, "Do you need me to get off?"

He let out a breathless laugh that choked off when she spasmed again, and eventually teased, "Pretty sure you _just_ di—"

Tiredly, she smacked his bicep.

He laughed again, a bit stronger as he nuzzled his nose into her damp hair. "No, it's fine," he eventually answered, letting his fingers oh-so lightly caress her thighs. Gooseflesh broke out on her skin in response, and she returned the soothing gesture with her own fingers gently scratching his scalp. He sighed and she smiled against his sweaty skin, pressing a light kiss to his sternum, and then shivered again when she felt him shift inside her, causing her to clench around his cock. Gods, she was already starting to feel her blood swirling towards her centre, so soon after her earth-shattering orgasm, and she involuntarily pushed and ground her hips against him once to get friction against her clit.

She lifted her head up to look at his flushed face, just as he groaned from her actions, and asked curiously, "Did you use _chakra_ before?"

His eyes opened, heavy and dark, and he smirked at her, crooked and devilish and unbelievably sexy. He said in a deep rumble, "What, you mean this?" His fingers lit up with blue chakra as he suddenly flipped them both over, his cock slipping out of her wetly in the process, and he immediately pushed two glowing fingers inside her while his thumb pressed against her clit. It hummed and vibrated, and she felt her entire body tighten up so fast, too fast, too soon, and she all but shrieked as he tore her apart, rapidly throwing her head-first into a second orgasm without warning.

And over the course of the night, he did it again and again and _again_ with fingers and tongue and cock until she ultimately passed out from the stimulation, curled up in his arms and utterly, _perfectly_ wrecked.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so I haven't quite figured out why people always make the girls in fanfiction smut these docile, passive creatures that are constantly assuring their partners that they've given consent. Now, don't get me wrong – consent is a really important thing. However, it's just as important to get consent from a male partner too, ladies, especially if you're rather...uh...in control over the whole sex thing. So hurrah for breaking gender boundaries? Meh I don't fuckin' know. All I do know is that Sakura was the one who propositioned it and was pretty much in control the entire time, though Kakashi didn't decline (because, y'know, sex and love and all that jazz), so I thought it was important that Sakura be the one to get reassurance that Kakashi was okay with how OFF THE FUCKIN RAIL THIS CHAPTER WENT.
> 
> Like, seriously. The original plan was for Sakura to flirt with him 'til the day she left for her isolation training, and then tell him that she was gonna doll up and wait for him to take her out on a date (just like Sakura internally muses in the chapter). But nooooooo, these little shits just decided to get all bonk-y and I simply couldn't stop it. Seriously. I actually bashed my head against the keyboard in utter annoyance when I finished writing this chapter. No joke.
> 
> Anyway. Uh. Hope you liked it?


	9. Reactions and Dealings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm just warning you that he's is a lot of work. I know you've seen bits and pieces of it, being as close as you are to him, but it'll be a whole different experience as his girlfriend. He's moody and stubborn to a fault, and distances himself when he feels overwhelmed, and is literally the most self-deprecating human being I have ever met."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings! So unbeta'd as usual – if you see anything crazy, let me know. Two-ish chapters left, I think (one written, the other one still in progress), so it's almost over. Crazy. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I hope Iruka fans get a kick out of this. Yeah. I love him. If you don't, feel free to throw spears.
> 
> Also, because it's the holidays, I'll be skipping a week. Sorry about that but I've got eight days of crazy to get through first.
> 
> Anyway, happy holidays, whatever you celebrate!

 

Chapter Nine  
_Reactions and_ _Deal_ _ings_

They were both startled awake by a loud, persistent banging on Kakashi's front door.

They were both on their feet with weapons in less than a second, crouched and ready for a fight despite their mutual nakedness, and Sakura could feel her heat pounding wildly at the booming sound.

Then Sakura and Kakashi looked at each other in the bright, sunlit room, both registering the chakra signatures of Naruto and Sai, and said simultaneously, "Shit."

It was a mad scramble and Sakura couldn't stop laughing even as she hurried to wrap herself in the sheet carelessly strewn on the floor, moving quickly despite the soreness of her body. Kakashi was dashing into his attached bathroom with a grin on his face, popping out half a second later in a faded blue robe and a flannel in his hand so he could sprint to the front door. His hair was an absolute mess (though she doubted that hers looked any better), flattened on one side and sticking straight up on the other, and through the wide collar of his robe she could see that his neck was absolutely _trashed_ with love bites.

Naruto was going to lose his shit when he saw them.

She followed him, biting on her knuckles to muffle her giggles so she wasn't _too_ obvious as she shielded her body from sight with the hallway wall, watching him rush to hide their scattered clothes in the coat closet by the door. After he was done and had taken a deep breath, he turned around towards her and smiled, a handsome one that matched the sparkle of contentment in his eyes, and then he raised the flannel to his face before cracking open the door.

Naturally, Naruto barged his way inside like a rhinoceros, not waiting for an invitation. Sai hesitated and then gingerly followed as Naruto yelled, " _You_ are two hours late for the meeting with the Elders and Hiashi-sama, and Sakura is _three_ hours late for training! I know she's in here because I used Sage mode to find your asses, so come out Sakura and stop hiding from this emotionless dumbfuck!"

"Naruto..." Sai said quietly, eyes a tad bit wide as he took in Kakashi's countenance, love bites and all. "Perhaps we should give them a few minutes. I'm sure they'll be right dow—"

"What the hell does that mean?!" Naruto bellowed, pointing at Sai threateningly. "You were the one who was worried because Sakura-chan isn't late for training _ever_ , and if Kakashi-sensei has..."

He trailed off after finally setting his eyes on Kakashi, and his jaw dropped comically as his face bypassed red and went straight to purple.

"What the _fuck_ Kaka-sensei?! What happened to your _neck_?!"

Sakura couldn't help it. The hysterical giggle burst from behind her knuckles and the laughter spilled out of her like floodgates opening. She slowly slid against the wall until she was in a pile on the floor, her sheet billowing around her, and she was _crying_ because she was laughing so hard. She could hear Kakashi laughing too, a loud and clear laugh despite the sound being muffled behind the flannel, and Naruto was gaping like an idiot beside him, pointing between Kakashi and Sakura in utter befuddlement.

" _Oh my God_!" he yelped at an ear-splitting decibel once he finally connected the dots.

Over Naruto's squabbling and general freaking out, Sai said loudly, "Sorry, Senpai. We will delay the council for another thirty minutes so you can get presentable. And Sakura-san can have the day off today." He promptly grabbed Naruto around the middle and manhandled him out of the flat, giving them both one of his creepy, fake smiles.

Kakashi slammed the door shut, only barely muffling Naruto's shriek of " _Holy shit Kaka-sensei, you better have worn protection you pervert!_ " that the whole country probably heard.

"What in the hell did you do to my neck?" Kakashi asked in between chuckles as he walked towards her, Naruto's screams gradually getting quieter. He dropped the flannel to the floor like a barbarian, rubbing his (likely very sore) neck, and slumped down ungracefully beside her.

"Hey, you liked it while I was doing it," she teased him, wiping her eyes to clear off the tears on her face. She smiled at him and pulled open his robe at the neck, inspecting the full extent of the damage, and she cringed sheepishly. "Oops."

Kakashi snickered and tugged at her sheet, letting it fall to expose her bare torso. She glanced down and immediately started laughing again at the site of her speckled skin and was that a _bite mark_ on her breast?

He smirked at his handiwork and echoed without any hint of remorse, "Oops."

"You're incorrigible," she told him playfully.

Kakashi snorted and then dropped his head on her shoulder, the spikes of his mussed hair tickling her skin and his eyes looking up at her dolefully. "That was _not_ how I wanted to wake up. Can we go back to bed and start over?"

"Nope," she said cheerfully. "You're going to shower, I'm going to make breakfast—" At that, he shot her a look, so she amended, "—sorry, I'm going to find something edible in your kitchen that is either poured into a bowl or heatable, and then we are going to have breakfast before you go to your council meeting like a good Hokage." She paused, watching him touch his neck again gingerly, and then asked, "Do you want me to heal that really quick?"

He shot her another look and said, "Don't touch it. It's mine and you can't take it from me." He pecked her on the lips lightning-quick and jumped to his feet, walking backwards in the general direction of his bedroom. "Make me some breakfast, woman," he called to her, smirk on his face, and then neatly dodged the flying book (the only thing in reach) that she threw at his head, ducking into his bedroom with a laugh that burrowed into the blooming warmth in her chest.

She buried her face in her palms and _grinned_.

* * *

She had anticipated whispers and giggles following her as she went about her day.

She _hadn't_ anticipated the almost obscene amounts of money that were exchanging hands while they were doing said whispering and giggling.

"Forehead!" Ino shrieked when Sakura approached her own apartment, freshly showered but wearing her day-old clothes. "You just lost me a thousand yen so you better make it up to me by telling me _everything_!"

Sakura rolled her eyes out of habit but she couldn't quite smother the smirk on her face. Whatever Ino had bet on that she had lost, it served the bitch right for taking bets on Sakura's love life in the first place.

Sakura didn't keep her erratic friend out of her flat though, unlocking the door and allowing her inside first, a clear invitation. Ino squealed and literally bounced into her home, following Sakura as the she made her way to her closet for a change of clothes. Ino jabbered at her the entire way, asking the most inane questions imaginable – _did you actually do it are you guys married_ _did you see his face_ _is it true you're trying for a baby was he as devastating in bed as the rumours say_ – while Sakura debated on using a partial henge to cover up the abundance of marks on her skin. In the end, she mentally shrugged and started to strip, revealing all of the damage to Ino's eyes. It cut off the questions at least since Ino just gaped at her, little choked noises pouring from her throat.

Sakura stood in front of her bedroom's standing mirror, stark naked, turning this way and that to inspect herself.

She hadn't healed the marks below her neck or the lingering soreness, wanting the reminder of their night just as much as Kakashi had, and in the full glory of the early afternoon, she looked positively debauched.

Ino echoed her thoughts. Loudly. "You _harlot_!"

Sakura grinned for the umpteenth time that day and walked to her closet, looking for clean clothes that would hide it all. "It's not like I did this to myself, Pig," she shot at Ino, sticking out her tongue as she found some comfortable clothes that would be good for a nap. She was _exhausted_ and she was going to take full advantage of her day off.

"I hope you gave as good as you got, Sakura," Ino said in near awe, and then cackled madly when Sakura simply grinned wider. When she had gotten herself under control and Sakura was dressed, Ino questioned with glee, "Please, girl, you've gotta tell me _everything_!"

Sakura plopped down on her bed and leant against the headboard, cushioned by her assortment of pillows. She thought about what she should say, and then settled on answering a few on Ino's more outrageous questions: "We are not trying to have a kid, you idiot, so don't believe that rubbish. You know that I'm controlling my fertility and you should know better anyway. No we're not married and again, you should know better." Then she said shakily, "And oh _gods_ Ino, he kept me up all night. We had only had an hour or two of sleep, though I more like _passed out_..."

Ino gave a low whistle and gave her a slow clap. "Damn, girl. Unbe _liev_ able."

Sakura's dreamy smile (that she would totally deny later) quickly turned back into the wicked grin though. "But yeah, I gave back as good as he did. I think we scarred Naruto and Sai for life."

" _No way_!" Ino screeched.

Sakura rolled her eyes, but couldn't get the grin to die down. Her face was actually starting to hurt with the amount of smiling she was doing. "Of course not. But we were both late for our duties because we forgot to set an alarm and were too wiped to heed to our internal ones, so Naruto went into Sage Mode and tracked us down." Sakura paused, snorting, and then continued, "I healed my visible marks but Kakashi didn't want me to touch any of his. I guess the mask covers it well enough though, so it's not like everyone will be able to see it. Anyway, Naruto got an eyeful of what I did to the poor man and I'm pretty sure an aneurysm exploded in his brain."

Ino snickered. "Maybe it'll make him smarter." Without waiting for a response, Ino then threw her arms around Sakura and giggled. "I am _so_ happy for you, Sakura! You finally had sex with the guy you've been dating for two years!"

Sakura clocked her over the head, which naturally led to a pillow fight filled with laughter and shrieks.

* * *

After a nap and lunch with Ino, Sakura went to her favourite teahouse.

The staff greeted her warmly, thankfully not giggling at the very sight of her (like the rest of the village had been doing, which would've been humiliating if she wasn't so relieved that people were congratulating instead of _judging_ ), and led her to her favourite seat in the place. It was by the biggest window in the establishment, facing the gardens and the half-hidden skyline of Konoha's busy city-centre, and she sighed in contentment at the sight of her tree-littered home.

Then her peace was shattered.

To be fair, various friends (both hers _and_ Kakashi's, really, since Sakura was generally all-around friendly) popping in unceremoniously wasn't exactly new – all of them had occasionally joined her at the teahouse when they had a few moments to spare – but this was a bit ridiculous. The six morons, red-faced as if they had been running for hours, still had a sparkle in their eyes that clued Sakura in to the conversation she was apparently about to have.

Despite being friends with all of them, some more than others, she still didn't let them sit down at her table. A fact that was emphasised when Sakura threw a chopstick at Genma's head when he tried snag a chair.

"I'm pretty sure this is harassment," Sakura said airily, curling her gloved hands around her cup and vaguely amused.

"I'm only here for the details, and my lovely cohorts are just following my example because I'm clearly a genius," Genma snarked back good-naturedly. "Besides, since Kakashi has been avoiding us all morning, you're the next best thing!"

Sakura rolled her eyes.

"I am very sorry, Sakura-san!" Gai-sensei exclaimed, shooting her a smile that would've powered downtown Konoha during a New Year's Eve celebration. "We regret that we have to interrupt your tea but we are simply very excited for the both of you and wanted to make sure that it was true!"

Anko snorted. "Pft, I just want all the juicy details."

Kurenai-sensei, who was without her little one for once, shrugged and said, "It's not like this is _news_ , you guys."

Sakura huffed to herself while Genma countered, "Oh come _on_ , Kakashi totally would've told us if this had been going on as long as the rumours implied."

"No he wouldn't have, you imbecile," replied Yūgao with a twinge of amusement. "Maybe _Iruka_ , but not the rest of us." Sakura inwardly frowned at that, because while she knew Iruka and Kakashi were friends, she hadn't expected _those_ words to come out of anyone's mouth.

"Hey!" Gai-sensei shouted, clearly scandalised at the implication that his self-proclaimed eternal rival and best friend wouldn't divulge such fodder to him immediately.

"Um guys?" Sakura piped up, a bit embarrassed (but mostly irritated) at both the conversation as well as the attention from every single eavesdropping soul in the establishment.

"Please, Gai, you would've shrieked about Kakashi's 'youthfulness' or whatever from the top of the Hokage Monument if he would've told you and you know it," Raidō explained patiently, completely ignoring Sakura's growing vexation at her...well, at Kakashi's friends' insanity.

Kakashi really needed to beat the hell out of his nosy, overly loud friends.

She also needed to figure out what to label him as in her head.

"Shut up!" she proclaimed, clapping her hands loudly together to get their attention. When every eye (including the other patrons) had focussed on her, vaguely mortifying conversations ceasing immediately (because a pissed-off Sakura was _not fun_ ), she continued curtly, "Okay, so let's clear this up now. One, this is a new development; two, it is none of your business unless one of us directly talks to you about it; three, I'm sure he loves you all very, very much but you're all still a menace to society; four, he's Hokage so he can kick all of your asses for airing this out in a _public teahouse_ , especially if I help him, which _I will_ ; and five, go _away_. You're interrupting my tea, and I swear you will all have invasive, horribly uncomfortable physicals if you don't _bugger off_ and leave me be."

Every person in the place stared at her, some with gaping mouths, before Kurenai-sensei grabbed a handful of Genma's hair and yanked him backwards towards the door, saying sheepishly, "Of course, Sakura-san. We'll leave you to it."

"Like hell I will!" Genma shouted with a massive grin on his face, seemingly unconcerned with the fact that Kurenai-sensei was yanking his brown locks without mercy. "You better watch out, Sakura-chan, because I'll be cornering you later!"

"Sorry, Sakura-san!" said Gai-sensei, waving at them both before following the rest of Kakashi's friends out.

When they had finally walked out the door, the bell chiming merrily at their departure, Sakura immediately threw her head onto the table with a loud _thunk_ and a long groan.

What a day.

* * *

Though she was incredibly tempted, she decided not to visit Kakashi for a late lunch.

She wasn't incredibly hungry, the teahouse's nibbles holding her over despite her mediocre breakfast (Kakashi hadn't had anything but porridge and leftover ramen, which, _no_ ) and the fact that she hadn't really had a hearty meal yet, so to have a late lunch with Kakashi would only be superficial. While she normally wouldn't have bothered over-analysing a simple visit to see her whatever-Kakashi-was, she also knew that she wanted to give them both some time to themselves. She certainly didn't want to spend the first day of their new relationship hanging off the poor man, especially since he was surely busy, and she wanted to emphasise to herself _and_ the village that they were two grown adults that didn't need to define their relationship by how much time they spent together.

Besides, she figured that Genma was probably stalking Kakashi anyway, and she wanted to avoid that little shit for as long as possible.

She meandered her way towards the hospital, because even though she was not employed there any more and wanted to jump back into active service, she still felt an obligation to see her old patients. Particularly the ones in the terminal ward. She didn't figure that it would directly violate her _no-working-whatsoever_ agreement, and even if it did, they would have to tear her out of the hospital with their bare hands. She had a full day off, and she was going to use it wisely, doing little things that made her happy.

She never made it though, because halfway to her destination, a white-cloaked spook with a porcelain monkey mask dropped in front of her from the rooftops and said, "Haruno-san, you're needed at command."

* * *

She had never been inside ANBU's headquarters before, despite being one of their primary medics.

It was a well-lit maze, a direct contrast to the traditionally decorated headquarters that housed the other three ranks, but she didn't have an opportunity to really let the building sink into her brain since the ANBU leading her was moving so quickly. She instead made an attempt to memorise their route, though it was tough since it _was_ a maze of epic proportions and the ANBU was _clearly_ taking her on the most convoluted route known to mankind, and she had a rough escape route by the time they entered Ibiki's office.

Ibiki dismissed the ANBU guide with a curt nod of his head, and then directed Sakura to sit with an absent wave of his large hand. She heeded the unspoken order, sitting down on the edge of her seat so her back could be as straight as possible, and waited in tense silence for Ibiki's words...even though she already knew what this was about.

He soon proved her right with absolutely no fanfare: "You leave for your evaluation period tomorrow at 0500 local."

She allowed herself a split-second of wallowing – gods, she had _just_ confessed to Kakashi, and they had _just_ started their relationship, they had had only _one_ day together in this new and wonderful way, and _fuck_ she just wanted a few more days or weeks with him before they had to be forced apart for six months – before she took a deep breath and replied, "Yes sir."

After all, this was something that she was going to have to get used to as either an operative or an active jōnin. The elite didn't take breaks, and she had to be prepared for that because service came before family and whirlwind romances.

Ibiki watched her for a long moment, no doubt reading her every thought despite Sakura's valiant attempt to remain professional and detached, before surprisingly a small smile popped up onto his scarred lips. "I know this can't be ideal, Sakura," he told her, amusement clear in his tone at her expense, "but the sooner that this is done, the sooner I can have you on my roster. There's a mission that I've already slated you for, so I need you to blaze through this like we all know you can."

She couldn't hide the proud puffing of her chest, pleased at Ibiki's easy affirmation of confidence, and Ibiki's smile grew just a tad bit, edging into the 'terrifying' category. Still, she felt a simultaneous lurch in her stomach, nerves making a comeback for the first time in a few weeks, and she silently prayed to whatever was listening that she wouldn't let everyone down. She also felt a bit put out by the fact that Ibiki already had her put up for a mission, so that meant that she would return from her isolation period and probably _immediately_ leave for a dangerous assignment.

But it was what she was signing up for, and despite the disappointment that she wouldn't be able to really _be_ with Kakashi for more than six months, she still felt resolute in her decision to try for the elite ANBU ranks.

The smile quickly disappeared from Ibiki's face though, and he told her, "You have a lot to work to do, but just keep yourself motivated and you'll have your honeymoon with the Hokage soon enough."

" _Ohmygod_ ," Sakura spluttered in a great exhale, surely turning bright red and completely losing any sense of professionalism. And what the _hell_ anyway! She distinctly recalled that Ibiki's version of a sense of humour was morbid and cold at best, and for fuck's sake she was _not_ prepared for the stern shinobi's teasing.

Ibiki let out a bark of a laugh before he said in a remarkably light tone, "I'm happy for the both of you, but I will warn you now: Hatake Kakashi is, hands-down, the best shinobi I've ever worked with. I like you kid, but if you hurt or manipulate him in any way, I _will_ have you locked in a box and we will use you as a practise dummy for my interrogators."

Ah, _there_ was the morbidity she had been missing.

Though she was a bit baffled that _Ibiki_ of all people was giving her the third (and fifth) degree, she rushed to get herself back together so she could steadily reply, "Got it, Morino-sama."

* * *

"Hey Sakura, can I talk to you for a second?"

Sakura, who had been walking in a daze towards Kakashi's office (because she now wanted to spend every possible second with him before she had to leave), paused in her steps and glanced around, not immediately recognising the voice. It took her a few seconds to see Umino Iruka patiently leaning against the wall of a hole-in-the-wall _katsudon_ joint, and she blinked at him twice before she gave him a warm smile. "Of course, Iruka-sensei," she said, infusing a bit of enthusiasm in her voice despite her swirling thoughts.

Iruka smiled back and said, "Hey, you're dating my best friend now, Sakura. I think you can drop the 'sensei' and just call me Iruka."

She blinked again, surprised at both the request and Iruka's words, before she nodded and replied, "You got it. Though forgive me if I slip up a few times."

"Granted," Iruka told her playfully, though his eyes were watching her with an expression she couldn't place. "Tea?" he questioned her, gesturing to a nearby teashop that she recognised as Ino's favourite.

She nodded, and then they walked side-by-side into the establishment. They were both quiet as they stood in the short line, Sakura vehemently ignoring the giggles and whispers of the patrons, and didn't speak until they had a pot of tea and a plate of scones.

"Alright," she finally said, breaking their silence because she really just wanted to get this over with so she could hide in Kakashi's office. "Out with it, Sen—uh, Iruka." That was weird, but she figured it would be relatively easy to break the 'sensei' habit. Since Iruka hadn't been her sensei in a _very_ long time, and because she didn't exactly talk about him a lot, she was confident that she would be able to break the usage fairly quickly.

He gave her a quick grin, and then reached for the clotted cream to spread on his scone. As he scooped some of the sweet cream onto his pastry and spread it fairly evenly, he said, "I just want to make sure you're alright."

Sakura's eyebrows raised in surprise. She hadn't expected _that_ – it wasn't a secret that Iruka was Kakashi's friend, and she expected a polite repetition of Ibiki's (out of character) _hurt-him-and-I'll-break-your-legs_ speech.

"Um, well, I'm doing okay?" she tentatively answered, not exactly knowing where Iruka was going with this.

He took a bite, swallowed, then said calmly, "I'm just making sure. I know where Kakashi's head's at, but I don't really talk to you very much any more so I admittedly am at a bit of a loss with you." Sakura opened her mouth to reply, but Iruka continued, "I'm not worried about either one of you, honestly. I know you'll make each other happy, and Kakashi's been pretty sure about all this for a while so he's a non-issue. I just want to make sure that _you're_ okay, because I can't imagine that it's easy to go from what you were to what you are now."

 _That was remarkably kind of him_ , Sakura couldn't help but think, but she was also a bit caught off-guard because of Iruka's words (again). He had admitted to her that Kakashi had not only confided in him about his feelings about Sakura, but _also_ that they had discussed all this a long time ago. It was utterly baffling to her, because she hadn't expected Kakashi and Iruka to be that close.

Then again, maybe Raidō was right – the only other real option that she could fathom was Gai-sensei, and _that_ seemed completely daft. Sure, he could keep a secret when it came to missions, but everyone knew that outside of those, there was no filter on that man. And gods knew that Genma would've been a shit choice, considering how out of hand such intense conversations would go. Genma would've spent a portion of the time giving sound advice, sure, but the majority of it would've been only good-natured ribbing, lecherous innuendos, and pointless urging for Kakashi to do something crazy.

"It actually has been pretty easy," Sakura confessed. It was strange having this heart-to-heart with Iruka of all people, but she trusted the man and she also wanted to ease his mind. She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts and then debating on whether to continue, but then she added, "I didn't expect it to be this easy, to be honest. Maybe it'll get harder later on, especially since I'm leaving for ANBU, but I dunno...it's just _easy_."

There was a soft smile on Iruka's face, and he replied, "I'm glad to hear it. I admit that I've had my concerns, but I'm glad nonetheless that you guys managed to figure something out."

Sakura frowned and questioned, "Concerns?"

Iruka shrugged and took a few sips of his tea before answering, "Well, I mean, you _are_ his ex-student, and gods know that you're young. Happy village gossip aside, I worry about him. He cares about you deeply, and always has, so I know that you could really tear him apart if you so chose. I doubt you'd ever do it deliberately, because you're not that kind of person, but subconsciously, I have no idea. You two are good together, yes, but still, Kakashi's not the easiest person to be in a relationship like this with, and—"

... _wait a second_.

"Wait, hold on," Sakura demanded, holding up both of her hands to get him to stop rambling. Thankfully, Iruka paused, looking a bit surprised, so Sakura asked in a low voice to keep from being overheard, "How...wait, how d'you know what he's like in a relationship? Are you talking about Itachi?"

If anything, Iruka looked more surprised than before. "Kakashi told you about him? He hasn't even told _Gai_ that."

Sakura blinked in shock. "Really? Surely he's told Gai-sensei at least. I mean, it's _Gai_."

Iruka nodded, then lowered his own voice as he responded, "No, I'm the only one he told. He kept it quiet because can you imagine if _that_ had gotten out? Before the massacre, it would've ruined Itachi and his standing in the Uchiha clan, which neither one of them wanted. Itachi needed to become clan head so he could change it for the better, though that obviously never happened. If he had said anything after the massacre, he either would've been accused of knowing about Itachi's plans beforehand or been branded a threat, because the village would've immediately thought that Itachi had Kakashi under his dojutsu like a sleeper agent or something. I mean, I'm sure friends like Gai and Anko would've been behind him, but there was no way to know for certain, and all it takes is a tiny sliver of doubt before everything goes to hell."

Shaken, Sakura leant back in her chair, acknowledging the logic behind Iruka's speech silently. He was right after all, and suddenly it made more sense that Kakashi had kept that close to his chest. It also made more sense that he had told Sakura, since Sakura was one of the precious few that knew the truth about Itachi in regards to the massacre.

Still though, the fact that he had told Iruka and _only_ Iruka was news to her.

Before she could comment on that fact, however, Iruka said, "But anyway, Itachi is a part of it, but it's not the only evidence I have. Kakashi and I used to be together, you know, so I know what he's like in a relationship."

Sakura immediately choked on her own saliva, and she had to bury her face into her elbow to muffle the sounds politely. Iruka scooted his chair a little closer so he could reach out and pat her on the back. It didn't help much, because wow she really was getting hit with all kinds of crazy, but eventually the fit passed and she raised her watery eyes towards Iruka's concerned face. In a hoarse voice, she told him, "Now _that_ I didn't know."

A ghost of a smile flashed onto Iruka's mouth. "Well, I suppose it didn't come up, and it was a quiet thing when we were younger so the gossip mongers probably didn't even pick up on it. It's not like either one of us is the type to go around and loudly proclaim our endeavours to the world. It was nice while it lasted, but we're better as friends and we're not compatible like you and him are." He paused, and then grinned at her. "Besides," he added, "I'm not the only person he's been in a relationship with. I have it on good authority, mainly all parties involved, that he had a brief relationship with Yūgao before she got with Hayate, and he also got in this weird... _thing_ with a civilian once, though I still haven't figured out what _that_ was about. It was probably just sex anyway, since the two of them had literally nothing in common and I'm pretty sure she was a sleeper agent anyway."

"Oh my God," Sakura moaned, though she had started to giggle at Iruka's rambling.

"Yeah, Kakashi wasn't a monk after Itachi left. Not to mention he's been on a fair share of seduction missions, so he's definitely not a virginal butterfly with no relationship experience. Of course, you probably already know, judging by the state of his neck, which is admittedly a bit more than I really needed to know about your sex life, Sakura. You should've healed it before he threw it in my face like that."

"Oh my _God_ ," Sakura wailed into her hands, face burning because _why was this her life_?!

Iruka was cackling at her embarrassment, and this was absolutely a side of him that she had never been privy to in all her years of knowing him. Judging by his sense of humour and his easy familiarity, it totally made sense that he was part of Kakashi's group of friends, considering Genma and Anko (and on occasion, Kakashi himself).

She couldn't help but think that she was going to steal Iruka away for her own at the earliest opportunity, because embarrassment aside, he was actually quite hilarious like this. She hadn't known he had it in him.

When Sakura's face had cooled a bit and Iruka's laughter had tapered off, he said, "Alright, alright, teasing aside, I'm just warning you that he's is a lot of work. I know you've seen bits and pieces of it, being as close as you are to him, but it'll be a whole different experience as his girlfriend. He's moody and stubborn to a fault, and distances himself when he feels overwhelmed, and is literally the most self-deprecating human being I have ever met. Despite being Hokage and one of the best shinobi in the world, that idiot has absolutely no confidence in anything he does. He can pretend that he does with the best of 'em, but at the end of the day he questions everything he does or says and he'll let it get to him if you let him. Well, he'll do it anyway, but it takes a frankly heroic amount of patience to deal with on a day-to-day basis. I know _I_ couldn't handle it, which is why the two of us never made it far, and sometimes I still have issues with dealing with it. You just need to know what you're getting yourself into, and for the love of all that is holy, you have to hammer it into his head that you aren't going anywhere when you leave for your ANBU thing, because he'll spend six months freaking out about every minuscule detail otherwise."

Sobered, Sakura said, "I know all of that about him, yeah. We've already had a conversation about some of this last night, actually. He knows that I'm in this one hundred percent but since I'm not planning on letting him go unless he wants it, I'll definitely beat it into him. Metaphorically, of course."

"Good," Iruka said, clearly relieved. "Gods knows that I think you two are going to be phenomenal together, because I think you're just what he needs to start gaining some of that confidence. I fully anticipate watching you two shrivel up together, so don't prove me wrong, okay?"

Sakura grinned at him, pondering his words, before she leant close to him and asked, "Hey, um, can I ask you a question? Since you guys were in a relationship and are still really close? I mean, I was just going to ask him tonight, and I probably still will, but you're sort of an impartial third-party. I don't think he'd lie about it, but at the same time, he knows how _I_ feel about it so I just don't know if he'll just tell me what I want to hear or not."

Iruka raised an eyebrow at her rambling, but said, "I'll answer to the best of my abilities, I suppose, but I really would just ask him. I doubt he'd lie to you either; you'd see right through him."

More at ease, she took a deep breath and said honestly (and bluntly), "I probably should've asked him this _before_ we slept together, though he knows I'm controlling my fertility, but do you know if he wants kids?"

Iruka cocked his head, the eyebrow reaching higher, and the schoolteacher took a few moments to gather his thoughts. After a long silence, Iruka said, "To be honest, I don't think he'd necessarily be averse to a kid, though I doubt he'd want more than one. Then again, I don't think he'd be particularly adamant about it either. I've always gotten the impression that he'd be okay if it happened, and okay if it didn't. But I genuinely don't know, Sakura. We never got to the point where we talked about kids, and I seriously doubt it came up with any of his other partners, even Itachi. I would just ask him, in order to put your mind at rest."

Sakura swallowed thickly. "I've never wanted kids. I still don't want kids. I just don't want something like this to change anything."

Iruka laughed quietly. "I think he'll surprise you. Though I have to say that if it's the not-being-around-enough thing that's holding you back, I doubt you'd have to worry about it. Kakashi talks a big game when it comes to jumping back into active duty when Naruto becomes Hokage, but I doubt he'll stay in for very long once he hands over the mantle, and I still think he's going to retire once he steps down myself. It's a perfect opportunity to hand him the job of stay-at-home-dad."

Sakura snickered, amused at the idea despite her better judgement. Unable to stop herself, she pictured a day, far in the future, when she would come home from work to find Kakashi and their silver-haired child colouring or rolling around on the floor with a pile of dogs. She couldn't help but melt a bit at the mental picture, because even though she didn't want kids – she _didn't_ – it was such an alluring thought.

Pulling herself out of her head before she got truly distracted, she smiled at Iruka and spontaneously hugged him, a bit awkwardly due to their distance and the table between them. He didn't even stiffen, simply returning the gesture easily, and she murmured in his vest, "I promise I'll make him happy."

"Don't forget to make yourself happy too, Sakura," he said back, and she hugged him tighter in response.

Yeah. She was definitely stealing him.

And he had given her a lot of food for thought too.

* * *

She was on her way to Kakashi's office but again she didn't quite make it.

This time, however, she was totally okay with the development, as it was Kakashi himself dragging her away from her previous destination and on to a new one. Without pause, she wove her fingers through his confidently and let him lead her across rooftops, neither of them speaking as they made their way through the village without stopping.

After ten minutes of movement, the bustling downtown of Konoha replaced with trees and more traditional homes, they finally stopped at a bend in the Naka River that was secluded from the rest of the neighbourhood. They were about as far away as they could get from downtown and the Hokage monument without running into the border wall of the village, and she vaguely registered the area as old Senju land.

Kakashi sighed once they were out of sight from the main road, all of the tension melting from his body.

Concerned, she pulled him gently to face her, and he gave her a small smile to alleviate her worry, which she was grateful for. Still though, she said, "You okay?"

He sighed again, his shoulders slumping, and replied, "I feel a bit harassed, but Genma's always been like that. Gai's helping him too, so it's been more tedious than usual to slip away. I give them about an hour before they track me here."

Amusement colouring her tone, she drawled, "Well, it's only fair after the interventions I've muddled through all day. We have to share that burden."

Kakashi plopped down onto the grass, dragging her down with him (though she went willingly) so he could put an arm around her shoulders. "Who cornered you?"

"All of them," Sakura dead-panned.

"Wait, seriously?"

Sakura nodded and explained, "Yeah. The first was your group of misfits. I nearly had to kill them, and damn you need new friends." Kakashi laughed, so she figured that he hadn't taken that badly and it was safe to continue. "Genma and Gai-sensei were both there, yelling in the middle of my teahouse, so it must've been during one of your meetings. Anyway, after that, it was Ibiki, though that was more a threat of dismemberment, and _then_ I had tea with Iruka because he wanted to know if I was okay and serious about all this."

" _Iruka_ , hmm?" Kakashi said, eyebrow probably disappearing into his hairline even though she couldn't see it from her position.

"Yes, _Iruka_. He asked me to drop the honorific, so I'm obliging. Oh, and by the way, I call dibs on him."

"I will legitimately fight you on that," Kakashi shot back, dead serious, before they both started laughing quietly. She buried her face into the juncture between his neck and shoulder blade, and she felt his mask-covered nose bury into her hair. The comfortable intimacy of it made their easy laughter taper off, both of them simply soaking in the newness of their proximity, and she felt her heart expand at the affection she felt for this man.

After long minutes of comfortable silence, she heard his murmur against her hair, "I feel like I'm already losing you, and we haven't even really started."

Sakura's chest tightened, and she buried her fingers into his vest. Quietly, she replied, "I almost don't want to go now, at least not yet. I thought we'd have more time before I had to leave." She sighed, but then said with conviction, "I'm not leaving though. I'm just going on a training mission. I'll be back before you know it, and I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that I get at least a week to do nothing but coop up in your flat. Do plan on taking vacation time for that, if you wouldn't mind."

Kakashi huffed, perhaps to cover a laugh, and then he pulled her up so he could face her. "I know Ibiki wants to throw you out there as soon as you pass, but trust me it'll be a good few weeks before you're sent out. He knows better, and even if he doesn't, I'll make sure of it. So during your vacation time, I think we should definitely do what you propose, though I suggest using my flat in town. It's closer to places that deliver, and we're less likely to get harassed by ANBU or the council. Or Ino."

She grinned at him widely, and answered slyly, "You've got yourself a date, and I've got myself some damn good motivation to get through training."

He grinned right back at her, and asked, "So what should we do on your last day in the village? I mean, I'm sure you want to spend time with your family and frie—"

She mock-glared at him and said, "Nope, you're stuck with me. Everyone else can get over it, even Naruto. You're mine for the next...fourteen hours, so if you have any pressing appointments, cancel them effective immediately."

Kakashi's grin softened into her favourite smile behind his mask, one that made her insides flutter outrageously, and he replied, "I already have." Then he pulled down his mask and kissed her soundly, surrounding every molecule of her and taking her breath away with consuming intensity.

* * *

For the first time in four years, Sakura and Kakashi forgot to have dinner at precisely seven o'clock.


	10. Isolation and Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Three words got lodged in the back of her throat, yearning so deeply to be released, but she choked them down. It wasn't the time for that, and not this early in their relationship."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings!
> 
> So first off, FUCK YOU 2016 I HOPE YOU ARE MISERABLE IN HELL.
> 
> Ahem. So now that that's off my chest, here's the last chapter, also unbeta'd! Bit of a warning – it doesn't get graphic but it gets vaguely descriptive of the ANBU training process, which (as is the nature of ANBU) is pretty fucked up some times. Anyway, I still have an epilogue half-written, but I dunno if I even want to finish/post it, because the end of this chapter is kinda lovely imho, and I don't wanna ruin a good thing? Then again, I effin love this universe and KakaSaku, and I don't know okay? Who knows, maybe I'll write one-shots in this universe. If you have suggestions, let me know. You can contact me through the comment/review section on this website, or you can find me at tumblr under 'meshkol'.
> 
> This chapter (and pretty much a huge chunk of this story) is officially dedicated to [mouseymightymarvellous](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mouseymightymarvellous/profile), because not only did this wonderful person give me the most glorious of reviews, but they (sorry, don't know your pronouns, my dear) checked up on me just to make sure I was okay when I was getting threats/shade from writing this story. You are a lovely person, and I am very grateful that you made sure I was alright. Much love! <3

 

Chapter Ten  
_Isolation and Homecoming_

Sakura woke up slowly, cocooned in heat and skin and cotton sheets.

She didn't open her eyes, but she could tell that she hadn't missed the alarm due to the silver-tinge of moonlight behind her eyelids, so she allowed herself to burrow deeper into the warmth of Kakashi's side with a small sigh of contentment. She had no desire to move whatsoever, despite her full bladder, because she wanted to spend every second she could wrapped in Kakashi's arms before she had to leave.

Still though...

She cracked open an eye to see if she could spot the alarm clock without moving, but all she could see in her direct line of vision was the strong musculature of Kakashi's pectorals. Which, naturally, wasn't exactly conductive to finding out how much time she had left. With another small sigh, she gingerly manoeuvred her way out of Kakashi's arms, lifting herself up so she could see the clock on the end table, and smiled sleepily at the time: 0401. That meant that she had twenty-nine minutes before the alarm went off, and an hour until she had to be at the ANBU headquarters.

The movement had jostled said bladder, and with a slow blink she finally mustered up the will to leave the heat of Kakashi's bed, gently untangling their legs so she could get up for the loo. As she finally disconnected, Kakashi's arms reached for her, and he murmured in a half-asleep slur, "No, back to bed, c'mere. It's too early for you to leave."

She gave him a soft huff of a laugh, a soft kiss to his temple in apology, and finished climbing out of bed.

After tending to her biological functions and washing her hands, she figured she was already awake and picked up her toothbrush (one the many items she had liberated from her flat before she had spent the night with Kakashi), squeezing some toothpaste on the bristles and cleaning her teeth. It was weird in a way, doing something like this in Kakashi's bathroom while the man himself dozed in bed, but it was nice too, something domestic and relationship-like.

Especially when Kakashi stumbled into the bathroom himself and grasped his own toothbrush and even a square of toilet paper, his actions methodical even though Kakashi looked like he was sleepwalking, both eyes closed and head occasionally nodding in different directions.

She watched him through the mirror even when she had finished. Even sleepy and completely disinterested in the mundane humanity they were forced to do for sake of hygiene, he was entrancing to watch, and for once not because he was gorgeous. Despite being half unconscious, he meticulously made sure he reached every tooth in his mouth (even the pesky ones in the back) and brushed each section for ten seconds (she counted), which added up to three minutes on the dot, the recommended time by dentists. He didn't make a mess with the toothpaste, always wiping the excess from his mouth with the little tissue square after spitting, and when he was finally done, he made sure he got rid of all the paste in his toothbrush by prising the bristles apart gently. He filled up a little paper cup with water, not even fumbling despite his eyes being closed and limbs heavy with sleep, and swished out the remnants from his mouth.

It was utterly unreal how someone could be so precise even being half asleep, especially since she herself brushed her teeth like a total barbarian.

He finally opened his eyes, and after a few moments of them staring at each other in the silence of the bathroom, he finally seemed to wake up enough to realise that she was gaping at him.

"What?" he mumbled tiredly.

She closed her slightly-open mouth and replied faintly, "I have never seen a person brush their teeth like they're the poster child for dental hygiene. You should have an educational ad broadcasted to all children so they can pick up your habits, and wow that's something I never thought I'd ever say out loud."

Kakashi shrugged, completely unconcerned as he made his way to the shower. "Saves me trips to the dentist, and spares me the torture devices they keep in their offices. Some rules are meant to be followed."

She laughed quietly, blinking a few times when he bent over to turn the shower on, giving her one _hell_ of a view of his arse. They didn't speak again, simply proceeding to both step into the shower when it was warm and press close together so they could both sort of feel the spray. He pressed his forehead into her neck and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, burying her fingers into the wet strands at the nape of his own neck.

It was calm, and easy, and companionable, and she didn't even feel the slightest urge to get more intimate than they already were. It was a heavy deviation from the previous two nights, where they had spent almost every second alone together having sex on every available surface of his flat or sleeping to recuperate for _more_ sex, but somehow this was preferable. As unbelievably awesome as their sex life was (even in its infancy, and no doubt they'd get _much_ better with time if that was even possible), it was wonderful to know that they could also keep their sexual organs to themselves for once in exchange for something softer. It was perfect, just touching for the sake of touching, absorbing the feeling of having a partner ( _there_ it was, the title she was looking for) there to just relax against.

Three words got lodged in the back of her throat, yearning so deeply to be released, but she choked them down. It wasn't the time for that, and not this early in their relationship.

After long moments of caressing each other, brushing their lips against skin, trailing fingernails on ribs and spines and shoulders, they distantly heard the alarm go off in the other room. They sighed together, low and high, and then mutually began bathing, switching sides with ease to rinse off suds as if this wasn't the first time they had showered together.

By the time they had towelled off and dressed, both of them in full gear though she had left her medical apron on his dresser for safekeeping, the clock read 0439, so they made their way to the exit of Kakashi's flat. He grabbed her by the hand before she could reach the door handle, and pulled her close so he could press a soft kiss to her lips. She smiled at him, eyes soft, and ruffled his damp hair once with affection, already missing this man so much that it was physically painful in her chest, and then they turned together as one and made their way to ANBU headquarters.

They stopped once to get coffee, a quick affair that Kakashi paid for while she quickly ate a power bar, their hands still linked despite being in public. It wasn't as if they had anything to hide – the entire village knew that they were together, and besides, she was going to be leaving for six months to endure gruelling training while he was left alone dealing with political nonsense. While they probably would be sparse with public displays of affection in the future, because both of them weren't too big on it, they were allowed this moment, especially since their relationship was so new.

Ignoring the giggling baristas, they both took to the rooftops once again.

When they got to their destination, there were already a few people waiting: Naruto, grinning broadly despite the sleepy droop to his eye, with Hinata curled in his arms; Sai, giving her a more subdued smile as Ino gawked at Sakura and Kakashi's clasped hands; Tenzō and Yūgao, both of them looking proud and happy; Shizune, Genma, and Tsunade, all of them smirking at her and Kakashi; Lee and Shikamaru, the former bouncing with ceaseless energy and the latter pretty much asleep standing up; and surprisingly Iruka, who was watching both of them with the softest damn look she had ever seen in her life.

Without letting go of Kakashi's bare hand, she accepted hugs and murmurs of good luck from all of her close friends and pseudo-family. She was comforted when Iruka whispered in her ear, "I'll watch over him while you're gone, 'kay?" and fit to burst with love (and exasperation) when Naruto proclaimed loudly, "My girl is gonna make those ANBU trainees shit their pants because of how legendary she is!"

At exactly 0500, indicated by a distant bell tolling, she stood on her tiptoes with both of Kakashi's hands grasped in hers and said quietly, "I'll miss you."

He gave her a tender smile, eyes crinkling in the corners just slightly, and squeezed her hands. He didn't reply, just kissed her forehead in a lingering caress, and that was the only response she needed.

Without taking her eyes off her family and friends and partner, she walked backwards until she managed to open the door and disappear within its depths.

* * *

The next twenty-eight hours went by in a blur.

Fittings for her armour (surprisingly light) and mask (blank), designation of her trainee number and name for the next six months (2-4-891, 8-9-1 for brevity), full medical evaluation (perfect health, but had to have a birth control implant for the training period), full psych evaluation (well-adjusted, eager to get started), sent to a room with a teleportation scroll (where she was sent to another empty room gods knew where), sent to another room where she demonstrated all of her abilities in succession (every genjutsu, ninjutsu, taijutsu, and medical ability that she had in her arsenal, and only achievable with three soldier pills that was most certainly detrimental to her health but she supposed that was the point), then _mercifully_ she was allowed to rest.

Then the real training kicked in.

Some days and weeks were fast, the simulations intense and gruelling and mentally jarring. Extermination missions where she had to kill men and women and children as young as newborns just to complete her success parameters. Seduction missions with men and women while she pretended and henged herself to be a prostitute, slave, man, victim of assault, or even a child. Assassination missions where she had to murder people she thought of as friends or more, like Gaara and Shikamaru and Naruto and even on one occasion Kakashi himself. Subterfuge missions where she had to steal treasures or frame country leaders for things they didn't do or kidnap dignitaries in a power play or rig an entire child development centre with explosives without giving away her country loyalty. Two days of lecture on how to best destroy her body in a last-ditch effort to destroy her country affiliation if she was ever certain that she would die in the field, most of which she hadn't even realised were possible despite being a medical professional. Countless sporadic days where she learnt countless genjutsu, taijutsu, and ninjutsu that ranged between practical and atrocious when used.

Some days and weeks were long, her mental and physical reserves tested to the absolute limit. A total of fourteen days without sleep, where she was forced to do memory examinations, physical exertion, etiquette exercises, and recitations of the shinobi rulebook despite the exhaustion, paranoia, irritability, balance and coordination issues, and, eventually, hallucinations. A month where she hadn't been allowed food, only water, and been forced to complete simulated missions regardless of the hunger and energy depletion. Seven days of constant torture, where she had had her fingernails ripped off and almost every bone in her body broken and chunks of her skin removed and knives pinning her to surfaces and electric shocks frying her every nerve and being drowned by waterboarding and every other possible thing that could be done to a human body without killing her. Seven days when _she_ had been the one dealing out the torture on a sobbing, terrified, helpless mother, even though she knew in the back of her mind it was an ANBU operative who had signed up for it.

To be honest, she never really had time to think about her loved ones back home, not even Naruto. She was pushed too heavily, too _much_ , to even register that there was a life outside of the isolation training. The spare few moments that she had to sleep (always on guard for the possibility that someone to try and kill her during the night, always _waiting_ ) were too light and spread apart to dream of them either. It was like she was missing something imperative from her heart and soul, but she just didn't have the time to even spare a single _thought_ about them.

In a way, that was a blessing. It didn't give her time to feel homesickness, or sadness, or loneliness.

The only time that she had to think about them was when she was shoved into a black box barely big enough to hold her (her limbs cramped together and pressed against her torso, unable to stand because it was small and she couldn't stretch even the slightest inch) and left there for three days with chakra inhibitors on. She allowed herself to lose her thoughts in memories of _home_ , and it made the experience easier as she shit and pissed herself, every single bone and muscle screaming in agony as her stomach growled for food and her dehydration kept her awake in desperation for water.

She had forgotten completely how long she had been in this hell after only a day.

She understood the reasoning behind everything they were making her do. She _did_. They had to make sure that no matter what the circumstances were, no matter what predicament she was put under from some unforeseen snag in the plan, she was prepared for any eventuality. In her missions, she could be captured by an enemy and gods knew what else, and she had to be prepared for what could happen out there as an elite of Konohagakure. It was unlikely that she would ever experience torture after being captured or be a part of such missions that required her to blow up a school full of children, but she had to be _prepared_. Just in case.

She never complained, never disobeyed an order, and never asked _why are we doing this_. There would be a time for that, if she ever _was_ sent out on such a barbaric mission – she just wanted it to be over.

And after a blur of pain and exhaustion and self-disgust and grim satisfaction that lasted a lifetime, she held up her newly decorated mask (feline) with the shakiest smile she had ever given in her life and then passed out in front of all her new co-workers.

According to Ibiki, who had greeted her in her quarters when she finally awoken from her twenty-three-hour near-coma, passing out from pure debilitation after the training was over was an unofficial part of the induction process.

Sakura had not been amused.

* * *

Sakura looked at her naked body in a full-body mirror with a frown.

"I understand now what Kakashi meant when he said that I would be allotted time off after the training was over," she said absently as she inspected herself, her voice hoarse but steady. It was rather grotesque, really – her musculature was still tight because of the intense training even while in her starvation periods, but she had still probably lost thirty pounds of muscle and fat that she _definitely_ hadn't needed to lose. She could see all of her ribs despite the eight-pack on her abdomen, and her extremities were like sticks despite the harsh cuts of muscle. Her cheeks looked sunken in, her fingernails were flaky and torn, and her hair was lank and thin. She didn't have any of the scars from her torture sessions, because those had been healed by a medical professional (and then her, when she had been dismissed from that course), but the effects were still present by red patches of new skin and the lack of hair on her body due to burns and electric shock.

The ANBU tattoo on her right shoulder, brand new and still speckled with the occasional dot of blood, was kinda nice though.

Yūgao chuckled behind her as she examined Sakura's new mask. "It used to be worse. At least now you have to be over the age of eighteen to even apply for ANBU. Back in the old days, it used to really screw with kids that were still in development." She paused, and then added with a grumble, "And fuck, am I old or what? Gods, I sound like my mother."

Sakura turned her head to face her friend and comrade with a frown. "I hadn't even thought of that. The development thing, not your age, and speaking of that, you're not even thirty yet so shut up."

Yūgao shrugged. "Well, thirty is old for a woman in this career field."

Sakura rolled her eyes with a huff. If thirty was old, then Sakura at twenty was practically middle-aged, and _no_ , that was not a thing. To save herself from that potentially disastrous conversation, she said, "So what did I miss? It's January now, isn't it?"

Yūgao nodded and stood up, carrying over Sakura's armour so she could begin getting dressed. As Sakura began putting on the underclothes, Yūgao told her, "Well, Hinata's a tank. She's almost seven months now, and if it wasn't for the fact that both of them are totally convinced that she's only having the one, I'd swear on my life she had twins in there at the very least. Anyway, it's a boy, and apparently they're going to name him Boruto. Karui is pregnant too, found out about three days after you left. They're waiting for a girl, and I think Chōji has lost his mind getting everything ready. Oh, and I guess that you should know that Temari's pregnant too."

Sakura dropped her silver vest with a shrill gasp and grasped Yūgao's shoulders. " _What?!_ " she practically shrieked, feeling a wild, open-mouthed grin pop up on her face without accord.

Yūgao snorted and replied with amusement, "I know, right? They're getting married when you get back apparently...Shikamaru said he wouldn't do it without you there. So they've set the date for the first of February, which is plenty of time before the baby's born. She just moved here a few weeks ago actually, after training a replacement. It's caused a bit of a bureaucratic nightmare, because the kid will be next in line for Kazekage-dom, so apparently Gaara's agreed to be roped into an arranged marriage. That's what Temari says anyway."

Sakura smiled, though she was still a bit shaken by all this _drama_. "That doesn't sound like Gaara at all, but I hope it works out for him regardless," she said with breathless awe. Then she prodded with fervour, "C'mon, there's more I'm sure! Don't tell me Ino's pregnant again too."

Yūgao rolled her eyes. "Pft, after all the bitching your friend does about her body after pregnancy, even though everyone thinks she's stupid for going on about it like she does? Please, she'd more likely go after Sai's balls with a scalpel than have another kid."

Sakura couldn't help but huff out a laugh at the over-exaggeration, though Yūgao was right. Ino was still bent out of shape about her post-pregnancy body, despite literally everyone she knew telling her that she was nuts because she was just as physically fit as she had been before getting pregnant and she didn't even have stretch marks or loose skin because of Sakura's medical ninjutsu. Still though, while Sakura was aware that Yūgao wasn't exactly the biggest fan of Ino due to their major personality differences, Ino was still one of Sakura's best girlfriends and she felt morally obligated to defend her honour.

She opened her mouth to scold her older friend with a glare but Yūgao just shrugged her shoulders again and interrupted, "Lee met someone, and I think they're engaged too."

Sakura, sufficiently distracted, literally had to sit down, put her head between her knees, and breathe steadily to keep herself from passing out.

Yūgao snorted again and then knelt down to finish putting Sakura's armour on, manoeuvring her limp arms and legs with her legendary patience. As she worked, she continued, "Yeah, I dunno who it is, just that it's a girl that immigrated here from Hot Water and he's been waxing poetic bullshit for months now. It's getting annoying, but at least Gai thinks it's...uh, beautifully youthful with love? Maybe he said gloriously full of love and youth. Gods, I don't even know any more and besides, knowing Gai, it's probably both. Anyway, the pressure's on you now Sakura." At Sakura's confused glance to her friend, Yūgao elaborated, "Well, you're the only one outside of Tenten that's not married or engaged in the Konoha Eleven group. Or, y'know, pregnant. And since you've snapped up the Hokage, the villagers are gonna be relentless. Particularly Genma."

Sakura buried her face in her palms in utter despair, because _of course_ she was going to come back to that shit after spending six months in hell. She really, really hoped that Kakashi was going to come through on his promise to take a few weeks of vacation with her, because while it wouldn't do anything to quell the rumours, it would also keep her distracted and content enough to not go postal and commit mass genocide.

"Anyway, you're gonna have a fun time when you get back," Yūgao went on, her voice sly as she was fully aware that Sakura was on the verge of using her newly acquired skills to _decimate_ _everything_ _that moved_. "No pressure at all."

Sakura, torn between utter rage and intense excitement, finished dressing herself while muttering under her breath, "Uh huh, no pressure..."

* * *

She took the teleportation scroll back to...well, she hoped it was Konoha.

There were only one fellow spook in the room with her after her jump, his mask off now that she was a part of their ranks, and she immediately broke out into a face-splitting grin and literally _launched_ herself at Sai.

They both went flying backwards, thankfully not tearing a hole in the wall but instead slamming onto the ground, her on top of him in a (slightly inappropriate) straddle. Sai let out a sharp exhale at her body weight landed on his stomach, the wind knocked out of him, and Sakura opened her mouth to ask if he was okay but was vaguely horrified when the only thing that came out was a choked sob.

Perhaps it was the fact that the two of them were alone combined with the fact that it was Sai, her Sai, her best friend...but she just couldn't hold back.

She wept into his neck, heavily and violently, crying for everything that she had experienced and gone through and _done_ when she had been in isolation, things that she vowed that she would never do in her kunoichi career even if they executed her for it. She wept for the operatives before her – Sai included – that had been forced to conduct such atrocities in their careers, ripping away their morality and the last shreds of innocence they had left. She wept because she wasn't alone any more, and she was going to see her close friends and family get _married_ , and hopefully help deliver their _children_ , and she was so _happy_ she was home and surrounded by the people she loved.

In her ear, his voice surprisingly soft and earnest, Sai whispered, "I know, I know, it's over now, I know, you're home, and I am _so_ proud of you."

That made her cry harder and he just let her, even though tears and mucus and drool was soaking his armour and tank, even though she was probably holding on to him so tightly that she was hurting him with her strength, even though he was usually so uncomfortable with displays of emotions. It made the love and affection she felt for him bloom in her chest so tightly that she felt like she was going to choke on her sobs, so she forced herself to take deep breaths so she didn't pass out. She had more people to see after Sai after all.

When it had tapered down, _finally_ , into something less violent and more muted, she managed to say hoarsely, "Please tell me it's not always like that, on every mission."

"It's not," Sai assured her quietly, running his fingers through her pink hair (that she had, once again, cut haphazardly with a kunai at some point during her training). "We're in a time of peace now, so they can stagger the bad ones with the more frequent reconnaissance and guard duty assignments, and they know better now as well, considering the burnout and suicide rates of the past. You know that they were just preparing you for any contingency, don't you? The likelihood of even seventy percent of that training being relevant in your career is minuscule at best, Sakura."

"I know," she answered shakily. "I just...even with all of your warnings, and everyone else's warnings too, I hadn't expected it to be like _that_. I'm just so glad it's over and that I'm home."

He pulled away from her slightly to look her directly into the eyes, hands falling onto her shoulders. "It is over, and now it's time for rest. Come, I think everyone is waiting for you outside." He sat them both up, lifting her effortlessly because of her lack of resistance (and the fact that she had lost about thirty pounds too, no doubt), and then paused, eyes taking in her face with a concerned flicker in his eyes. "Perhaps you should clean yourself up first though," he finally told her blankly, "because right now you look like clotted cream with strawberry chunks, and it's not very aesthetically pleasing."

Sakura scowled and whacked him on the bare shoulder, though without much power. "Arsehole," she grumbled at him half-heartedly, aware that she was an ugly crier but still a bit exasperated that he blatantly had to point it out in his usual manner. At least he wasn't commenting on her new, ultra thin figure with some horrible one-liner, though it probably would've made her laugh at the throwback of his emotionally-constipated phase before she decked him through a wall.

She was led to a bathroom so she could fix her face before she met her friends and family outside the building. As Sai placed her mask in one of her pouches with ease, she wiped her face more thoroughly while concentrating chakra to her eyes and cheeks. While she worked to ease the strain on blood vessels, she asked absently, "What day and time is it anyway?"

Sai hummed in the back of this throat and replied, "The fourteenth of January, so you're going to want to pick up a cloak from the exchange or you will freeze. It is approximately six-thirty in the evening, and so you might want to hurry it up if you're wanting to make it to dinner with Senpai on time. That is what you do at seven, isn't it?"

The idea of meeting with Kakashi for dinner, a familiar habit that spoke of four years of familiarity, was a fantastic one, and she funnelled chakra into her capillaries faster despite the twinge of nerves that fluttered in her belly. Their intimate two days had been so brief, so fleeting, that she wondered if it would be awkward to be alone with him again, as if it had only been a glorious dream. She knew that they would fall back into their close camaraderie with minimal effort, but had he changed his mind with six months of time to really dissect it? Did he want to step back, be only close friends again? Had he met someone else when she was out-of-sight, out-of-mind? Had he realised that he was going to be assigning her to some fucked up missions and needed to be the consummate professional to make sure that he wasn't biased, therefore deciding that he was going to demand that they stop seeing each other both personally and intimately to keep that professionalism intact?

She wanted to be confident in their new relationship, to know without a sliver of doubt that they were totally okay, but that was the issue: it _had been_ new. They had had no time whatsoever to really dig into what a relationship between the both of them would even be like.

She genuinely didn't know what she would do if he told her that they needed to take a break, both as friends and as partners. Despite the fact that she had been gone for the past six months, and had only really been with him for two days, those three words that she had almost uttered in the shower back in July still applied. Her feelings hadn't changed. She had allowed herself to open her heart to the possibility of loving him, but she had blown way past that and dived straight into the certainty of it. She had no doubts or insecurities that could potentially change the fact that _she_ loved _him_ with every molecule of her heart, despite the fact that it seemed like it happened so fast.

Even though it hadn't. Sakura could now see that she had been in love with him for quite possibly years by the time she had come to terms with it; her pesky brain and damaged heart had been the only thing keeping her from fully realising it before. Furthermore, she had had months before she had confessed to him, and there wasn't a fucking time limit that she had to meet for love to bloom _anyway_. She had no one to answer to when it came to her own emotions, and that was it.

Additionally, Kakashi himself had had more than a _full goddamn year_ to wrap his head around it. A small voice in the back of her head whispered, _If he had wanted to break it off for any of those reasons, he wouldn't have even jumped into this with you._ _Even_ _the ANBU bit..._ _he_ _knew you were on the list of recruitment so there's no way that he didn't think about the_ _prospect_ _of_ _you joining up. He's sure of this girl, just like you are, so just buck up, get your damn cloak, and find your man._

She cleared her throat and answered as evenly as she could muster, "That is what I usually do, yes."

Sai gave her a small, barely-there smile and replied, "Then let's get going. You don't want to keep the others waiting."

They walked together to the equipment exchange a few storeys down, where she was given an insulated black cloak to throw over her armour and weapons. She made an order for a new set of uniforms, all in her normal size (for when she gained her weight back), and with a wave they made their way to the front doors, Sakura's heart in her throat.

She opened the door and had to immediately open her arms to accept her boisterous blond brother into an embrace.

They nearly strangled the life out of each other, Naruto's familiar smell filling up her nose and the warmth of him blazing even in the below-freezing temperatures outside. Their arms wrapped around each other, and Sakura felt herself starting to cry against her will again because he was _here_ , and she remembered being ordered to _kill_ him during her training without complaint, and she was never going to let go of him for as long as she lived.

"Fuck I've missed you, you fuckin' toothpick," Naruto laughed into her hair, wiggling around in either discomfort (she was gripping him rather tightly around the neck) or to get a better sense of how skinny she was. "Is that normal?" he asked someone behind him, and she grudgingly removed her face from his scarf and followed his line of vision to one _hell_ of a sight.

"It's completely normal," Kakashi said to Naruto but his dark eyes were focussed only on Sakura. He looked unbelievable, tall and strong and warm and natural, having forgone all shinobi gear including his hitai-ate in exchange for something decidedly comfortable and warm. The only piece of clothing she actually recognised was his standard elastane mask, but even that was mostly covered up with a deep green scarf that reminded her of leaves during the heat of summer. Otherwise he was in blacks and greys, from his boots to the rather posh jacket to the endearing knitted cap that he had fitted over his head and ears.

She felt her jaw drop because _wow_.

He gave her her favourite smile in response, eyes crinkling in the corners, and right then she knew that she had been worrying for absolutely nothing.

She dropped from her leech-like hold but resisted running to Kakashi immediately, wiping her face with the sleeves of her cloak like a savage, giving Naruto a kiss on the cheek and a hair ruffle, and greeting all of her friends and family in turn after Naruto apologised for Hinata's absence, as she was on bed rest. Her mother and father were laughing at her dumbfounded expression, Mebuki sending lecherous grins in Kakashi's direction without a hint of shame, but they both embraced her together and congratulated her on passing the exams. However, the hug did emphasise her weight loss, and Mebuki clicked her tongue in disapproval. "You better eat at least double your bodyweight in food over the next few weeks, Sakura, which shouldn't be hard since you can't be much more then ninety pounds."

Sakura was ninety-four pounds, but she decided not to bring it up, just agreeing absently to keep her from running her mouth like usual.

Lee spun her around in a wild circle, to her laughter, and introduced her to Maki – his _fiancée_! – with a promise that they would really meet after Sakura had settled in a bit more. They made quick plans for dinner in a few days, Lee insisting that they would talk over the details later, so Sakura just gave the new addition a polite hug and a brief smile before flicking Lee's nose teasingly and moving on.

Shikamaru and Temari gave her equally brief hugs, but both of them were full of warm smiles and glowing happiness as she earnestly congratulated Temari on her impending vows and baby. Then she gave Shikamaru another hug, sniffling with emotion as she thanked him for waiting until she was back before getting hitched. He just huffed at her, rolled his eyes, and drawled, "You have to be one of my groom's men, despite your anatomy, as I enter a lifelong contract with this terrifying woman."

"Deal," she replied with a watery grin while Temari rolled her own eyes.

She moved to Ino next, where she was curled in Sai's arms. The blonde, with absolutely no fanfare or embarrassment, simply grasped Sakura's arm and pulled her into a warm Ino-and-Sai cocoon. "I've missed you, Pig," Sakura mumbled from the middle of their arms.

"Missed you too, Forehead," Ino shot back good-naturedly, despite the nickname. "I'm glad you're back. Hinata and Tenten are alright in a pinch, but no one does girl's night like you and me. Though you need to consume at least twenty-five cows before I take you anywhere with me, because I can't be associated with a pink haired skeleton."

"Shut up, Ino," Sakura snarked back, even though she knew Ino was just worrying in her usual crass way. "It's not that bad and you know it."

Ino sighed and shrugged, making the cocoon wobble a bit before they got steady again. "Yeah, I know, but it's weird. Make that man of yours cook you some food." Sakura snorted, because it took braving the grocers rather than the easier option of ordering take-out, but Ino interrupted, "And we need to set up a lady date soon, because there is so much I wanna tell you. Your lovesick boyfriend aside, there is _so_ much that we need to gossip about."

"Alright, alright, whatever you say your Highness," Sakura replied with a grin.

"Damn straight!" Ino piped with a beaming smile.

At that point, Genma yanked her from the warm cocoon of cloaks and bodies with an unapologetic "Our turn now!" in Ino and Sai's direction. Sakura opened her mouth to groan teasingly about the rough handling, but she was shoved face-first into Tsunade's very large breasts and wouldn't have been able to retort even if she wanted to.

"Here's my girl!" Tsunade crowed loudly, her voice slurred with booze. Sakura pulled her face away from Tsunade’s breasts with a gigantic effort, if only to catch a breath, as Tsunade continued to drunkenly proclaim to the world, "My student just kicked arse in her trainin', and with me as 'er mentor, you better believe she was gonna to kick it in tha _balls_!"

As Genma (and half the surrounding onlookers, including pedestrians) fell over laughing, Shizune just pulled her back towards freedom and gave her a sheepish smile. "Sorry, Sakura...she's been drinking since yesterday, when we heard you passed and would be home today. So yeah, she's a bit of a mess right now, and really proud of you. And once Genma recovers from his laughing fit, he'll tell you the same thing."

"It's okay, I'm kind of used to both of their brands of dumb," Sakura reminded Shizune with a grin, and the two women embraced warmly.

"I'm really happy for you, Sakura," Shizune said with a knowing sparkle in her eyes, "but I doubt you want to stand here in the cold any longer. You've got a man over there who has been pining for you for six months, and I think you should let him take you to dinner."

"Is that what he's all dressed up for?" Sakura asked in a whisper.

Shizune shrugged. "Actually, I think he just bought new civilian clothes for the first time in history after Genma burned his dresser down, so I dunno if he's planning anything special. But either way, make him pay like a gentleman!"

Sakura laughed and replied, "Okay, okay, whatever you say."

Other than Kakashi, the last person she had to see was Sasuke. She eyed him, a bit wary but mostly just surprised and pleased that he had come to see her with the rest of them, and with a slightly crazed shake of the head, she decided why not and gave him a hug too. It wasn't quite as warm as the others but it still felt right, because despite the broken bond, he was still a part of her family, if only a small part.

"Congratulations, Sakura," she heard him say.

"Thank you, Sasuke," she replied, pulling away and giving him a hesitant smile.

Then she finally, _finally_ , turned to Kakashi, the last one she had to greet.

She had saved him for last because she was pretty sure she was going to embarrass herself somehow the second she got within half a metre of the man, and she wasn't wrong. Well, not really, since she lost it much farther away than half a metre. She couldn't help it though; when he opened his arms to her with her favourite smile clear in his eyes, all she could think was _now-yes-mine-his-forever-needhim_ and who could blame her for being a cliché idiot and running towards him so she could jump into his arms?

She heard a few giggles behind her (that sounded suspiciously like her mother and Ino), but she ignored it all. Instead, she tried her best to wrap herself around her partner, legs tight around his waist and her arms around his neck and shoulders. He responded by crushing her further into him with his strong, familiar arms, his face burying itself into her neck so he could inhale her scent. She felt the tears start for the umpteenth time that evening, and she was so _tired_ of crying but she just couldn't stop, gripping to him tighter and wishing that she could stay here forever despite the cold wind at her back and the eyes she knew were watching them.

Gods but she loved this man, and she wanted to tell him what she felt, right here and right now, even if it perhaps wasn't the best time to do it. However, as she opened her mouth to speak, he beat her to it like the jerk he was: "I love you."

She managed a wet snicker, punched him gently on the back of his shoulder, and then practically whimpered into his hair, "I hate when you beat me to it."

She felt and heard him laugh softly against her cloak-covered neck and he squeezed her tighter, the two of them the only things in the world for that long moment. She breathed in the scent of him, tried to pull herself together and stop crying from happiness and relief, and simply absorbed his love and heat like a woman starved for it (which, in a way, she kind of was). She could hear the others leave with quiet, hesitant good-byes but neither one of them minded it, only caring about this moment before the real world had to intervene once more.

After an age, they pulled apart just enough to look at each other in the eye. Sakura was engrossed by the tender affection and the love she could see in his grey eyes, and she couldn't help but press her lips against his masked ones.

"I do love you, you know," Sakura breathed against his lips.

Kakashi's mouth curled into a crooked smile behind his mask and he answered quietly, "I know."

And in that moment, Haruno Sakura had never been happier.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So thanks for reading that whiplash-inducing mess of a chapter! Let me know if you wanna see an epilogue, and what you'd like to see if you do...just let me know either here or on tumblr.
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> ~~(also i really wanna write a yoi fic that's viktor-centric maybe even pre-yuuri because i'm desperate for backstory and i won't write another fic without finishing the incomplete ones please send help this fandom has singlehandedly killed me and nothing hurts)~~
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> Oh, and Happy New Year! Or Happy Sherlock Season 4 Premiere Day, if that's more your style! Hope you lot had a happy holiday and may your 2017 bring you good tidings. Shalom!


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